Shades of Atlantis (20 page)

In fact, he continued deliberately, I sensed he is as concerned about her safety as we are, for his own reasons.

It must have just been me, maybe I banged my head on the ice that day, because ever since then I didn’t seem to be able to follow what anyone was talking about.

Good, I sighed, exasperated, I’m glad we’ve got that sorted. My tone was obliviously sardonic.

Neither of them even acknowledged I’d said anything. Carmel’s eyes widened.

I still don’t want him around, Lewis. I don’t want him anywhere near her.

Triona, go on up to your room, Lewis instructed, keeping his tone and expression firm and even. I’ll be up shortly to speak to you about your punishment.

I’m not a I started contentiously, but he cut me off.

Please, Triona, just do what I’ve asked.

Now it was me who was on the verge of losing it. They had been weird around me for days they’d drugged me, for Pete’s sake. I was the central topic of conversation, but I was being sent to my room like a child.

No, I answered back, holding my head high only to be stared down by Lewis’s steely expression. No, I went on in a slightly more respectful tone. You’re discussing me, and I’m eighteen now. I have a right to be here. Carmel huffed. When you start acting like an adult, we will treat you like one.

The irritation inside me was building, and I rubbed both hands along my thighs roughly. I understood that I was still a few months from finishing school and they had a right to worry, seeing as they were, after all, my guardians. I took a deep breath, because I wanted what I was about to say to come out as assured and confident as possible, but one breath wasn’t enough to calm my thundering heart, so I took a second.

I’m sorry you have a problem with Caleb, I said carefully. It would mean a lot to me if you just gave him a chance. He’s going to be around for a long time, at least as long as I am.

Lewis pursed his lips for a few seconds, measuring my expression, which I kept perfectly calm, apart from my flushed cheeks.

What exactly does that mean? he asked curiously.

I could see Carmel had already worked it out. I lifted my hand to the table and laid it flat, casual. My heart was still beating rapidly and my stomach slowly filled with acid, burning and bubbling inside me. They both knew my nervous habit, and I didn’t want to appear nervous now by rubbing my hand on my knee. I wanted to look like I knew what I was doing.

She means he intends to follow her to London, Carmel clarified for him.

Lewis exhaled hard.

Not following, I corrected her. Accompanying. We’re going together. Carmel’s face reddened, and her mouth fell open a little before she could cover it with her hand. I preferred her when she was crying and fussing.

I took another deep breath. I love Caleb. My voice choked a little.

Saying the words out loud to someone other than Caleb was terrifying; somehow it made it seem more real. There was never any reason to discuss my love life with them before. And he loves me, I added shakily.

Carmel took her hand away to say something, but Lewis placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently to prevent her. She looked down, her lips forming a straight line, like she was trying to hold the words in.

Triona, please, he asked politely, a request this time.

I sighed deeply and pushed my chair back, deliberately making too much noise, and shoved it back to the table, not meeting either of their stares before I went to my room.

I threw my bag onto my bed and went over to my desk, where I opened the laptop beside the vase of happy roses and pressed the power button too hard. The roses didn’t make me feel happy, but they did work to calm my furious lungs and remind me that the ultimate reason I was in such a temper was because I’d just spent the whole night and a good portion of yesterday with Caleb. I had to admit to myself it was still worth it. There was a very light, halting rap on the door.

Yes? I called out brusquely. The door pushed in slowly.

Can I come in? Amanda requested timidly.

My head snapped up, and I spun around on my seat, surprise overtaking annoyance for a moment. Where did you spring from? 114

An alice band held back Amanda’s bobbed hair, exposing her full impish face, every inch of it blushing. She came in and closed the door easily so as not to make noise. I was over here hanging out with Ben this morning — eh — waiting for you to come back. She sat down on the end of my bed, pulling her feet up in front of her and hugging her knees to her chest.

We were in his room when the proverbial you-know-what hit the fan, and I’ve just been there ever since. I didn’t want to leave with Carmel and Lewis — you know. Her face scrunched up for a second and then relaxed.

Like that downstairs.

I winced with embarrassment, thinking of Amanda trapped in Ben’s room by my irrational family.

I’m so sorry, I said. Anyone would think I’d almost died on the ice or that Caleb was some sort of underworld criminal the way they were being so overbearing.

She shrugged.

What did Ben say? I raked my fingers through my hair, my temper abating, replaced by a low smoldering ache seeping into my chest.

Amanda tilted her head, so I knew she was considering her words before answering. I think he’s okay about Caleb now, she said, wrinkling her nose. I mean, his main problem was that he thought Caleb was messing with you. Now that everything’s sorted between you, he doesn’t have a problem anymore.

I sighed. That was something, at least. I wanted Ben to like Caleb. I wanted all my friends to like him. He would be spending time with them too over the next few months. The smoldering inside me heated when I thought of Caleb, and I knew his absence caused this ache. I wanted to phone him and hear his deep voice on the other end of the line, but I decided that would probably be rude with Amanda still here.

Jen’s really sorry, Amanda said, adjusting the band in her hair. She said she just didn’t get to the phone on time. I hadn’t thought of that. Jen must be feeling guilty after all the times I’d covered for her, the first time she returned the favor, I got caught. Can you hand me my phone, please? It’s in my bag. She reached for my bag and slid it over to her lap, rummaging for a moment before she pulled the phone out, and then handed it to me.

I’m gonna text her and let her know I’m not annoyed, I explained, taking the phone from Amanda. When I opened the phone and the backlight came on, I saw there was a message. The text was from Caleb: three X’s. I smiled to myself, allowing the last of the lingering irritation to evaporate from my system.

Is that him?

I nodded silently, continuing to move my thumbs over the keys. Amanda wouldn’t mind.

What happened last night? Amanda pressed impatiently when I didn’t launch into a blow by blow account after her last question.

I closed the phone and turned it over in my hands. Nothing, I said, shrugging. He took me to his house.

Jen already told me that, she blurted, eager to get to some information she didn’t already have.

We had dinner and talked, I said. That’s all.

Really? Her eyebrows pulled together, puckering the skin over her nose.

Nothing happened at all? She seemed a little unwilling to ask the question she really wanted an answer to, but her curiosity was getting the better of her.

I took a deep breath and held it, puffing out my cheeks for a moment, and then blew out. Well, we kissed, but it was mostly just talking.

Oh, she murmured, planting her feet back down onto the floor. And so, how do you feel about him now?

I love him, I answered without hesitation. It was getting easier.

She smiled. And him?

I smiled dreamily, pushing from my mind the fact Carmel and Lewis were downstairs discussing my fate. I can’t explain it, Amanda. I shook my head slowly in disbelief. I don’t know how I lived for eighteen years without him. It’s like — I struggled to find the words to describe how I felt about Caleb.

Destiny, she volunteered in a muted voice, leaning her head on the forearm that she had draped across the frame at the end of my bed.

Not destiny, I said, grimacing. I still don’t know if I can stretch to believing in that.

Why not? Amanda’s expression became confused, and she shifted again, pulling her legs up so she sat on them.

Destiny implies there is no choice, I said slowly, thinking it through.

I’d hate to think my whole life is planned out and every move I make is already decided, that I can’t change anything. What would be the point in making choices at all?

Amanda laughed. I don’t think about it that way at all.

What, you believe in destiny? I chuckled dubiously.

She looked insulted. Why not?

I said nothing, just chuckled again.

I think, she said happily, that destiny is just where you end up, but it’s the getting there that’s the important part. That’s where you make choices, and that determines how soon and what way you reach your destiny. I began to turn my phone over in my hands again; although Amanda’s pondering intrigued me, I was itching to speak to Caleb. Amanda moved again; she seemed really restless today. She threw her legs over the side of the bed again and sat on her hands, her face animated and excited as she explained.

Okay, think about your life like a map. She pulled out her hands so she could illustrate by pointing her two index fingers into midair about two feet apart. This is where you start off, when you’re born, she moved one finger as if pressing an invisible button, and this is where you end up. She pressed the other finger into thin air.

She didn’t say die, because she knew I was sensitive to the word after my parents death. Amanda being Amanda, bless her, restricted the word’s use meticulously.

This in between is your life. She frantically waved her hands about in the space between where her hands had been.

I stifled a giggle at her demonstration.

All the roads on the map bring us to different places along the way depending on which paths you choose, she said, pointing her finger as though she were tracing a road. There’s a reason for every person you met on the way. Different people have different beginning and ending points on the map, and we cross paths with them sometimes. You just have to wait until you get to the right junction to get together, even if you’ve been heading in the same general direction all along. She continued to move her hands gradually bring them closer together until her fingers met. This is the junction where you and Caleb were both ready, you just had to make the right turn. She smiled, contented, and dropped her hands to her lap.

Wow! That’s deep, I said, giving her a wide-eyed grin.

I have my moments, she replied smugly.

My phone beeped, making me jump. I flipped the lid open, thinking, hoping it might be Caleb again.

It’s Jen, I mumbled, disappointed. She said sorry, call me when you can, and if Amanda is there, I’ve been trying to get her. Tell her to call me.

Oh, I left my phone in Ben’s room.

There was a knock at the door, and Amanda stood quickly.

Yes? I called.

Lewis opened the door and walked in.

I’ll talk to you later, Amanda whispered. Passing Lewis, she murmured,

Hi.

I’m sorry, Amanda, Lewis said. I didn’t know you were still here.

I was just leaving. She smiled serenely at him. Happy New Year, by the way, she wished us both from the door.

Happy New Year, I replied dryly. How happy really hung on what Lewis had to say. The phone in my hand felt as if it weighed about ten pounds, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Lewis when my eyes flickered to it at least three times before he even took a seat at the end of my bed. I was desperate to hear Caleb’s voice.

Do you mind? He nodded in the direction of my only lifeline to Caleb at the moment, noting my suddenly tensed shoulders and taking it rightly as reluctance. Just for a few minutes, please. He was much calmer than I’d seen him in days.

I hesitantly placed the phone on my desk, positioning it so it was at the very edge nearest to me, and reminded myself it was just a phone. I knew I was the one being irrational now.

Lewis exhaled loudly, and his brow creased. Triona, I know it’s hard for you to understand right now, but I want you to know that Carmel and I, well, we only want what’s best for you.

I took a deep breath and held it. He was going to keep saying I couldn’t see Caleb. It would make things awkward, but I wouldn’t couldn’t stay away from him.

He went on. Someday you will understand.

I blew out the air; holding my breath wasn’t going to make me hold my tongue. Why does everyone keep saying that? I blurted in frustration. Am I so intellectually inept that no one believes I can understand anything now? Lewis’s body stiffened, and he sat poker straight on the edge of my bed.

Of course not, he assured me. Who else has been saying that to you?

Who do you think? I muttered flatly, glancing unintentionally at my phone.

For some reason he didn’t look surprised. Right. He clicked his tongue, thinking something over. Okay, the rules.