Shana Mine (11 page)

* * *

My guys were spending Saturday night with me so I only packed an overnight bag and drove to Montgomery County after work where Kristopher had a large modern mansion with an Olympic size and a smaller pool on the grounds of his gated property.

When I arrived
,
the house was lit and several cars were already in the driveway.

Rayna, looking lovelier than ever, opened the door, took one look at my face, and embraced me.

Feeling encased in the strange warmth and empathy she always projected, I returned her embrace, burying my face against her neck briefly before I pulled away.

She reached out to grip my hands, her dark gaze locking on my face. “It’s been ages since we saw each other. How are you, Taylor?”

“I’ve been better,” I admitted.

She nodded, an understanding look in her eyes. “Let’s go into Macarik’s study and talk.”

Even though I’d come to talk to her uncle, I nodded. Underneath the sensual sexiness she projected lay a well of warmth that had always made me feel that no matter what I did, she’d always be willing to offer comfort and a listening, non-judgmental ear.

We we
nt
down the hall to his study. She poured us both a drink and we sat on the loveseat. I spoke in Tsalagi since it was also her native tongue. Even before she said a word, I felt better just having her there listening.

“It sounds like she’s as in love with you as you are with her but is struggling to keep her friendship intact. You can’t really blame her for that, Taylor. When things are darkest, a woman needs her girlfriends more than ever.”

“Even if she’s a bitch?”

She arched a brow. “Her friend is a bitch because she’s still attracted to you?”

I stared at her and then laughed. “No. She’s one because she knows it’s over between us and she’s gone out of her way to ensure Shana and I don’t establish a relationship.”

“A word of advice, Taylor, stop calling her friend a bitch—even if you thinks she is
one
. Romantic relationships—no matter how hot and heavy—often fizzle out and die, but a woman’s best friend is always her best friend.”

“So you think I shouldn’t have tried to force her to choose between us?”

“In a word? Yes. Letting her make the choice herself might have been a wiser way to go. Still, you obviously love her and what woman worth the name could resist you?”

I arched a brow. “You never had a problem doing just that.”

She laughed and leaned forward to kiss me on the corner of my mouth. “Even if I weren’t old enough to be your mother, I’ve always thought of you almost as a younger relative.”

She looked as if she w
as
in her early thirties, but then she’d looked like that since I was a teenager. She, like her three uncles, didn’t appear to have aged at all. I’d decided a long time ago not to delve too deeply into how the four of them manage
d
to look as if they were not aging. When I was around them, the word vampire often came to mind. But since I’d seen them all in daylight, that couldn’t be the explanation for their slow aging.
But who knew
if vampires even existed.

She tilted her head and stared at me.

I
felt
certain she
could read my thoughts
.

She smiled and opened her mouth, revealing perfectly straight, normal teeth. “I have it on good authority that they do indeed exist, but I’m not one of them. But enough about vamps
. W
hat are you going to do about your Shana?”

I sighed, shaking my head. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t you? You love her. She probably loves you. What’s not to know?”

I shrugged. “She has a few hang-ups about our age difference and she’s always dated black men exclusively.”

“So had Jayvyn’s wife and maybe Caine’s too, but I’m not sure about her.
However,
I am sure that you shouldn’t let her slip through your fingers, Taylor.”

I sighed. “I won’t, but she’s probably right about our needing some time apart.”

“Absolutely
. You’re
a young, sexy, Native American hunk at one of Macarik’s parties
. You should
spend the
weekend
having a last fling pleasing the ladies before
you
g
et
down to the business of landing your woman.”

I frowned. “And if she found out?”

“I wouldn’t worry about that. Just be honest about it and if she has any sense, she’
s
do
ing
the same
thing
. And don’t you worry about that either. You both need a couple of romps with other people so there’ll be no doubt how you feel when you see each other again.”

I frowned. “Why haven’t you ever married?”

She sighed. “Because I have three overprotective, intimidating uncles who suffer from the delusion that no man is good enough for me. I’ve always known that I’d have to get them married before I’d have a chance to enjoy a serious relationship myself.”

“Two done and one to go,” I said. Two of her uncles had recently married.

“Yes, but Uncle Connor isn’t going to
be
an easy sell.” She smiled. “That’s why I saved him for last. He’s going to make me work hard to settle him.”

“You deserve to be happy, Rayna.”

“So do you. So fuck your heart out tonight, Taylor.” She kissed me on my lips and left me alone in the room to think—of sex. And more sex. After two weeks of abstinence, I was horny as hell.

The next morning I woke up in one of Macarik’s guest rooms with a pretty, busty naked woman with smooth dark skin lying beside me. For a moment, I stared at her in surprise. Then I remembered Rayna introducing her to me the night before and our tumbling into bed for a series of quick, hard fucks that had satisfied my physical needs while increasing the ache my heart felt for Shana.

When I started to get out of bed, she woke up and slapped my ass, and we ended up fucking again. And again, despite the physical satisfaction, I felt an emotional emptiness that left me longing for my Shana. Apparently, the days when sex without the emotional and mental high I experienced with Shana would suffice were long gone.

Later, as we ate brunch, I realized I had no idea what her name was. From the wary looks she kept casting my way, I had a feeling she couldn’t remember mine either. When I asked if she wanted to go for a drive, she shook her head.

“Thanks, but actually, I’m leaving. It was…nice to meet you,” she said and hurried away.

I wondered who she was trying to fuck out of her system as I packed my bag in preparation for going home. Somehow I hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to Caine but decided I’d call him on Sunday.

My cell phone rang as I was going out to my car. Recognizing Lisa’s ring, I answered. “Hello?”

“Hi, Taylor. Some friends from school are over in Jersey visiting other friends and they’d love to meet the boys and the girls. I know it’s late notice, but I was hoping we could switch Saturdays if you didn’t have anything special planned.”

I didn’t like missing my time with my sons but after a few years of bitter spiteful fights, Lisa and I had finally realized being flexible and reasonable was in the best interests of our sons. Now that she was happily married with two little girls, we enjoyed a pleasant relationship. “Sure.”

“You can have them for the entire weekend next week to make up for tonight.”

“Thanks. Are they there?”

I spoke briefly to them both before I drove home. The house felt empty and I was restless. Keeping my thoughts off Shana proved impossible. After an hour at home alone, I packed another overnight bag and returned to the party.

I was surprised to find Caine lying out by the pool without his wife.

“She and a couple of the other women went riding.” He sat up. “Kristopher tells me you need to talk.”

I nodded. “Do you have a few moments to talk in private?
”

“Sure.” He rose. “Grab a beer and we’ll use Kristopher’s study.”

He drank his beer while I told him about my relationship with Shana. “Do you have any regrets?” I asked.

“About marrying her?” He shook his head. “I’m in love with her. She makes me incredibly happy and I couldn’t be more thrilled to have her as my wife.”

“But you do have some regrets?” I probed.

“As you know, Joya is eleven years older than I am. She has three daughters.”

“And?”

He sighed. “When we met they all developed a crush on me, which made life a little difficult. But since they were all in college, I thought it would be no big deal. After a week or two her older daughters got over it, but her youngest daughter…let’s just say, she’s a pain in the damn ass forever flirting with me and wearing the skimpiest clothes imaginable around me.

“The silly little creature actually thinks she can tempt me away from her mother.” He shook his head. “I swear if she wasn’t Joya’s daughter I’d tell her where the hell she could take her skinny little, flat ass.

“That’s the only fly in the ointment of our otherwise happy marriage. Let’s hope Shana’s daughter doesn’t develop a crush on you.”

“I’ll worry about that if we ever get together again.”

“Is there any doubt that you will?”

“I’m not sure,” I said. “You and Joya don’t have any issues with the age difference?”

“Not anymore. She’s the love of my life and she tells me I am hers. With that going for us, why would we allow something as inconsequential
as
a few years come between us? What more could a man want than I have with her?”

I hesitated before I responded. Caine had no kids and Joya was past the age when she could safely have another child—assuming she even wanted one. “A son?”

He sighed and then slowly nodded. “That would have been nice, but if I had to choose between having a child and Joya, I’d choose her every time.

“You both already have two kids each and aren’t interested in having any more. At your stages in life, those nine years won’t mean anything—unless either of you make an unnecessary issue of it. Once you’re sure she’s the one, I don’t see a downside for you marrying her.”

Caine arched a brow. “We are talking about marriage as your eventual goal. Isn’t it?”

I’d never really felt a pressing need to get married. But then I’d never been in love before. I knew Shana wanted to get married again. And I wanted to make
her
happy. “If I find she’s the one, maybe…probably.”

“If
you have
any doubt
s about that
, now’s the time to resolve them,” he said. “There are a lot of women here who find Native American men mysterious and exciting. As Kristopher would say, make the most of it.”

“Is that what you did during the years you and Joya had that long-distance romance?”

Caine shook his head. “No. I pretty much knew the day we met she was the one for me. Of course, I had no idea it would take six damned years to convince her of the same thing, but I did. She’s everything I ever wanted in a woman, lover, and wife.

“If you find you feel that way about Shana, don’t sweat the small stuff that will work itself out. And don’t hesitate and risk letting her get away. Trust me, Taylor, there’s nothing that compares to being married to a woman who loves you as deeply as you do her. Nothing.”

“You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thanks.”

He nodded and we went back out to the pool.

The ladies’ had returned from their ride and the look of joy I saw on Joya’s face when she saw Caine made me long to see the same look on Shana’s face. But I still wasn’t ready to admit that equated to love.

That
evening
I spent the night with a different woman—with the same result as I’d had the night before. The physical satisfaction alone wasn’t enough anymore. I left Kristopher’s house with the conviction that I’d give it a few more weeks and then it would probably be time to talk to my father and my sons about Shana.

* * *

During the weeks after my return to San Francisco, my job, my kids, and my friends kept me too busy for the next two weeks to have much time to brood over Taylor. And even though I thought of him often, once I was alone and ready for bed, I was generally too tired to do anything other than fall asleep.

At the beginning of the third week, Jasmin returned. I found her waiting for me when I returned home after a late dinner with one of our mutual friends.

“I’m so sorry, Shana,” she said before I could decide if I even wanted to speak to her. “I need you to talk to me. I can’t stand this…division between us. I know it’s my fault and I’m here to make amends, if you’ll let me.”

Her eyes glistened with tears and she looked almost as unhappy as I felt.

I was still pissed but damn if I would lose Taylor and her. I nodded.

We made tea, kicked off our shoes, and sat in my living room staring at each other in silence.

“You really liked him?” she finally asked.

“Liked? No.” I shook my head. “Love? Yes.”

“You loved him?” She bit her lip and gripped her hands. “I know he’s good in bed, but—“

“Just because it was all about the size of his cock for you doesn’t mean that’s all it was for me too!”

“Shana—”

“No! You listen for a change. It was far more than that for me…for us. I felt an emotional connection with him that I haven’t really felt with anyone else, but don’t you worry, Jasmin. When you decided you wanted him back, he pushed me to choose between the two of you and like a fool, I chose you.”

She made a small sound of distress. “And now you’re sorry?”

I bit back the instinctive urge to shout yes. She and I had shared all of the good and bad times in each other’s lives. I couldn’t imagine my life without her as my best friend. “I’m sorry you forced me to choose between you two—especially when we both know you never really wanted him.”

“I didn’t know you felt so strongly about him, Shana.”

I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now because it’s over.”

Tears ran down her cheek as she rose and crossed the room to kneel at my feet. “Oh, girl. I’m so sorry. I never meant to do anything to hurt you. I’ll make it right with him.”

I shook my head. “There’s nothing to make right. I love him and I think he has an affection for me, but he doesn’t love me.”

“Are you sure, Shana?”

I nodded and kneeled besides her, allowing the tears I’d been holding back to run down my cheeks. “If he felt any more than affection for me, he wouldn’t have just let me walk away from him. Or he would at least have followed me or made some effort to contact me.”

“Can you tell me about your week with him?”

Finally. Someone I could talk to about him and the hole the end of our brief relationship had left in my heart.

We rose and shared the loveseat and I told her about my interlude with Taylor.

“You’re probably giving up on him too soon. It’s only been a little over two weeks and—“

“That’s more than enough time, Jasmin. All the real feelings were on my side.”

“How can you say that? I knew him much longer than you did and stayed in Philly for two weeks on three separate occasions while we were dating. Yet, I was never invited to his house and I didn’t even know he had sons. And I couldn’t get him to take a single damned day off from work when I visited. I had to amuse myself during the day while he worked. Now I know why he was never free on Wednesday nights and every other Saturday night.

“I think it’s safe to say he’s already made exceptions for you. Give him time to make the ultimate one and please forgive me, girl. You are the last person I’d ever want to hurt. You know that. Don’t you?”

We’d been through too much to doubt that. Yet, I was still a little pissed but I was unwilling to give up the friendship that had meant so much to me over the years. I nodded.

She compressed her lips and shook her head. “I think you should know that he was more than a little interested in you before you two met. I showed him your picture and I think part of me knew then, it was game over for us. He got this far away look in his eyes and was forever asking questions about you after that.

“When he talked about coming for a visit, I dissuaded him. You know why? Because I think I knew in my heart that he’d be coming to meet you and not see me. I owe you such an apology. I should not have stepped between you two when I knew
what would probably happen
when
you two met. It would have been clear to an idiot that he’d
already fallen for you.

“Once he saw your picture, the heat level in our relationship went from 120 degrees down to about 10. Looking back, he probably only continued it so he could pick my brain about you.”

I stared at her, shocked and hurt by her confession and the realization she had knowingly tried to derail our budding relationship. “Why?”

She sighed. “Because it wasn’t just sex for me with him. I fell for him too, Shana but after he saw your picture, he wanted you. I know this sounds bad and it is, but please forgive me. Yes, I tried to come between you too, but I also brought you two together.”

“And tore us apart, Jasmin! Why? Are you in love with him too?”

“No. I liked him…hell, I still like him a lot, but it hasn’t escalated to love.”

“Damn Jasmin! If you were in love with him too, I could understand your behavior. But you forced me to choose between you and him for no real reason. I’ve lost the man I love because you couldn’t accept the fact that he preferred me to you.”

She bit her lip, shaking her head. “I have no excuse for what I did. I don’t know why I did it, but I am so sorry. Forgive me?”

I shook my head. “Right now I think we need some space and I need to evaluate our friendship.”

“Shana—”

“No, Jasmin. I need to get to a place again where I don’t feel as if my feelings are so inconsequential to you that you’d find doing something like that acceptable.”

“Oh, girl, please. I’m so sorry.”

I took a deep breath and looked away from her tears. “Just give me a few weeks to deal with everything and then we’ll talk again.”

“I got a little crazy because he’s so good in bed, but—”

“I really don’t want to hear how good you think he is in bed, Jasmin. I don’t want to hear anything about either one of you. He’s out of my life for good and I want you out of it for the next few weeks.

“Just leave me alone to deal with things and we’ll talk in a few weeks and figure out how to get our friendship back on track.”

She nodded and left in tears. Alone, I got in bed and spent most of the night crying for the ache for Taylor that seemed to grow more intense with each passing day and for the damage my friendship with Jasmin had suffered. If I’d had any real hope that Taylor might one day fall in love with me, I would gladly have tossed my pride aside and rushed back to Philadelphia and into his arms.

I spent the next two weeks writing and managed to finish my first full-length romance. To celebrate, I had dinner with my kids and went to a swinger’s weekend retreat with Jasmin. We solidified our friendship and each had two one-night stands.

Both the m
e
n I slept with were adequate in bed and kept me occupied and sexed up for the weekend. But I returned home more in love with Taylor than ever.

I spent a few days in the office
. During slow periods of the day, I managed to find a freelance editor with the experience to edit my book. After a little haggling, we agreed on a price and I sent my book to her to for editing. When she finished the edits, I planned to self-publish it.

Feeling restless and lonely, I started on a sequel to the book I’d finished. However
, I couldn’t concentrate on writing fictional love scenes when I longed to create real ones with Taylor.