Shana Mine (10 page)

“Stay.”

Saying no to him was nearly impossible but necessary. “You make me feel the world is full of new and exciting possibilities, but if what we think we feel is real—it can withstand a separation. In fact, we’re both old enough to know how necessary one is at this point.”

He sighed. “Okay. You’re right. How do you want to spend the rest of the day?”

“Alone with you.”

He smiled. “That’s how I’d like to spend the rest of my life.”

“Oh, Taylor.”

He shrugged. “I’m going to take a quick shower and then I need to fill up my tank. Can I get you anything while I’m out?”

“Just come back as soon as possible.”

He kissed me and whispered something against my lips before he turned away.

I snatched at his hand. “What did you say?”

He shook his head. “Nothing you’d be inclined to believe at this point and maybe you shouldn’t. Hell, I’m feeling it and I don’t know if I believe it.”

While he was gone, I showered and carried my suitcase and carry-on shoulder travel bag downstairs. Then I went out to lay in one of the chaise lounges by the pool.

He returned with several sandwiches and a salad.

I nibbled at the sandwich and picked at the salad.

“I’m not hungry either,” he said. “Let’s go inside and cuddle until it’s time to drive you to the airport.”

I nodded.

In his living room, we shared his reclining loveseat.

Despite the countless questions I wanted answers to, I lay silent within his arms.

My cell phone rang. I recognized Jasmin’s ring. I sighed and then rose to walk across the room to pick up my shoulder bag from the coffee table. I removed my phone and answered it. “Hi.”

“Well, it’s about time. Didn’t you get my message? Where are you?”

I turned to look at Taylor who sat staring at me. “I’m with Taylor.”

“Really? Did you have a good time with him?”

“Oh lord yes.”

“I don’t think I like the sound of that, Shana. I did tell you I wanted him back. Didn’t I?”

“Yes and I told him you did.”

“And he said?”

“He…ah…” I looked at Taylor and held out the phone. “It’s Jasmin.”

He rose and quickly crossed the room to take the phone from me. “Jasmin. I was just telling Shana that our
causal
relationship was over with no hope of a resurrection…trust me. It’s over…I’m sorry but I don’t share that desire…we were both drunk when that happened…it’s over. Here’s Shana…how I feel about her is none of your business.”

He held the phone out to me. “I don’t care what she says, it’s over between us, Shana.” Walking back across the room, he sat on the loveseat.

I sighed and put the phone back to my ear. “Jasmin?”

“What the hell have you done, Shana? I told you I wanted him back!”

“I know and…I know.”

“Have you been staying with him?”

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“At his house.”

“Oh Shana. How could you? How could you?”

Before I could answer she ended the call.

I closed my eyes and pressed a hand over my mouth.
Oh fuck. What now?

“Shana?”

I opened my eyes and stared at him. “She thinks I betrayed her.”

He rose and extended his hand.

I shook my head. “I need some time alone.”

He crossed the room but didn’t touch me. “Oh come on, Shana. Don’t let this ruin the few remaining hours we have together.”

“You can’t expect me to go on as if nothing’s changed.”

He sighed and walked back to the loveseat. “Oh fuck! I wish I’d never met the silly bitch!”

I rushed across the room to stare down at him. “Don’t you call her a bitch just because you can’t have your way!”

“I called her a bitch because that’s what she is! She doesn’t want me and I don’t want her but damned if she’ll allow that little fact to stop her from trying to have her cake and eat it too! Even if she’s successful in making you feel so guilty you destroy our relationship, I wouldn’t take her back into my life for a million bucks!”

“She’s my best friend and she’s nothing like you’re trying to paint her.”

“The hell she isn’t.”

We were both too angry to continue a conversation I feared would escalate out of control. “Please take me to the airport.”

“It’s too early.”

“I’ll wait there.”

“If you think I’m prepared to beg, think again. If you’re ready to go, I’ll drive you to the airport now.”

Talk about a rock and a hard place. No matter which choice I made one of them would be hurt and angry. I sighed. “I’m ready now.”

He narrowed his gaze. “Shana—”

“Please, Taylor. We had a great week but it’s time for me to return to reality.”

“Fuck you!” He stormed from the room. I heard the front door open and reluctantly followed him out the house in time to see him putting my luggage into the trunk of his car.

As I approached, he silently held the passenger door open.

I got in and ninety minutes later, I sat alone in the airport, struggling to keep from crying as he stalked away from me.

Oh, Taylor. Please don’t walk away in anger.

Almost as if he’d sensed my anguish, he suddenly turned and quickly walked back towards me.

My heart raced with joy and hope.

He leaned down to speak to me—in Tsalagi.

I turned my head to meet his angry gaze. “You know I don’t know what you’re saying, Taylor.”

“I said I’ve never had to beg a woman and I’m not going to start with you. If you’re not interested in being my woman, I’ll find someone who is. But I can promise you it won’t be that manipulative bitch you choose to call a friend!”

“Don’t talk about her like that.”

He reached in his pocket and pushed a business card in my hand. “If you come to your senses, you know where I live and can reach me at one of these numbers.”

“I’m not fond of men who think it’s all right to call a woman a bitch!” I looked at the card long enough to memorize his cell phone number and to realize that he was a licensed general contractor before I crushed the card in my hand and threw it at him.

He caught it and jammed it in his pant pocket. “Are you sure you what it to end this way?”

“I’m sure I don’t like your tendency to call my best friend a bitch!”

“Fine. Have a good life, Shana.”

I sucked in a breath as a tear rolled down my cheek. “Taylor…”

His gaze softened and for one sweet moment, I thought he would draw me into his arms and make everything all right. Instead, he swore, straightened, and walked away.

Taylor. Oh, Taylor.

Tears ran down my cheeks for most of the flight back to San Francisco. I was dismayed to find my son waiting at the airport when I arrived.

I turned away and tried to wipe my cheeks but he must have seen my tears because he rushed forward and put an arm around my shoulders. “Mom! What’s wrong?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. I just…nothing.”

He got my luggage and led me to his car. After we were seated, he turned to look at me. “Do I need to go to Philadelphia and kick some guy’s butt?”

I shook my head. “No. I had an…interlude and I guess I’m a little sad it’s over, but I’m fine.”

“Are you sure, Mom?”

The one thing I was sure of is that it would take a long time to get over Taylor and I wasn’t going to drag my son into my romantic mess. “Yes. I’m sure.”

“He didn’t hurt you. Did he?”

Physically? No. Emotionally? Big time. I squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry, Jimmy.”

“You’re in tears. How can I not worry, Mom?”

I sighed. “You know I sometimes get emotional. There’s no reason for you to worry.”

He sighed. “I don’t have any plans for tonight. Let’s go out to dinner.”

I wanted to go home, undress, and then spend hours in a warm bath with a drink—sobbing until I couldn’t cry anymore. But I knew Jimmy wanted to feel that he was there for me when I needed someone.

I forced myself to smile. “Who’s paying?”

“You are, of course, Mrs. Successful Businesswoman,” he said, laughing.

I laughed too. “I should have known.”

He took me home for a quick shower and then we headed down to my favorite restaurant at Fisherman’s Wharf. Jassy was there when we arrived.

I turned to look at Jimmy.

He shrugged. “I thought you might need us both with you tonight.”

Touched, I hugged and kissed them both.

That night with my kids was one of the most special in my life. I teared up a little, laughed a lot, and felt as if I were in a cocoon of love and affection. It was only as I lay in bed sleepless that night that I realized they must have both turned off their phones so I’d have their complete attention.

Hugging that realization close, I fell asleep without tears. The next morning when I turned the ringer on my cellphone back on, I found Jasmin had left several messages. Hurt and angry by our last conversation and her implication that I’d betrayed her, I ignored them.

There were no messages from Taylor. But then I hadn’t expect
ed
any. I felt certain he was a man of his word and it was over between us—unless I made the first move to change that.

Recalling his unwillingness to bend and his insistence that he had no intentions of making an exception for me, I knew all his hints about falling in love with me had been nothing more than him allowing his cock to do his thinking and talking. If a man wouldn’t make an exception for the woman he loved, who would he make them for other than his sons?

While he clearly didn’t love me, I knew I’d made the monumental mistake of falling in love with him. Although I ached to be with him, I couldn’t see the point of being in a one-sided relationship. It was not going to be easy, but I had to move forward with my life. That meant giving myself a week or two to wallow in regret, and then I’d start dating again.

* * *

Walking away from Shana was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I left the airport feeling as if I’d been gutted and my heart shredded beyond repair. Telling myself that it was ridiculous to feel such emotions for a woman I’d known for less than a week didn’t help.

I’d never been in love before and generally got most of the women I went after. Only Lisa and Jasmin had dumped me. Neither rejection had hurt. Losing Shana definitely hurt like hell.

After two weeks of sleepless nights and picking up the phone to call her nearly every hour, I knew I needed to talk to someone about her. I didn’t want to burden my father who had finally reached a point where he’d accepted my mother’s death and was ready to start dating again.

I’d spent the last five years building my business and spending as much time with my sons as possible. My friendships had suffered and I’d lost track with most of the men I’d considered friends.

That left the two men who had mentored me, Kristopher Macarik, whose foundation had covered most of the cost of my two years of trade school and Jayven Redwolf, the master carpenter who had taken me under his wing and taught me far more than I’d ever have learned from a trade school alone.

Jayvyn was newly married. While I felt certain he’d make time to listen, he’d probably tell me to fly to San Francisco
and
insist she return to Philly with me—whether she wanted to or not.

Kristopher was involved in a long-standing and complex relationship that didn’t exactly make him an expert on how to land that one special woman. But his advice was less likely to land me i
n
trouble with the law if I followed it than Jayvyn’s was.

So I called Kristopher.

“I’m having a weekend bender tonight. Pack an overnight bag and we’ll find time to talk during the weekend,” he said.

I hadn’t been to one of his rowdy, weekend fuck-a
-
t
h
ons in over two years since I’d decided it was time to start setting a better example for my sons. “Thanks, but I’m really not in the partying mood.”

“That’s just what you need,” he countered. “This weekend will be much more mellow. There won’t be any naked people running amok over the property and no pool and public sex. Besides, Caine and Joya will be here and he’ll probably have more useful advice than I will.”

I hadn’t seen K
ri
stopher’s younger brother Caine since his wedding. But since he had married an older woman who had several kids, I decided Kristopher was right. I needed to talk to Caine. “What time shall I come?”

“Any time you like. I might be a little late but Rayna is there now organizing everything.”

Rayna Redwolf was Jayvyn’s niece. Like Shana, she was a beautiful, full-figured black woman I’d once had a schoolboy crush on. She’d come to my twenty-first birthday party and engaged me in a slow, hot lip lock that had nearly made me come on the spot. Then she’d slapped my ass and told me I was too young and handsome for her and to go enjoy myself with the ladies.

And I had until I met Jasmin. And then Shana. Shana. Damn
.
I missed her.

“Still there, Taylor?”

“Yes. I am. Thanks, Macarik. I’ll see you tonight.”