Authors: Josie Leigh
Tags: #college age, #Travel, #dubious consent, #Romance, #drug use, #action, #new adult, #ptsd
“I can’t,” I shook my head, not able to bring myself to move from where I was laying, the pain in my face starting to throb, along with the other areas of my body Ben had seen fit to punish. Unconsciously, I raised a hand to trace where it was swollen.
“Shit!” my sister exclaimed from the doorway and I heard her feet eat up the distance to the kitchen and back before the chill of a frozen bag of broccoli settled over the pain. I felt her drop into the bed beside me and brush my hair away from my face. I needed a shower. I wanted to scrub off the first two layers of my skin so that I didn’t feel Ben’s and Dallas’ hands all over me. The familiar taste of bile rose in my throat until I heard Britton’s almost too soft question:
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Absently, I looked over at her. I knew I was going to lose the battle of sleep before I could finish my shower, even though it would temporarily revive me.
“What do you mean?” my voice slurred. I hoped it was from my exhaustion and not the punch I’d taken from Ben causing the impediment.
“When we get where we are going? Or do you never plan on going to college?” she rolled on to her side to face me.
“You know I don’t have the time to sit in a classroom, Britton,” I denied. College hadn’t been a part of my life plan for nearly a decade now. “Bills need to be paid, food needs to be purchased.”
“So you are planning on waiting tables forever?” my sister’s voice turned shrill.
“Britton, I barely graduated high school,” I sighed, not wanting to have this conversation anymore. I’d sacrificed my own dreams to make sure Britton was able to accomplish hers. I was the one that cracked the whip to make sure that school was her first priority. It had worked; she graduated as the class salutatorian, and had her pick of colleges. She decided that she would spend a year or two in junior college wherever we ended up to establish residency before transferring to a major university nearby. She was always the smart one.
“That wasn’t because you couldn’t hang, Carrie. I mean, I never would’ve passed AP Biology without your help. You deserve more than this. Don’t you want a career of your own?” she probed.
“I used to,” my eyes shut for a moment and exhaustion rolled over me in a thick wave. I couldn’t sleep yet. It was too fucking soon. I needed one more day, or at least, sixteen more hours. I’d be able to crash after my morning shift, since I wasn’t working another double.
“What did you want to be?” her voice sounded like it was coming from inside a tunnel.
“A social worker, before mom died. I had a friend that was put into foster care when I was in seventh grade. They split up her and her brother,” I explained. “It’s why I worked so hard to keep us together. I mean, I wanted to be able to keep that sort of thing from happening to other kids.”
“You would be good at that,” my sister nodded, her eyes starting to droop, too.
“Doesn’t matter now,” I mumbled.
“There’s
always
time to choose a better path, Carrie,” she grabbed my wrists and made me look her in the eye.
“Maybe,” I shrugged, trying to roll over again, but Britton shot up from my bed and looked down on me, her green eyes wide.
“I’ll take care of things here. You go and act your age for once in your life, Carrie. When we move, I know you are going to have to work constantly to keep us going, so take this last opportunity you are going to have for a while and pretend you were born to better parents. Pretend that you don’t have to come back to a nightmare every night,” she encouraged, her face twisted into a maniacal smile. “That’s what I want for you. I think this guy could be right for you.”
“I don’t know him,” I rejected. “If he knew me, he wouldn’t want to spend time with me.”
“You aren’t defined by what you have to do when you aren’t truly given a choice,” Britton said, firmly, her eyes cloudy with repressed anger.
“Only in a perfect world,” I whispered, trying to turn away from her determination.
“You
have
to go, Carrie,” her words were fierce, begging me to pay attention and give her what she was asking. With a deep sigh, I decided conceding was the only way I’d be able to get past this moment. The only way she’d truly let it go. I couldn’t move to a different state with her and have this hanging over our heads.
“I will, but only if you promise to stay as far away as you can from this place while I’m gone. I will get you a number where you can reach me in case of an emergency,” I insisted. “I can’t do this knowing something might happen to you while I’m gone. Knowing that we are leaving at the end of this week is the only thing I have to look forward to right now.”
“Okay, I promise” she agreed, but the way she wouldn’t look at me told me that she was hiding something in her pledge. I should’ve pushed her for a more convincing vow, but I knew it was the best I was going to get.
Ryan
“
Red hair, green eyes, Irish features, son. That’s the dream.”
That’s something my grandpa used to say when I was growing up. He was a devout Irish Catholic who made sure to take me to every catechism class until my first communion so that I’d be safe in the hands of the church. At least that was the reason he gave me every time I whined about missing out on hanging out with my friends after school.
“
It’s been but a dream to the Kelly men of the last two generations, son. But I feel like it’s your turn. You’re going to get the girl with those features. And if you find her, do whatever it takes to make her yours. Whatever. It. Takes.”
He always wanted me to settle down and have lots of Irish children, never mind the fact that he was third generation American himself. I’d always waved him off and told him he couldn’t possibly see that type of future for me. Most of the red haired, green eyed girls I knew also came with a face full of freckles and a terrible personality. He always looked at me and shook his head, like he knew better than I did. I laughed, thinking how could he possibly see something that I knew wasn’t true?
However, forty-eight hours ago, all of that changed. Her brassy hair was pulled back into a ponytail on top of her head, with tendrils falling loose around her face. Her green eyes had streaks of yellow, like a fucking cat, but just as mesmerizing. I felt like she could hold me captive with just a glance. She was so tiny I wondered if she would actually fit in my pocket, but even from a distance I could tell she was stronger than she looked.
The aura of pain and hurt coupled with a survival instinct rolled off her in waves. If the signs of exhaustion under her eyes were any indication, the girl needed a safe place to curl up and sleep. I wanted to be that safe place for her, to hold her in my arms and watch her drift off. In that moment, I knew I would do anything to spend time with her. My grandfather’s words echoed in my head when I was finally under the full impact of her stare. It was like a fucking magnet that I couldn’t have fought, even if I wanted to.
“
Just spend Monday with me and we’ll decide if we spend Tuesday together, too.”
The words I’d spoken to her, to Carrie, just hours earlier echoed through my head. I felt a little guilty for lying to her, though. When I invited her and her incredible eyes to be my tour guide, I really
had
meant around my new city, not the entire state. I figured spending a few hours with her, driving around in my truck, having her lean over me to point would be as close to heaven as I could imagine. However, her quick wit and sarcasm had me scrambling for a new plan.
“
Whatever. It. Takes.”
She may have taken vacation for the week, but I had plans that I’d need to change. Because I wasn’t willing to give up the promise of a week, or even a day, driving around with her, I was setting up my classroom at nine on a Saturday night. Every bone and instinct in my body screamed at me to make sure I made an impression that would have her saying yes, because I could sense that she wouldn’t be around much longer.
Whether that meant that she was quitting or going back to college after a summer home, I had no clue. All I knew was that I felt something I hadn’t felt since I left Boston at the beginning of the summer: desperation. I wanted this girl in my life, which is crazy to feel that way about someone you’ve only seen twice and talked to once. I knew that, but I felt like my heart started beating again the first time I saw her.
I didn’t, technically, start my two year teaching contract until Monday, but I’d gotten the keys to my classroom at New Teacher Orientation the day before. I was excited and scared at the prospect of teaching Biology to lower classmen high school students; because I knew what a little asshole I was back then. I hoped they would go easy on me, especially since I was cramming a week’s worth of prep time into two days so that I could travel with the personification of my grandpa’s dream for me.
Just one fucking glimpse of those eyes had me bending over backwards to get her to agree to the trip. This was something I wasn’t used to, wanting to use every tool in my arsenal to get her into my truck- if only for a day. Yet, when I discovered that what I’d seen from afar the day before didn’t hold a candle to the full effect of Carrie up close, I couldn’t resist. Those delicious green eyes pierced through all of the darkness that had fallen around me like a curtain since I left Boston. I felt like a coward for leaving it all behind at the time, but now, I wasn’t so sure.
Something about her spoke to me on a level I didn’t quite understand. When she insisted I’d already seen all the small town she lived in had to offer, I thought about the thousands of dollars sitting in my savings account and all of the amazing attractions the state had to offer. So, with some quick thinking on my part, I offered a much better trip, where I planned to follow her lead, but wouldn’t let her pay for anything. Though, I knew telling her that wouldn’t impress her. Honestly, I was pretty sure that it wouldn’t just insult her; it would scare her far, far away from me.
Blowing the dust off a box of books that had to be so outdated that I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d been used when my parents were in school, I started unpacking everything and logging book numbers. Music blared from my phone in an attempt to keep me awake so that I didn’t have to sacrifice any of the time Carrie might gift me because I had to get back early.
The Teach for America program also required my enrollment in the Master of Education program at the University during my contracted time. Once that program began toward the end of the month, I would have even less time for someone else in my life, making this week with her even more important for setting a foundation.
Just as I was finishing for the evening, which was absurd because I could see the sun starting to make its way over the mountain as I exited my classroom, my phone pinged in my pocket. I couldn’t stop the smile that took over my face as I read the text on my phone from a number I didn’t recognize.
Meet me at the diner. 5:30am, Monday. Bring hiking boots and a change of clothes.
I swiped the screen to add her name to the contact before typing my response.
Your wish is my command
— I typed out before backspacing and trying again. That was too over the top for someone I just met. I knew she was working this morning, and I had to try hard to resist showing up again. I had to play it better than this.
I’ll be there
— I tried again and hit send. Hopping into my truck with the first spring I’d had in my step in months, I knew that this coming week would do well to heal me from everything that had forced me out of Boston and into my brand new life. I knew the truth now. I hadn’t been running from the past, I’d been running toward her. Maybe my grandpa was right all along, because red hair, green eyes, Irish features, it all felt like the dream to me.
Meet me at the diner, 5:30am, Monday. Bring hiking boots and a change of clothes.
For what felt like the one millionth time over the last twenty-four hours, I looked down at the text I sent Ryan in the waning darkness early Sunday morning.
I’ll be there
was the only reply I’d gotten.
“Staring at the phone won’t make time move faster,” Britton mumbled as we watched the sun peak over the mountain while we waited for my ride.
“You are going straight to Tildy’s, right? She gave you the key?” I double checked with her, finally relinquishing my death grip on our cell phone and handing it to her as she produced a house key from a chain around her neck. “And I saved Ryan’s number on the phone so if anything happens, you
will
call me. Understand?”
“Yes, mother,” Britton joked, sarcastically, forcing me to suppress the shudder that wanted to wrack through my body at the comparison. “Oh, shit, Carrie,” she whispered in a pained voice. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I waved her off as a large black Dodge Ram quad cab worked its way into the parking lot. Nerves I didn’t feel before started to collide in my stomach as I watched its approach. Was I ready for this? Could I handle it?
“No, it’s not, it’s just that you might only be gone a day, and you’re acting like I’ve never been alone before, and—”