Shadow of Death (11 page)

She couldn't deny her past. Had she been silly enough to think that because she now believed in Jesus and tried to live her life as morally right as possible that all would be forgiven? She'd never known pain this deep, not even when she was forced to give Corrine up for adoption and learned to stuff her feelings. Natalie had been a child then. Now, as an adult, this thing with Troy hurt worse than she could ever imagine. It was partly her fault because she'd allowed herself to be vulnerable by fully loving and trusting him.

“You should just give up,”
the voice in her head told her.
“Life isn't worth living anymore. Your husband made a fool of you.”

Life isn't worth living…
Natalie let that thought linger longer than it should have. Would she really sink that low over a man? There's only one other time in Natalie's life that she could recall having such thoughts and, ironically, Troy played a factor then, too. It was when they were dating and got into a bad argument about their future together. She wanted one. He didn't. Though the thought continued tormenting her, something would not allow Natalie to internalize it. Her life wasn't about her anymore. She was a mother and, no matter how bad things got for her, she wasn't going to do something foolish to herself that would hurt her children. Troy wasn't worth it. Besides, if Natalie weren't around, her babies would be left in the care of Troy and his tramp! There was no way in the world that she would let that happen.

Yeah, maybe Natalie did deserve this after all she'd done in her past. Okay, so life sucks. That's been the story of her entire life from the death of her father when she was five, the crazy circumstances of Corrine's birth, and now this situation with Troy. Corrine, Nate, Ebony, and Ean were the rays of sunshine that God had given her and she would not let them down.
I am stronger than
this. No man has ever had the ability to make or break me and that won't
change now,
she thought as she continuously ignored Troy's calls.

Natalie longed for the wisdom of Big Mama, her paternal grandmother, who'd passed away in her sleep from a heart attack when Nate was a baby. Big Mama would have the words to comfort. She always did. She was a smart woman who truly embodied Jesus's command to the disciples in Matthew 10:16 when He told them to be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves. Big Mama had quick wit, knowledge, and a gentleness about her that made her loved by many. So many people showed up for her service that the procession line literally went down the street and around the corner of the Jackson, Mississippi church where her life celebration was held. Ida Mae Coleman was the matriarch, not just of Natalie's family, but in many ways of the Jackson community. To Natalie, she'd been a pillar of strength, source of wisdom, and great big bundle of love. Though Natalie often thought of both her mother and grandmother, it was Big Mama she missed most; especially during rough times, like now, when she needed her grandmother's guidance.

Big Mama had been so down-to-earth. She had a way of keeping it real and biblical all at the same time. Natalie could almost hear her grandmother encouraging her to read her Word.
“It's the sword
you need to face any challenge that comes your way,”
Big Mama had once told her. Though she wasn't in much of a reading mood, Natalie heeded the instruction anyhow and opened the Bible app on her iPhone. She pulled up the scripture of the day, which was Genesis 1:28,
“And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful and multiply—” S
he couldn't read anymore. Adam never cheated on Eve! Besides, Natalie had been as fruitful as she ever intended to be with Troy. She closed out of the app and went to the Internet, typing “scriptures to help when you're hurting” in the search area. She smiled when links to several psalms appeared. Psalms had been Big Mama's favorite book of the Bible. Natalie clicked on Psalm 69, one of the scriptures that showed up in her results.

It was clear that David, the writer of that particular psalm, had been going through a tough time when he drafted these words. The passage started out with him saying,
“Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me.”
Engulfed…that's how Natalie felt. This situation with Troy and Cheryl was drowning her, swallowing the dreams she once had of growing old and living happily-ever-after with Troy. She continued reading, identifying with many other of David's feelings of despair. Everything was good until she got to verse 22 when David started to ask for revenge against those who'd wronged him. She found herself enjoying verses 27 and 28, a little too much.
“Charge them
with crime upon crime; do not let them share in your salvation. May they
be blotted out of the book of life and not be listed with the righteous.”
Praying that God would sentence Troy and Cheryl to eternal damnation was a very tempting idea, but her focus wasn't on them. It was on her. She needed to get herself together so she would be strong enough to care for her babies.

Backing out of that scripture, Natalie clicked on another one in her list, Psalm 34. It was verse 18 that struck a chord in her heart and reproduced her tears.
“The Lord is close to the broken hearted and
saves those who are crushed in their spirit.”
A broken heart…a crushed spirit…both described her to a tee. Now, if only the Lord would rescue her.

P
rior to leading Troy to his office, Robert had instructed the receptionist to send all his calls straight to voicemail and only to notify him if Lisa called. He was turning off his cell phone. “I have my cell number on my voicemail greeting,” he explained to Troy. “I don't want anyone to call and interrupt us if they don't get me on the office phone.”

Troy appreciated how RJ dropped everything to lend him an ear, and Troy shared the entire ugly truth of how bad this situation with Cheryl had gotten.

“So you really think Cheryl planted some kind of listening device in Nate's toy?” Robert asked skeptically after Troy had finished his story.

“That's the only thing that makes sense. No one has admitted to sending it or the other presents, so it had to be her.”

“It's a good thing you destroyed it then.”

Troy held his breath, waiting to hear the “I-told-you-so” from Robert. “Go ahead and get it out the way. I'd rather you say it now and we squash it than for you to bring it up later.”

“Say what now?”

“That I should have told Natalie everything from the beginning.”

“Man, it's not my style to say what you should have done. That won't help with the reality of what we're dealing with now.”

We're?
Troy was caught off guard by his use of a plural pronoun.

“My main concern at this moment is making sure Natalie is okay. You don't think she'd do anything irrational, do you?”

Troy pondered the question for a moment. He remembered the time when they were dating and he went to her apartment and saw the pile of pills lying on her desk underneath a poem she had written. That was before Corrine was in her life…before Nate and the twins. Even if Natalie hated him, nothing could interfere with the love she had for her four children. “No,” Troy finally answered, confidently.

“Good. I would ask Lisa to reach out to her, but she probably made arrangements for the kids because she needs some space. Let's give her that. Meanwhile, let's figure out what to do about Cheryl. Her drugging you is serious. Do you think you can get a restraining order?”

“I don't have any proof.”

“It's a long shot, but if you're willing to give your consent, I can have one of the nurses here draw and test your blood. Depending on what she gave you, it could be long gone out of your system, but it's worth a try. My first guess is Rohypnol, but it normally takes anywhere from ten to fifteen minutes to take effect. The fact that you blacked out so quickly suggests that Cheryl used something else.”

Having done a brief stint in the sex crimes unit several years ago, Troy was all too familiar with the “date rape drug.” “Could she have mixed Rohypnol and another substance to combine the quick onset and the long-lasting effects?”

“It's possible. We can also test you for sexually transmitted infections if you want. It'll save you the trouble of going down to the health department or making an appointment with your physician.”

Troy agreed and, within moments, he was undressed, in a hospital gown, getting blood drawn and a very uncomfortable swab done on his private.

•  •  •

“Hey, I'm on my way to pick up the kids. Are you at home?” Natalie had called Aneetra as she was leaving the bank parking lot. It was a few minutes before six and she wanted to make sure she fed them dinner and got them to bed on time.

“Don't worry about it. I'll bring them to you in about an hour. I think you need to have a talk with you-know-who about this situation with y'all.”

“How do you know? Did Troy call you?” she asked irritably. It would be just like Mr.-Want-to-Control-Everything to call Aneetra and ask her to be peacemaker.

“No. Well, yes, he did, but not about the situation. He called this morning to ask why I was on duty, but he didn't say anything to me about the matter. When I went to retrieve the identical package, someone asked if I'd spoken to you and said that her other half told her that you-know-who came to see him. I don't know all the specifics of the conversation between them. I don't think she knows, but the one thing that was made clear is that you think there has been a violation of some kind.”

Natalie could tell by the way Aneetra was talking that Nate was in her immediate vicinity. It wasn't hard for Natalie to catch on to the fact that “identical package” referred to the twins and “you-know-who” was Troy. But, “a violation” was sugarcoating it for sure. “I don't
think
anything,” Natalie fired back. “I have undeniable proof that he cheated on me. He's so stupid! Why in the world is he going around telling people? I bet he put RJ up to talking to Lisa because he wants to manipulate me through her. It's not going to work. I'm done, Aneetra.
D-o-n-e!”

“You know I understand how you're feeling. I do want to talk to you, and
no,
you-know-who didn't put me up to it. I want to because you're my friend and I love you. Now's not a good time for me to say anything and I'm sure you can guess why. We'll be there within an hour. I'll help you get them together and if we can, we'll talk then, okay?”

“Yeah, whatever.” Natalie hung up without saying bye. Why was she taking her frustration out on Aneetra? Aneetra wasn't the one who'd cheated on her. Unlike Troy, the one thing Aneetra had been throughout their entire relationship was faithful, even during the early days when they'd first met at Dennison and Natalie was busy trying to dodge their budding friendship. Aneetra never let on that she took any of Natalie's rejections of her lunch invitations personally. She was, by all means, the best friend that Natalie ever had, even before Natalie recognized that they were friends. “I'm sorry,” she called Aneetra back to repent.

“It's all right. I know you're hurting and trying to make sense of everything. We're good.”

Aneetra's attitude proved all the more why she was a wonderful person. “Thanks, Nee.”

“You're welcome. I'm about to hang up first this time. I'm not giving you a chance to hang up on me twice in a row.”

Natalie laughed. “Bye, you crazy woman.” The temporary happiness Natalie felt that moment quickly began to fade as she got closer to her home. Her heart raced with dreaded anticipation that Troy might be there. She didn't want another confrontation with him. She didn't care to speak with him at all for that matter.

It was lying in that hotel room when she'd realized that she'd forgotten her chicken wings at SuperChef's.
Ugh!!!
She likely wouldn't have been able to enjoy them anyhow. After crying and meditating on Psalm 34, Natalie spent the rest of her time at the hotel thinking about a game plan. She had withdrawn $27,000 from their joint savings account and opened a checking account solely in her name. Since Natalie was going to be on her own again, she needed to take precautions to ensure she could care for her and her children.

The $27,000 was the bulk of the money in their savings account, but it was rightfully hers. It was money she'd received from her severance pay when she was forced to quit her job. There was still several thousand left in the savings and they had a nice chunk of money in their checking account, but Natalie didn't touch either. The last thing Troy would ever be able to accuse her of was going after his money. The money she'd withdrawn had been specifically given to
her
and she would need it to get an apartment and live off of until she found another job—and to eventually order another Wings and Waffles platter when she got a chance. Natalie was determined to start her life over as
Miss
Evans. She believed that Alex, her previous supervisor, would give her a good reference, despite what had happened, especially if Aneetra went to Alex on her behalf. Alex liked Aneetra and that worked in Natalie's favor.

When Natalie opened the garage and saw that Troy's truck wasn't there, she was relieved. For a split-second she wondered where he was.
With Cheryl trying to smooth things over? Working on a real, or perhaps another fake homicide case?
She wasn't going to stress over his whereabouts. She was better than that. He could be drunk in love and sleep with whomever he wished; she couldn't care less!

If that was true, why was her heart still aching? There was a tightness in her chest and her stomach knotted as she walked in and saw the pictures of her husband on top of his mistress. Natalie sucked back her tears. She had to be stronger than that for her little ones and also for Corrine. She couldn't let her adult daughter see her fall apart over a man. She refused to give Troy the power to make or break whom she'd become. She put the pictures back in the envelope and threw them in the trash before cleaning up the broken glass from the morning.