Shades of Desire (22 page)

Still, he should have handled the situation better. He knew she had issues about her blindness. That she didn’t want to be thought of as “less than” because of it. He should have been more patient with her. More understanding. Instead, he’d driven her away when he didn’t want to drive her away at all.

There, he’d admitted it to himself.

As much as he’d been denying a future with her, he couldn’t imagine one without her, and he didn’t even want to.

He could also admit that perhaps it was
him
who was a bit too obsessed with her blindness. That while she shouldn’t be taking all the risks that she did, some of the risks she took were worth it. After all, she’d actually discovered a vital piece of information about Lindsay, something he’d only just discovered himself.

Yes, she was needy. Or rather, she had needs. Needs that he could try to fulfill but might not be able to. But did he really want to turn away from her without even trying? He didn’t, and that’s what made her different than Nancy.

He hadn’t wanted to try with Nancy. Not really.

He wanted to try with Natalie.

The question was whether she’d even want him to.

“Clemmons—”

Mac’s head snapped up when the male voice erupted from the television and the DVD that was still playing.

The person taking the video had turned the camera around so his face was reflected on the screen. It was Alex Hanes. “—is a great father. He has twin boys of his own. He says your little boy will grow up with them. In the church’s family. They’ll be his brothers and you won’t have to worry about him. Brothers take care of each other. Brothers have a special bond… .”

Shit. There it was. Everything they needed, right on tape. Morrison. Hanes. Clemmons. They’d known about Lindsay’s baby. That meant Morrison and Clemmons probably knew where the baby was now. Pushing away his regret about Natalie, he called Jase.

“She was pregnant, Jase.”

“Mac—”

“She had a baby. A little boy. The reverend’s.”

“Mac, I know.”

“What?” First Natalie, and now Jase? “How do you know?”

“Because Alex Hanes’s brother, Arthur Clemmons, and his wife contacted me a few minutes ago. He’s told us everything. How the reverend got her pregnant. How his wife pretended she was pregnant so she could pass Lindsay’s child off as her own. How Lindsay died.”

“Did they kill the baby, too?” Once again he imagined having to look for a small burial site in the nearby woods. He wasn’t sure he could stomach it right now.

“No. The baby’s fine. Well, as fine as it can be, given it’s with a crazy woman.”

Automatically he though of Natalie’s mother. “What crazy woman?”

“Shannon Morrison. The reverend’s wife. She’s passing the baby off as her own just like they’d planned. It wasn’t in the plan to kill Lindsay, but that’s what happened, and Clemmons cut the baby from her body himself. To save it, he says.”

Fetal abduction. He’d dealt with it before. One woman had even used a set of car keys to steal another woman’s child. “Where is Mrs. Morrison?”

“She should be at home. What do you want me to do?”

Mac was two hours away from Sacramento. It would take that long to get a warrant. “Get the paperwork started. Call a judge and let him know it’s coming. Let’s get a warrant and get that baby away from her. What about the reverend?”

“Clemmons called him. He isn’t answering. Have you talked to Natalie?”

Hearing her name so suddenly threw him. “She just called me.”

“So she’s okay?”

“What’s wrong, Jase?”

“Morrison wanted Clemmons to kill Natalie. He thinks she’s an eyewitness and can tag Morrison with Lindsay at the farmers’ market.”

“Why does he think that?”

“You said to shake him up. I implied we had an eyewitness when I talked to him. I never mentioned Natalie’s name but—”

“Shit,” Mac whispered. “Call Liz at Plainville PD Have them get a car to her house immediately. I’m on my way there. Once you have the warrant, arrest Shannon Morrison. And put out an APB for the reverend.”

“I fucked up, Mac.”

Mac heard the anguish in Jase’s voice and thought,
So did I.
“No, you didn’t. We shake them up. Sometimes we show our hand. We let them know we’re on to them. Then they make stupid mistakes. You couldn’t have known… . But that doesn’t matter now. What matters now is making sure Natalie’s safe.”

That’s
all
that mattered.

CHAPTER THIRTY

L
YING
ON
HER
living-room sofa, Natalie hugged her knees to her chest and rested her head against them. Tremors racked her body as she tried to ignore the ringing of her phone and the knocks on her front door.

It was so unfair. She didn’t want to be alone. She wanted to reach out to someone. Wanted to talk to someone about how confused she was—by the passion she and Mac had shared, and by her own desperate needs to alternately pull him closer and drive him away from her. But she had no one to talk to. She’d tried to talk to Mac, and he’d pushed her away. The only other person she might have confided in had betrayed her.

Melissa, the woman who even now was knocking on her door.

“Natalie, I know you’re there. Please let me in so we can talk.”

The other woman’s voice was filled with urgency and guilt. Instinctively, Natalie wanted to forgive and comfort her, but something held her back. An icy shell surrounded her, numbing her pain, luring her with the promise of control and autonomy.

“Natalie, enough is enough. It’s raining out here. Let me in!”

Her friend’s words sliced through her cool resolve.
She
had had enough? Angrily, Natalie surged to her feet and moved to the door. When she bumped against it, she slapped the wood with her palm. “Leave. Leave and tell the police more of my secrets, Melissa. I’m sure you got a big laugh telling Mac all about them.”

“He thought I might be involved with someone who wanted to hurt you. I was scared. And he said the more he knew about you, the more it would help keep you safe.”

“So he what? Forced you to talk?” she practically sneered.

Melissa was silent for several beats before she softly said, “No, no. He didn’t. I’m sorry.”

Natalie curled the palm resting against the door into a fist and steeled herself against the despair in Melissa’s voice. “That’s not good enough. Not anymore.”

“I—I didn’t tell him everything. I just wanted him to know what was important.”

“You told him enough. You told him about Duncan.”

“He said ex-boyfriends were often the first suspects that had to be eliminated. I was just thinking about your safety.”

“Just like when you left me standing out on the curb, right? Do me a favor. Leave the concern for my safety to the only person who really cares. Myself.”

“You’re being ridiculous—”

“You need to worry about your own life, Melissa. Your own problems. In case you don’t know it, you’ve got plenty.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means your boyfriend is a lazy mooch and you’re nothing but an average photographer, so if you hope to continue supporting him, you need to look into a career change. Fast.”

The words weren’t out of her mouth before she regretted them. Her stomach actually rolled with nausea as she imagined her friend’s hurt expression. What was happening to her? Her own mother had struck out at others out of pain, and she was doing the same thing.

“Melissa—”

“Well, looks like I’ve been the blind one. I’ll just leave you to continue hiding here, away from everyone, so you don’t have to risk anyone else disappointing you. So long, Natalie.”

She remained frozen. Willed herself to remain that way. But she couldn’t stand it. “Melissa, wait,” she called. She fumbled with the locks and had just pulled the door open when she heard the screech of tires.

Someone screamed, the sound high-pitched and filled with fear.

There was a sickening thud before the scream cut off.

More squealing tires.

She stumbled outside, only to slip on the wet pavement. “Melissa? Melissa!”

But there was no answer. Until she heard the sound of opening doors and running feet. “Natalie? What— Oh, no! Edward! Edward, call the police.”

“Is she okay? Melissa—” She crawled forward, thinking only of getting to her friend.

Someone crouched next to her and caught her arm. “Natalie, wait. Don’t go in the street.”

“Who are you?”

“Maureen. I live next door, remember? My husband is checking on your friend now.”

Natalie gripped Maureen’s shirt. “What happened? I heard tires screeching. An accident—”

Maureen clasped Natalie’s hands in hers, her grip firm but comforting. “Some guy barreled around the corner. Headed straight for her. He didn’t stop, just kept going.”

Automatically, Natalie turned her hands until her fingers were interlocked with Maureen’s. “Is she okay? Tell me!”

“I don’t know. He hit her hard. She looks bad. I’m sorry.”

* * *

M
AC
DROVE
TOWARD
Plainville with his siren blaring and his foot jammed down on the accelerator. He kept calling Natalie, but she wasn’t answering.

She’s okay, he told himself. She was just pissed off at him. Ignoring his calls. Why wouldn’t she be? She’d tried to help him, and he’d lashed out at her. Hurt her just like her mother. Duncan Oliver. Melissa.

God knows, he hadn’t meant to hurt her.

His cell phone rang. “Natalie?”

“It’s Liz.”

“Liz. Where is she?”

“On the way to the hospital.”

Horror squeezed the air out of his lungs. A hospital? So Morrison had gotten to her. She was hurt. Maybe even dead. “Morrison—”

“No. She’s okay, but Melissa isn’t. We just answered a call of a hit-and-run outside her house. It was raining. I’m betting the driver mistook Melissa for Natalie. I’m at the scene now—”

“Why the hell aren’t you with Natalie?”

“She left in the ambulance with Melissa before I got here.”

“Send an officer to the hospital. Make sure she’s kept under guard.”

“I’ve already made that request. But we’ve had a bad night. All our officers are out on active calls.”

“Damn it, I don’t care. Get in touch with the on-call officer.”

“He’s already out. I’ll head over there right now. I’m only about fifteen minutes away. I’ll wait with her while Melissa’s being treated.”

Fifteen minutes. Too long. “Is Melissa going to be okay?”

“I don’t know. From what the neighbors say, she was hurt pretty bad.”

Mac slammed the steering wheel with his palm. “Get to her, Liz. Please. Keep her safe for me.”

“I’ll try. I promise.”

* * *

A
S
SHE
SAT
IN
THE
E.R. waiting room of Plainville General Hospital, Natalie tried to call forth the numbness that had always brought her comfort in the past.

It didn’t come.

She felt every slice of pain. Every tremor of hurt. Her heart pounded erratically against her chest, seeming both hollow and heavy.

She grieved for her loss. For her inability to protect herself. For her inability to forget. But at the same time, she knew why numbing herself was no longer an option.

This was where hiding had gotten her. Where it had gotten Melissa.

She couldn’t hide anymore.

“You’re going to be okay, Melissa,” she whispered, not caring who heard her or that Melissa wasn’t even there. “You’re going to be okay and I’m going to help Mac find the person who did this to you.”

She
would
help him, whether he wanted her help or not.

She didn’t care if he thought she was crazy or if she angered him further. Her friend had been hurt because of her, and she was going to get her justice. No matter what it took.

The longer she sat there, the more determined she became. Her grief and pain faded, and she welcomed their transformation into anger. She barely noticed the antiseptic smells and bustling sounds that had haunted her nightmares in the past. She was filled with resolve.

It must be a small fraction of what allowed Mac to do his job so well. The knowledge that the closer he got to finding clues, the closer he got to avenging someone important. Not necessarily important to him personally, the way Melissa was important to her, but that was the most amazing part. That he didn’t even have to
know
the people he was helping to dedicate his life to them.

Maybe you should call him. Return his calls.
But she’d left her cell phone at the house. Besides, she knew what would happen if she called Mac. He’d want to tuck her away. Keep her safe. From someone who, like Alex Hanes, allowed holy words to justify committing unholy acts.

Whoever had hit Melissa had meant to hurt her. It had been dark and rainy, so it would have been easy to mistake them for one another. Which meant it was her fault. If only she’d opened the door instead of pushing Melissa away… .

Mac had accused her of letting her pride get in the way of common sense, and perhaps she’d reacted badly because on some level he’d spoken the truth. But common sense had never really been a big part of her life even when she’d had full sight. Playing it safe had never been her style. If anything, she’d lost her nerve only when she’d lost her vision. It was back now, carrying her away on a whirlwind of emotion that she surrendered to completely. The horror of Melissa’s scream still echoed in her ears, urging her on. Giving her purpose.

She stood but then froze, realizing that she didn’t even have her cane with her.

Her laugh was filled with both bitterness and defeat.

Just what did she think she was going to do?

Take a cab to Sacramento, knock on the church door, and what?

The reality of her helplessness showered down on her.

It was at that moment that she finally got it.

This was what Mac had been trying to tell her. It didn’t matter that she was blind. Even if she was fully sighted, it would be foolish for her to confront a man who could run down an innocent woman in cold blood.

She’d spent so much of her life thumbing her nose at destiny and death that in some ways she’d begun to think of herself as superhuman. Blind or not, she was just a human being. One who wasn’t trained to bring down criminals the way Mac was.

He was right; she’d had no business interfering with his investigation.

Leave things to the professionals.

That’s really all she could do.

But perhaps…

Perhaps she could still do something for her friend. Something that might be just as important.

“Excuse me,” she said. She was seated next to the check-in window, where she’d given the nurse information about Melissa.

“Yes?”

“Does the hospital have a chapel?”

“It’s across the street at the old hospital building. There’s nothing but medical offices there now. They’re all closed, but the chapel should be open.”

“Do you think there’s someone who can take me there?”

“It might take a few minutes but I’ll find someone.”

Twenty minutes later, a nurse led Natalie across the street to the chapel. The moment she entered, the room filled her with a sense of peace she hadn’t experienced in a long time. The air was cool. The quiet stillness like a comforting embrace. There was still no color, but she could envision candles flickering and stained glass pictures hanging on the wall.

She heard hushed voices as several people entered the chapel behind them. A baby babbled loudly, and a woman shushed it in Spanish. She felt several bodies brush past her.

“I’ll go check on your friend and be back in a bit?” the nurse asked.

“Thank you. That would be great,” Natalie replied. The woman left. Natalie felt her way to a pew and sat down. Somewhere to her left, voices whispered. The baby laughed, and the exuberant sound made her smile. Folding her hands on the back of the pew in front of her, Natalie lowered her head.

Please,
she prayed.
Please let Melissa be all right. Please keep Mac safe, too.

Almost immediately she realized the inherent conflict in her prayer. Mac had a job to do, and it was a dangerous one. To stop a killer, he had to be willing to place himself at risk. She knew she couldn’t change that about him. He was a cop every bit as much as she was a photographer. He wouldn’t be complete otherwise.

Yet because she cared for him, she wanted him safe, too. She wanted to be his safe haven when his work was done and when he could simply be the man rather than the cop.

It was what he wanted for her, as well. That’s why he’d gotten so angry, so
scared
, when she’d talked about infiltrating the church. He knew she wasn’t trained for that kind of thing. In the end, whether she was sighted or not was irrelevant.

You see me. You see me better than most,
he’d said.

And she did.

But the same was true for him.

He’d seen
her
. How scared and angry and lonely she’d been. How she’d feared being like her mother, lost to mental illness as well as darkness. Yet he’d seen her strength and her beauty, too.

Giving her the chance to do the same.

Whether she lost the rest of her vision or not, whether she and Mac worked things out between them or not,
she
was going to be okay.

She wasn’t her mother. Yes, she’d let her escalating blindness mess with her head, but she hadn’t
lost
her head. She’d made mistakes but hadn’t become a victim to the point that she’d hurt others. She never would.

Natalie could no longer hear the baby or its family. She squinted but saw no trace of them. She’d been so preoccupied she hadn’t noticed when they left or if anyone else had come in.

The nurse had said she’d be back, but Natalie didn’t want to wait. Mac had been calling her and even though she didn’t have her cell phone, there had to be a public phone around here somewhere. She wanted to let him know about Melissa. Tell him she was okay. And that she finally understood what he’d been trying to tell her.

She stood. “Hello?” she called. “Is anyone here?”

“I’m here, miss,” a soft male voice answered. “Do you need anything?”

She turned toward the voice. “I need to use a phone. Have you seen one?”

“I believe there’s one a few halls down.”

“Can you help me get there? I’m blind.”

Funny how she didn’t even hesitate to say the words.

She heard nothing but breathing as the man considered her request. He probably felt awkward, uncertain how to react to a blind person asking him for help. Impatient, she almost told him to forget it, but then…