Authors: Debby Herbenick
Sex Made Easy (40 page)
“I'd really like to be closer to you at night, to be able to cuddle and spoon, but the dog/cat is often between us. Can you brainstorm with me to figure out how we can get a little closer?”
“When we sleep close together, it turns me on to feel your body right up against mine, but sometimes I wake up and find I'm spooning the dog/cat instead of you. What do you think about training the dog/cat to sleep elsewhere?”
Training a pet to sleep elsewhere can take time, patience, and consistency. If you truly don't want your pet to sleep with you, keep your pet out of the bed night after night. Letting him or her in the bed some nights but not others can be confusing for the pet. Seek help from an animal behavior specialist or a trainer if you have questions about effective training techniques.
The cats pretty much do what they please while we are having sex. Usually, they jump off the bed because we are disturbing them. Sometimes, we will notice one of them watching, and it's a little odd, but not that big of a deal. The main disturbance that
the cats have for us during sex is when they pounce on our feet under the covers. We usually laugh about it and keep going.
âLana, age twenty-six
If your cat isn't a food-ravenous monster and instead only eats in moderation, you may be able to get away with leaving a large amount of food out. If, instead, your cat eats everything in sight right away, using a food timing device may work better. One woman in my post-pet sex study said that she found a “food ball” to be effective for nights when she sleeps over at her partner's house. A food ball is a toy-like product that a cat has to persistently work at to get the food to release, meaning it takes time (and a lot of playfulness) to do. Food balls often have small holes in them. You fill them with dry food and then, as your cat chases the ball around, the dry food escapes the hole little by little, giving you more time to sleep in with your partner. Of course, an alternative is to ask your partner to sleep over at your place so you can give your cat breakfast in the morning.
Again, it all goes back to where you've trained your dog to hang out and how well trained your dog is. If your dog can get into a “down stay” position on command, then even if you have a one-room studio apartment you can ask your dog to lie down facing away from you so you can have sex without seeing any stares. You might even turn the lights out so as not to make eye contact with an awkwardly staring pooch. Another option is to simply not look in his or her direction, no matter what you do. In my post-pet sex study, some said that their dog crawls under the bed when they have sex. However, one woman said this stressed her out because she worried that the bed would collapse one day during sex and hurt her dog. Of course, you can also just laugh about it: sex is full of surprises and occasional awkward moments, and a little awkward dog staring may be par for the sex course.
| Sex Smarts Quiz |
1. If a person feels that they are practically “watching themselves” have sex and criticizing themselves or worrying about their performance, this may be an example of |
a. Tenting |
b. Spectatoring |
c. Arousal |
d. Body image concerns |
2. True or false: Most women are able to have sex through out pregnancy. |
3. About how many pet owners allow their pet to sleep in their bed? |
a. 5 percent |
b. 10 percent |
c. 33 percent |
d. 75 percent |
Answers |
1. b |
2. True |
3. c |
Books
Boston Women's Health Book Collective. (2005).
Our Bodies, Ourselves: A New Edition for a New Era.
New York: Simon & Schuster.
Boston Women's Health Book Collective. (2008).
Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy and Birth.
New York: Touchstone Book/Simon & Schuster.
Boston Women's Health Book Collective. (2006).
Our Bodies, Ourselves: Menopause.
New York: Simon & Schuster.
Dodson, B. (1996).
Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving.
New York: Crown Trade Paperbacks.
Dodson, B. (2002).
Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partnersex.
New York: Harmony.
Ensler, E. (2001).
The Vagina Monologues.
New York: Villard.
Heiman, J., & J. LoPiccolo, (1988).
Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women.
New York: Prentice Hall.
Herbenick, D. (2009).
Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.
Emmaus, PA: Rodale.
Herbenick, D. (2011).
The Good in Bed Guide to Anal Pleasuring.
New York: Good in Bed Guides. (Digital e-book).
Herbenick, D. and V. Schick, (2011).
Read My Lips: A Complete Guide to the Vagina and Vulva.
Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield.
Komisaruk, B. R., C. Beyer, & B. Whipple, (2006).
The Science of Orgasm.
Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press.
Redd, N. A. (2007).
Body drama.
New York: Gotham Books.
Schnarch, D.
Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships.
New York: W. W. Norton & Company.
Stewart, E. G. & P. Spencer (2002).
The V book: A Doctor's Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health.
New York: Bantam Books.
Organizations
American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT)
1444 I Street NW, Suite 700, Washington, DC 20005
Web:
www.aasect.org
Phone: 202.449.1099
Offers educational materials and the ability to search for sex counselors and therapists in your area.
American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists
PO Box 96920, Washington, DC 20090-6920
Web:
www.acog.org
Phone: 202.638.5577
Patient brochures and information materials are available online.
American Psychological Association
750 First Street NE, Washington, DC 20002-4242
Web:
www.apa.org
Phone: 800.374.2721
Offers educational materials and the ability to search for providers in your area.
American Social Health Association (ASHA)
P.O. Box 13827, Research Triangle Park, NC 27709
Web:
www.ashastd.org
Phone: 919.361.8400
Provides a wealth of information about sexually transmissible infections (STIs).
The International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
8814 Peppergrass Lane, Waxhaw, NC 28173
Web:
www.issvd.org
Phone: 704.814.9493
Patient information materials are available; you can also contact the ISSVD to request information about finding vulvovaginal health care specialists in your area.
Planned Parenthood
434 W. 33rd Street, New York, NY 10001
Phone: 800.230.PLAN (7526)
Health information is available online including information related to STIs, birth control, gynecological health care, and abortion services.
National Vulvodynia Association
PO Box 4491, Silver Spring, MD 20914-4491
Web:
www.nva.org
Phone: 301.299.0755 (3999: fax)
Information and resources related to vulvar pain.
Society for Sex Therapy and Research
6311 W. Gross Point Rd., Niles, IL 60714
Web:
www.sstarnet.org
Phone: 847.647.8832
Find a sex therapist in your area.
The Kinsey Institute
Morrison Hall 302, 1165 E. Third St., Bloomington, IN 47405 USA
Web:
www.kinseyinstitute.org
and
www.kinseyconfidential.org
Phone: 812.855.7686
Information and resources related to sexuality. Also, the Kinsey Confidential service provides answers to commonly asked questions about sex (answered by Dr. Debby Herbenick) as does the Kinsey Confidential podcast series, which is available for free download.
The New View Campaign
POB 1845, New York, NY 10159-1845
Provides information about the medicalization of women's sexuality and opportunities for activism.
Sex Shops and Boutiques
Babeland
800.658.9119
Early to Bed
866.585.2BED (2233)
Good Vibrations
800.BUY.VIBE
My Pleasure
866.697.5327
Passion Parties
800.4.PASSION
Pure Romance
1.866.ROMANCE
Self Serve Toys
505.265.5815
Smitten Kitten
888.751.0523
Tulip Toy Gallery
877.70.TULIP
Chapter 1
1
.   Handler, C. (2010).
Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang
. Grand Central Publishing. New York, NY.
2
.   Mallants, C. and Casteels, K. (2008). Practical approach to childhood masturbation â a review.
European Journal of Pediatrics
, 167(10): 1111-1117.
3
.   Lawhead, R.A. and Majmudar, B. (1990). Early diagnosis of vulvar neoplasia as a result of vulvar self-examination.
Journal of Reproductive Medicine
, 35(12), 1134-1137.
4
.   Herbenick, D., Schick, V., Reece, M., Sanders, S.A., & Fortenberry, J.D. (2010). Pubic hair removal among women in the United States: prevalence, methods and characteristics.
Journal of Sexual Medicine
, 7, 3322-3330.
5
.   Tiggemann, M. and Hodgson, S. (2008). The hairlessness norm extended: reasons for and predictors of women's body hair removal at different body sites.
Sex Roles
, 59(11-12), 889-897.
6
.   Levin, R. (2003). The ins and outs of vaginal lubrication.
Sexual and Relationship Therapy
, 18(4), 509-513.
7
.   Hines, TM. (2001). The G-spot: a modern gynecologic myth.
American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology
, 185(2): 359-362.
8
.   Gravina, G.L., Brandetti, F., Martini, P., Carosa, E., Stasi, S.M., Morano, S., Lenzi, A., and Jannini, E.A. (2008). Measurement of the thickness of the urethrovaginal space in women with or without vaginal orgasm.
Journal of Sexual Medicine
, 5(3): 610-618.
9
.   Burri, A.V., Cherkas, L. and Spector, T.D. (2010). Genetic and environmental influences on self-reported G-Spots in women: a twin study.
Journal of Sexual Medicine
, 7(5): 1842-1852.
10
. Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Schick, V., Sanders, S.A., Dodge, B., & Fortenberry, J.D. (2010). An event-level analysis of the sexual characteristics and composition among adults ages 18 to 59: results from a national probability sample in the United States.
Journal of Sexual Medicine
, 7 (suppl 5), 346-361.
11
. Reitsma, W., Mourits, M.J.E., Koning, M., Pascal, A., and van der Lei, B. (2011). No (wo)man is an island- the influence of physicians' personal predisposition to labia minora appearance on their clinical decision making: a cross-sectional survey.
Journal of Sexual Medicine
, 8(8): 2377-2385.
12
. Leiblum, S. and Nathan, S.G. (2001). Persistent sexual arousal syndrome: a newly discovered pattern of female sexuality.
Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy
, 27(4): 365-380.
