Shades of Desire (24 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

W
HEN
N
ATALIE
WOKE
and was strong enough to actually stay awake, she immediately sensed Mac beside her. She couldn’t see him. She couldn’t see anything at all. Not even shadows. But she could hear him breathing. She could smell his wonderful scent. And those two things gave her the strength to speak even though part of her wanted to curl up and hide from the horror of what had happened.

She remembered everything. Melissa being run over. Morrison chasing her. Him taunting her and kicking her.

“It’s okay, Natalie. I’m here.” He took her hand.

She nodded. “I know.” She wanted to tell him how much that meant to her. How glad she was to be alive. But she didn’t know if she had that right yet. “Melissa?”

“She’s doing well. She’s in stable condition. She’s asked about you, too, and I promised you’d see her as soon as you were well enough.”

Her relief was instantaneous.

Mac raised her hand to his lips. Kissed her fingers. “I’m so sorry. So sorry, baby.”

“Sorry for what?”

“For everything. How I pushed you away. How I reacted when you told me Lindsay was pregnant. For Melissa. For not being here for you.”

“Shh. I forgive you for the first two, if you forgive me for the things I said, too. The others aren’t your fault.”

She sensed he didn’t believe her, but she wasn’t surprised. That was Mac, her stubborn good-hearted cop, wanting to take the weight of the world on his shoulders. “What happened to the reverend?”

“He’s dead.”

She remembered slashing out at him with something. “Did I—”

“No. You fought back, but I shot him.”

Despite everything, part of her was glad she hadn’t killed him. The other part of her wished Mac hadn’t needed to do so either. “And—and his wife? He said he’d given Lindsay’s baby to her.” To his barren, troublemaking, devil of a wife, more precisely. The man’s hatred for his spouse had been palpable. And even though Lindsay’s baby had also been Morrison’s Natalie couldn’t bring herself to think of the baby that way. He’d been Lindsay’s baby boy, and Morrison had stolen him from her just as much as his wife had.

“She’s in jail. She put up quite a fight. Right or wrong, there’s no doubt that she loves the baby. I think some part of her truly thinks she’s his mother. He’s in foster care right now, but Lindsay’s family is making arrangements to see him.”

“That’s good.” She yawned—her eyelids were getting heavier. She was so tired, but she remembered there was something she’d tried to tell him. “Mac, you were right about me being reckless. I understand that now. I wanted to be normal so badly. To prove I was the same person despite losing my vision.”

“You are the same person. You’re a
better
person.”

She smiled. “I love you for saying that, but let’s not get carried away.”

“Do you?”

“What?”

“Do you love me? Can you?”

Her first instinct was to resist answering the blunt question. The last time they’d talked, before they’d made love, he’d made it clear that a relationship was the last thing he wanted. But she wasn’t going to lie to him. She felt how she felt. Whatever that meant, she wasn’t hiding from it anymore.

“I love you.”

He laid his face against hers. “I love you, too, Natalie.”

His response didn’t surprise her. Neither did his kiss or the moisture she felt against her face. “Well, of course you do. Why wouldn’t you? I’m pretty awesome.”

She laughed, but he didn’t. He just kissed her again. “That you are.”

They didn’t speak for several minutes. She was content to simply be with him and had even started to fall asleep when he spoke.

“Your eyes… They’re still swollen shut, but even once they heal, the doctor isn’t sure that you’ll have any vision left. Not after what he did.”

She nodded, not surprised. “It doesn’t matter.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because you’re here and I see you, Mac. I see all of you. That’s all that matters.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

F
ULLY
DRESSED
,
Mac and Natalie lay on their sides in her big bed. He stared at her, into her beautiful eyes still framed by bruises, evidence of the pain and fear Carter Morrison had put both of them through. Natalie didn’t try to hide or turn away. Instead, she let him look. At the same time she caressed his face, using her hands to see everything he was and more.

“Tell me,” he whispered. He planted a kiss at one corner of her mouth and then the other, savoring the pillowy softness. She moaned, a deep, needy vibration drawn from the very depths of her, urging him to sprinkle kisses down her slender throat before burying his face in the tender crook of her neck. He inhaled her fragrance, letting it wash over him.

God, he ached. In his skin. In his bones. In every organ of his body, a hollow, painful throbbing that would only be soothed by burying himself in her sweet depths. It had been weeks since he’d had her. Weeks that her body and soul had needed to heal. But in those weeks he’d stayed with her. Learned her. Loved her.

Now he couldn’t imagine his life without her.

It still scared him. Made him wonder what he’d do if he ever lost her. But then her hands caressed his hair, then his face again, their touch whisper-soft. She stared blankly but with unerring accuracy into his eyes and gave him the words he needed.

“I love you.”

* * *

N
ATALIE
’
S
SENSES
were extra sharp. As soon as the words left her mouth, Mac’s body tensed. A deep growl rushed from his throat. She braced herself but was still unprepared when his mouth urgently rocked over hers. His tongue didn’t ask for entry, it simply took it, breaching her lips with a hard thrust before parrying with her own. Her insides swirled at the warmth and promise he was offering. She opened her mouth, nipping his lower lip with her teeth.

He groaned and she stopped. “I’m sorry—”

“Don’t be. Ever.” His hands frantically grasped her face and tilted it back. She opened her mouth wider and sank her fingers into his hair. He moaned, seeming overcome by her kisses. A thrill traveled through her. Clinging to his shirt, she dragged her mouth across his jaw.

He pulled back slightly. “You make me lose control.” He stroked her hair with a shaky hand. “But this is our first time since… I can be gentle. I can be slow.”

She shook her head. She didn’t want him to be gentle. Didn’t want him to remember that horrible night and the way she’d almost left him. She’d fought against the darkness to be with him, and she’d won. She wasn’t fragile. Right now, she felt more powerful than she ever had. And she wanted all of him. “I don’t want—”

“Shh. I won’t hurt you.” He brought his lips back to hers, gossamer soft. “I can’t.” This time, she took his gentleness for what it was. What he obviously needed to show her. It was like a new beginning. He’d hurt her in the past but wanted her to know she could trust him. She felt his passion in her bones. He licked at her mouth, teasing her with an erotic dance of give-and-take until she was on the verge of screaming. Was he taking care with her, she thought wildly, or deliberately teasing her into a frenzy? He delved deeper with his tongue and she pulled at his shoulders and moaned.

He laughed, a dark, delighted sound, before nipping at her chin. “I can’t believe I found you,” he said.

The intensity of his words threaded through her like a lifeline. She touched his lips with her fingertips, and her body clenched and dampened. She felt ready to explode, but not yet. She wanted to make this last. To slow things down a little, she tried teasing him. “I’m not too crazy for you?”

In response, he moved over her, between her legs, his erection firm against her core. “Am I too crazy for you?”

An ache she’d never felt filled her. “You’re just the right amount of crazy for me.” The frustrating barrier of clothing made her insides twist. The longer they stayed like this, the more she doubted she’d ever actually feel her naked body against his. Taste the salt on his skin. Feel him inside her. And she wanted that. It had been too long since she’d held him inside her.

He ratcheted up her impatience when he latched on to one nipple through her clothing. The hot, firm pressure of his mouth had her biting her lip to stifle her cries of pleasure. Her lids drooped as the heat gathered at her core, in her nipples, where he’d exchanged one peak for the other, and at the base of her neck—in every erogenous zone in her body. She wasn’t good enough to fake control.

He unbuttoned her shirt, kissing each bare spot he revealed along the way. “Are you sure about this?”

She nodded, dizzy with her need to have him. Even as she soaked in the pleasure, even as she hugged him tighter and stroked his back and shoulders, she felt an incredible sense of peace. Of rightness. This was all she’d ever wanted. It was more.

“Tell me what you’re feeling. Are you scared?”

Swallowing, she stroked his jaw. “A little,” she finally confessed.

“Talk to me. Tell me why you’re scared.”

“I—I’m afraid this is just another dream. I’m afraid to reach out and take what I want. When I have in the past, it’s always come back to hurt me. And you don’t know how lonely I’ve been—” Despite her resolve to enjoy this moment, her voice broke. “I’m scared something terrible will happen. What if I’m not strong enough? What if I end up breaking like my mother? What if you regret being with me?”

“Never,” he promised. “No matter what happens after this, we’ll have each other. I will never regret it. Your arms make me feel whole. Hell, your kiss makes me feel stronger than I’ve ever felt before.”

“You said you didn’t want another needy woman,” she murmured, only half teasing him.

He froze, kissed her jaw, then lowered his forehead to hers. “You’re the least needy woman I know.”

A smile tickled the corner of her mouth. “Not true. I need you. You fill a hole inside me I didn’t even know was there.”

“You don’t
need
me. But I’ll settle for you wanting me.”

“I do. I want you so much. I always will.” Suddenly she couldn’t stop herself anymore. She sought out his mouth and arched her hips to meet him. He groaned, a sound that filled her with delight. She obviously made him as desperate as he made her.

Cupping her breast, he plumped her flesh, then slipped his finger inside the lace to nuzzle her nipple. She writhed under him, the weight of him like a warm blanket against her. Lifting her head, she sought his mouth again. He shook his head. “Uh-uh.”

She jolted. Uh-uh? What the hell— He moved his body down hers, trailing kisses over her arched neck. Over her bra. Over her nipple.

She moaned, pulling at his clothes and fumbling with his buttons. Before she could undo two of them, he’d released the front clasp of her bra and peeled the cups back. His big hands covered her completely, stroking downward to the top of her pants before moving back up to her breasts again. He repeated the soft, long strokes as if he was caressing something miraculous.

“You are so gorgeous.” He picked up her hand and brought it to the hard bulge inside his pants. “I’ll die if you don’t touch me, Natalie.”

They both gasped when she curled her fingers around him. Gently, she stroked him, relishing the way he groaned and arched into her touch. In that moment, she believed him. Felt that with every touch she made him stronger. With her other hand, she tried to undo the rest of his shirt buttons. She fumbled for several moments but finally it was done. “Help me take this off.”

She let her hands wander over his chest. He wanted her. He needed her. His body shook with need for her. For a second, regret filled her. She wanted more. She wanted to see all of him. To bare him to her in the same way she was baring her heart and soul to him. But her regret flickered out as her impatience took over.

She unbuttoned his pants and slid the zipper down. “Greedy,” he rasped, then hissed when she slipped her hand inside.

She swallowed at the warm weight of him, but then smiled. “Very greedy. I’ve been waiting over a month for this.”

“I wanted you when I first saw your picture, Natalie. It scared the shit out of me. But I’m not scared anymore.”

Joy coursed through her even though she knew it was a lie. They both knew it. Outside this room, there was plenty to be scared of. His job. Her disability. It made them more vulnerable to the forces in the world, but they were also more powerful because they had each other. Here and now, they could shut the door and relish that power.

“I’m not scared either.”

In seconds, she was naked, but he still had his pants on. So much for power. She didn’t care. Mac took her hands and pinned them to the bed next to her head. She felt drugged, but in a good way. Free to enjoy this pleasure. “Oh, my God. You’re gorgeous all over, but this—” Holding her wrists with one hand, he raked his other hand softly through the dark triangle of hair between her legs. “This is paradise.”

Heat flushed her cheeks and traveled downward, staining her pale skin. She strained against his hold, wiggling back and forth so even her breasts jiggled. She knew instantly his eyes were on her. Like a bee drawn to honey, his mouth lowered, kissing the tight nipple before licking it and sucking it into the warmth of his mouth.

Natalie hissed, every nerve in her body tingling. “Oh, God, Mac.”

He raised his head and blew on her wet nipple. She arched up, wanting him to take her other bare breast. “Please. Oh, please.”

He cupped the breast he’d just kissed, rolling the nipple between his thumb and forefinger while he brought his mouth to her other breast. His free hand trailed down her side, pulling her leg up and around his waist while his hips ground into her.

“Maybe you should try this without clothes,” she said coyly. If he didn’t take his pants off, she was going to rip them off of him.

“Patience, baby.” He released her nipple with a lingering swipe of his tongue and then trailed kisses up her neck to her ear. He flicked her lobe with his tongue before biting down gently. Then he dropped his hand back to “paradise.” “You’re incredible. I want to taste all of you.”

She couldn’t think of anything she wanted more than Mac’s face pressed into the damp warmth between her legs. She slowly relaxed her thighs, pulling a groan of anticipation from him. He lowered his mouth back to hers as he inserted his hand between them, letting his palm skim her belly, her hip, her thigh. Finally, his fingers searched through her sensitive folds until he found her clit. He kissed his way down her body, slowly, torturously licking and kissing her breasts, then her belly, her hip. He blew on her tender flesh, making her squirm. “I’m very gentle when exploring holy territory,” he murmured. With excruciating patience, he pushed her thighs apart and settled between them. “Gentle, but extremely thorough.” His fingers separated her as he licked up her cleft with a firm, gentle stroke before swirling around her clit. She arched against him, letting him delve deeper.

She grasped his hair tighter, pushing against him, but he wouldn’t be rushed. He licked and kissed, alternating between soft and hard until she was mewling with frustration. Then he worked a finger inside her. Her hips bucked, his fingers and tongue dragging against her swollen nerves. He pushed her further and further until she lost control. Her body shook, a tremor building within her until it burst into an explosion.

Helpless to move, she could do nothing but catch her breath. Then she suddenly realized he’d been doing all the work. She wanted to push him back and caress him from head to toe, appreciating every hard muscle and plane of flesh along the way. She rose up and reached out, but he shook his head.

“Later,” he said, taking her hands and once more pinning them to her sides.

“But I want—”

With one thrust, he was inside her. No hesitation. No fumbling. Just a smooth, deep connection that robbed her of breath and brought tears to her eyes.

Finally. Finally he was hers again.

His chest heaved, his eyes closed. “I’m sorry, baby. I wanted to make you come some more. I wanted to make you come so hard. But I don’t think I can wait.”

She arched again, a silent message of wanting. Of invitation. And that’s all it took.

With a hoarse shout, he let go. Began pumping into her in a hard driving rhythm. Incredibly, she felt herself hurtling toward orgasm once more.

Determined to take him with her, she wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled herself up toward him. His hips jerked. Quickened. She felt him expand inside her and squeezed her inner muscles tight, hugging him to her, bringing them as close together as possible. His moan started low in his throat, growing until it burst out with a low cry.

He grabbed her hips, arching her into him, heightening her pleasure until with one more powerful thrust, they came together. And as they did, they each pulled back their heads, and she let him see her for all she was.

A woman. A normal woman who happened to be blind.

A normal woman who was his.

* * *

M
AC
DIDN
’
T
MOVE
. He couldn’t. He was blown away by the tremors still coursing through his body, almost as if he was caught in an unstoppable orgasm. He arched into her, moaning as the pleasure peaked again. This had never happened before. He was still hard. She squeezed him with her thighs as if she would never let him go. His eyes rolled to the back of his head.

He kept pumping. Slow and steady. Her mouth opened on a silent moan, and he caressed her face. He didn’t want this time to end. He could tell by her expression, by her touch, neither did she.

He stared into her eyes until his vision blurred. His muscles tightened. His body shook. But he held on, not wanting to go over the edge by himself. Now that he’d felt her come against him, he wanted to savor the sensation again and again.

He went slow, so she had no choice but to feel everything. The smooth tickle of his hair against her thighs and stomach. The subtle texture of his facial stubble against her wet folds. And his dick. Filling her up, hitting that one precious spot inside her that made her moan louder.