Sex Secrets of an American Geisha (18 page)

So, your first thought upon being asked by your Good Man to make love should be, with full enthusiasm, “Yes.” Go for it. Truly be enthusiastic. In fact, a Good Man only wants to make love with you when you are truly en thusiastic. Again, try to have a sincere enthusiasm when he wants to make love with you. He, his ego, and his cock can all sense when you are not en thusiastic. And they take it badly and personally when you are not really into making love with the three of them. Show real enthusiasm whenever you make love with your Good Man.

If there is some reasonable factor that mitigates against a ninety-minute love fest, your second thought should be to suggest some other sexual activity:

• “Great. Can we make it just a quickie? I’m a little tired.”
  
• “Okay. I’m a bit tired. You just go ahead. Put it in.”
  
• “Sounds good. I’ll leave for work in fifteen minutes.”
  
• “Great. Let me just suck you, right now.”
  
• “Good idea. Just a little bit now. We’ll finish up later, okay?”
  

Your third thought may be the one you most often actually use. In this situation you cannot make love enthusiastically or even hurriedly. You just plain cannot make love now, perhaps because of a time problem, an illness problem, even a transient mood problem. Or a just-got-home-from-work and-can’t-switch-gears-that-fast problem. It really doesn’t matter what the problem is; if it is there and the first two approaches don’t work for you, then it cannot be gotten around and you will not be making love right now.

Still, Never Say “No”; Instead,
Make a Date

But your Older Sister said never to refuse or reject your boyfriend’s, fiance’s, or husband’s cock. Yes I did. And you will not refuse or reject that Good Man’s cock that wants to be inside you. Remember, if you refused or re jected that enthusiastic cock, your Good Man would tend not to see the situation reasonably (“Oh, she can’t make love because she’s feeling achy all over. Okay”). Rather, he’ll tend to think, “She doesn’t want my cock, she doesn’t want me in her, she doesn’t love my cock or me, she doesn’t like how I make love, and she doesn’t even want me.” Holy cow! All you said was you were a bit ill. Nothing more. Well, I told you earlier about the vulnerable male ego and its particular sensitivity when it comes to all things sexual. If I have exaggerated some or quite a bit here (and I think I have, but I’m not sure), that silly Good Man of yours is still hurt at least somewhat by your refusal and rejection. Deal with it. He’s a guy. He doesn’t take that kind of thing well. So, your job, dear American Geisha, is to help your Good Man as best you can to know that you haven’t refused or rejected him. You’ve simply been unable through Thought Number One or Thought Number Two to find a way to make love to him right now.

Say, “I’d love to make love with you now, but I’m achy all over.” This tells your Good Man that you are attracted to him and do want to make love, but can’t. Once he knows you’d “love to make love,” he can be more re ceptive to your reasons for not doing so at the moment (“I am achy”). So far so good, but not enough, dear Younger Sister. Next, propose a date to him, for instance, “I should be all right in an hour or so. I’d like for you to be inside me then. Is that okay?” Or, “I know I’ll feel better in the morning. Can we set the alarm a half hour early and make love then, honey?” Even better, when you can, add a little something special to the date you propose, such as, “I’m so exhausted tonight. Can we go to bed early tomorrow night and make love then? I’ll wear my new garter belt for you, baby.”

Try to see your refusal/rejection of sex with him from his perspective. Men are so simple. He’s like a little boy whose mommy won’t buy him a toy. “You don’t love me,” the little boy pouts as he catastrophizes and general izes (“You don’t love me”) from a simple, specific event (mommy not buy ing a toy). Younger Sister, when it comes to dealing with the “toy” that hangs south of your Good Man’s belly button, you should know that he is still a child, still catastrophizing and generalizing and pouting (“She doesn’t want my cock”) over the specific event of your being too achy to have sex at the moment. You’ve heard it before: Men are such little boys. Yes, they are, especially insecure and vulnerable about their cocks. A feminist might jump up on a soapbox and lecture your Good Man about his immaturity and in sensitivity to your honest concerns about being achy. I confess that might be a fair approach to take, but, I propose, it is not as loving, understanding, and powerful as the approach I’m suggesting.

Do what I’m suggesting and you’ll have a happy, smiling man looking forward to the date that you’ve proposed. Since you only postponed and didn’t refuse or reject sex with him, he does not feel rejected or unwanted. In this more positive frame of mind, he can take his focus off of himself and his hurt feelings and may even ask, “Can I do anything to help you with the aches, sweetheart? Maybe I could massage your legs. Let me see if we’ve got some rubbing alcohol.” Again, if I exaggerate a bit, can you at least agree with my point, Younger Sister?

You become more and more of an American Geisha when, instead of refusing and rejecting your man, you take the following steps in a positive, loving manner:

1. Say, “I’d love to make love with you, but (give your reason).”
   
2. Propose a date (not too far in future).
   
3. Add something special (sometimes).
   
4. Ask, “Is that okay?”
   

A last word on this subject. Let me emphasize that I am not asking you to manipulate your Good Man with this approach. What I’ve proposed is an honest, caring way of handling a situation in which, for one reason or an other, you cannot make love at the moment. Please explain this entire ap proach to your Good Man; even have him read this chapter. And seek his agreement that it is a loving and caring and sexy way to handle those times when you cannot make love. An American Geisha is proud of how she con ducts herself in her relationship with her Good Man, and she hides nothing from him. Your Good Man will love you even more because he appreciates your confident assertiveness and total refusal to manipulate him.

The more you love and worship your Good Man’s cock, the more and more you are becoming an American Geisha.

A
confident, hot, sexy woman, whether an Asian Geisha or an Ameri can Geisha, knows that she needs and deserves only a Good Man in her life. She has much to offer to the right man and thus can be choosy and require that he have admirable qualities to bring to the relationship. The Asian Geisha holds out until she finds the right man to be her danna, or pa tron; the American Geisha holds out for the right Good Man to be her hus band. The stereotype about Asian women that says they can be very focused and determined to get what they want is another positive stereotype that all women need to take advantage of, especially in the realm of love and mar riage. Do not give in and accept less than you deserve. Hold out for what you reasonably need from a man, your Good Man.

Once you have re-created yourself as a confident, sexy, beautiful, and feminine woman, you will attract men to you. And then you’ll have to choose the ones you want to favor with your company. Right now, you need to define for yourself what a Good Man is so that you’ll know which ones to date and which one to marry.

This chapter will help you to define the basic characteristics of a “Good Man,” encourage you to start becoming aware of what you want in a relationship, and educate you about the importance of spending time only with Good Men.

My Story

I had a tendency to leave things up to fate. Like many Asian people, some part of me accepted that my destiny was foretold in the zodiac and that I just had to passively wait for events to unfold in my life. I did a terrible job of finding men. If I’d had a love and marriage plan, I never would have wasted so much time with men who were not Good Men for me. Though I knew I wanted marriage and children, the two longer-term relationships I had (with Scott for three years and Neil for five years) were with men who didn’t want to marry me or to have children, and who both ultimately got involved with other women before we broke up.

Scott and Neil might have been fine for someone who didn’t want mar riage, babies, love, or much sex, but neither was a Good Man for me and my needs—reasonable needs, I think. The truth is that during my eight years with Scott and Neil I was not very aware of what I really wanted in a rela tionship with a man.

I was involved with men who didn’t appreciate my kind personality and who didn’t tell me I was pretty. I asked Neil what kind of woman he wanted to date, hoping to hear, “You’re my type.” Instead, he replied without hesi tation, “I’d like to date a thin woman.” So often Neil’s insensitive words hurt. Again, I was foolish, desperately staying with men who treated me badly.

After Neil left for Korea, my mind remained unclear about him for two more years. While he was living in Korea, I held out hope that he was look ing forward to marrying me when he came back. That was a total illusion. He was dating a Korean woman while I was waiting for him in Los Angeles. I thought that he would be faithful to me even though he never mentioned any future plans with me or made any promises. Only my total lack of con sciousness and clarity about the situation allowed me to hold on to the illu sion that Neil loved me and would someday return to marry me. I was such a mindless fool. I wasn’t clear about my fundamental needs. All I knew was that I wanted to be married and have a baby. Foolishly, I didn’t think be yond that. I wasted years of unhappiness and loneliness because I never re ally focused on whether or not the men I was with were good for me.

Time Is of the Essence

Although there are many different traits you might look for in a man (and you’ll consider lots of them in the next chapter as you put together your love and marriage plan), I want to first suggest four specific areas in which I believe a man must live up to a high standard in order to even be considered by you as a possible Good Man for you to date and marry.

As an American Geisha, you are seeking long-term happiness in a good marriage, so you do not want to waste any time dating or being in a rela tionship with a man who is not a Good Man for you, and who therefore has no chance of winning you and becoming your husband. The familiar saying “Time is of the essence,” which can be traced back to the I Ching book of wisdom, means that time is important and shouldn’t be wasted. This is true in your search for your Good Man. You should not waste your precious time with men who are not Good Men for you and with whom you’ll never enter into a marriage relationship. You need to determine as quickly as possible whether or not someone is a potential Good Man for you, and from there decide whether or not to pursue the relationship.