Sexy Summers (Sexy Series) (15 page)

Oh.
I'm really quite annoyed about this, I was so ready to suck him silly, taste him, feel him come in my mouth. So ready to go outside to the bustling club, knowing I've just made my man come with just a door separating us from all of these people.

Well, fine. If he wants to be like that, I'll fucking tease him until his knob turns blue, and then he can sodding well sort himself out. Pig.

I gently shove his chest away, pushing him backwards so I can get my leg out of the sink and pull my jeans and knickers back on. "Fine, you want teasing? You've got it," I say, unable to hide my childish huff. And why the fuck should I hide it? I want to give a frigging blow job!

"Hey, hey, hey... what's this?" he says, holding my arms and searching for eye contact. "Are you mad?" he asks, as his mouth curls into a smile.

I smack his arm in frustration. "Don't laugh at me Luke," I respond, trying to shake myself free, bending to reach for my shoe.

"No," he says, tightening his grip on my arms and pushing me back against the door, "I'm not laughing at you, look at me," he demands, and for some bizarre reason, the stubborn side to my character bows down, and I stop what I'm doing to look him in the eye. "Are you mad? Because you're not sucking me off?"

I pause for a moment, thinking about how stupid this must look. It is stupid, why the hell am I so mad? I just want him so much. "Yes." I admit, reluctantly. "I just want it. You got to do what you wanted... why can't I?" I ask in a small, whiny voice, like a child.

"Til, I wanted to give
you
everything. This, in here, is about
your
pleasure. I'll wait until later, I want to fuck you after you suck me, and I don't want to do all that in here. I don't want to see my girl on her knees in a nightclub bathroom, right by a toilet."

Oh my god, his girl again...
I can't imagine him having an issue with any other girls getting their knees dirty
.
"Okay, fair enough. I'm sorry, I just... you know."

"Yeah, sugar-lips, I know. You just love me too much, to not give me a BJ every place we go."

I giggle and press my hand against his pecks, "Yep, totally."

We share one more long, sensual pash before I put my shoe on, straighten myself out, and slip out of the bathroom, hopefully unnoticed, with Luke.

We must have been out all of about thirty seconds, when Alexia calls over to Luke, "Hey! Luke! Come and say hi to Sebastian and Cole!" He kisses me on the cheek before heading over to them.
Hmm, fine.

I take the time to see what's happening around me; Bea is dancing with Daniel nearby, locked in a tight embrace, noses touching, their movement slow and sensual, totally contradicting the loud dance music.  They kiss slowly, lightly brushing their lips together, and I see Daniel saying something to her, making her smile - prompting her to stroke the hair at the back of his neck. They are so in love, watching them fascinates me.

My attention is grabbed suddenly by the loud squeal of Clare, spinning around the stripper pole with one bent leg and one hand. Oliver stands by, laughing exuberantly, holding their empty glasses. How can she possibly be drunk already?
Crikey, I'm getting old.

I step over to the drinks table and pour myself a glass of orange juice, before sitting on one of the sofas to observe the fun. Now it's Oliver's turn on the pole and wow! He's good! Clare watches, her face a stunning picture, lit-up and happy, laughing contagiously at him. He's putting on a great show, seemingly - solely for Clare.

Bea and Daniel join them, laughing - Bea trying to pull Oliver away so she can have a go herself. Watching my friends from the sidelines like this, having so much fun together, makes me feel so lucky. I don't know what I'd do without them all, even Daniel has become so important to me, in a short space of time since LA. I hope nothing changes when I have my baby, I hope we stay just as close, I know they will have a huge part to play in the life of my child. They are my best friends - but I pray that we manage to keep our tight knit friendship just as firm as it is now. Having my sister in the States, and with Dad gone, they're all I have here.

I smile and turn to look in Luke's direction, only to see him standing with Alexia, his arm around her waist, laughing happily. The other two - Sebastian and
what’s-his-name - are nowhere to be seen. I'd love to know what's so fucking funny, Alexia is practically falling over herself. Her hand rests on his stomach, the other on his shoulder as she leans into him and says something in his ear. He glances over in my direction and smiles, before looking straight back at
her
to answer her question with amusement.

My fury boils to a whole new heat as he bends down and sweeps her off her feet, giggling and smiling as he throws her over his shoulder. She smacks his bum and in turn, he swats hers.
That's fucking it!
I have had enough of this bullshit, he doesn't mean anything he fucking says, I'm stupid to believe he's not shagging anyone else, it's in his god damned nature! We have to stop. Now.

First thing tomorrow I'm going to tell him about the baby and get the fuck away from here. I should never have let myself fall for him, the way I have. I know who he is and what he's about and he's showing me first hand, right now. But... first things first - I'm going to give him a taste of his own frigging medicine, see how
he
likes it.

I stand - furious, hot and determined, searching for someone. I see a small group of fairly handsome looking men, drinking and laughing, and I decide that they'll do. I walk directly to them, picking - in my opinion - the most good-looking. I grab his hand, interrupting them and not giving a shit, and tell him, "Dance with me."

He raises his eyebrows and smirks, silently agreeing, and follows me a few steps away into Luke's line of vision. I turn to face him, wrap my arms around his neck and press my body against his. It feels totally wrong, and very uncomfortable, but I don't care. I'm doing this.

He places his hands on my lower back and smiles, trying to figure me out. "So, I'm Jason, what's your name?"

I shake my head, "Don't speak, just dance." I don't want to get in conversation with the guy, I don't want anything but to make Luke feel just a smidgen of what I feel when he shoves his nose up
her
backside.

We grind together, and I close my eyes, trying for a moment to forget it's not Luke. I notice that subconsciously, I'm trying to distance Wriggler from him. I'm so horribly uncomfortable doing this, which is yet another 'new' for me, I have danced with countless men in my time, and never felt weird like this.

The guy holds my hips and turns me around, pressing my back into his front.
Bleugh.
I move with him, circling my hips, grinding in time to the music, hoping I can end this soon. I glance up and notice Luke talking to
her
, looking at me. She's looking up at his face, clearly deep in conversation about something, he's nodding, but his attention is on me.
Good
.

He frowns and cocks his head, and as I start to feel a little better, hoping he feels as jealous as I do, the man slips his hands around my waist, and rests them low on my belly. I am so out of my comfort zone; having another man touching my precious cargo is unbearable, it's not his to touch. My protective instincts are clearly setting in, and I look up at Luke again to find him smiling through that frown, amused.

The anger is uncontrollable, I am fuming! I tear the hands from my belly and stride, angrily to the seating area to grab my clutch bag. Luke manages to pull himself away from the oh-so-
amazing
Alexia to come over and join me.

"Hey, enjoy your dance with Jason?" he asks.

"What?" I ask, angrily, "You know him?"

"Sure I do, he's a friend of a friend."

Oh for god’s sake.
"Yes, thanks. He's a nice guy." I say, straight faced, without emotion, looking anywhere other than his face.

"Too bad you're not his type then, huh?"

I turn quickly, ready to pounce angrily, "How do you know? We were having a great time."

"I'm sure you were sweet-cheeks, but gay guys don't usually go for the ladies."

Oh my god, ground, open up, please?
I close my eyes and sigh, defeated. "Fine."

"Were you trying to make me jealous? What's going on, Tilly?"

I look at his face and realise that he just doesn't see our relationship the way I do. We're still just fuck buddies, nothing more. Just because I'm in love with him, doesn't mean we'll ever go any further, and trying to tell myself that he just might be father material, is living in a dream. He'll want nothing to do with me, and nothing to do with Wriggler.

"No, Luke. I was just dancing. Go back to Alexia, I'm sure you're dying to continue with your hilarious conversation."

He holds my shoulders and slouches a little to near eye level. "You're jealous of me and Alexia? You're kidding?" He smirks, making the blood boil inside again, rage surging through my body.

"Just fuck off, don't take the piss out of me, don't laugh at me, and don't fucking touch me!" I shout, shrugging out of his hold.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he shouts, frowning, now looking quite furious himself.

"Fuck off Luke!" I scream, trying to get my voice heard over the music, frustrating me massively. I'm so hot, I must be bright red. Luke raises his hands, showing his palms, pouts and shakes his head. He turns and walks away through the crowd, leaving me standing there embarr
assed, angry and totally alone.

I look around, no one is looking, no one saw what has just gone down over here, which is great, but makes me realise exactly how alone I am in this situation. No one knows how much I love Luke, no one knows that I now want a 'forever', no one knows that I have his beautiful baby growing inside me. In this moment, it's just me, and it's so hard.

Tears sting my eyes and my mouth twitches. These damn hormones! The only thing I can think of to make me feel comfortable right now, is to get the hell away from here, away from the noise, away from my clueless, happy friends, away from the chaos and Christmas cheer, away from Luke. I grab my coat and clutch bag, and slip away through the heaving club. This is where being short comes in really handy, no one can ever see me in a crowd.

I run up the stairs and dash outside at the top, totally avoiding any kind of niceties with 'Jolly Jeff'. I continue to scuttle in my heels until I get a good distance away from the club, taking care not to slip. I haven't even noticed the freezing temperatures in my silk vest, but I slip on the fur coat, needing some sort of comfort. I find a bench in the middle of the promenade and sit, my hands either side of me, my head bowed, eyes - teary. What the hell do I do now? I don't know my way home or the driver's number.

I sit back, lifting my legs and crossing them on the bench, wondering where the hell to go from here. I rest my head in my hands and close my eyes, horribly sad, confused and desperately scared. It's back to how it was before, and it should never have changed.

I
have to tell him, and then we need to figure out how to move on from here. If he wants to know the baby and be a big part of its life, I'll contemplate finding a place to live in LA, for the sake of Wriggler. It'll be hard leaving my girls at home, but other than them, there's nothing important enough to keep me there. Enabling my child to have a relationship with his or her father, is far more important than missing home.

Then, of course, there's the likely option that he won't want to be that much of an active dad, happy enough to see the child here and there, whenever I visit Gemma. Which would mean, not a lot of change for me, apart from my own place to live and a way to find enough money to raise the baby without help.

Or... the option that he won't want to see the baby at all. That would kill me, and as much as I know the type of guy Luke is, I just can't see him being
that
much of an arse-hole.

My mind moves to the last option; the nonsensical idea that I don 't like to even contemplate because of how devastatingly unrealistic it is - but my head has other ideas.
Torturous bitch.
The option where Luke tells me he's excited and that he wants to be in the baby's life, that he wants to see his baby every day, he wants to see
me
every day. That he loves me, he wants to be with me, he wants to live together and raise Wriggler in the perfect family setting.
Oh Wriggler, I can't guarantee that I'll have a happy ever after, but I will make damned sure that you are the happiest child there is, whatever happens. I'll do everything I can for my precious baby.

I take a long, deep breath in and exhale slowly. Just one night of amazing, swimming pool sex, and my life and emotions are all over the shop. Why am I in love with a bad-boy? An amazingly hot, caring, sweet bad-boy.
No, Tilly! Think of Alexia, think of his ten billion other women in LA, think of what he does for a living! He trains women and fucks them as part of the deal. He's a no-go zone and you know it... you just thought... you hoped, that you were wrong.

I feel suddenly exhausted; physically, mentally... exhausted. I can't do this anymore, all the hiding, the lying, the avoiding... it's too much, and with all of the other emotions that come with pregnancy, I just can't continue. I bring my knees up to my chest, wrap my coat around them and lean against the back of the bench on my side. I rest my cheek on my knees, close my eyes, and let the tears fall, ignoring all of the people around me, not caring what they think. It's okay to forget and lose myself in my own world for a short while, like Clare said earlier.