Shadow's Stand (36 page)

Tracker’s mouth thinned. A sure sign he was about to start swinging. Some part of Shadow took perverse satisfaction at getting under his brother’s skin.

“I want you to take it back,” Tracker said.

“Amboy will be stinking to high heaven by now. Sure you want me digging him up?”

“No.” An expression Shadow’d never seen before crossed his brother’s face. Utter weariness, mixed with…defeat? Shit, nothing ever defeated Tracker. He was a fighter. The one Shadow could always count on to knock heads rather than glasses. By rights, Shadow should be swallowing teeth.

“Tracker?”

Tracker shook his head, cutting him off with a wave of his hand. “I don’t give a shit about Amboy, but if you can find where you buried my brother, I’ll take him back any way he comes.”

Shadow stood there as Tracker turned away, feeling his pain like a new cut as it mixed with his own. It’d always been he and Tracker against the world, even within the camaraderie of the Hell’s Eight, they had been a separate entity. Tracker had been his anchor and he Tracker’s. Until Ari. When Tracker found Ari, that had all changed. It was no longer Tracker and Shadow. The bond had shifted, broken. He didn’t begrudge his brother his happiness, but he wasn’t going to get in the way of it.

“You have Ari now,” he called, stopping Tracker before he reached the door.

“Yes.” Tracker didn’t look back.

“You’re happy with her.”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“It is.” This time Tracker turned. His expression was as impassive as Shadow had ever seen it. “And not to pop your swelled head, but there’s nothing you could do to ruin that.”

“Really? She seemed a bit testy when I was around.”

“You know her history. You know why. You just didn’t stick around long enough for her to stop being afraid. You ran.”

He was getting damn tired of people accusing him of running. “What do you want from me, Tracker?”

“I want you to understand it’s not either-or, Shadow. Any choice like that is unnatural, but if push came to shove and I had to choose between you and Ari, I’d choose Ari.”

Shadow flinched at the blatant truth. “Of course.”

Tracker opened the door and glanced back, holding Shadow’s gaze, letting him see his pain and frustration. His anger. “The exact same way you’d choose Fei.”

T
HE EXACT SAME WAY
you’d choose Fei.

The truth hit Shadow with the force of a sledgehammer. Tracker was right. If he had to choose, he would choose Fei because she was his future, his better half. Because that was the way it was supposed to be. But loving Fei didn’t mean he loved his brother less. He toyed with the understanding, poking it from different angles, checking it against what he’d always assumed. Whenever he tried to take Tracker out of the equation, it didn’t add up. The same thing happened when he tried to take Fei out. They both belonged in his life. They were both necessary. And he understood. Adding Fei to his life was like adding another room to the house. It didn’t ruin the structure, just created more space to be enjoyed.

It’s not either-or.

No it wasn’t. It’d just taken him a lot longer than most to realize.

He rapped on the wall. Tracker didn’t rap back. Shit. He pulled on his shirt. It was going to be up to him to mend this fence. Before he could leave, a knock came at the door. Palming his knife, Shadow leaned back against the wall beside the door.

“Who is it?”

“Fei.”

He opened the door. Fei stood there dressed in a pretty white dress with blue flowers. Obviously new. She blinked as she took in his open shirt. Her gaze dropped to his pants and they widened. She licked her lips.

Following her gaze, he saw his pants were unbuttoned. “Sorry.”

Her hand came over his. “Don’t button them on my account.”

He didn’t know what to make of that. “Tracker just took me to task for taking advantage of you.”

“Your brother needs to mind his own business.”

“I’ll tell him you said so.”

“Please do not.”

She was just a little afraid of Tracker. He smiled.

“May I come in?”

He stepped back. She breezed in. She had that same bounce in her step that she’d had leaving the saloon. He scanned the lay of her dress for any betraying bulges. She didn’t appear to be packing any dynamite. “What are you up to, Fei?”

“What makes you think I must be up to something?”

“What were you doing in the saloon?”

“You were spying.”

“I was just watching the street.”

“I ordered a tub for us. One big enough you can soak. It was the only place that had one.”

Son of a bitch. The woman never stopped surprising him.

“What did you think I was doing?” she asked.

“I had no idea.”

She took a step closer. “But you worried?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

There was no hope for it. The woman had ordered him a tub. He had to fess up. “Because last time we talked you said you hated me.”

She sighed. “I tried to correct that, but you wouldn’t let me.”

“I was busy.”

“And I was mad.”

“Why?”

“You don’t listen.”

“I listen. I just don’t agree.”

“If the only words you hear are the ones you agree with then you do not listen.”

She had him there. “You’re right.”

She blinked. “I am?”

He nodded. “I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I can be a pigheaded—”

“Ass?” she finished for him.

“Yeah.” She smiled and smoothed her hand up his forearm. “I have decided you cannot help it. You are very protective.”

“Is that what you’re calling it?”

“Yes. To the point you protect the ones you love from yourself.”

“Uh-huh.”

“But, Shadow?”

“What?”

She took that step in that brought her thighs against his. She placed her palms against his chest, connecting them. “I do not want to be protected from you.”

He should push her away. Instead, he brought her closer, sliding his fingers through her hair, savoring the feel of her body against his, opening his senses to the feel of her, the scent of her. The reality of her. “You should.”

“Only if you want to be protected from me?”

Hell, no. “Not a chance. What other woman is going to march into my room and tell me to leave my pants unbuttoned, invite me to take advantage of her and inform me that I love her?”

“I did not tell you you loved me.”

“You implied it.”

“That is not the same.”

“Very true.”

She waited. He knew what she wanted. The words clogged in his throat. Smoothing his thumb over her lips, he shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

Her smile faltered. “You cannot say it?”

“I want to.”

“Why?”

He didn’t want her to know that part of his past. That ugly part of him. “No good ever came of it.”

“Are you telling me I am wrong?”

He didn’t know how to answer that.

She touched a bruise on his chest, tracing the shape with her fingertip. Her tongue peeked out between her teeth. Her head cocked to the side as she looked into his eyes, everything she felt inside visible in her expression. Desire. Uncertainty. Love. So much love.

“If you cannot tell me, can you show me?”

“Oh, hell, yes.” He could show her. With pressure on the nape of her neck he brought her up on her toes. “Come here.”

Her hands slid up over his shoulders, wrapping around his neck pulling him down. “Gladly.”

The passion surged as always, hard and demanding almost angry in its intensity.
Can you show me?

He stopped. Could he? He knew how to show Fei passion. Could he show her love? Closing his eyes, he willed the lust back and sought the emotion beneath, finding at its core the softness. The lush center.

Gently, as gently as he could, he touched his lips to hers, bringing that lushness to the heat, fitting the edges of his lips to hers, pressing lightly, lingeringly, holding the moment as long as he could before doing it again. Just as softly, just as lingeringly.

She sighed and melted against him as sweet as a summer breeze, her breath fluttering against his cheek as he turned his attention to the side of her neck.

“Oh, my.”

He’d never heard that combination of wonder and bliss in her voice before. He liked it. He liked knowing he was the one who put it there.

“Can you feel it, honey?”

“I think so.”

Think wasn’t good enough. He wanted her to know it. “I guess I’ll have to try harder.”

She tilted her head to the side. “Please do.”

He chuckled and nibbled a bit, still keeping it light. Beneath the surface, lust writhed with impatience. He pushed it back, because this was new for him, too. He’d never consciously made love to a woman before. The first time should be with Fei.

“Shadow,” she moaned as he caught her earlobe between his teeth and bit down just enough to send that shiver down her spine.

“Yes?”

“I can’t stand while you do this.”

He did it again, just to check if she was telling the truth. Her knees collapsed. He caught her easily. With a laugh he swung her up in his arms.

“The door.”

He kicked it closed. She smiled and ducked her head. “Thank you.”