Shampoo

Copyright © October 2014 Karina
Almeroth

ISBN:
9781311356765

All rights reserved. No part of this book may
be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by
any information storage and retrieval system without written
permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief
quotations in a review.

License Notice

This book is licensed for your personal
enjoyment only. This book may not be resold. Thank you for
respecting the hard work of this author.

Disclaimer

This is a work of adult (snort) fiction. The
author does not endorse or condone any of the behavior enclosed
within (unless she is the one behaving that way).

Cover Design and Formatting:
Rebel Edit & Design. Best job ever done by
Margreet!!

Edited by:
My damn self in the end. Can’t see all the haters, I have my
pink glasses on

Beta Readers and help with
editing:
Rebecca Moller-

Nielsen & Ann Cunningham
Daniels

To Matt Johnson
- Thanks for being the romantic hero all those years ago.
Thank you for the inspiration. Shampoo was never supposed to even
feature you so heavily, but when I read back through all my
diaries, you were dominant, and still in my heart. It sparked the
idea for this final version of Shampoo. And thanks for having the
balls to go, “No, I don’t need my name changed. Use my real name.”
I love that this book has immortalized that great love affair you
gave me all those years ago, with us, and our real names, actually
in it. For some reason, that was important to me, to see our names
on the page. It was so long ago, and but a moment in time…yet I
captured it. I hope I did it justice.

But of course, I made it all up.

So not gonna thank Lashford (wink)

To Holden
–
go on, continue breaking all us diehard Commodore fans’ hearts!!!
Stop the Australian production of them. Close the factory in
Elizabeth. Stop a culture that’s been passed down generation to
generation, and will continue to be, despite the Holden Commodore
dream ending in Australia. Holden, we love the Commodore. We love
the Aussie icon being here, on our shores, in our culture. This is
Australia. Do all you can to keep production in Australia! Do all
you can to keep Holden Commodores being made and loved and obsessed
about in Australia!! Stop breaking our hearts. We know you
tried…but try harder.

Long live the Holden Commodore.

Hope this book helps in some way to keep Holden
and Holden Commodores on our shores.

And piss on Ford.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

This is a fictionalized memoir. Meaning I took
real people, real events, and put things in that may have happened
in a different time frame than as set out in the book, I
romanticized scenes, I made shit up (I have to say that), I turned
my life into a damn novel. I hope I changed enough that none of you
sue me.

But please know, you sue me, you won’t be in
the sequel. Or you will, but possibly with a very small penis and a
terrible car.

Thank you all for being so damn lovable,
quirky, interesting people that I fell in love with you all and
went home and wrote in my diary madly about you all. I love you all
so much. I carry you all around in my heart each day. I’ve
immortalized you forever.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:

Thank you to everyone who has always supported
me, for many years: my ex husband, Aaron Wells, who, despite us no
longer being married, has been by my side for 11 years, as my best
friend and support when I need it. And a HUGE pain in my ass at
times, too. I divorced you to spend less time with you, not more.
Maybe I can finally shake you off now I’ll be famous.

My girls, Cherry Champagne and Ruby
Kaitlyn…what can I say without bawling? I love you girls more than
I can bear. I’ve decided not to parent you (as you probably already
know), but to treat you both as my partners in crime and my
companions in life. I am so lucky to be given two girls to journey
through life with. You are the loves of my life. I can only wish
like crazy that you still see me tomorrow how you see me today. You
build me up.

My sister, Nat Mann, for putting up with me,
and being my first best friend. Nobody can ever replace a sister as
one’s first love and BFF. Was tough on me when we finally grew up
(why did we have to?), and started leading separate lives after 23
years of never being without each other. I love you!

Shona Stromer, for being that ONE person for me
that has never wavered in her love and support for me, not once.
Never. She would never even hear of it. I’ve been in the gutter
(many times), half buried, I was done…and all you saw was a
superstar. It’s like you’re blind to my flaws. All you see is good.
You see ME – you see who I really am. Which says more about your
character than mine. I think you’re my biggest fan, and the only
one that really finds me funny and gets me. When we come together,
there are explosions of fun and laughter and love and light and
brilliance. I love you more than you know, and can’t tell you how
your constant unwavering support and love for me has got me through
many a dark night and dark time. I will never forget your love for
me, and how you’re the one that openly cries for me. Not for
yourself, not for any other reason, you just sob for me, and for
what I was going through. You really love me. It still amazes me.
And you just make me laugh SO HARD. You’re the funniest person I
know. Wooli rocks, man. Wooli rocks (God, we said that forever. To
everything. About everything. Fuck we’re funny).

Katrina Paskevicius, for being my first grown
up best friend, and showing me how to put on lipstick and get boys.
You’re still standing with me after almost 20 years of friendship –
and despite all I do! Thank you for all your advice, your serenity,
and for all those amazing dinners you’ve cooked me over the years,
my glass you’ve constantly filled, the classiness you’ve endlessly
showed. You’re an original vintage. You were born in the wrong time
– you’re a timeless piece from a more romantic age. Years and years
of friendship we’ve had, and I truly miss the years where we were
each other’s whole world, and were together every day. Sorry about
that time I threw your exquisite chicken dinner, and fine china
plate all over that ass. I know you couldn’t get the chicken
splatters off the ceiling for YONKS. And sorry about that cream
incident, and…never mind. I’m just sorry. But it’s me you’ll
remember in your dying days, when you’re 95. My best memories
involve you. I love you and think of you every day. I love that we
still talk each day. We have laughed for years together…I will
always treasure that. I still can’t spell your surname.

That Ass (Andrew Cater), for being a girl’s
Male Best Friend (MBF) for so many years. So many years. But then
you left to spend your midlife crisis over in Korea, and I miss you
every damn day. Life is just more fun with you in it each day. And
sorry about the plate in the face you copped that time (really, I’m
not. That shit was funny!!).

My dad, for seeing in me a writer from like age
7, and for constantly supporting me with my writing and love affair
with books. You knew I could do this, even when I didn’t. Sorry you
got stuck with a daughter like me. But apparently we choose our
children. So you asked for it.

Ann Cunningham Daniels and Rebecca
Moller-Nielsen, for being my first ‘real’ readers of my work, and
for all the constant encouragement and support and love. I
seriously was on the floor, bawling, feeling like I’d won an Oscar,
cured cancer and saved the world, just from you ladies loving my
book. It was the best feeling ever. I love you guys! I can’t wait
to spend more time with you both, and develop our friendship. The
starting base is spectacular with you ladies.

For everyone in my daily Facebook life (and
real life) that use Facebook to support me constantly and openly:
Sean Cridland especially (and your twin, Ben…I know you support me
from afar, Ben Cridland!!), Rae-Anne and Jeremy Bramich (my first
loves, both of you, and my Tassie family), Rachel Knott, Tony
Norlander (for ALWAYS seeing a superstar in me, and constantly
wishing great things upon me), Cynthia Jones (a soul sister
already, and kindred spirit, and we’ve never even met!), Fai Wong
(a girl’s first school friend!!), Sue Ross, Cass Crash (you
endlessly inspire me, Lady!), Rebecca Cuppari, Corie Foster, Andrea
Hughes, God, too many and I’m sure I’ve left somebody important
out. I love you all in ways you don’t even know!! Thanks for
getting me through the bad days.

For everyone in Shampoo, I love you all. Never
forget that. Anyone who didn’t make Shampoo, that was purely for
novelization’s sake, for cutting’s sake, for story’s sake. I had no
more room. Benny, Lachie, Melinda, Sherrie, Angie (Missy Moo),
Karen Beal (Kazza!!), Joy (ESPECIALLY Joy – you’re my idol, and
mentor, I love who you are), Renee (you will go down in history as
the funniest and best office manager ever!), Pheebs, Melissa,
Nathan, Sherrie, Katie, Sara, Faye and Gordon, Little Jonny, the
list goes on…The bosses, Daryl and John, and Karen and
Colleen…Gerry. I love you guys, and I laugh my ass off at all the
memories with you all.

To all the ‘shampoo’ reps…I was in love with
you all and in awe of you all. You were a 20 year old’s first love
of ‘adults’ (not that any of you were really Adults! More like
really big kids that liked to drink a lot and dress up). I aspired
to be you. To keep that sense of fun into my 30’s and 40’s and 50’s
and FUCK!! Some of you were REALLY OLD. You showed me growing up
could be so damn fun. That there was still so much more for me
ahead. You showed me confidence and sexiness and fun and that you
can be a well-rounded, successful individual and still be childlike
and fun. The lessons you all taught me, by living your lives before
me, just by my being in your surroundings, and you taking me under
your wing, I will treasure forever. You taught by example. You were
such great characters and people to me. Daryl and Sue Agnew (Dag,
you were my reason to go to work!! Love you so much, and Sue),
Julie Hoskins (my idol, I love you so much too!!), Ange Jones
(ditto!), Robbie Jnr, Jenny, Dana, Learne, Rob and Judi, Georgie
(George to me), Cathy and Sonny, Solvejg and Rob Snr, oh so many, I
could list you all, and know you all, and carry you all around in
my heart with me. You guys rocked my world and showed me how to
have fun. You made work easy and a joy. Except for when you rang
through 40 orders at 4.58pm.