Sexy Summers (Sexy Series) (32 page)

I giggle out loud and swat his belly. "There was not."

He laughs with me. "Okay, there wasn't, I didn't hear about any of this until Bea and Daniel just came down and told us. You know he's trying to get hold of Luke now, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Good. We all love you, Tils, and you won't have to do any of this alone. We're here and we'll stay here with you as long as you want us, until Luke sorts his head out and gets back. I'll be your baby-daddy for as long as you need me. Just don't try anything gross..."

I giggle and squeeze him again, gorgeous man. "Don't worry - I'm
so
not into you. No offence."

"Bloody charming. Thanks for the vote of confidence!" he says, amused.

"Be quiet, you know the whole world and it's sister wants you. And if you know what's good for you... you'll pick the right one." Just because I'm broken right now, doesn't mean I can't give him a point in the right direction - as if he doesn't know it.

"Yeah, yeah."

We lie together in silence for a few more minutes and my mind races, I still don't think I'm quite believing what's happening. But maybe I just need to give him the day, maybe he just needs to get his head straight... but what about? I mean, he's known for a couple of days - and yes - he's been overprotective, but he was fine - we were still kissing and affectionate, he was even holding my tummy and stuff.

He hasn't shown any signs that he would just up and leave... has something happened? Does he have someone else? As easy as it would be to believe that - given the type of man he is - I just don't. He loves me and I know it. I am so confused; broken and thoroughly confused.

As I wipe some fresh tears from my cheek, I hear the door creak open, and Bea and Clare stroll in with trays of tea and snacks. I smile as Clare walks over to me and plonks the tray down on the bed. "We'll get him back. Don't you worry," she says softly and kisses my forehead. "In the meantime, I'm very excited to be able to talk about our exciting news. This trip to Aspen has been quite a celebration, first Bea and Daniel and now you and this little wriggly-bum," she says, touching my belly.

"Congratulations darling," Bea adds, "I'm sorry I didn't say it before, I was away with the fairies."

"Thank you, and don't worry. It wasn't really a 'congratulations' type of moment anyway."

Bea walks around to the side of the bed with my tea, and I shuffle to a seated position, still leaning against Oliver. He's my current rock and he will have to stay there for as long as I need him. If he needs the toilet... tough luck. I take the tea and thank her, before she sits on the edge of the bed next to me. "So..."

"So, can you see it and touch it and talk to it?" I say with a smile, knowing what's coming.

"Exactly!" her eyes sparkle with excitement at my words. I lift Luke's t-shirt, revealing my bump and teeny tiny knickers to my best friends. Oliver rolls his eyes at the sight of my underwear but it doesn't
faze him at all. I notice Clare frown a little at my almost-exposed nether regions being displayed in front of Oliver, but I really couldn't care less. We don't see each other that way - and I'm sure he has seen his fair share of female crotches in his lifetime.

Bea gasps and places a warm hand on the little bump. "I can't believe you have a bump and I never even noticed."

"Like I said to Clare and Luke, I have been working pretty hard to try and conceal it."

'Wow..." Oliver says, "So... does it move and everything?"

I nod, loving that he's taking an interest, too. I watch as Clare smiles at him.

We spend a while like that, drinking tea - looking at the bump and talking softly. I put a pair of trousers on, in case Daniel walks in and gets an eyeful of my lace covered pubic region, and I enjoy the distraction of my friends for a while. Every time I remember the situation, I get a huge twang in my belly that makes me feel ill, but I manage not to vomit like the last time. The last time... when I told Luke...
ouch
. Remembering hurts.

Everyone tries to make me eat one of the fabulous goodies that they brought up from Pam in the kitchen, but I just can't stomach anything. I tried to take a bite of an apple but it was flavourless and sat in my mouth like I was chewing on cloth. I am constantly wondering whether or not Daniel has got hold of him and itching for him to come in the room and give me an update.

When he finally does come to the bedroom, we all look up expectantly. He walks over to the bed and looks down.
Oh god - bad news
. "What? Daniel? Have you spoken to him?" He nods, slowly, saying nothing. "And? What? Where is he? Is he coming back?" I ask desperately.

"Come on, let's leave them to talk," Bea says, standing and making her way to the door. Oliver kisses my head and releases me to follow the others out.

"What's happening, Daniel? Please tell me something." I ask softly, holding back the tears. He sits on the bed next to me and holds my hand.

"Sweetheart, he's just landed back in LA," he says, tenderly. I frown and drop my chin to my chest immediately as my tears flow. I'm so thoroughly hurt, so heartbroken - how could he possibly do this to me? What is so bad that he couldn't stand to stay with me until the end of the holiday? He actually left me in bed to go to the airport, book a flight and board a plane to get away... When did he book the flight? Had he known he was going?

"He is so worried about you, Til. His head is messed up, he doesn't know what to think or do, all he knew was that he had to go. This is what he said to me."

"He can't be that worried," I say, my voice weak and wobbly, "he knew I'd be a mess if he left. Why has he gone? Did he say? I need to know, maybe I can make things better? Does he need time?"

Daniel takes a deep breath and exhales slowly before squeezing my hand and responding. "Tilly, he said that you should go on with your life and forget about him. He said he just can't do this."

"No!" I cry, my heart tearing in two again, "he can, he can! I'll help him... Daniel, why can't he see, it'll be okay?"

"Sweetheart, there's more to it than just leaving you. I can't tell you any more than that, I'm so sorry. He loves you, you need to know that he loves you."

"No, if he loved me - he'd be here, keeping me from this agony. How is there more to it? What is it?"

"I.. I just can't say. I'm so sorry, Tilly."

"Will he talk to me? Can I call him?"

Daniel shakes his head. "I don't think so. But listen, Til, I am going to call him non-stop. I am worried about both of you, you both mean a lot to Bea and I and I will do everything I can. I will try so hard to make him see sense and come back, but Tilly, he seems pretty firm on this. He's so confused, but he seems confident that this is the only way forward. I will try my hardest to make him see otherwise."

"Is there someone else in LA?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. He's totally, one hundred percent in love with you, and I can't see that ever changing, but he has issues that he needs to deal with, and he doesn't feel that'll ever be possible. I, however, do, and I will do anything I can. Okay?" I break down again as I nod in defeat. "Come here, sweetheart," he says as he moves forward to embrace me tightly. "We'll be here for you, always. You know that."

I nod again, whimpering and weeping; nearly ten years worth of tears have appeared in the last few months and I feel like I now have an endless supply. I clutch my tummy with both hands, trying to comfort her. I can't help but feel like she's hurting too, like she knows he's left us and it's because of her - I think... I don't even know what or who is the reason. Despite filling up with this beautiful little being, I feel hopelessly hollow. Just so... hollow.

Sitting here, being rocked, soothingly by Daniel, I think about that word... hollow, and one of my favourite songs comes to mind, 'Goodbye my Lover', by James Blunt, and it's all I can think about, the lyrics going round and around in my head. It's painful, terribly painful and I can't sit still anymore; I need to move, to be different, change my position - anything to ease this discomfort; the torturous ache.

I break away from Daniel's embrace to climb off the bed and stand, but I immediately need to put my hands on the bed and bend over, nauseated. I take some deep breaths but feel the churn again at the slightest thought of him. I'm going to be sick.

I stumble to the toilet and bow down as I heave, over and over. I haven't eaten anything since yesterday so it hurts as I wretch, fruitlessly.

"Shit," Daniel shouts as he dashes in to be with me, "Baby!" he shouts loudly, calling for Bea. She appears within a few seconds as Daniel strokes my back and holds back my hair.

"It's okay, doll. It's okay."

Daniel leaves swiftly, thank god, how many men do I have to throw up in front of this Christmas? Bea simply stands with me, holding me, letting me get this over with.

~~~~~~~

Laying in bed with a bottle of water at my side and a slice of toast forced down, I curl up in a tight ball, holding Wriggler. Everyone has left me, except Oliver. He says he's going to stay with me today, and if I don't want to talk, he'll have a kip next to me. He reckons he needs it... wonder why that is.

"Wanna spoon?" he says, making me giggle.

"You won't try and hump me or anything, will you?" I ask, grinning.

"You should be so lucky. Come on, give us a hug."

He makes me want to cry all over again. But I don't, I don't think my body could cope with anymore, my head feels like it's about to explode, my eyes are like pea holes in snow and I have a great, shiny tomato for a nose.
Attractive
.

I wriggle back against him and he hugs me tight, "Now go to sleep, you look like shit," he says, making me laugh.

"You bitch."

"You could never look like shit, Til, but you do need a bit of a kip. You'll feel a lot better and will be thinking clearer after a sleep."

I nod. "I know. Night night, Olly."

"Night, darling. Sleep tight."

~~~~~~~

Being wrapped up so warm and tight is lovely, as I wriggle and stir. I stretch and turn, and my gut drops as reality returns, Oliver still fast asleep beside me, holding on tightly. For a split second as I woke, I thought it was Luke, I had forgotten what has happened and was blissfully immersed in my dream of his beautiful body enveloping me. And I feel horrible for being so disappointed to see Olly, but I thought for a minute that I was still happy. Olly only reminds me of the ache that doesn't seem to be easing.

His eyes flicker and he stretches, looking at me. "Hiya, you alright?" he asks, sleepily.

"Mmm hmm..." My eyes well up and I bury my face in his chest. He holds me, rocking ever so slightly but remaining silent. Such a true, true friend, I love him dearly.

We stay that way for a good twenty minutes or so, total silence except for my whimpers and sniffles. Eventually, he hands me a tissue box that Bea left on his table. "I think you could use one of these, tears are one thing but do you have to snot on my t-shirt?"

I giggle and take one to blot my eyes and nose. "Cheeky shit."

"Ah, you love me really."

"I do. Thank you, Olly."

"Don't be silly, none of that please, just get on with feeling better."

"I'm not sure I can, I can't think of anything else, he's all I want, I need him. We need him," I say, holding my tummy.

"I know, I know. We'll get him back. So, tell me some more about this baby then, I want to know stuff."

I grin and blow my nose to a hilarious, disgusted look from Oliver, and I begin to tell him everything I know about Wriggler. It's a soothing distraction, because I am always excited to talk about the baby - now that I can, but I still want him here to share the experience with me.

A little later, everyone surprises me by coming up to the room with a late lunch, and eating it in the bedroom with me. It was lovely. I wouldn't have gone downstairs, I don't want to leave my 'Luke' pillow, but I was fully expecting to eat up here on my own, maybe with Oliver if he didn't want a change of scenery; so having everyone eat in here is wonderful and unexpected. I manage to stomach the soup that the girls asked Pam for, it's much easier to eat than a sandwich or something bulky, and I feel a little stronger, having filled my belly.

The rest of the day is spent in bed with Oliver. He does a little work on my iPad, makes a couple of calls and sorts out some business issues back at home, and I doze. I had a bath and changed pyjamas, washing my hair and face to refresh my body. I stood on the balcony for a short while which I thought I would enjoy, but it proved too painful, and I had to return to bed as the tears and memories came speeding back.

I adore Bea and Clare more than anything, they are the most caring friends a girl could ever ask for, but there's something about being with a man that comforts me right now. I can hug him, fully platonically of course, and feel that masculine warmth that no-one but a man can offer. I can spoon him without feeling weird or sexual, and just have that feeling of protection that I get from these boys. They are all similar in that way, go to the ends of the earth to protect the people that they love, and luckily, all of these men love me. It's just a shame one of them can't be near me anymore, for some reason.