Shades of Gray (16 page)

“Can I help you, Master Conner?”

About to correct him, he bit down on his tongue. The guard didn’t recognize him!

“Stand aside, man. I have business outside,” he ordered.

“I can’t do that, sir. It’s a wild night out there. You’d do better waiting till morning.”

“My business is the King’s. It can’t wait,” he snapped, trying to thrust him aside.

“I understand, sir,” the guard replied, placing a large hand in the center of his chest and effectively holding him still. “If you’d wait a moment, the King himself is coming to speak to you.”

Conner snarled, and reaching out mentally, he began gathering energy from the very stones that covered the floor. “You lie!”

“Sir, there’s no need to do that,” exclaimed the guard, snatching his hand back as if burned and backing off a few paces.

A hand touched his arm, instantly draining him, sending him staggering weakly into the guard.

“Master Conner, you’re right, he is lying,” said a gentle male voice from behind him as his arm was grasped firmly, steadying him. “There’s no need for you to leave Stronghold. You’ve been time slipping, Master Conner, to Llew’s life, not your own.”

“Llew?” he asked querulously. “There is no Llew. He’s dead. I am the Merlin.”

“Indeed you are,” said the voice soothingly as he was gently turned to face the youth.

Peering at him, a thought struck him. “Why do you and the guard wear your furs indoors?” he asked, suddenly confused.

“We’ve just returned from the forest,” the youth said promptly. “She sent me to bring you to her. My name is Teusi. Surely you can’t have forgotten me?”

“Teusi,” he said, rolling the name off his tongue, testing it for familiarity. “Yes, yes. I remember you.” Some darkened corner of his mind did, indeed, remember the name. “She sent you to fetch me?”

“That’s right. Noni’s waiting for you.”

Another familiar name. She was the older healer and Guardian here at the Brotherhood. Teusi was her apprentice.

Teusi tugged gently on his arm. “You’re cold. There’s a hot drink waiting for you upstairs.”

He heard the noise of chanting off to his left, but it was an unearthly sound, made by no Human throats or voices. It was strangely comforting despite that. Slowly, his confusion was beginning to recede.

“It’s only the acolytes and priests at their prayers,” said Teusi. “You’re safe at Stronghold, Master Conner.”

“Stronghold.” He blinked owlishly, looking around him, this time seeing not the castle of Llew’s sister and her Royal husband but the Brotherhood fortress on Shola.

His knees buckled suddenly as a gust of wind came shrieking under the front door, and he realized how close he’d come to disaster, but Teusi’s steadying arm was still there to support him.

“It’s all right, Master Conner, you weren’t really in any danger. Chaddo called us as soon as he saw you. He realized you weren’t yourself. Let’s get back upstairs for that hot drink, shall we?”

“Please,” he said gratefully, allowing the young male to help him. “I apologize for waking you like this.”

“You didn’t wake us, Master Conner. I assure you it was someone quite different who did that.”

Conner glanced at Teusi as they climbed the stairs, but the youth obviously intended to say no more.

 

“You can come through here, Conner,” Noni called out as they entered the outer room of her suite. “I’m not dragging myself out of bed for you!”

Teusi led Conner in then took his leave, closing the door quietly behind him.

“Propriety?” said Noni, raising her eye ridge questioningly at him as she read his thoughts. “Propriety is what I decide it is, Conner.” She patted the empty side of the bed. “Sit. Have your hot drink and pass me mine. Who’s to see you visit the Healer in the dead of night, eh? And if they did, so what?”

Reluctantly, Conner approached the bed where Noni, wrapped in a shawl, sat propped up, lowering himself onto the side of it.

“The drinks,” she reminded him. “You should enjoy it, it’s a variation of one of your Human nighttime drinks.”

She accepted the mug he handed her, waiting until he’d tasted his before taking a sip herself.

“Chocolate,” he said, surprised.

“Nice, isn’t it? Added some of my herbs to it—gives it a little spice,” she said, still watching him carefully. “That will warm you up. Now, why don’t you tell me what caused Kuushoi to wake this Llew’s memories and have you trying to escape from Stronghold?”

His mouth widened in a slow grin. “Is there anything that happens here you’re not aware of?”

Noni hesitated, discarding the flippant answer that had instantly come to mind. “Plenty,” she said. “But Ghyakulla, your Earth Goddess Gaia, told me to help you. Kuushoi’s not the same as most of the Goddesses—Entities really—she likes to play with people every now and then. Her reaction to you was—unexpected, that’s all I know. She’s the Goddess of Winter.”

Conner shivered, his face taking on a closed look.

“Talk to me about it,” said Noni quietly, putting her hand over his, instantly picking up his fear of Her returning to him, but not why. “Tell me what happened to make Llew’s memories overwhelm you so. Why was it so important?”

“We teach,” said Conner, letting Noni peel one of his hands away from his mug to hold in her furred ones. “And advise, as we always have. It wasn’t so much that Llew was important, more what the Goddess wanted him to do for her, who he was to teach.” He looked sideways at her. “I can’t understand why it was Kuushoi—I serve Gaia, the Earth Goddess, not her.”

“It may be past the first day of Spring, Conner, but a glance through the window will remind you, Winter still rules here in the mountains. There’s no love lost between the sisters, at least on Kuushoi’s side, though in the end, she has to do Ghyakulla’s bidding. She’s the Earth Goddess here. What makes you—or Llew—so determined to leave Stronghold in the middle of this storm?”

Conner drained his mug before answering. “Toward the end of his life, Llew had a vision of the future—our future—that so terrified him that he lost his mind for many months. He was still mourning the passing of the High King of Britain—the lad he’d been given to raise as his own—and the fact that the Goddess refused to let him go with him to Avalon. That, combined with his vision, was too much for him to cope with.”

“He tried to kill himself?”

“No.” Conner smiled faintly. “It’s not that simple. The High King was mortally wounded in his final battle and was taken by boat to the Goddess’ isle while he still lived. He refused to let Llew accompany him. Legend has it that to this day he sleeps under a hill, awaiting his country’s hour of greatest need.”

“I can understand his anger at being left behind,” Noni said. “But the vision, what did he see?”

He shook his head, leaning past her to put the empty mug on her nightstand. “I was told to pass that on only to Kusac.”

“Then it concerns those reptilian Valtegans,” she said. “You were muttering about sky ships down in the hallway.”

“All I can tell you is that Kuushoi took me into Llew’s vision, as if I were actually living through it,” he said, his eyes taking on a distant look.

The hand resting in hers began to tremble slightly as he remembered. Then he began to shudder violently, withdrawing his hand from hers as she moved to put the mug aside.

“I’m sorry,” he began.

“Hush!” she said, with a trace of her normal acerbity. “What you going to do? Sit and worry yourself to death alone in your room? Get that blanket on the chair, “she ordered him. “Wrap it to around yourself and come back here beside me. You’re chilled to the bone!”

He did as she bade him then stood holding the blanket. “I’ve disturbed you enough,” he said. “I can go back to my own room ...”

“Don’t make me lose patience with you, Conner,” she interrupted. “I know well enough you don’t want to be alone in case She returns! Now, get back here beside me!”

Conner sat down again, putting the blanket across his lap and legs. “I’m not that cold,” he murmured.

“Tell me about this Llew and why you were trying to leave Stronghold.”

“The vision that Llew had, the very same one I experienced, terrified him to the point that he almost lost his mind, as I said. He turned his back on all Human company, leaving his sister’s castle for the wild woods, where he lived as a hermit. His memories of that time are obviously somewhat sketchy.”

“I expect they are,” Noni murmured, watching his eyes beginning to droop a little. Her herbs were beginning to work. “So how did he come to be back in the castle?”

“It was his twin sister Ganieda’s home,” he said. “Though she knew he needed periods of solitude in the wild, she was determined to find him and bring him back to the castle that winter. The countryside was once again a series of small kingdoms fighting for supremacy, and her husband, King of Strathclyde, valued her brother’s counsel. Their soldiers found him, disheveled and unkempt, and dragged him back to the palace ...”

His voice had become quieter, taking on a strange, almost lyrical quality, like that of a storyteller. His accent changed, and he switched to what she assumed was Llew’s native Welsh. She realized she was listening more to his mind than to the actual words.

 

“See, your room is as you left it, Brother. No one has entered since you left,” his sister said as a servant scurried around lighting the candles.

“Fire’s lit,” he said, narrowing his eyes as he noticed the girl wrinkle her nose in disgust when she passed him.

“I kept the fire going. No one else has been allowed in here till now. I had to keep the room dry because of your books.”

He sniffed, not willing to acknowledge she’d done well. He was still angry with her for dragging him here, but so far, anger hadn’t gotten him anywhere with her or the guards.

There was a knock at the door. “Where do you want the bath placed, Mistress?” asked a young male voice—one of the pages, doubtless.

“In front of the fire,” Ganieda replied, going over to the chest at the end of his bed and opening it. “We eat in two hours, Merlin. Time enough for you to bathe and dress. Look, here is the robe I made for you last winter.” Turning, she held it up for him to inspect.

He ignored her and the pages busily placing the wooden tub by the fireside.

“Winter’s here. You know we had the first snowfall today. You wouldn’t have survived till Spring,” she said quietly, laying the robe on his bed and searching in the chest for linen undergarments. “They said they found you living in a cave with a wolf pack. I don’t know how you managed to survive.”

“Wolves don’t betray their own kind. They kept me warm, brought me food,” he muttered. “I’m not wearing that robe. You can put it away. What do you think I am? Some kind of idiot to be paraded for your husband and those parasites he calls his nobles? Look at it! Covered in gibberish symbols! It’s only fit for a Court fool!”

“The symbols impress the Court, Brother, you know that. You liked it well enough when I was embroidering it.”

“I hated it from the first. Never wore it, did I? You want me in the hall,” he said, drawing his rags around himself and standing straighter, “then you can have me as I am. And you can forget the bath!”

“Wear it for me, Merlin,” she said, closing the chest and coming over to him as a procession of servants entered warily carrying buckets of steaming water. “And you will bathe. If you refuse, I will bring my ladies to help me bathe you myself.”

This time he looked at her, catching the steely glint in her eyes. She was his equal, no doubt of that.

“Leave me one maid to wash me, then,” he said, changing his tactics.

“I’ll stay, Mistress,” said a pert female voice from behind him. “I’m not afraid of Master Merlin.”

“Nimue’s here,” Ganieda said. “Wouldn’t you rather she attended you than Briony?”

“That useless slut? Keep her away from me!” he snarled. “Doubtless she’s been making free of her virtues with any man in the town while I’ve been away.”

“Don’t speak of her like that!” his twin said sharply. “She’s not like that, and you know it! She’s remained here, cloistered in her rooms with her studies the whole time. She was inconsolable when you left!”

“Begone, girl! I won’t have you arguing with me!” he said, beginning to peel off his rags. “If I’m to bathe and make ready for the meal in two hours, I need to start now. A fool decked out to amuse fools—it should be entertaining.”

“Merlin . . .”

He could hear the appeal in her voice and that she was close to tears, but it meant nothing to him.

“Go! Get you to the side of that upstart you wed and tell him the fool will appear in the hall as requested.”

With a stifled sob, his sister left, slamming the door behind her.

“You shouldn’t speak to the mistress like that,” said Briony when they were alone. “She’s been worried sick about you. And the Lady Nimue too.”

He rounded on her. “Lessons in manners from a trollop?” he thundered, staring at the comely serving girl. “Just who do you think you are?”

She stared back at him, arms akimbo on her ample hips. “Not afraid of you, for one, you bad-tempered old bugger! You ain’t exactly impressive standing there in next to nothing, stinking like you’ve been living in the kennels with the hounds, you know.”

For almost a minute he stared at her, completely taken aback by her attitude; then he began to chuckle, his humor restored for the first time that day.

“I don’t suppose I do, girl.”

“It’s Briony,” she said, advancing toward him. “Now, let’s be having the rest of those rags off you.”

 

No place below the salt with the common folk was he allowed. No, his brother-in-law was insisting he sit at the high table for all to see, he discovered, when, grumbling and swearing, he’d been fetched for the evening meal.