Shades of Sydney (Sydney West #1) (22 page)

A realization washed over me. What if I was wrong all along? What if all my beliefs of love and life were walls to keep me locked away from feeling? If I didn’t admit to at least myself how I felt about Jason, how was he ever going to know? And if I never told him he’d move on and I’d only be some girl he knew one summer. I was tired of being that girl a guy slept with but never brought home during the holidays.

“Jason, I—I love you too.” I kissed him vigorously. It was going to leave a bruise.

I felt safe in his embrace. When he pulled away, he caressed my face. He knew how difficult it was for me to admit that. There was no need for words.

“So you think this long distance thing will work?” I asked, breaking the tension.

“It could if we let it. We can see each other again during the holidays. That is, if you’re free.”

“Yes, I’m free.”

“Good.” He kissed my cheek. “Until then, I must go or I’ll never leave you.”

I smiled. “Good-bye.”

Hunter tore away from Amelia and nodded a good-bye to me. I watched them drive away as I held a grieving Amelia in my arms.

We got into my Charger and hit the highway homebound. The radio played, but no one listened. We were both lost in our own worlds.

All I wanted was a summer I’d never forget. My thoughts were of wild parties and getting shitfaced. Never in a million years did I think it would involve finding love. Jason had broken my heart free and was making his move on stealing it from my chest. I wasn’t sure what the future held, but I had to have hope. If I had no hope, then we were already doomed. The holidays were months away. Would we last that long? Why worry? If it was meant to be, it would be.

The desert lay before us, every mile closer to home but further from Jason. My heart ached. Was it from newfound love or leaving it behind? Probably both. Amelia cried and texted Hunter. I prayed I didn’t end up that lovesick. I could not rebuild myself if I broke completely.

In the end, my summer was one of the best. Love conquered parties and wild one-night stands. I found a boy—no, he found me—and he loved me for me. For the time being, I was going to enjoy the moment, the feeling. Love wasn’t such a horrible thing after all. We’d see how long it was going to last.

It was funny to think one of my summer boys wanted to be more, wanted to be my only boy. He fought for my heart in more ways than one. I showed my scars to him and he enveloped me in love. I still didn’t believe in soul mates, but I could believe there was someone out there who’d love you for being yourself. If I opened up and let Jason inside, maybe I could have a real relationship with someone.

That was a first of mine Jason could claim and he’d own it proudly. My heart was vulnerable at the moment and for the first time, I didn’t care.

***Sneak Peek***

Breaking Down Sydney

A Sydney West Novel, Book 2

By Brittney Coon

Chapter One

“I don’t know how much longer I’m going to live, Sydney!” Amelia sobbed, clinging to me as if I were a life raft in the middle of the hallway. She acted like she was lying on her deathbed.

A sigh escaped my lips. “You’re going to be fine. How about you go down to the corner store and buy some junk food?” She hugged me closer, trying to press me into her body. “People are staring at us.” I held Amelia by the shoulders, trying to calm her down. “Get some candy and ice cream. I’ll finish unloading the truck, then we’ll watch movies and get fat, okay?”

Ever since we left California, she’d melted away into a puddle like a chocolate bar left in the hot sun. Her emotions were out of sorts, and all she could do was cry. The summer spent with her hunky surfer Hunter did something to her. He was more than a summer love. He was the guy who captured her heart. Cupid poisoned her, and there was no cure. What she had was lovesickness, and she had it bad.

“Just go get some junk, then come back here and unwind. We don’t need to unpack today,” I said, staring into her puffy eyes.

She gave me the briefest of nods. “How can you be so strong, Syd? Aren’t you as torn up as I am about leaving your heart in California?”

That was still up for debate. Did the pieces left in my chest count as an entire heart? A wise person would say it was insane to fall in love during a season. No, you were overcome with the feeling of love, but you weren’t encased in it, though the Greeks and Romans would beg to differ.

I licked my lips, delaying my answer. “You can’t let a boy ruin your whole life, Amelia. If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

She wiped her tears away with a tissue. “There you go again. Living off those quotes you spew. Can you honestly live a life based on quotes you get from the internet?”

“Why not?” I grabbed one of her bags and nodded toward the doorway. “Let’s move everything inside.”

“Fine. I guess I can buy food to fill the hole left inside me,” she said, following me into the room with a suitcase in hand.

Amelia’s hazel eyes were darker due to all the tears. She took some money out of her piggy bank dressed up as a princess and went down to the store. We cleared the hallway, and I was on my own to bring up the rest of our stuff.

None of the boxes gave me trouble until the big one labeled
books
came along. I thought I had it, but it had me. I tripped over the curb and fell right on my tailbone. It was going to be bruised and ache for weeks now.

“Need help, Syd?” a familiar voice asked.

I looked up and found my study buddy, Oliver, smiling down at me. The boy was a sweetheart and, sadly, had a taste for men. It was a shame because I loved his strong jaw and high cheekbones. His hair was frosted and combed back like a model’s. There was always a spark in those brown eyes of his. When I first met him, I wished for his bronze-skinned hands to caress my porcelain breasts and to have his lips on my body. The entire fantasy fell apart when he introduced me to his boyfriend.

“I’d love some help,” I said, giving him a friendly grin.

He offered me a hand, and I accepted. I was pulled to my feet, and Oliver felt it was his duty to fix my hair. It was unsettling to have a male friend obsessed with my hair like a mother with her child. I took the time to brush off my jeans before lightly swatting away his hand.

“That’s enough grooming for one day, Mom.”

He laughed and ran a hand down his perfectly ironed shirt. “Sorry, didn’t mean to mess up your mane, Simba.”

I loved
The Lion King
reference. In the back of my mind, it reminded me of Jason, when I fell asleep on him while watching the film. Not to mention the sweet song request at The Organ Pizzeria.

To get the image out of my head, I kicked the box with the heel of my shoe. “Damn box.”

“I’ll take this since it was giving you trouble.” His lip curled up at his comment.

“I see that smile,” I said, balling my hand into a fist. The box was my enemy, and Oliver was taking its side.

“Wasn’t trying to hide it.” He winked at me. Oliver was hands down the class clown of his high school. No one needed a yearbook to know that fact.

I dragged a hand through my hair and went to get the next box. It was filled with movies. It was heavy, but I didn’t need to be Hercules to carry it.

By the time all the boxes were inside the dorm, Oliver’s boyfriend, Greg, appeared. He brought in the last box, filled with sheets and towels.

“Hey, I’ve missed you,” Oliver said, kissing Greg on the lips after he placed the box near the bookcase.

They ended their kiss, and Greg patted me on the back. “How was your summer? Meet any yummy guys?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Oddly enough, I enjoyed chatting about boys and fashion with them. They were almost experts.

Normally, I came back with a smart-ass answer. Something like “there were too many to count,” or “they all blurred together.” They both knew I was a bit of a slut when it came to summers in Malibu.

My lips parted, but no words came out. How could I explain my summer to them? How could I summarize Jason King? Say he was the only summer boy to make me question love’s existence? No, I could never explain that. I’d need hours and many drinks to get the words to string together.

Greg nudged Oliver’s shoulder. “Speechless. Can you believe it, Oliver? Our Sydney is speechless.”

A blush burned my cheeks. Oliver came and cupped my chin, studying my face. “My, she’s blushing. What happened in California,
ma chérie
?”

To escape his hold, I moved away, leaning my back against the peach wall. “It’s a long story,” I muttered, turning my head and using my hair as a curtain to hide behind.

“We have all the time in the world,” Oliver said, eyeing me head to toe, as if my secret were written on my skin.

I turned to look at Greg. His nose was a bit too long and sharp for my taste, and his tone of voice clearly indicated he wasn’t into girls. What I liked about him was his black hair. It was so thick and curly, at times I wanted to grab handfuls of it and kiss him just so I could feel his hair between my fingers.

I looked up at the small crack in the ceiling. “You two don’t want to know what happened to me. It’s full of heartache and fluff, and it would gag you.” I tried to act like it didn’t matter.

Greg waved off my words like I never spoke. “Please, you confuse us with those dick-headed guys who only want to get into your pants.”

Oliver nodded, standing next to Greg. “We are nothing like them, because we actually care. Now spill the beans, or you’re never leaving your dorm again.” They stood as a living wall, blocking the front door.

I moistened my lips. “Where to start? The beginning is too messy and has nothing to do with the moral of the story.” I searched the darkest corners of my memory and couldn’t find anything I could tell my friends.

What if what I told them changed how they saw me? I didn’t want to be seen as a lovesick fool like Amelia was.

Oliver’s eyes lit with excitement. “Start with what made you blush. Who were you thinking of?”

I felt myself blush again, and they smiled like devils.

They could know some of it. After all, my heart was still in my chest and not left in California. I knew this because it ached.

“Fine. I’ll tell you, but swear to me neither of you will breathe this to a soul.” I gave them my best glare, trying to look tough.

They both crossed their hearts. “To the grave,” Oliver said.

“All right. The summer started off normal. I partied and picked out which boy was to be my toy for the night. Amelia wasn’t into it.” I shrugged before continuing. “It wasn’t until we were surfing that it happened.”

“Wait,” Oliver blurted and grabbed my wrist. I was taken to the loveseat, and they sat on the couch across from me, leaning in. “Okay, go on.”

I gave them a long look before going back to the story. “Amelia had the idea to have these two guys teach us some surfing tricks. It worked. The guys were happy to teach us some moves.”

Greg giggled. “I bet.”

I glared at him. “No interrupting.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Where was I? Oh, yes. So, Amelia got a guy named Hunter to help her. He was tall, thin, and had sandy blond hair.”

They nodded anxiously, waiting for me to move on to myself.

“His friend was Jason. He was tall, but not as tall as Hunter, and had muscles that made you bite your lip. Looking into his eyes was like falling into silver storm clouds…” I looked down to my shoes, embarrassed to talk about Jason and what happened between us.

Greg fake-coughed, making me look up at them. They exchanged a knowing look, making my stomach twist itself into a knot.

“What happened?” Greg asked. They were both sitting on the edge of their seat, as if my tale were some kind of thrill.

I toyed with a strand of my hair. “He wasn’t that into me at first, but I won him over and had my way with him.”

They smiled wickedly. “You then did the old vanish-before-dawn routine on him, didn’t you?”

The strand of hair was wrapped tightly around my fingers, making them tingle. “Yes. I did, but you’d never believe what he did in return…”

Both their faces went blank, waiting for my answer like it was bread and they were starving.

My fingers pounded to their own heartbeat. I released my hair and said, “He wanted to win me back. He hounded me for a while, saying there was something about me.”

“I can’t take it anymore. What happened when summer ended?” Oliver said a bit too loudly.

A smile curled my lips. “We kissed, like a true couple kind of kiss. I may have fallen in love with him, but it was too late. By the time I thought I could have only one boy, it was time to come home, back to reality.”

Everything spilled out of me. The memories were too raw, and my tongue let them escape. I hugged myself, wishing Jason was around to warm the chill in my blood. I told them about how Jason charmed me, slowly winning my heart. Everything from stealing Scooby-Doo at the fair to whispering he loved me into the shell of my ear.

They both frowned. It stung to see melancholy faces in stereo. I stood and went over to the floor to ceiling window that overlooked the main street near campus. We were five stories up, so my view was pretty damn good.

“Syd, that was a one of a kind story, and I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you and this Jason person.” Oliver came to stand by my side and held my hand.

I squeezed his fingers. “Jason said we’d stay in touch and we’d see each other during the holidays, but I don’t know. I don’t believe relationships can survive distance, especially new ones.”

Oliver brought my hand to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss. “In time, you’ll meet the right guy. It takes time to meet your ‘Greg.’”

“Oh, you,” Greg said from across the room.

Every bit of my heart hurt. It began dull, but grew into a burning. Was it turning into stone, wanting to numb itself from the agony? Jason was so far away, and to see Greg and Oliver’s love up close and in the flesh made me miss Jason’s embrace more than I ever thought I would.

I placed my hand over my heart, half wanting to claw the damn thing out and be done with its pain. “I think I’m going to lie down and relax. I’ll get everything in order later. Amelia will be back soon with ice cream.”

“Are you sure? We can stay if you don’t want to be alone,” Oliver said, releasing my other hand.

My arms wrapped around my torso, and I dug my fingernails into my skin to make me think of anything else but Jason. “I appreciate it, but I don’t want to dampen your spirits. Go on and be happy.”

Oliver brought me into a hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and wished to heaven and back that he was Jason.

Greg gave me a hug too before they were both at the door.

“Don’t hesitate to call or text. We’re here if you need us,” Oliver said.

“Thanks. That means a lot to me.”

Before long, they were gone, it was as if they were only figments of my imagination. If I had any energy, or wanted to be pathetic, I could go to my window and watch them cross the street. They’d be super small, but I’d be able to tell it was them. After all, they were the only guys I knew who dressed to impress.

It was mind-numbing to sit on the couch. My temples pounded, threating to explode and paint the walls red.

Amelia came into the room with a few bags. “I’m back with a feast.” She held up the plastic bags for proof.

“I see. What kind of ice cream did you get?” I walked to the desk where she placed everything.

She took the cartons out of the bag. “Rocky road, and for you, cookie dough.”

“Yes! I love you!” I dug through a box for bowls and spoons.

“I know.” She gave me a small smile. It was a rare treat. “I also got some chocolate, Pop-Tarts, chips, and soda. We’re going to gain weight before the real stress begins!”