Shackled Lily (3 page)

I had become just like my mother, reliant on some guy to fill all the holes and hurts in my heart. “Never!” I screamed at the lake, my voice echoing in the darkness.

I wiped my eyes in disgust. There would be no more tears, no more hurting, and no more naive Kaitlyn. Let someone else have the fairytale. I would be no one’s Cinderella!

I heard footsteps behind me and Grant’s breathless voice. “Kaitlyn,” he said apologetically.

I turned to look at him, my face hardened by the hurt radiating through my entire being. I took note of him, bare chested, wearing nothing but a pair of running shorts I’m sure he threw on in haste.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” I said coldly, making sure my eyes hid everything my heart was feeling.

Grant looked miserable as he stared at me. “We’ve been together a long time, Kaitlyn.”

I raised my hand to stop him and started back towards the house. “You don’t owe me an explanation. My father’s out of town and you’re a guy. I should have knocked,” I simply stated as I walked past him.

He reached out and caught my hand before I was out of reach. We stared at each other for what felt like a lifetime—my eyes blank, his full of regret. I pulled my hand out of his and walked away, never looking back.

2. awakening

Present day…

The water was still surrounding me as I watched my thirteen-year-old self fade into the darkness. I was sad to see her go; she represented all the innocence that had been lost that year. The darkness of the water started to feel cold until I could see those caramel eyes everywhere I looked. They displayed every emotion I ever witnessed, sadness, anger, regret, and compassion, always so much compassion. His eyes were penetrating me and I trembled wanting them to go away. I had buried them…why were they back?

The water suddenly began to drain taking his eyes with it. I wa
s falling. I tried to reach out and grab onto anything that would stop the free fall, but the water was gone, and heaviness hurled me down into the darkness. I felt panicked and threw open my eyes right before impact. Fear had labored my breathing making the bright lights that seared into my irises even more painful.

“Kaitlyn? Can you hear me?” a strange voice asked.

I couldn’t see anything, just light…too much light. I blinked, trying to make it go away.

My father’s voice came next. “Kaitlyn, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can.”

I finally registered his hand in mine and attempted to squeeze it, finding the motion more difficult than I would have expected.

“I felt it,” he beamed. “Kaitlyn, can you see me?”

I tried to turn my head, to get my eyes to focus. I could see his shadow, and as I stared at it longer, his features started to come into focus.

“Daddy?” I rasped when I could finally see his blue eyes. They were tired and wet with tears, making him appear softer than I ever remember him being.

“I’m here, baby. I’m here,” he assured me. “Can we get her some water?”

Within seconds, I felt a straw in my mouth and drank down the cool liquid that began to ease my scorched throat. Recollection slowly came to me. It was New Year’s. Why was my dad here? Where was Jake?

“Why are you here?” I asked hoarsely after taking one more drink of the glorious liquid. “Where am I?”

“You had an accident. You are in the hospital.”

Hospital? How? I just went to bed…I remembered it clearly. Jake wouldn’t talk to me; he was angry because of Avery, and we had fought harder than ever in our life.

“Where’s Jake?” I asked, concerned. Had we driven somewhere?

I watched my father’s expression turn into a scowl. “Jake’s fine. He’s still at school. Kaitlyn, you are at Duke Medical Center. You’ve been unconscious for days.”

I shook my head. This wasn’t possible. It was New Year’s. “Why?”

“You had alcohol poisoning, which caused you to pass out. Then you aspirated, and your lung collapsed. Kaitlyn, it’s a miracle you are alive, sweetheart.”

My head started swimming with the information, and I closed my eyes, unwilling to listen anymore.

“Mr. Summers, that’s probably enough talking. She may not be able to handle all this right away. Kaitlyn, do you need anything?” the strange voice asked me.

“Not my name...” was all I could say.

“I’m sorry?” the voice asked again.

I heard my father sigh as he spoke. “She goes by Issy or Isadora,” he explained.

“Issy, do you need anything?” the voice asked again.

“Jake…I need to talk to Jake. He’s hurting…” I whispered. I felt my eyelids get heavy as I spoke and drifted back
to sleep. The dreams came again, haunting me.

Five years earlier…

Age: 15

It had been two years since my world was turned on its axis. My father and Anna had been married in a grand ceremony that was plastered all over the society page in the newspaper. I had initially refused to go, but my father threatened to file for custody if I didn’t. He said my mom was unstable, and no judge would stop him if he chose to pursue it. So, I sat there and watched as my father vowed to love another woman. I hated him more than ever for making me witness it. I felt I was betraying my mother just by being there, and was terrified at what I might find when I went home that night.

Grant had come too. He was seated next to his girlfriend, the same one from that horrible night. I watched his features as he sat there, so flawless, and soft and warm in the best kind of way. He had caught me staring and captured my eyes with his until I turned away. I hated him too. I had hardly spoken to him since that night, despite his attempts to talk to me about it. I didn’t want to talk; I didn’t want to care. Kaitlyn was dead, and Issy didn’t cry over boys.

I laid on my bed and stared at the horrible gold ceiling. My father had promised I could change the whole room on my sixteenth birthday. The thought of sleeping in here for another year was nauseating. At least I only had to come every other weekend.

My ears burned as I heard the shrill from that child’s scream down the hall. It was quieted quickly as I knew Rosa would be in there to calm him. Figures my evil stepmother wouldn’t bother to raise her own child. The walls were closing in on me again and I needed to get out of there.

I grabbed my robe and headed down the dark staircase and out the back door. It was well past midnight and I shivered as the breeze found its way through my light covering. I watched my feet tiptoe across the wooden pier until I stood facing the water. The moonlight was casting a perfect glow on the waves and each ripple seemed to expand past the unknown.

“Couldn’t sleep?” It was Grant’s soft voice from the shadows.

“The brat’s crying again,” I snapped, angry with him for ruining my perfect moment, and even angrier at myself for the butterflies that came at the sound of his voice.

“Yeah, it’s hard to get used to, but he’s actually a pretty good baby. You might like him if you ever held him.” Grant always had something nice to say about everything. I hated that about him. Who was he to lecture me?

“Save it for someone who cares, Grant. Now, are you going to leave or am I? I’m not really in the mood for chit chat.” My voice was sharp and flat, an exact picture of what my heart had become.

I heard Grant get up from the chair he had been sitting in and walk over to me. He leaned backwards against the rail and folded his arms, exposing how much he had filled out since starting college. “What happened to you, Kaitlyn?” he asked sadly. “You used to be so sweet.”

“Not my name,” I responded flippantly, not really addressing his question.

“Oh, that’s right. It’s Issy now. Well, for the record, I miss Kaitlyn.” I could feel his eyes on me, but I refused to meet them. He pushed off to leave when I didn’t respond, and I turned to see his retreating figure in the moonlight.

A lone tear fell down my cheek as I realized I missed her too. It didn’t matter, though. Kaitlyn was weak and naïve. She would never survive my life.

Sunday finally came, and I packed up to head back to my mother’s house. I had seen my father for maybe two hours that weekend, which was pretty much the standard. I still couldn’t figure out why he wanted me
there when he just ignored me the whole time. It was his form of torture, I decided. One more year…that was all. The thought was almost tangible; I would have my license and could escape this prison any time I wanted to.

Grant was tasked to drive me home. I did my usual and sat in the back seat, texting on my phone to various friends who had spent the weekend going to the movies and the arcade without me. Missy informed me that her brother Max was asking where I was. They were twins and both had hit the genetic lottery. Max played on the junior varsity football and basketball teams. He would be a good peg in my popularity climb so I gave her permission to pass on my phone number.

I ultimately had my sights on Ben Jacobs, a Junior who was known as the school’s heartthrob.  He lived just down the road from my father’s house, which was surprising because our school was a good forty-five minutes away. My high school was the most exclusive private school in the area, though, and Ben’s family was in a wealth class with my dad, so it kind of made sense. Dating Ben would immediately put me among the elite, and I had every intention of finding my place at the top of that group.

“Anything interesting to report…
Issy
?” Grant asked from the front seat. I knew he was intentionally being snarky and sarcastic. Grant hated it when I treated him like one of the help, so naturally I had been doing it all morning. 

“Aren’t drivers supposed to drive in silence? You really need to take your role more seriously, Grant.” My voice was playful, but my eyes were sharp when I looked up at him. I knew he saw me through the rearview mirror, and I watched as his neck tensed.

“Your eyes could throw daggers, Issy. You want to tell me why you hate me so much?”

“I don’t hate you, Grant. I don’t an
ything you.” I responded flatly. My face and words were as cold as my heart felt.

He shook his head, but didn’t say anything else the rest of the drive. When my mom’s house finally came into view, I felt like fleeing. Despite my attempts to stop it, my palms were sweating, and I had to force myself not to look up and catch Grant’s eyes in the mirror. His cologne had drifted from the front seat to the back and affected me far more than I was willing to admit. It was silly that in two whole years, this childhood crush hadn’t gone away. Ridiculous. Issy didn’t get crushes…she was in control.

“You can take my bags to my room,” I dictated authoritatively, trying to mimic the tone I had heard my father use. I noticed a strange car parked in the parking lot and glanced up at the porch.

“Jake!” I screamed when I saw him standing there. I hadn’t seen him in years, but always loved when our moms got us together. My aunt Kathy was my mom’s younger sister and a favorite of mine. I ran up the stairs and threw myself into his arms. He hugged me back
, and I was struck by how thin he had become. I leaned back and took a good look at his face. There were large circles under his eyes and his cheeks had sunken in tremendously since the last time I had seen him. “What happened to you?” I asked before I could put a filter on myself.

He smiled in response, but it was hollow, so different from the lively cousin I remembered. “It’s good to see you too.”

Grant passed by me with my bags and set them down on the porch. “I think you can manage these from here,” he said coldly. “Its nice to see that you aren’t a complete brat to everyone.”

I glanced up in shock. He had never talked to me like that before. I stared into his eyes as he glared
back at me. His stare made me shiver. The look was one I’d never seen before, and if I didn’t know better, I’d almost think he was jealous. Jake’s eyes grew cold as I felt his arm grip protectively around me.

“I think you’re done here,” Jake announced harshly.

Grant simply nodded and got back in the car, slamming the door aggressively before peeling out of the driveway. I felt a smile creep onto my face. I had gotten to him, and the feeling of satisfaction made the horror of the weekend slip into oblivion.

“So, how long are you here for?” I asked Jake playfully. “Hopefully long enough for us to get into plenty of trouble.”

“How’s forever sound?” he asked apprehensively.

“Are you serious?” I squealed. He answered with a nod, and I jumped back into his arms. It was the best news I had ever heard. I wasn’t alone anymore. “Oh watch out, North Carolina, Issy just got a sidekick,” I kidded.

“If you ever refer to yourself in the third person again, I will personally beat your booty.” I watched as Jake’s previously dead eyes started to get a little spark in them. They were just like mine, emerald and intense, and I felt an immediate kinship. I could tell he felt it too.

“So, do you drive yet?” I asked as he grabbed my bag.

“Yep.”

I clapped my hands together as I thought of all the mischief we could get into with that one piece of metal. The possibilities were endless. My jubilation ended abruptly, though, when I went inside and saw my aunt Kathy lying on the couch. She had wasted away to almost nothing, her frail frame so emaciated that I could see her bones protruding through her shirt.  I looked up and caught my mother’s eyes. There was a silent warning in them that I immediately heeded.

“Kathy and Jake are going to stay with us for a while,” she said pleasantly, as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Fantastic,” I lightly agreed, skipping over to where my aunt Kathy laid. I leaned in to whisper in her ear, “You’ve always been my favorite, anyway.” She responded with a smile that seemed as weak as her body. I turned to look at Jake, and we silently exchanged all the hurt and fear we both
had suffered since seeing each other last. Ok, so maybe I could love at least one person again. From that moment, I knew Jake would be forever embedded in my heart.