Sex in the Sanctuary (25 page)

Strands of Yolanda Adams’s singing could be heard coming from the hotel’s ample sound system amid the din of voices in the crowded ballroom. All the seats were filled, and many women, some of whom had taken off their shoes or sat on the floor, were lining the walls. Vivian looked out at the expectant audience with a myriad of feelings and emotions. So much had happened in these past four meetings, beyond her wildest expectations. Breakthroughs had been made. Emotionally crippled women were on their way to being whole. The love and compassion and forgiveness of God had replaced shame and depression and guilt. True, the work was only beginning, and not everyone who attended was reached, but many, many lives had been set free by, as the Scriptures declared, “the blood of the lamb and the word of your testimony.”

Something else had happened, too. A rapport had developed between the pastors’ wives and female congregants that hadn’t been there before. Even Vivian had been surprised at
the first ladies’ honesty in recounting the tests and trials of their personal lives. They had stood naked and not ashamed before these sisters of different cultures and economic backgrounds and bared their souls. Suddenly, the ladies were not these untouchable, seemingly perfect superwomen with perfect families and perfect lives, but they were women just like their members, with the same struggles, the same fears and, as shocking as it was to some, the same failures as everybody else. The pastors’ wives had been real with these daughters of God. And in being honest with them, the women were more able to be honest with themselves, to admit their faults and their fears. Vivian understood that the healing hadn’t occurred only with the attendees, but that some of the first ladies had experienced healing as well.

That change was no more evident than in her best friend, Tai. Where before, Tai would have played a supporting role, she had emerged as one of the most sought after speakers during the informal times of counseling and group discussions. Her honest portrayal of life as a minister’s wife had given the attendees a new understanding of just how complicated and difficult that position was to fill. Vivian still marveled at Tai’s speech earlier in the day when she recapped her popular message, “If He Ain’t Yo’ Husband, It’s Defiled,” the speech that had replaced Vivian’s “Other Women—Ourselves” suggestion and which Tai delivered during the Sacred Sex portion of the conference.

A particularly defining moment came during the question and answer period following each recap. One of the attendees, an attractive, young single woman, had asked why there seemed to be hostility between some pastors’ wives and their young, attractive, single church members.

Tai had, from her own experiences, recounted how many times women had befriended her only to find out these women really wanted her husband. Without going into details, she
confessed that she had endured infidelity early in her marriage. The audience did a collective gasp when Tai quite boldly stated that it had happened more than once that a female church member had been all too willing to seek copulation instead of counseling behind her husband’s office door. She admitted that she didn’t know how many of them had succeeded. Without telling them she was even now dealing with an adulterous situation, Tai assured the conference attendees that if they felt a chill in the air surrounding their first ladies, it may be a result of problems with adultery or near adultery in their marriages. While not condoning such behavior by these women, she understood why pastors’ wives were often reluctant to let their guard down and befriend the single females in their congregations, especially if they were attractive. She admitted that while single women were most often targeted, there had been affairs between pastors and married parishioners.

She was also careful to stress that not all pastors cheated on their wives and most women in the church were there to seek God and not opportunities to commit adultery. She beseeched the listeners to forgive the pastors’ wives who may have shunned their attempts at friendship or halted their advances within the ministry and to understand that pastors’ wives were women, too, with the same feelings of intimidation and inadequacy and not-good-enough issues all women faced from time to time. She had turned to the pastors’ wives on the roster then and admonished them to not prejudge the women in their congregations and to not put them all in the same category, and to realize that every attractive single woman in the church was not after their husbands. She admitted that sometimes she placed more blame on the woman than she did her husband and that wasn’t right. She implored the listeners to understand that women with whom their husbands had affairs looked just like them—sincere, trustworthy, hon
estly seeking God. They shouted and clapped and prayed and cried and spoke in tongues and then used those same tongues to satisfy men who were not their husbands, men who instead of leading them toward God were leading them to a turned-down bed and a night of illicit ecstasy.

She called on the women within the sound of her voice to take up the spirit of the summit, the sanctity of sisterhood. She asked that a spirit of solidarity be formed in the hearts and lives of women, to denounce the enemy when he came in the form of an overture from a married man and to “say no to the ho’ show.” Her tapes sold out.

Vivian thought of these and other comments she’d heard during the past four weeks as she prepared to make the closing speech. She had already received more than a dozen requests to host the S.O.S. Summit in other churches. And she knew she was going to accept as many invitations as she could. She knew in the very fiber of her being this had been God’s plan all along.

She smiled, thinking of Iyanla Vanzant’s luncheon message and her own personal favorite Iyanla quote, “If you see crazy coming, cross the street.” Iyanla had encouraged the women to respect themselves and to realize that love of self was essential to loving God. She encouraged the women attending to get out of crazy relationships, crazy behavior and crazy situations that were disrupting their happiness. Like a cheerleader for attitude adjustments, she rallied this family of women to victory in overcoming negative situations in their lives.

First lady Carla Lee approached the podium to introduce Vivian for the final message of the conference. Carla’s down-to-earth personality and straight, honest, often humorous speech made her another conference favorite. She had single-handedly lifted the spirits of every overweight woman who’d attended by telling them that the more there was of them, the
more there was to love and hefty didn’t have to mean unhealthy, among other “Carla-dotes.” So many people had requested copies of her lectures that Vivian had encouraged Carla to write a book containing her zany phrases and uplifting words. Carla took a moment to scan the audience before speaking, a warm smile on her face reflecting the glow in her heart. She actually looked like the sun, resplendent in a canary yellow, double-breasted suit.

“Ladies, ladies, ladies!” she began exuberantly. “If this isn’t the most beautiful gathering of women I’ve seen in my entire life, I’ll pay for lying! Y’all look like you are daughters of the Most High, His precious brides! My God! I’m seeing a pinnacle of princesses, royal highnesses in the apex of their lives! I see destiny and purpose in your stride and the view of zenith in your eyes! Is this the royal priesthood? My God! I believe I’m in a room filled with women who are more than conquerors, who are above only and not beneath, who are the heads and not the tails and,” Carla added slyly, “I mean ‘tail’ in all ways imaginable.”

The crowd, which had gotten to its feet and begun applauding as she spoke, laughed in unison at her last statement. There was whooping and high-fives all over the place. The camaraderie was palpable and exciting—the ladies were on a God-induced high.

“This has been an incredible summit, and well worth it. But like all good things, this has come to an end. I am privileged and delighted to present to you now, for the final remarks, the woman in whom God placed the burden and the vision for what you’ve just experienced, the woman who has a heart for not only the sisters in her congregation, but for women everywhere. She is a woman who not only talks the talk, but walks the walk. And, baby! Can’t nobody walk the walk like Sister Viv!” Carla turned to address her friend. “Girl, you better wear that Donna Karan ’cause you’re looking so good, I want to slap you myself!” Vivian shook her head at
her boisterous friend, joining with the audience in laughter as Carla turned back to address the crowd. “Women of God, I present my friend and sister in the faith, Sister Vivian Montgomery!”

Most of the crowd was already standing. Those who were not, got to their feet when Vivian approached the podium and showered her with sustained applause. Bouquets of flowers were presented to her amid shouts of “We love you, Sister Vivian” and a few “You go, girl.” Vivian’s eyes misted as she looked out on the sea of women, a rainbow of beauty and vulnerability, hope and determination. She was embarrassed by the open display of affection and tried several times to quiet the crowd before they took their seats to hear her final comments.

“I feel like the stand-in who accepts the award when the actual winner is not available. Contrary to popular opinion, I’m only partly responsible for putting this conference together. I must tell you, however, that all the honor, all the praise, all the glory, all the kudos and congrats go to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Hallelujah!”

Again, the crowd came to its feet in a cacophony of praise to God. Impromptu praise and worship kicked in, and for a full five minutes, women all over the room sent up their own shout outs and thank yous to The One who had made it all possible. Vivian grabbed a handkerchief and wiped her eyes, waiting for the crowd to calm once more.

“And to my dear Sister Carla Lee, there’s no need to slap me, darling, ’cause everybody in this room knows that ain’t nobody bad like you!” The crowd cheered again, and many women, especially members of Carla’s congregation, stood and hooted their agreement. Carla stood up and did a three-point model turn which got many of the rest of the crowd on their feet again. Carla bowed to the crowd and bowed to Vivian before sitting back down.

Vivian then took the time to personally thank the core mem
bers of Ladies First. She presented each one with a bouquet of roses as she called out her name. She thanked Millicent and her assistants and all of the volunteers that had helped the meetings run smoothly.

Lastly, she acknowledged Tai. “And to our first national member, who’s been a child of God as long as I’ve known her, and I’ve known her since she was fourteen, my friend, my confidante, my covenant sister, Sister Twyla ‘Tai’ Brook.” Vivian gave Tai a big hug as she accepted her roses.

As Tai walked back to her seat, Vivian said, “Ladies, please help me thank these wonderful women of God for their tireless service and sacrifice to the work of the Kingdom. May their labor not be in vain, may their reward come to them one hundredfold. May the desire of their hearts be fulfilled as they delight in Him!” The audience applauded, shouted and whistled their agreement. Again, Vivian waited patiently for the noise to subside.

“When this idea, the Sanctity of Sisterhood, was first put in my heart, I asked God just what He meant by that. What message did He want me to convey? First, He took me to the dictionary and then to His Word and the concordance where He emphasized the meanings ‘set apart,’ ‘inviolable,’ ‘holy.’ One thing that really stuck out in my mind was the opposite of sanctified, which is ‘common.’ I understood then that God was calling me and the rest of His daughters to a new level of ‘uncommonness,’ calling us to dare to be different, not go with the flow, to, as one of our segments urged, ‘set the standard and dismiss the status quo.’ Turn to the sister next to you and tell her, ‘I’m uncommon. I’m unusual. I am not the status quo.’” The audience eagerly did so. This had been their mantra throughout the sessions.

“In our research and preparation for the topics, we paid close attention to what the world in general and America in particular saw as ‘common.’ We saw that sex outside of mar
riage was common. Unprotected sex was common. Sex with someone other than one’s husband or wife was common. We found that common women cared not one iota if a man was involved in a serious relationship, let alone if he was married. Some women even claim to
prefer
married men; pleasure without pain, or so they think. We found that sex without love was common. But what did God teach us, ladies?”

“Sex is sacred” was the shouted response.

“Right!” agreed Vivian. “Turn to another sister and say, ‘I’m uncommon. I’m unusual. I am not the status quo.’”

After they did so, Vivian continued with a clear and concise summary of the four-weekend conference and how each Saturday had been designed to bring the attendee to a higher level of sanctity, of relationship and closeness with God. Laughter rang out as she recounted some of the sayings from Carla and Tai’s Sacred Sex Saturday. Like one of the favorites, “If he’s gonna hit it and quit it, then don’t even get wid’it.” She reminded the women about the depth of true love: conscious love, sacred love, unconditional love, as taught in Spiritually Speaking. She finished with a national call to sisterhood.

“There is an African proverb which states that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the nation. I believe there is some truth to that. I believe that we as women, respecting each other and ourselves, can go a long way to changing the behavior of our men and society. Yes, it takes two to tango, and no, one of them doesn’t have to be you. There are only so many prostitutes, exotic dancers and other forms of professional sex partners. If some of us ladies would start saying no to men who are not our husbands, perhaps we could start saying yes to becoming someone’s wife.

“I’m not saying we can make men behave a certain way. I am saying that we can decide today that
we
will act a certain way, and the way we act is sure to influence others. We can
decide to be our sister’s keeper and to admonish a sister, in love and without judgment, when we see her acting common.