Shadow Fall (37 page)

“She came here to be a Shadowchaser.”

“No. She came to Santa Costa because after two hundred years of breeding with and assimilating into human culture, her family birthed a hybrid with the power to manipulate lightning and call up storms. Ana came here to learn to control her powers, and one day become an analyst or a handler. She stayed because of me. She left for the same reason.”

“Because you needed Shadowchasers.”

Balm settled her chin on her knees. “We lost so many during the first half of the twentieth century, and had a difficult time finding candidates who could handle the training. Your mother could—she was a lot stronger than she gave herself credit for. She knew how short-handed we were. So even though she’d already passed the trials to become a handler, she became a Shadowchaser instead, and was sent out into the world.”

“You have her blade.”

“I do.” Balm’s voice wobbled. “It’s all I have left. I gave you her locket because I felt it was important for you to have it, to touch it and learn what your mother was like, how very special she was.”

“I think you should have the locket back,” Kira said. “You’ve worn it for nearly three decades now. It’s as much yours as it was hers. It doesn’t feel right for me to keep it.”

“Are you sure?”

The hope in Balm’s eyes was almost painful to see, making Kira glad she could do this for her foster mother. “I’m sure.”

“Would you like your mother’s Lightblade?”

Kira lowered her gaze. “No, I think I’ve got all the blades I can handle.”

“Yes. A Lightblade and a Shadowblade. It’s fitting, though I would have preferred a different Shadowblade for you.”

“You knew? And you didn’t you tell me about any of this? Why not?”

“I wanted to, Kira, please believe that. But believe it or not, the Ladies of Light, Shadow, and Balance all have rules that we must work within in order to keep the fabric of our universe intact. Not even Myshael wants to completely destroy existence, she just wants her particular brand of Chaos to rule.”

“And you want Order, and Solis wants us all to get along and play nice.”

“Something like that.” Balm’s brief smile disappeared. “You walk the path of Balance now, Kira, and it suits you. It suits your nature.”

“Both sides of my nature.”

Balm nodded. “And both your magics. Light and Shadow live inside you, Kira. They always have. Your mother and I, we did what we could before you were born to sublimate the Shadow half of your soul, and perhaps that was a mistake. What that Fallen named Enig did to you was at Myshael’s direction, to awaken what was already there, and maybe push you further to the side of Shadow. But there is enough Light in you, enough of your mother’s goodness in you, that you wouldn’t let yourself be consumed by it.”

“It’s not only Light,” Kira said. “It’s knowing the difference between right and wrong. It’s gathering all the facts, all sides of the story, before committing to a course of action. You taught me that. So whatever my nature would have been, you nurtured me and guided me. And trained me and at times made my life hell—but there’s no doubt in my mind that nurture won out over nature.”

Balm’s eyes shone and a smile curved her lips. “Thank you for that.”

“No. Thank
you
.” Kira sat back. “Without your training, I certainly don’t think I would have been able to survive as long as I have.”

“You’re welcome, daughter. Though I think, if you wish to learn more about Balance magic, you need to talk to Solis.”

Kira perked up. “Solis?”

A rueful expression crossed Balm’s features. “I have no doubt that Solis has meddled as much as Myshael meddled,” she said. “In fact, I would daresay that your Mr. Comstock acted at Solis’s behest as much as if not more than he did at mine.”

Balm’s supposition made sense. Comstock had told her that he’d used the assistance of a Balance witch to acquire the Shadowblade. He hadn’t thought that embracing her Shadow half would be that big of a deal.

Balm seemed to read her thoughts, and understand. The Lady of Light reached over, clasped Kira’s hand. “Don’t be angry at Comstock. Or Solis, for that matter.”

“Why not? I’m really good at angry.”

“An expert, even.” Balm’s smile was soft with remembrance. “However, from the moment of your birth you were headed to a moment like this. A moment when you would be forced to make a choice, to decide which half of your nature would dominate. With Solis’s well-executed interference, you were able to embrace both halves, and in so doing, you’ve survived.” Balm squeezed her hand. “Believe me when I say that I’d rather you be under Solis’s Balanced eye than under Myshael’s Chaotic regard.”

“You and me both.” Kira suppressed a shudder.

“Solis can be … difficult at times, but she is a good teacher,” Balm continued. “You will wrestle with your nature, and it will be difficult for you to stay in Balance. There may even be times when your Light side and your Shadow side will turn on each other. My sister of Shadow will continue to push you toward her path. She’s stubborn that way.”

“Really? I wouldn’t have guessed.”

“I’m serious, Kira. You pushed her back once, but once is never enough with Myshael. She will come at you again. You must be ready when that happens.”

“So I’m supposed to hole up behind the Veil with Solis while waiting for the Lady of Shadows to pounce?” Kira shook her head. “I can’t do that.”

“I don’t think anyone expects you to. Least of all me.” Balm rose. “Live your life. Keep helping those who need it, regardless of where they are in the Universal Balance. Enjoy your time with the Nubian.”

Kira climbed to her feet. “You’re giving me your blessing?”

Balm snorted. “Like you’d stop seeing him if I didn’t. Khefar is good for you, and you’re good for him. Enjoy your time with him.”

Cold seeped into Kira’s stomach. “You make it sound like I’m not going to have a lot of time with him.”

“I don’t know how long you and the Nubian have together, daughter. I didn’t know how much time I’d have with Ana. I didn’t know when I sent her out that she would come back to me to die.”

She hugged Kira, pressing a kiss to her forehead. When she stepped back, serenity filled her expression once more. “What I am saying is live each moment fully. Live to the best of your ability. And jealously guard what you hold most dear. Myshael is an expert at striking at her opponent’s weaknesses.”

“I don’t have to worry about Khefar. He’s immortal. No matter what happens, he always comes back.”

“Of course he does.” Balm kissed her cheek. “Give Khefar my regards. And do reach out to Solis as soon as you can. At this point in your life, she will be a much better teacher than I.”

Kira looked at the woman who had left an indelible mark on her life. An eternal woman who she’d thought had hated her all those years ago. “Is this good-bye forever?”

“Forever is a long time, Kira,” Balm said. “I’m sure our paths will cross again.” She smoothed her skirts. “You should be getting back. He’s waiting for you.”

“Good-bye, Balm.”

“Good-bye, Kira. May the Light always shine on you.”

Kira opened her eyes to find herself back in her bedroom, alone. Her heart skipped in her chest. Balm’s words had an undercurrent to them, a warning she’d be foolish to ignore.

“Hey, Kira, are you coming down?” Khefar called. “A cold omelet is a bad omelet.”

“I’m coming.” She scrubbed at her eyes, then quickly headed for the stairs. Khefar was hers and she was his. Let them try taking him away from her. Hell or high water, Light or Shadow, she would make them pay.