Severed Justice (Severed MC Book 3) (15 page)

As soon as I snap at whoever’s outside my door I regret it, but fucking hell, I need to be alone right now. All through the meeting that Prez called in his office, we discussed Danni’s death. It’s all so sudden that I haven’t had time to process it. How could someone do that to her?

Danni didn’t have any enemies. As far as I knew, everyone loved her.

The rage takes over, consuming me body and soul. I didn’t treat her with the respect she deserved, and I’m a fucking idiot for it. I did care for her, maybe I even loved her in my twisted way, but I never told her. She’d been a part of my life for such a long time that I can’t imagine being without her. Life is too fucking short. I should have told her all this crap before it was too late.

I glare at the shelves in the corner. The shelves that Danni told me I needed to add to my room, so I could put up photos and shit. She said my room looked too much like a shag pad, and not a place to relax, so I added things into my space to please her. I wanted her to feel comfortable when she was here with me. I scan the photos - bikes, family and Severed members. And then, right there on the end in a bright white photo frame, slightly smaller than the rest, is a photo of Danni. She’s standing with Holly and me at my mother’s house back home. It was Holly’s birthday. It’s the only picture I have of Danni. Another thing for me to feel guilty about. I didn’t appreciate her enough.  I wish I had, I wish I could now, but that opportunity has been stolen from me. I took her for granted, and now I can never make it right.

How cruel is it that you only realize how much someone means to you, how large a part they played in your life, when they’re gone.

With a last glare at the picture I roar out in pain. Slamming my fist down on the wood, I start throwing everything, kicking anything that gets in my way; I bring chaos to my room. “I’m such a fucking idiot!” I shout. What I wouldn’t give to have her back here now, if only to tell her how wrong I was. I should have told her how I felt. I should have paid more attention to her. I don’t know whether I was in love with her or not, but now I will never see her again. She’s been taken away for good. I angrily wipe the tears from my face.

A gasp from behind interrupts my mad outburst. I turn to see Emma, standing in the doorway. She’s staring open mouthed at me. It must have been her knocking on the door, I thought she’d gone away, but she’s obviously let herself in. I face her, and she backs away a little. For fucks sake, not only have I already scared Holly today, now I’ve added Emma to the list. “Shit!”

At my shout she backs away towards the door. Another woman I haven’t been straight with. I shouldn’t have tried to bring her in to the mess that was Danni and I, but I did, and now here we are. I can’t lie and say that I don’t feel something that pulls me towards Emma. She’s beautiful and her strength amazes me. She’s a lot like Danni in some ways, but where Danni was shy and quiet, Emma is forward and bold. She’s not afraid to stand up for herself and the people she cares about. I like that about her.

I hold my hand out towards her. “Don’t go.”

I didn’t want company, especially while I’m like this, but now that she’s here, I don’t want her to go. I suddenly don’t want to be alone.

“Are you going to stop smashing up your room?” She asks cautiously.

I almost laugh, but only a small smile crosses my features. “Promise.”

She smiles back shyly, slowly walking further into my room, shutting the door behind her. I feel a little better when the door closes, I don’t want anyone else to see me like this. I don’t like the thought of Emma seeing me looking this vulnerable, but I also don’t want her to leave me. I need her right now.

Hearing the banging and cursing from inside Justice’s room, I know I have to go in and check on him. I’m scared he’s going to hurt himself, but when I see what he’s done, and the look on his face, I’m even more worried about him. There’s such a raw look of pain on his face. Right now he’s scaring the crap out of me, but when he reaches his hand out to me and I see the tears in his eyes, I go to him.

As much as he’s hurting right now, I think he just needs some company, someone who’s not going to judge him or ask anything of him.

I shut the door behind me, moving a few steps closer to him. As soon as I’m within his reach, he grabs at me, pulling me against him. Justice wraps his arms around me, squeezing me tightly. I hear him breathing me in, and it makes me shudder. Not from arousal, but from sadness and guilt. Right now, I should be Danni. She should be here in his arms, having him breathe her in. The harsh reality of life is that instead of her, I’m the one that’s here. He just needs someone here for him, to comfort him, to allow him to let his grief out. Truth be told, so do I.

I didn’t know Danni well, but her life was stolen away in front of me. It may have been quick, but it was also brutal. From what I know of her, she was loved by a lot of people, and the man holding me now cared deeply for her.

“Justice?” I ask, but he shakes his head.

“Shh, just let me have this, yeah?”

I nod my head into his chest and feel him shake under me. He moves us to the bed where we just sit side by side for a long time, no words being spoken. Unconsciously my fingers move lightly over the swell of his arm, tracing the outline of the ink there.

I didn’t think he noticed, but suddenly I sense his hands start to trail up my body. I fight back the tears. It feels like he’s trying to memorize every part of me. I surrender to his touch, enjoying it. My body comes alive for him, and I welcome the feeling. I feel free right now. This is what life is about. Living.

“Let me touch you?” He pleads in a broken whisper. I’m taken aback. Justice doesn’t strike me as the type of man to ask.  I’ve always thought of him as a man who just takes what he wants. “I need to feel you, feel your bare skin.”

He’s hurting right now, who am I to deny him this simple request

I stand, letting him watch me as I undress slowly. As I lift my top over my head, I see him start to undress as well. When we’re both naked, we take a moment to drink the sight of each other in. My heart beats faster. Just the thought of being closer to him is exciting me.

I almost sob into his chest as he yanks me close again. His hands move over my body, slowly. He explores every part of me. My hands start to move on their own, following the contours of his abs, tracing the V, moving lower. We’re allowing our bodies to remind us how it feels to be alive. The sensations your body can feel, and the heights a simple touch can take you to.

He lifts me in his strong arms, and I feel safe. I wrap my legs around him, my head on his shoulder as he carries me over to the bed, where he lays me down gently. The guilt that felt like it was consuming me eases as he kisses it away. He places light kisses all the way up my body, worshiping me with his lips. When his head hovers over mine I see the look in his eyes, they’re glazed over. He’s not here with me. It’s not me he’s seeing, touching, loving. It’s Danni. I don’t mind, if anything I’m happy for him. Even though he’s not here with me, I’m giving him the gift of being with her again. One last time. To say goodbye the only way he can, through me. I allow him to use my body as his instrument. As his tears drip on my body I let this gift he’s giving me ease my own guilt.

His kisses move lower, and his tongue traces between my legs.  This is the most sensual experience I’ve ever had.  It doesn’t feel real.  I feel guilt burn deep as I orgasm, but the whole time Justice’s voice is soothing me.  Whispering words I never thought I’d hear from this big man.  I’m too lost in the sensation to comprehend what he’s saying, but the gentle tone of his voice is enough.

I reach my hand down between us, caressing his length.  It’s silky soft, and I trace the veins along him. It feels so right, and yet it feels so wrong. He moves my hand away, and the guilt hits me deeply.  I shouldn’t be doing this.

I look up as Justice suddenly thrusts into me. I’m gasping, tears falling down my cheeks and onto the pillow.

“Justice.” I moan.

He shakes his head. “Jack, call me Jack.”

I swallow back the hitch in my throat. “Jack.” I whisper.

This spurs him on, his eyes glazing over again. I become calm as I watch him come undone above me. He kisses my head softly, but I know that it’s not me he’s kissing, it’s not me he’s sharing this moment with, it’s Danni. Sharing one last moment that they were cheated of. He’s thinking the words he should have spoken out loud to her.

In our own way, we’re comforting each other, and I’m glad.

If it weren’t for Justice I wouldn’t know what to do with myself, with the feelings of guilt that are trapped inside me.  As much as I know this is wrong, that I shouldn’t be here, that this shouldn’t be me, I can’t help it.  I need it.  And that just makes me feel even guiltier.

When the fog clears from my mind I see Emma beneath me. I quickly pull away from her and stand.

Fuck! What have I done?

Emma gets up from the bed and moves to stand in front of me, looking at me with wide, hurt filled eyes. “Justice?”

I grab hold of my face and groan. “Shit, what did I do?”

Emma looks sad. I curse myself for putting that look on her face. How could I do that? How could I have sex with her, and not think about her once. I wasn’t here in this room. I was somewhere else completely. That’s so fucked up.

“It’s okay.” She tries to smile. “Justice, I know, it’s fine. I think it helped you, and oddly it helped me too.”

“What?”

She sits back on the bed, and I stare down at her. Surely she can’t think what I’ve just done is okay?

She pats the bed beside her. “Come and sit.”

I do. We sit in silence for a few minutes before I’m able to bring myself to speak. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She answers quickly.

She lies back on the bed, gesturing for me to do the same. As I lay down next to her she wraps her arms and legs around me, reminding me of many nights when I shared this bed with Danni.

Emma drifts off to sleep. I finally understand why Emma is okay with what just happened between us. I lean over and kiss her. It may be fucked up, but we helped each other just now. Emma gave me the gift of her body, allowing me one final night with Danni.

This woman is truly amazing. Taking a lesson I’ve learnt from today, I intend to let her know.

I’m heading back to my apartment when I hear it. His voice.  But, how can it be?

“You did good, Rachel.” 

He’s dead. He can’t be talking to me.  I look around, scouring the street for any sign of where the voice is coming from. Someone’s got to be playing a sick joke on me. Besides, no way on earth would Satan ever have praised me. 

“Rachel, I’m part of you, baby.  We’re going to be together real soon, but first you have to finish what I started. I’m so proud of you.”

I’m going fucking mad. I must be.  I’ve got Satan’s voice inside my head.  I’m fucking losing it, big time.  Not to mention, it’s a much less fucked up Satan than I’m used to, or so I thought.  The voice continues, cajoling, promising, and by the time he’s finished talking I know it’s him.  I don’t know how, I’m not going to question whatever has given me this gift, power or voice, call it what you fucking will.  I embrace it.  I cherish it.  And I set off to carry out its request.  It’s what I wanted to do all along anyway.

***

I park away from the house. I don’t want anyone to see me.  Pushing the door of my crappy, beat up car closed as quietly as I can, I look around me.  The house is impressive, that’s her influence. She always had good taste. It’s a good home for a little boy.  But not for much longer. 

I’m drawn closer by the sound of children’s laughter.  Cautiously I make my way around the side of the house.  Shit, I was hoping he would be alone, but she’s out here as well. No matter. I’ll deal with her. 

The children are playing in a splash pool, having a fantastic time judging by the sound of laughter and screaming they’re making.  I have to look closer at the little girl to work out who she is.  It’s that little Severed brat.  What the fuck is she doing here at a Carnal house?  The world’s gone mad.  Nothing is as it should be anymore. Today, I’m going to put that right.

The voice is back in my head, soothing my nerves, encouraging me.  There’s no way Scalp will have left Maggie alone.  There’s got to be protection somewhere round here.  I wait patiently, it’s killing me not to just run in there and take my son, but the voice is urging caution. I have to be careful; I can’t put Jamie at risk.

The clump of boots becomes audible, and the prospect sticks his head out of the back door.

“We’ve run out of ice.” He looks bored.

“Can you run to the store for me? It’s warm out here today, we need ice for the kids drinks.” Maggie asks him.

“The boss would have my ass if I left you here alone.” The prospect shifts uncomfortably on his feet.

“Well, the only boss you need to worry about right now is me.” Maggie laughs.  The prospect looks at her.  It’s obvious he’s torn over his decision.  I wouldn’t go against Scalp if I was him, but Maggie has obviously toughened up more than I thought as he quickly decides in her favor.

“I’ll be fifteen minutes, max.” He assures her, looking around him, searching out anything that could give him cause for concern. 

“Don’t worry about us, we’re not going anywhere.” Maggie points at the two children, oblivious to everything around them. They’re having a fantastic time splashing each other in the pool. My heart swells at the sound of my boy’s laughter. I crave to be closer to him.

The prospect seems to take forever to leave.  It’s obvious he’s going reluctantly. He eventually goes, thank fuck.  I wait until the roar of his bike has faded away. He said he’s only going to be fifteen minutes so I don’t have time to waste.

I feel the comforting touch of the knife blade against my arm.  Satan’s voice reassures me as I move closer. Maggie hasn’t got a clue I’m here.  I make my way over to her, as quickly as I can without making a noise. She turns at the last moment, shock written all over her face when she notices me.  It’s too late though.  I stab the knife into her stomach and twist. I watch as her eyes widen, and I take a perverse pleasure in the pain she’s experiencing.  Fuck, I’ll give her some credit though. The bitch doesn’t give up, she’s determined. Even though she’s collapsed on the ground, she’s trying to crawl towards the kids.  Luckily they’re so busy having fun that they haven’t noticed anything yet.  She tries to call out to Jamie, but she’s already too weak.  Stupid bitch shouldn’t have stolen what was mine, this is all her fault.

Jamie looks up and sees me standing over his mother.  A look of horror on his face when he sees her lying face down on the ground.  I quickly hide the knife in my sleeve, out of sight, and move towards the children.

“Jamie.” I say as softly as I can. “Mummy’s hurt. We need to go and get her some help. I need you to be a big, brave boy and come with me.” I reassure him, but he doesn’t look convinced.

“Mom said not to talk to strangers.” He tells me. Shit. My heart breaks at his words. I want to scream at him that I’m not a fucking stranger, I’m his mom.  I don’t have time to explain it to him right now, so instead I try and reassure him.

“I’m your mummy’s sister, Rachel. I’m not a stranger.” I offer. 

“Mom doesn’t have a sister.” This little man is a fighter; I can see it in him. I’m so proud of him.  I don’t have time to reason with him right now though, that prospect could be back at any time.

“Jamie, trust me. I’m your mummy’s sister. It’s really important we go get her help. Now!” I scream the last word and instantly regret it.  His eyes fill with fear and he takes a step back. He holds out his arms defensively, and looks around.  He’s trying to protect the little Severed brat who has sneaked up behind him during our exchange.  Shit. I don’t know whether to be proud of the little man he’s become, or pissed that he doesn’t believe me. 

“Maggie hurt.” The little girl states, worry in her voice.  “Maggie need help.” 

That’s it brat. Convince Jamie he has to come with me.

Jamie looks between the brat and me, and seems to make up is mind.  “We need to go get Daddy.” He states.

“Yes, yes.” I let out the breath I’ve been holding. “Come on, let’s go get Daddy. We’ll get him to come help Mom.” 

Jamie looks at me, almost as though he’s appraising me.  My boy is smart.

“You know my Daddy?” He questions.

“Yes, of course. I told you I’m your Mom’s sister.”  I reach for his hand, but he draws away from me.  If I didn’t think it would freak him out more I’d stab my fucking sister again for that. How dare she raise my son to be scared of me? He doesn’t even know who the fuck I am.  The voice reasons with me, calming me down.  Scaring Jamie won’t get us out of here.

“It’s okay Jamie.  I understand you don’t know me, but we really need to go find Daddy. Mom’s hurt, real bad and she needs us to get her help.”  He looks to the brat beside him, she nods her head at him.  She’s scared.  She’s sucking her thumb in her mouth.  I reach my hand out to him and he takes it, cautiously.

My heart feels like it’s about to beat out of my chest at his touch.  It’s been so long, I’d forgotten how good it feels.  The voice speaks again; reminding me I need to get out of here.  Quickly, I lead the children to the car.  I’m so close to succeeding I can almost taste victory.

Strapping them in, Jamie complains about the lack of child seats.  I’ll have to sort one out for him.  Every time he speaks I become more proud of the smart little guy he’s turned into.

“We haven’t got time to find them.  We need to go get help for Mom.” I assure him.  He seems to accept this.  He’s way calmer than I expected him to be.  The brat seems to be following his lead. She’s not scared, more cautious of me than anything.  Would I have been this calm at their age?  I don’t have time to think about the answer.  I need to get the fuck out of here before that prospect gets back.

I race off, trying to work out what I’m going to do next.  I hear the roar of the bike before I see it.  He’s coming back earlier than I expected. Shit. What do I do? 

Looking back to make sure Jamie is safely strapped in, I hit the accelerator, aiming the car at the bike.  The stupid fuck didn’t have time to react before he was thrown over the bonnet.  I swerve around the remains of the bike, hoping I haven’t caused too much damage to the car.

“What did you do?” Jamie cries out from the back seat.  He’s trying to unfasten his seatbelt, but his little fingers can’t quite manage it.

“Sit your ass back down on that seat and shut the fuck up!” I scream at him.  My plan is unraveling around me. I need to think of something, and fast.  Where’s the fucking voice gone? I need him to talk to me, to tell me what to do.  How to get us out of this mess. But he’s silent.

Jamie sags back into his seat, fear written all over him.  The brat is crying now, it’s making my head hurt.

“Shut the fuck up the pair of you!” I scream at them.

I’m losing it.  This isn’t how it was supposed to happen.  What the fuck do I do now?