Shadow (Defenders MC Book 1) (8 page)

18

Lacey’s visit to the doctor went well.  Rider stood quiet and strong beside her as the doctor ran the ultrasound wand over her rounded belly.

“The baby looks healthy.  See the heart beating and this is the spine.”

The doctor pointed out various body parts and looked up.

“Do you want to know the sex?”

Lacey felt her heart drop.  She wanted to know, but it should be Shadow standing beside her instead of Rider, it was all wrong.  She looked up to find Rider watching her with sad eyes.  He spoke before Lacey could.

“No.  I think we should wait.”

Lacey felt tears in her eyes and a sob stuck in her throat.  Why couldn’t she give her heart to this man?

The doctor smiled and handed Rider a strip of pictures.

“You can get dressed now.  There are tissues there if you need to clean off the gel.”

Lacey nodded.  She felt horrible.  She couldn’t bring herself to look at Rider.  She knew she had just thrown all hope for a happy life away and she didn’t know if she could bear it.

They rode in silence all the way home and when they arrived Rider climbed on his big black bike and rode away.  Lacey just sat on the front steps and stared after him until the chill of the night made her shiver.  She didn’t see any of the prospects that were supposed to be guarding her and she figured that after today she may be on her own.

She pulled herself to her feet and reached to open her front door only to find it open a crack.  She didn’t stop to think.  She ran to her car and locked her doors.  She pulled out of her drive and dialed the only person she knew would help her, Moose.  He didn’t answer so she left a message.

“Moose, it’s Lacey.  I went home.  My door was unlocked and open.  I didn’t go in.  I just left.  I don’t even know if I’m still under club protection.  Nobody was here.  Just wanted to tell someone.”  Her voice broke.  “I don’t know where to go, but I will figure it out.  I’m so tired of being a burden to everyone.  It’s been made clear that I’m not welcome around the club and Preach doesn’t even claim me anymore…I figured if it was something to do with the club that I should let you know before the police…”  She was sobbing before she ended the call and hoped Moose would be able to understand her.

She drove about thirty miles before her phone rang.  It was Preach.

“Lacey get your ass to the clubhouse now.”

That was all and he hung up.  Lacey fumed.  She was tired of being ordered around and she was tired of feeling like an obligation.  She just drove.  She knew she was being reckless and that maybe she was hormonal, but she was tired and wanted to feel like she was in control of her life for a change.

She had no idea where she was going, but it was Friday and she had nowhere to be until Monday.  She would take the time to figure out her life.  She was a grown woman.  She’d had Shadow and Preacher running her life since she was twelve years old and she was ready to take control for herself. 

Lacey drove until she was too tired to stay awake.  She found a nice hotel, checked in under a false name and paid cash.  Then she realized she had nothing with her.

“Shit.”

She rummaged through her purse and found her vitamins, a hairbrush and a few odds and ends, but no clean underwear or clothes.  She plopped down on the bed and decided to go shopping in the morning.  She called the front desk and had them send her a tooth brush and paste.  That would do until morning.

Lacey waited for the front desk to send up her items before she locked the door and stepped into a hot shower.  The water felt so good and the shampoo was fragrant.  She washed her underwear in the shower and decided to hang them on the chair in front of the heater to dry.  She felt almost human by the time she rinsed and wrapped most of herself in a towel.  She was a strong and competent woman and she could figure this out.  She knew she would need to go back home and she knew she would have to face the club at some point, but for now she was happy on her own.  She wanted to lie low and lick her wounds.  She knew she needed to tend to her house and any damage that was done, but she didn’t have the heart for it yet and she couldn’t go in there and face it alone, knowing Rider was gone.  Knowing that she was truly alone.

She towel dried her hair and stepped out of the bathroom still naked and planning to stay that way and froze when black eyes pinned her in place.

“I think you were told to come to the clubhouse.”

His eyes never left hers, but Lacey felt exposed, she held her towel in front of her body and stepped back.

“I’m not going to touch you, just retrieve you.  Get your shit.”

“No.”  Lacey straightened her spine and met his eyes.  She was finished being afraid and she was finished taking orders.  Plus she still held her soaked underwear in her hand and refused to wear them wet.

One brow rose over Shadow’s black eyes and he slowly rose from the bed where he had been lounging.  He stalked her like the predator he was and Lacey knew what it felt like to be hunted.

“Just leave me alone Shadow.”

“Hard to do when there’s two of you.  Might if it was just one bullheaded woman, but I won’t let you get my kid killed because you are too stubborn to follow orders.”

There was nothing on his face.  He could have been talking about the weather.  Lacey wanted to hit him.

Her palm burned before she could even think of what she had done and Shadow narrowed his eyes.

“Don’t think you will ever get away with that again.  I don’t give a fuck who you are, nobody touches me.”

He was a stranger.  Whatever had happened earlier in the day had come and gone and it had left him utterly empty.

“I won’t go with you.”

“I don’t give a fuck what you do or who you do it with.  I won’t pine for you.  You have made your choices and you are nothing to me, but I have orders to get you to the house.  I will throw you in the trunk and drive you if you don’t get dressed and drive yourself.  Now get in the fucking car.”

She couldn’t see for the tears.

“You left me.”

“I was never with you.”

He turned away and walked back to the bed.

“You have five minutes.”

Shadow saw the desolation as it settled on Lacey and he hated himself for it, but he knew the only way to save her was to make her hate him.  His mother had loved a man and given him a son and he hadn’t been able to settle down and give her a life.  She had waited for him and he had never come back to her in the way she deserved.  Only a few nights here and there.  Shadow didn’t try to lie to himself he was not his father, he was so much worse. 

He looked down at his hands and still saw the blood that had coated them for so long.  He had butchered the men that had killed Nana and his mother and threatened Lacey and it haunted him, but the message went out to those who needed to know.  She was untouchable.  Anyone who touched her would be slaughtered in the most heinous way imaginable along with anyone who might attempt to intervene.  The men who had ransacked her house today would be next and Shadow wasn’t sure he would be able to find himself afterwards.  He had done it for Lacey before and he would do it again, so she could live a normal life and now he was doing more.  His night with her had changed him and it had made him feel things he had never wanted to feel.  The killing was eating away at his soul.  It would haunt him, but he knew it was best.  He looked at her belly as she walked back into the room and knew he would never let his child suffer the way he had.  She had broken through his barriers today and had set him free of the torment that had haunted him when no one else could.  She had saved him and now he would save her.

“Ready?”

Lacey only nodded and opened the door to her hotel room.  She walked quietly to the parking lot and climbed in her car.  She was so tired she wasn’t sure she could even drive, but she wouldn’t ask Shadow for help.  She would find the strength to drive and she would find the strength to walk away from the only family she had known for twenty years.

Shadow pulled out behind her and it was only then that she noticed the others.  Moose, Ink, Ace, and Rider rode with Shadow.  They had all come for her.  She wanted to think it was because they cared, but she knew they were only following orders.  She let her eyes rest on Rider in the rearview mirror.  Things could have been so different if he had come to her in that room instead of Shadow, but his absence made his feelings clear.  She was alone and she would find a way to move on.

19

It was past one A.M. when Lacey fell asleep and ran out of the road.  She woke when she hit the rough pavement of the shoulder, but it was enough to get Shadow’s attention.  He sped up and cut in front of her and the others pulled up around her.  He slowed and forced her to pull off on the next exit.  They stopped in the parking lot of an old truck stop and Lacey cringed as Shadow stalked to her window.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Nothing.  I’m fine.  Let’s just keep going.”  She couldn’t look at him.  He was back to being terrifying and she shivered when she looked at him.

“Fucking stop doing that.  I hate that shit and you have always done it.”

“What?”

“You cringe when you look at me like I’m some kind of monster.”

Lacey looked up and saw the streetlight reflecting in his black eyes and she couldn’t stop herself from shuttering.  His eyes were dead now, soulless.  Whatever he had done after he had left her all those weeks ago had killed all the humanity that had remained inside of him and he was the most frightening thing she had ever seen.

“Shit!”

Lacey flinched then and Shadow tried to calm down.

“Don’t you need to pee or some shit?”

Lacey realized that she did and nodded.

“Fine.  You can use the bathroom in there and we can hit the road.  We can be home in an hour if we can make good time.”

Lacey nodded and pulled her car closer to the truck stop.  She cringed at the smell of the filthy restroom and tried not to think about the disgusting things that had gone on in there.

She made it two steps before her stomach rebelled and she started retching.  She stumbled from the bathroom and made it outside before her supper came back up.  She leaned against the building for support as the waves of nausea began to fade.  She still had to pee and figured she might as well do that too.  She dug in her purse for a napkin and pulled up her skirt.  She hadn’t put her wet panties back on so this was pretty simple.  She leaned against the building and did her business.  When she finished and righted her clothes she looked up to find Shadow watching her.

“Get the hell away from me!  Can’t I even pee without permission from you?”

“I thought you were sick.”

“So?  What do you care?  All you want is to get me back to Preach so he can yell at me or ignore me like always.  Maybe I should just go give myself to the Devils and save everyone the trouble of looking after me.  It’s not like any of you give a fuck anyway!  I’m just an obligation!”

Tears clogged her throat but she refused to give these men the satisfaction of her tears.  She walked past Shadow and shrugged off his hand when he tried to touch her.  She walked to her car, never looking at the three men who sat solemnly on their motorcycles.  She would not acknowledge them.  She would not pretend that they were here for her.  They were following orders.

“Why the hell aren’t you wearing panties?”  Shadow asked as he bent down inside the open door.

Lacey felt the tears roll down her face.

“I washed them in the shower and they’re still wet.  I didn’t have any more.”

Shadow closed his eyes.  He was a bastard.

“You could have told me.  I would have gotten you something.  Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.”

He nodded.

Lacey looked up when Ace stepped up to her window.  He handed her a bag from the truck stop.

“Rider sent these.”  He looked chagrin.  “Said you were more likely to take it from me than him.”  He met her eyes.  “There are reasons Lacey.  Just get safe and then Preach will tell you all he can.”

Lacey looked up into Ace’s deep blue eyes.  He had always been there, just on the outskirts of her life and she barely knew him.

“Thank you.”

He nodded and turned back to his bike.

Lacey opened the bag and found a sprite and her butterscotch discs.  Rider had gotten her favorite candies and something for her to drink.  He always worried about her staying hydrated and it seemed he still cared.  She didn’t know how to feel about that and she was too tired to think about it.

She drove the last hour with her mind a blank.  She was too tired to think.  She just wanted it all to be over.

Preach was standing out front when she pulled into the compound.  His face was an unreadable mask, but Lacey honestly didn’t care to figure him out tonight.  She sat in her car.  She had no idea what she should do.  She didn’t want to be here and she knew no one wanted her to be.  Her door opened and Preach stood looking down at her.  He made a mournful sound in his throat and crouched by her door.

“Hey there Lacey girl.  It’s ok lil Darlin’.  Come on in with me now.  Everything will be ok.”

And just like that she was twelve years old again.  She looked into Preach’s eyes and saw the same man that had rescued her all those years ago and she let her sobs go just as she had then.  He held her as he had all those years ago and he talked to her in his gruff way that she loved so much, but he didn’t tell her to trust Shadow, no this time he just took her and pulled her with him as he led the way into the clubhouse.  Mrs. was there and let out a sob when she saw Lacey.  She rushed to her and held her for long moments before she could stand to let go.

“Oh baby I was so worried about you.  Are you alright?  Are you hungry?”

Lacey shook her head.  “I’m just tired.”

“Alright honey.  Is it ok to stay here or do you want me to take you to the house?”

“I don’t really care.”  Lacey tried for a weak smile, but it was a poor attempt.

“We were so scared when we heard what had happened.  Oh honey you were so lucky.” 

Preach cleared his throat and shook his head.  Mrs. clammed up.

“Well let’s get you settled in somewhere.”

Mrs. led Lacey past Shadow’s room and even as tired as she was Lacey noticed and paused before following Mrs. to a room further down the hall.

“I think this will do for tonight.  There is a bathroom and I will get you something to wear.”

“Alright.  Thank you.”

Lacey barely remembered Mrs. leaving.  She was asleep before she laid down.