Read Shades of Atlantis Online
Authors: Carol Oates
Amanda’s head tilted to the side. What do you mean almost positive?
I told you, I was very fuzzy at the end, but I don’t think I was dreaming. I took another bite of toast.
That’s great! she exclaimed. Isn’t it? She chewed the inside of her cheek waiting for a reply.
Of course it’s great, I squealed, sounding overexcited. I coughed and sipped the juice. Amanda was scrutinizing my expression, waiting for more information.
There isn’t any girlfriend in New York, I told her, guessing what she was thinking. It was his mother, I added dryly.
His mother! Amanda spluttered, laughing. She put her hand over her mouth and then giggled. Well done, Ellen Knox, for getting it completely wrong. When she stopped laughing, she gestured to the tray. Are you done?
Yes, thanks. I handed over the tray, and she went back to the desk, setting it on the side.
So what happens now?
I pursed my lips and brushed crumbs from myself. I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to talk to him again when I’m not drugged up. I mean, isn’t it too soon? Is it possible?
You’ll get your chance to find out soon enough, Amanda said, peering down into the yard. And, Triona, nothing is ever impossible if you want it enough. The doorbell chimed. That’s him. She grinned mischievously.
I’ll just take this tray and go keep Ben company for a while.
You don’t have to do that, I said guiltily. Poor Amanda seemed to be forever getting paired off with Ben lately for one reason or another, and she was always a good sport about it. I had to put up with the teenage boy stink that constantly emanated from his bedroom, but she shouldn’t have to. But butterflies were already gathering in my stomach, so I decided not to argue too hard.
It’s okay, she assured me. I don’t mind. She froze for a moment, staring at me nervously. Unless you think Ben would mind?
Of course he wouldn’t. I chuckled. He’s always looking for new victims to beat on his PlayStation.
She sighed, mollified. I’ll talk to you later. My heart was already racing. Amanda supported the tray underneath with one hand, and opened the door with the other. Caleb was standing there, his hand raised to knock. He pushed the door in and held it for Amanda, smiling politely.
Hi again, Amanda greeted him brightly.
Caleb, this is my friend Amanda, I called from my bed, wishing again that I wasn’t laid up like this.
Caleb Wallace. He offered his hand to shake hers. Good manners, I noted, and friendly. Really, what was there for Carmel and Lewis not to like? Caleb turned to me and Amanda made an O shape with her mouth, like she was saying wow behind his back, managing to recover quickly enough to smile serenely when he looked to her again.
I’ll talk to you later, she said with a wide grin. I’m sure Caleb can help you with anything you need in the meantime. She winked teasingly.
Caleb closed the door and moved quickly to the side of my bed. As usual my breathing staggered. Adrenaline and excitement coursed hot blood through my veins. I was about to ask if last night really happened but was silenced when Caleb leaned over and kissed me. Straight away his delicious, clean, new-rain scent made my head reel. His kiss was soft and tender, but I could feel the underlying restrained passion, and when he pulled away I was utterly breathless.
So I’m not delusional? I gasped.
He smiled, not moving his face more than a few inches from mine.
That depends on what you’re referring to. His hot breath on my face made my skin tingle. I frowned, not understanding his comment. Caleb brushed the hair from my face and kissed me again, as if conveying his feelings through his lips.
I gasped again. So you did say you love me? His eyes tightened in amusement. Yes.
And the woman in New York is your mother? I exhaled slowly, trying to control my breathing.
Yes.
You don’t have a secret girlfriend stashed away?
No, he chuckled.
You really do want to be with me?
More than you can imagine, he whispered before kissing me again. This time I reacted and allowed the waves of pleasure to wash over me, twisting my fingers through his hair and holding him to me. My heart was pounding wildly, and when he tried to pull away, my head lifted from the pillow as I clung to him. I felt Caleb laughing silently against my lips, and finally, reluctantly, I loosened my grip and released him. Caleb sat carefully on the side of my bed so as not to disturb my leg and took my hand.
No teddy bear today? Caleb eyes flickered to my school sweatshirt.
His lips curled into a smile.
I winced. Last night I had been feeling the effects of the pills and didn’t care if he saw my childish pajamas, but now it made my cheeks flush.
How are you today? he continued. His tone was caring, and his expression was relaxed, making him even more attractive, if that was possible.
I reached up to his face and stroked his skin from the side of his forehead, down the length of his cheek, to his jaw. It was so soft and smooth, as if there had never been a pore or a blemish on it, closely shaved as always but now, touching him, it was as if no hair grew there at all . When I didn’t answer his last question, his expression became more concerned, and he took my hand from his face and held it along with my other hand. There was a conflict in his eyes, and I somehow knew he wanted me to touch him, but didn’t think I should. It was strange; he didn’t react like that when we kissed, only now when I examined him more carefully.
I’m much better, I informed him with faked breeziness, attempting to keep the conversation from straying into a more serious direction. This was real his feelings for me were real and I deserved a little time to bask in the glow of his affection after all the misery I’d been through since we met.
Good. He smiled. I’m sorry about everything. His jaw clenched with sincerity.
I do have questions —
Caleb suddenly looked apprehensive.
But not today. I’m a little muddled, I confessed. I need to get my thoughts in order.
He sighed. I’ll answer as honestly as I can. I feel a little muddled myself when I’m around you.
You do? I asked, surprised.
Caleb released one of his hands and twisted a lock of my hair around his finger. Yes, very much so. I’m afraid I haven’t been behaving like myself at all lately.
How did this happen, Caleb? I loved how his eyes glistened when I spoke his name. How did we end up like this? From the first night it was like —
We belong together, he finished.
My heart pounded so hard I thought it might burst. I wasn’t sure if it could contain all the emotions I was feeling.
Yes, I murmured.
Caleb’s lips twitched into a slight smile. Because we are, apparently — I don’t know how else to explain it. We are two halves of a whole. I’ve seen it before, but I’ve never felt anything like it. The only time I don’t feel like my heart’s being ripped out is when I’m near you. I smiled, deliriously happy that for whatever reason, this amazingly beautiful man who could charm any woman with his deep, silky-smooth voice and who made my head spin was meant for me, and even more unbelievably, I was meant for him. He still didn’t seem real; this couldn’t be real, and yet it felt right. I reached up and pulled him down to me again, and he didn’t resist.
We talked into the late afternoon. The conversation was innocuous and light-hearted, about movies we liked, and activities. He again asked about my favorite color, insisting that every person had at least one, and he told me that his was green. But I kept insisting I didn’t and never had. Caleb had a fascination with books and with history, something he’d gotten from his father, he told me with pride. His father worked in universities all over the world in the fields of history and genealogy. His mother worked with troubled teens and children. I could see clearly from the way he spoke about his parents that he loved and looked up to them a great deal.
He asked more about my plans for the future. I admitted shyly, almost embarrassed, that I hadn’t planned for the future after traveling. I was sort of hoping my future would reveal itself when it was ready. He listened intently to every word.
How do your aunt and uncle feel about you leaving? he asked.
I wrinkled my nose. They’re not very happy. Caleb was still sitting on my bed beside me, holding my hand and every now and then touching my face as if he was checking I was real. They wouldn’t be happy even if I was just leaving town, never mind the country.
And college?
It’s not like I never intend to go, or that I don’t like school. I just — I looked away from him to our hands. His skin almost gleamed; his nails were smooth with no ridges, like glass. I hadn’t noticed that before.
Yes? Caleb prompted, reminding me I was mid-sentence.
Oh. I laughed. I was so easily distracted by everything about him.
I frowned, considering how to phrase my answer. I guess I don’t know what I’m meant to be — My words faded. Where did you go? I asked, suddenly curious.
I — er — He stumbled over his words like he couldn’t remember. It couldn’t have been long since he left college. I studied in Europe, he finally got out.
Where?
A few countries. My family moved a lot. I noticed how the vein on the side of his neck throbbed so that I could see the blood pumping through it.
Oh, I mumbled. Evasive much?
I have something for you. He beamed an exquisite smile, making me catch my breath, even though I didn’t miss how he’d changed the subject.
Caleb let go of my hand and reached down to the jacket he had thrown on the floor earlier. He pulled something small and red from the pocket, slim and rectangular, wrapped in shiny metallic wrapping paper. I flushed deep red. Please don’t let this be a Christmas present. Caleb held it out to me.
Open, he ordered.
I winced. I hadn’t even known he was coming back, let alone getting me a gift. I didn’t get him anything.
Open it, he repeated.
What is it? My voice sounded suspicious, and I studied the small, perfectly wrapped red package like it was an explosive device. I took it hesitantly and turned it over in my hands.
Open it and see, Caleb said brightly.
I turned it again. It was too flat to contain anything much, the wrong shape for a DVD or CD too narrow to be a book.
It won’t bite, Caleb assured me.
I frowned skeptically and unwrapped the red paper. Inside it was a dark envelope. I lifted the flap and inside was a ticket voucher. It took a while for it to sink in, but I eventually realized that I was staring at a plane ticket.
A first-class ticket to London.
What’s this? I asked, waving the envelope in my hand.
A plane ticket. Caleb stated the obvious in a voice that made my heart jump.
A little wave of panic rolled over me. Was this his way of getting rid of me? Of making sure I went? There I was foolishly thinking we were just starting something, and Caleb was already planning to end it.
I can’t accept this. I pushed the envelope back into his hand, as tears pricked at my eyes. What the hell was wrong with me where he was concerned? Every emotion was ten times stronger.
Why? He looked at the envelope as if he was examining it for something offensive he hadn’t noticed before.
It’s much too expensive, for a start. I paused to gather myself when my voice broke. Secondly, I can get my own ticket. One tear escaped, and I rubbed it away with the palm of my hand quickly. You don’t need to bribe me to leave Camden.
Are you crying? Caleb exclaimed, horrified by the tears that were beginning to overflow faster than I could wipe them away. I looked away, but Caleb cupped his hand gently under my chin to turn my face. I resisted, and he didn’t force me.
Triona, look at me, he ordered, sounding frustrated. I refused to give in to him, crossing my arms over my chest stubbornly. Look at me, he demanded firmly.
This time I turned and looked straight into his eyes. My stomach knotted. Caleb laid the ticket envelope over his knee and brushed the tears away from my grimacing face.
Why are you crying? he asked with a concerned expression on his face.
You’re trying to get rid of me, I complained blackly.
He laughed. Rid of you! I thought I was prone to overreaction, but you — He didn’t finish. He took my hand with some resistance from me and placed the envelope in it. Look again, he instructed.
I grimaced, taking the envelope from Caleb, and pulled out the ticket, not sure what to look for. Caleb moved the first ticket to reveal it wasn’t one ticket at all; it was two. He had a mocking smile on his face.
You are delusional if you think I’m letting you go without me.
Oh, I sniffled, feeling stupid. Then it hit me, rocking me to my core.
You’re coming with me? I stammered. To London?
I can’t be without you. Caleb kissed my wet, tear-streaked face. I need to be where you are. If you’re going to London, I’m going too. The tears were coming thick and fast. It was like they had been building up behind my eyelids this whole time, since the day we met. They stung my eyes and poured down my cheeks, accompanied by aching sobs emanating from my chest. Caleb took me into his arms and held me tightly.