Sex for Sale~Prostitution, Pornography and the Sex Industry (27 page)

When asked about taking her first call, and whether she received any training, Elle said she was able to consult her telephone sex agency’s manual about how to fill out the required paperwork and how to set up a call. It included subjects the operators can and cannot say on the phone. Elle indicated
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that it did not go beyond these technical features of the job. She went on to describe how she actually learned to perform phone sex work: The [callers] teach you in a way. If you tell them it’s your first time at phone sex they actually are more gentle with you. And there are all these guys who think it’s really great to talk to “the new girl.” It’s almost like being a virgin again.

You make lots of money the first couple of weeks. Everybody wants to try you out. . . . But no, there’s no manual on how to do a good phone sex call.

The operators in our study were interviewed once by the employer and then immediately put to work. Almost all of the learning was on the job, and much of it was unsupervised; given that working hours were around the clock, many informants rarely saw the boss. Heart noted: “They just stick you by the phone and you talk. They probably give you an easy call. You just pick it up as you go, and you can talk to everyone else if you have questions.” Another worker, Spice, commented: “You’re on your own. . . . The manager was there for the first call—that’s it.”

Annette listened in on others’ calls and learned from the other operators which words to use during a call. She said callers get turned off if operators use the word “penis” rather than “cock.” To learn about possible scenarios callers would request, Annette also purchased pornography magazines to learn phrases like “come on my face” and then incorporate them into her phone sex repertoire.

Most of the job “training” is informal, and part of it includes talking with coworkers about working conditions, how to deal with problem callers, how work affected personal life, and future plans. In one spirited conversation, Spice gave Heart tips about the sexual preferences of certain callers, including methods to keep the caller on the phone for longer periods of time. Such professional exchanges are frequent at phone sex offices.26

Several respondents felt positive about the work even though they could not always disclose the nature of their work to everyone in their lives. For example, Gretchen said she loves her job although at first she was secretive because she did not want to embarrass her children. She is now open with her three daughters but not with her mother, who believes Gretchen is a telemarketer. Gretchen said:

I never in my life thought I would really be happy being a phone sex operator, but I love my job. . . . My daughter has a lot of people in her office, and they wanted to know if there are any interesting stories. One day she had me come out to meet everybody. I felt like a celebrity.

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Most of the workers we interviewed, however, did not envision phone sex work as a long-term career. Most had plans to return to college, obtain additional degrees, or move to another city and find work in “respectable”

fields.27 For example, Hannah planned to continue with phone sex work only while she was in college, while Debbi stated:

Do I see myself as a phone sex operator for the rest of my life? No, I do not.

When I started this job I was not looking for my career goals. Maybe I’ll do it for the next year or 2 if I can’t find something better.

Impression Management and Deviance Disavowal

According to sociologists, “occupants of degraded statuses find ingenious ways of enhancing their self-perceptions, and maintaining control of their work settings.”28 In his study of deviant subcultures, Becker notes that members of such cultures use techniques such as secrecy, isolation, and self-segregation to maintain a positive self-image and to protect themselves from legal and social sanctions.29 Goffman describes the methods by which deviant people strive to conceal or manage their “discredited” and “spoiled” identities.30

Every worker reported being embarrassed at times by this work. They had various strategies for telling others about their work, such as selectively revealing details. Many used other occupations as a convenient cover for their work; the title of “telemarketer” was a common one. In fact, the agency manager would verify workers’ cover stories. For instance, if a woman stopped working at the agency and wrote on her résumé that she was employed in

“sales,” the manager would verify this story.

Pepper noted that her brother, cousin, and close friends knew, but not acquaintances or the rest of her family. Elle noted that she can be open about her job with her boyfriend and other friends; however, she was “more honest with her credit card company” than she was with her family. Chrissy said that telling her family would “rock their world.”

Concealing the nature of the work was often difficult. For instance, many workers did not want friends or family driving them to work. Even when concealment was not an issue, some women kept home and work entirely separate. Heart commented:

When my car broke down I either didn’t work or had to have a coworker pick me up. I could have taken calls at home but—even though she can’t talk yet—

I would have felt weird doing it with my daughter around.

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Debbi feared that her identity would be revealed on a call. She explained:

“What I like the least about my job is the fear that callers could identify me in some way. Once I got a call from a guy who dated one of my cousins. That was so weird.” And Star noted: “When friends visit and want to see where I work, I flip out.”

Workers are aware of the distinction between “home” and “work” and use this distinction to help define their identities. Thus while modern society and modern technology have created a situation that for many has blurred the distinction between home and work,31 most phone sex operators maintain very separate home and work identities. Leading these “double lives” can be time consuming, stressful, and mentally exhausting. Spice, for instance, told her family she is employed in telephone sales at a place where she formerly worked. She reported worrying that she will slip and reveal the truth about her work in an unguarded moment, or that she will forget the details of her story and be caught in a lie. The guilt of lying takes its own toll. She sometimes “feels really bad about the whole thing—my family is proud that I have a steady job and a good income, but a lot of it is a lie.”

One turning point is when the worker reveals her job to a new significant other. Star commented:

I don’t do it at first—otherwise they either leave or get horny. I start the relationship and within a month or so, I feel trusting enough to open up about it. The guy usually asks a million questions and wants me to do it with him, which gets old fast.

Annette uses disclosure to test her dates:

If it’s a man and you tell him you do phone sex, how they react is a good way to know whether or not you can go out with them. If they say, “Oh, give me a sample,” then I think they’re a pervert. I’m not gonna do it.

And Pepper noted:

They’re fine with it at first, because they think it means I’ll be loose in bed, but after a while some of them just think I’m low class—not marriage material. I’ve got to weed them out earlier.

Phone sex workers often feel degraded by persons who become aware of their work. When asked about the number one stereotype of phone sex operators, most respondents mentioned the notion that they are “sluts” in real
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life, willing to perform any sexual act with anybody. Several operators expressed contempt for callers who called the agency expecting the operators to act like “brainless bimbos” and were pleased when callers appreciated their intelligence or education.

One way of preserving their self-esteem is to distance themselves from women working in other sectors of the sex industry.32 Heart commented: We’re not like those streetwalkers—crawling down the street in the middle of night in the middle of winter. We work in an office. I never touch a cock. I can’t get a single disease. I can’t get attacked. I’m not a prostitute. I can sit here, read a magazine and just moan occasionally . . . and still get paid. I don’t have to wash my hair or wear makeup; I can wear jeans; I can eat on the job. I can even work at home if I want.

Mint added: “I don’t have sex. It’s just pretend. I’m not like some escort girl, spreading my legs—this is more classy. Most of the job is just sitting around waiting for a call.”

Another technique is for workers to professionalize their work. Gretchen, for example, indicated it is important to respond appropriately to the agency’s

“professional and executive callers” by assuring their anonymity and responding to their upscale tastes. Our respondents also capitalized on the agency’s name, which offers “sexy smart girls,” along with emphasizing the demanding nature of their work. Star said:

The worker must be open minded, aware, and intelligent. And she must listen, listen, listen. A good phone sex worker finds something in common with the caller, even if it’s small. She treats the caller like a person. She participates. It’s 50% performance and 50% real.

Debbi emphasized that the work is not mindless:

It’s a lot harder than you think it is. People think that we get on the phone and we moan and grunt and make coming sounds. Some of these calls are very challenging. Really! And that wears on you emotionally. I’ve worked hard jobs, and I’ve done difficult things before and never gone home as tired as I do from this job because of the mental exhaustion some days. . . . Well, we do a lot more than they give us credit for.

In sum, our findings indicate that phone sex operators employ several strategies to maintain self-esteem, to protect themselves and their families
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from social censure, and to keep future career options available. Since being a phone sex worker is socially stigmatized, each respondent invoked elaborate impression management techniques to deal with this stigma. From renting apartments, to meeting new boyfriends or girlfriends, to applying for new jobs or to school, to fully disclosing the true nature of one’s job, the workers soon realized that their work affects all aspects of their lives. Thus, workers maintained self-esteem by distancing themselves from socially undesirable

“hands on” sex work and by embracing a socially desirable goal—namely, a stable, albeit challenging, job.

TR A D E O F F S I N P H O N E S E X W O R K

Similar to workers in other areas of the sex industry, the operators experienced a combination of positive and negative experiences in their work at Sexy Smart Girls; consequently, many react with strategies for optimizing positive features of the work while minimizing negative ones.

On the positive side, worker self-esteem and job satisfaction were increased by the actions of certain callers. Spice reported with great pride that, on returning from a vacation, there were 42 messages waiting for her from callers who requested phone sex with her.

Workers also stressed the economic benefits of the job, and sometimes acted as if anyone not involved in phone sex was missing a grand economic opportunity. Not only was the income above minimum wage—$10 to $15 an hour33—but workers also received gifts from callers, which serve as additional self-esteem boosters.34 Callers of the Sexy Smart Girls agency may send gifts to the workers through a post office box.35 Workers also sell panties to callers, which usually bring $25 to $50 each. Heart said: “Sometimes I wear them before I send them, usually I don’t. I tell them I get them at Victoria’s Secret, but I just get them from Sears.”

Sexual Enhancements

Several respondents said that working in the business had made them more knowledgeable about and comfortable with their sexuality, both in fantasy and in real life. Gretchen noted she became more tolerant of sexual expression in part because of her work as a phone sex operator. She said she was already open sexually in terms of her attitudes; however, she added, “This job has enhanced my awareness in the real world. In a lot of ways it’s made me more tolerant.”

Gretchen also said:

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My favorites are the cross dressers because I appreciate men who want to understand women better. I’m not put out by them wanting to wear silk panties.

. . . We’re often girlfriends and I take them shoe shopping. Sometimes they want to be with other men in their fantasies . . . though they may never have a gay experience in their life.

Heart commented on her own sexuality: “Sometimes I hear something from a caller that I’ve never tried before. It sounds cool. I ask the caller about it and then try it out with my real-life lover—sometimes my lover is like,

‘Where did you learn that?’ I just laugh.”

Star added:

I used to be pretty shy. In my love life, I let the guy start everything. Now I’m in control. Some guys are even intimidated by me sexually. Phone sex opened me up—the worst thing that can happen is the guy hangs up. Big deal. I felt comfortable experimenting with new things in fantasy and then tried the things I liked in real life.

Mint also said:

Phone sex has made me more liberated. I got tied up by my boyfriend for the first time this weekend. It was great. I also want to try sex with another woman.

I never would have thought about that before this job. Now I really want to experiment.

Bonding with Other Women

For some operators, their respect for women was enhanced because of the job.

Chrissy, for example, “think[s] our society really fucks women over.” Bonding with other women at work was frequently cited as the main reason they continue to work as phone sex operators. Hannah said she has extremely positive workplace relationships both with other phone sex operators as well as their female boss. She defines herself as a feminist and values the workplace environment. Hannah said: