Shackled Lily (31 page)

I smiled up at him, amazed by his goodness and got in the car. He drove quietly for a while and then finally asked the question I knew had been plaguing him. “So who
is it?”

I sat back in my seat and smiled sadly. “When I turned thirteen, I met a boy, and ever since
, his name has been permanently tattooed on my heart. I’ve tried everything to erase it, and I mean everything. But no matter what I do, or how much time passes, it never goes away. I can’t escape him.”

“He’s a lucky guy,” Rusty mused as he squeezed my hand.

The laughter came instantly as I shook my head. “Rusty, the fact that you think that shows how little you really know me. I’ve tortured that poor guy, but he’s free now, and that makes me happy.”

Silence hung in the car until a few minutes later when we pulled into a small strip mall. All the lights were off and every business appeared to be closed. Rusty pulled right in front of a glass door that read, “Lisa’s Dance Studio.”

“My sister owns this place. It’s how I pulled that name out so quickly the other night. Anyway, I asked if I could use it at night, and after a myriad of questions and innuendos, she finally gave me the keys.” He handed the keys to me and then smiled. “Go dance, Issy.”

I didn’t know what to say. Words couldn’t cover the emotions that were surging through me. He seemed to understand and reached over me to open my door. “I left a CD in there for you. It’s
Tenth Avenue North
, the band we listened to the other night. The song is called
Worn
. Get going. I’m going to blow off a little steam, and I’ll be back.”

I squeezed his hand and then stepped out of the car. I knew I had hurt him, but I also knew it was less than it could have been. He watched me until I got the door unlocked and opened. I gave him a little wave and closed the door. I found the lights and followed the hallway until I saw a large room with mirrors covering the space. Ballet bars ran along the wall and in the corner sat a large stereo system. The CD Rusty had mentioned sat next to it. I held it gingerly, wondering if I could handle hearing that song again in my current state.

I stared at it while I removed my hoodie, and then some more while I stretched. Finally, I took a deep breath and put it in. The music filled me, and I started to move, losing myself completely in the sound of the piano and lyrics. Soon, there was no studio, no gravity, just me and the music as I moved across the space, each word ripping through my heart.

“Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

‘Cause I'm worn”

The tears came without notice. I spun and danced
, feeling myself fight against the defeat that had been plaguing me all week. Then out of nowhere, I heard an audible voice in my head.

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners…

Fatigue gripped at me, but I pushed though, wanting to find that place again where I believed those words.

To release the oppressed…

If those words were true, then why did I still feel so scared. Why were my father and Robbie still winning?

I have set you free. Why are you still afraid?

The words stopped my movement, and I collapsed on the floor, letting the sobs take over my shaking body.

“God, please help me,” I pleaded through my tears. “I’m so sad. I’ve had so little faith. Forgive me.” The words were simple, but the tingle that I felt from the top of my head down to my feet wasn’t…it was peace.
All this time, I had been holding on to my fear, letting it consume me slowly. Not anymore. It was time to let go of the past, and let God have control.

I closed my eyes and continued to cry, letting all the
hurt I had buried pour out of me. Then through my tears I saw the shoes approach me. As my vision cleared, I expected to see Rusty’s worn cowboy boots, but it wasn’t. They were new and expensive, Italian leather that still creaked when he walked. I pulled myself up to see with my own eyes if it were true.

“You found me,” I whispered.

27. no more running

He fell on his knees next to me and pulled me in his arms. There were tears streaming down his face, and I felt every one because his cheek was pressed up against mine.

“Of course I found you. I never would have stopped looking.” His honey sweet words tickled my ears and fell into my heart, making it swell.

“But I set you free,” I cried, pulling away from him so I could see his beautiful caramel eyes. It felt like a dream, but it wasn’t. Grant was there, holding me, touching me. He was real.

He stared in my eyes and then wiped them dry. I did the same for him. He seemed so happy and yet so sad. And why wasn’t he kissing me?

We got to our feet, still staring at one other as if turning away would make the other disappear. “I can’t believe you’re real,” he whispered, as he touched my face and hair. He pulled me into his arms again. I buried my face in his chest, absorbing every inch of his smell and touch. “I’m so mad at you,” he said tensely, but never moved to release me. “Why didn’t you come with me? I didn’t want to be set free…not from you.”

“I couldn’t, Grant,” I whispered against his chest.

He pulled me back to look at me, his hands gripping my arms in desperation. “Why?”

“Let her go,” I heard Rusty yell from the door. He was practically running towards us
, and my heart stopped when I saw the look on his face. Rusty was ready to kill Grant, and certainly had the size to do so.

“Rusty stop. It’s ok. He’s my…” I stopped because I didn’t know what to call him. We had never even had the chance to define it. “Friend,” I finally said. Rusty stopped charging, but still pulled me out of Grant’s arms and into his.

In that moment, I could have sworn I’d stepped right into a bad romance film. Both men were facing off, their eyes threatening as they stared at one another.

I put my hand on Rusty’s arm so he would look at me. “Rusty, this is Grant. I’ve known him since I was thirteen.”

Rusty caught the look in my eye, and he knew what I was saying. His eyes widened as he looked between Grant and me. It was like he finally registered that both of us had been crying and not just me. I saw Rusty’s jaw tighten. I knew this was hard for him, but he reacted just as I would have expected him to. “I’ll wait in the truck,” he stated. “Come get me if you need anything.” A few seconds later, he was gone.

I turned back to face Grant, but he had turned away from me. His whole body was tense, and his hands were on his head, which I knew from experience meant he was trying to get his anger under control.

“My father was going to accuse you of embezzlement. You had opened an off shore account for me and had been putting money in it for years. It was a set up from the very beginning…a way to control you, I guess, when he needed to.”

Grant turned around and stared at me in disbelief. “That’s why you stayed?”

I nodded. “I couldn’t let him do that to you, and I also knew you wouldn’t let me if you knew the truth.”

Grant gathered me in his arms again. “You negotiated the letters too, didn’t you?” I just nodded into his chest. “You’re unbelievable.” His words were one of frustration, not adoration, so I knew he was still angry. “You know I didn’t want that.” He pulled me back to look at him, his face stern. “I would have rather died than leave you with him. There is nothing worse than the hell I went through that day…and every day since.”

I dropped my head, feeling defeated all over again. “It was the only choice I had, and I did what I thought was best. Why are you so angry at me?” I asked, my eyes pleading for some explanation.

“Are you serious? Why am I angry?” Grant’s voice rose another octave. “You didn’t trust me. You didn’t talk to me. You just gave up and let him win.”

“No I didn’t. I ran. I escaped again just like you told me to.” My voice was getting louder now too and I felt my temper start to surge. I had been around Grant less than ten minutes and already he had my emotions churning and every one of my senses alert.

“To someone else!” he yelled, gripping my arms again. “You escaped to someone else…not me.” Grant practically pushed me away and walked toward one of the mirrors. I watched as he gripped the ballet bar and leaned over to put his head on his hands.

I didn’t want him that far away. I never wanted him far away again, so I followed him and tentatively ran my fingers up and down his back. “I knew you would be the first place he looked, and I couldn’t risk putting you and Jake in the line of fire like that.” My voice was calm, and I hoped he would see my reasons.

Grant let out a heavy sigh and I couldn’t help but smile. I knew a long speech was coming next and then he would forgive me. “I saw him kiss you, Iss
y. I’ve been following him for days. After all this time searching, I can’t believe I found you just to lose you all over again.” His voice trailed off, but there was no missing the desperation in it.

I stepped away from him, finally realizing what had been going on in his head all this time. He thought I had moved on. I pulled on his arm, forcing him to stand up and look at me. “Grant, I gave Rusty that moment because I cared about him. He is a good friend, and I never would have survived without him. But let me make this clear so there is no confusion.” I put my hands on his face so he wouldn’t look away. “There is no one, and I mean no one, on this earth that I love more than you. I’m barely the type of girl that falls in love once. Surely you know, it would never happen twice. You’re it for me. There’s no acceptable substitute. Now
kiss me, already. I haven’t seen you in two mon--!”

Grant’s lips were on me before I had a chance to finish
, and my body was rushed with a fire so intense I thought I would perish right there. He pulled back and chuckled, his lips still touching mine. “You love me, huh?” he teased. I didn’t answer, just pulled him back to me and showed him how much.

I wanted to kiss Grant forever, wanted to stay wrapped up in his arms for a lifetime, but I knew Rusty was still outside. In the past it wouldn’t have matter
ed that I hurt him, but today it did.

“I need to talk to Rusty,” I explained as I pulled away. Grant watched as I grabbed my hoodie and pulled it back over me.

“I’m going with you,” he stated, following me. “No more secrets, no more running. It’s you and me, Issy.” I could tell he expected a battle, as his posture was tense when he approached me.

Instead I just smiled at him and offered my hand. “Ok.”

He took it and pulled me back to him, examining my face and my eyes. “Avery told me what you did.”

“I found your bible, and saw the verse you marked for me. That’s when I knew, so thank you. I wouldn’t have made it these last two months if I hadn’t had God’s strength. Even when I doubted, I felt Him with me. And you,” I admitted, absorbing the beauty of his caramel eyes.

He shook his head and chuckled, his face a mixture of shock and elation. “Will you ever stop amazing me?” he asked.

“I hope not.”

After another long kissing session, we finally made it to the front door, where I saw Rusty leaning against his truck. He looked up when we opened the door and immediately glanced at our hands which were now intertwined and would probably stay that way forever if Grant had his say.

Grant stepped forward first and offered his hand to Rusty. He hesitated at first, but finally shook Grant’s hand. “Thank you for taking care of her,” Grant said before they released from the handshake.

Rusty put his hands deep in his pockets and kicked the ground a little. Finally he looked up at me and smiled, his dimples just faintly visible. “I’d do it again.”

It was a statement of no regrets, even though I knew deep down he was hurting. Rusty was strong, though, the strongest person I’d ever known, and I knew he would be fine.

After two hours of introductions and long goodbyes, Grant and I were finally alone and sitting in the suite he had rented just outside of Western. I looked around at the grand and expensive décor and raised my eyebrow.

“This doesn’t look like something you can afford on an assistant’s salary,” I noted. “I guess things worked out with Mark Stonewall after all?”

Grant was at the bar, pouring us each a coke and jerked his head toward me. “How did you know?”

I shrugged and pulled my feet up on couch. “I Googled you. Call it a moment of weakness.”

Grant handed me my drink and kissed me on the nose before settling next to me on the couch. “Well, thank goodness for your weakness, because that was the first real lead I’d had in a month.”

“Speaking of that. How did you find me?” I asked.

“It wasn’t easy, Issy. I have been searching for you since you disappeared. Non stop. First, I started monitoring Google for any searches on you, me, Jake, Robbie or your father. There were several hits, and with each one we started monitoring the owner. I’d check purchases, email, facebook, etc.  Nothing was really panning out until a twitter feed went out that there had been an Isadora Summers siting at a concert near Western.  I checked all the computers that we had been monitoring, and sure enough Rusty had purchased Tenth Avenue North tickets online. I put a trail on him a few days ago, trading off with a private investigator I had working for me.”

“Wow,” I stated in disbelief, staring up at him. “I guess I knew it was possible, but it still amazes me what can be done with computers.”

Grant
set down his glass and turned me to face him before grabbing my hands. “The world didn’t stop while you were hiding. A lot has happened since you disappeared.”

I took a deep breath. Up to this point, I hadn’t asked, because part of me didn’t want to know if my father had indeed followed through with his threats to ruin everyone I cared about. “
I realize that. What has he done?”

Grant squeezed my hand a little tighter, and then his eyes penetrated mine. “Before I tell you, I want you to understand that nothing that has happened is your fault. You hear me?” I nodded, but could already feel the tears in my eyes. There would be only one reason why Grant was being so careful. Something happened to Jake.

“After your father and Robbie’s goon dragged me out of your room, they gave me something that knocked me out. I woke up in my car outside my apartment complex. Every item from my office was stuffed in a box in the back of my car. It took me another thirty minutes before my head was clear enough to drive. I went straight back to the lake house, but couldn’t get past all the security. I was losing my mind at that point and knew I needed someone who could help me get to you. I tried to call Jake about a million times, but that guy never answers his phone.”

I couldn’t help but laugh because I knew it was so true. “You have to text him.”

Grant just glared at me in jest and then continued. “Thanks. Good to know. Anyway, I finally gave up and just drove up there. He was less than happy to see me, especially since he had company, but he kicked her out the minute I told him you were in trouble, and I needed his help. I told him all about the contract and the threats your father had made. I could tell he didn’t believe me, especially since he said you hadn’t mentioned any of it to him, and he knew that I had been driving you crazy.”

I laughed again and Grant pushed my leg. “Stop, this is important,” he scolded.

“I’m sorry, really. It’s just hard for me to picture you and Jake together…having a conversation. You’re so different.”

“Tell me about it. Well, I finally convinced him to call you so I could talk to you without your bodyguards around.” Up to that point, Grant had kept the conversation light, but then it shifted, his eyes getting dark and serious. “By the way, if you ever block my phone number again, Issy, I swear I will shatter your phone into a million pieces. I’m not letting you push me away anymore.” Grant looked at me, and I knew he was serious. The last two months had been hard on him, and despite his love for me, I could sense he still was angry with me for what I put him through.

“I’m sorry about that.”

He nodded and then patted my leg, taking a deep breath before continuing. “Jake told me you didn’t want me and that it was time I stop thinking you ever would. Believe it or not, Jake and I kind of bonded in that moment, even though it was one of the lowest points of my life.”

“I’m so sorry, Grant. Please know that I only said those things in order to protect both of you.”

Grant took my hand and squeezed it. “You have to understand. You’d been all over the map with me, and while I clung to that one afternoon, it made more sense what Jake was telling me. You said it yourself; I was in love with a fairytale. So…I believed him. The days to follow, I became someone I’m not at all proud of.”

I felt nausea hit my stomach and looked away from him. I had no right to be jealous. I had set him free. His hand was instantly on my chin as he brought my face back to look at him.

“Nothing like that, Issy. I don’t use women in that way; I never have. But I was bitter and angry. I fell into the Issy numbing cycle and drank myself into a stupor. I’ve loved you as long as I can remember, and I’ve always held to the idea that we would have a future together. When I lost that, everything just went gray. Luckily Jake let me stay with him. That guy really is at his best when he has someone to take care of.”