Shared by Her Soldiers (17 page)

The more seconds that ticked by without anyone saying something—the room was completely silent, save for the sound of her frantic breathing and the occasional clink of ice against glass—the more tense she became. She knew she was in for it, but she just wished one of them would tell her how bad. She knew she’d earned it, whatever it was, but she’d much prefer being scolded to this isolating silence.

Just when she’d about worked up the nerve to ask how much longer it would be, her ears perked up when she heard Sean speak.

“Are you ready for her, Jarrod?”

“To be honest, I’m too mad to spank her right now.”

She couldn’t help but flinch. She knew he was mad at her, but it was much worse than she’d thought. If he was too angry to spank her, it could only be because he was afraid he’d take it too far. The thought of Jarrod,
her
Jarrod, being too angry to stay in control was a shocking one. So much so, that his words shook her to the core.

“I’ll do it.”

“Just a warm-up, please. I want to make this one especially memorable.”

Ooh, that didn’t sound good. Not one bit.

“Kaitlyn, you heard him. Come here.”

She slowly rose to her feet and turned around to face them. She’d had a witty comment about them forgetting her on the tip of her tongue, but once she saw their stone-like faces, she swallowed it back and ducked her head. She made her way to Sean, allowing him to pull her over his lap once she’d reached him.

“I don’t think I have to tell you how disappointed I am in you,” he began with a long sigh.

This was new. Jarrod was usually the talker.

“No, sir.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that you grasp the seriousness of the situation, but I’m going to give you a quick recap anyway.”

She took a deep breath, bracing for it, but nothing could have prepared her for what Sean said next, or how much it hurt.

“Jarrod has been our closest friend ever since I’ve known you. He was my best friend long before that. He was my best man, and he took damn good care of you while I was overseas. You should respect him, you should value his friendship and be thankful for all that he’s done for us, but instead, like a willful little brat, you chose to disregard everything he’s done and to spit in the face of that friendship.”

She inhaled sharply, his words hitting her square in the heart. When Sean’s hand began smacking down on her bare ass—he’d called it a warm-up, but it was far from a light one, as he was hitting heavy right from the get-go—his words rang throughout her head over and over again. He couldn’t mean it. He had to know that she loved Jarrod, that she treasured his friendship… but how would he? Her actions certainly hadn’t proven it. And if Sean thought it then Jarrod certainly did. The thought was crushing. It was that realization, more than the ever-growing pain in her cheeks that made the tears come.

What was it about a spanking that made you look back on the decisions you’d made and regret them? Perhaps it was the pain that came with being found out. Upon reflection, it felt like it had been someone else who’d badmouthed Jarrod to a stranger. It had to be, because she knew better. She knew that he was a wonderful man who deserved to be happy, whether it came from Jamie or some other girl.

If Jarrod wanted to be with someone, it was none of her business. If he decided having a girlfriend would make him happy, shouldn’t she want that for him after everything he’d done for her? She’d been selfish and cruel and she hadn’t benefited one iota from it. No one had, in fact.

“What was that?”

“W-what?” she cried back when Sean paused the spanking.

“You said something.”

Had she been thinking out loud? “I… I just said that I was selfish and… c-cruel. I had no right to do what I did. If Jarrod wants a girlfriend… then he should have one.”

“Well, that’s very big of you.”

She knew that Sean wasn’t trying to make fun of her, though he couldn’t seem to hide the amusement in his voice, so she tried not to take it personally.

“I really
am
sorry. So very sorry. If I could take it back, I swear I would.”

“Jar?”

She froze, waiting to hear what Jarrod would say in response to her apology. She didn’t really expect to be forgiven—she didn’t know if she could forgive herself—but it would still be nice to know that he could look at her without wanting to punch a wall.

“I think a few more and her warm-up will be done. Two dozen should do it.”

A
few
more? Two dozen was
a few
? But she didn’t get time to voice her question—not that she would have, given how deep she’d already dug herself in—before Sean was already carrying it out. His hand beat a rapid tattoo up and down her ass cheeks faster than she could count. It happened so fast that it literally took her breath away. When she got it back, it was only long enough to sob.

By the time he was helping her up, her cheeks were prickly and hot and her face was streaked with tears. She looked at him timidly, expecting the same stern glare, but was surprised to see him gazing tenderly at her. She was surprised even more when he leaned over and kissed her wet, salty cheek. Kaitlyn leaned into him, enjoying his comforting embrace for a moment.

“I want you to go sit in your punishment chair,” Jarrod ordered, his voice matter-of-fact. “There, you will write a letter to Jamie explaining everything that you told me.”

“E-everything?” she gulped.

“Well, you could maybe leave out the parts about wanting him all for yourself,” Sean murmured with a wink.

She smiled timidly, but when Jarrod stared back, unmoved, her smile fell away.

“Tell you what, you write what you think is appropriate and I’ll read it when you’re done. If I don’t like it, you’ll start over.”

She gave him a solemn nod and walked over to where the chair was placed. She struggled to turn it around to face the table, but she made it. Then she sat, not without wincing, waiting for pen and paper to be brought to her. Sean brought her what she needed, giving her hand a quick squeeze. She’d never thought she’d see the day where Jarrod would play the part of the hard-ass and Sean would try to make her feel better, but here they were.

Kaitlyn stared down at the blank piece of paper in front of her, wondering where to begin. The thing was, she didn’t even quite understand herself what had happened. It was like another person had invaded her body and said awful, terrible things and she didn’t know why. But she didn’t know how likely Jamie would be to buy the body-snatcher explanation and she
knew
Jarrod wouldn’t go for it, so she dropped it.

Dear Jamie
, she began, just to get started. She took her time and wrote neatly, because she was stumped after that and she wanted to give the impression of being hard at work for as long as possible. Now what? Was she supposed to say “how are you?” She doubted Jarrod would appreciate it.

I owe you an apology.

Well, that was simple enough. Now, what was she apologizing for?

I feel I might have misled you when we spoke the other day
.

She paused and reread what she had so far. Hmm. The truth was, she
had
misled her, and on purpose. So she carefully crossed out the “might have.”

Jarrod is actually a very kind, caring person, nothing like the one I described to you. He certainly would never cheat on his girlfriend, if he had one. Which he doesn’t—he is very single, just as you’d heard.
I’m sorry for misleading you. It was wrong, to both you and Jarrod and I humbly ask you to forgive me.

Once she’d signed her name she stared down at it once more, wondering if it would be good enough. Deciding that she’d never know until she asked, she stood up, grateful to be away from that awful scratchy wood if only for a few moments. She walked toward the men who were relaxing on the couch where they had full view of everything she was doing. When she reached them, she bowed her head and stretched her hand out toward Jarrod. She kept her eyes on the floor, even when she felt him take it from her hand. She was antsy, nervous butterflies flitting around her tummy as she waited to see what the verdict would be.

“Hmm,” Jarrod said, and she heard the flutter of paper being set down. “This is a start.”

A start? What else was there to say?

“You don’t ever say
why
you chose to lie.”

Kaitlyn lifted her head to look him in the eye. She was relieved to see that while he still looked at her with hard eyes, he didn’t flinch when she met his eyes. “I don’t know.”

He scoffed, but it was Sean that spoke up. “Come on, Kaitlyn. That’s bull. Of course you do.”

As much as she hated to contradict them, she bit her lip and shook her head.

“I guess you need more time in the chair then,” Jarrod decreed.

“No, please. If I knew, I swear I’d tell you.”

“Then I suggest you think very hard.” When he turned away from her, she knew she’d been dismissed.

She sighed and turned around, trudging back to the chair as slowly as she could. Slow or not, she still made it back, and before she knew it that rough, unvarnished wood was poking into her tender, spanked flesh. That was bad enough, but to add salt to her wound, she had to sit there and think about a mistake she’d rather forget.

Jamie was waiting in her mind’s eye, looking all petite and gorgeous and it set her teeth on edge. If it had been any other guy… but no, it had been
her
guy! Or her… her something. She didn’t know exactly what, and that was the problem, wasn’t it? She’d felt like her territory was being threatened when she wasn’t even sure it was hers to begin with. It was confusing and heart-wrenching and strange. And she just hadn’t been able to stomach the idea of Jarrod going out with some girl when he wouldn’t even
talk
to her. At least, not until they figured out what this whole thing meant.

But she’d been a fool. She’d been the one wanting something that she couldn’t even name, and she apparently was the only one. So to tally it up, she’d been mean, spiteful, she’d lied, and she’d also been blind to boot. She’d been chasing something that no one else seemed to want. How much more pathetic could you get?

Ashamed, Kaitlyn felt hot tears begin to course down her cheeks. She’d never thought she would be a girl to pursue someone who didn’t want her back. Besides, had she forgotten that she already had the best husband a girl could ask for? Sean had been right there beside her, and she’d still gone after something else. Not that she wanted him out of the picture—he, in fact, was very much a part of what she’d been yearning for, but still, if she couldn’t have that she should have been satisfied with what she did have right in front of her. Wasn’t it more than enough?

“Kaitlyn? Is your ass hurting, or do you have something to tell us?”

With a loud sniffle, she wiped her eyes and stood up. She walked toward them once more, but when she got there, she dropped to her knees, kneeling in front of them. She didn’t know why, it just felt like the right thing to do.

“I made a big mistake,” she began, thinking how best to put her revelation into words. “I lied, and I hurt Jamie with my lies, even if she doesn’t know it yet. And worse, I hurt you, Jarrod.” She sucked in her breath and somehow found the courage to look at him. “I never, ever should have said those things. They’re the furthest thing from the truth. You are an amazing man and any woman would be lucky to have you. The trouble is… well, I guess I was jealous.”

“Jealous?” he echoed, as though the word was unfamiliar to him.

“Yes, jealous. When I spoke to Jamie, well, you’d stopped coming around and I missed you. And the thought of someone else getting to spend time with you when I couldn’t… it was a very spur-of-the moment decision, and a bad one, I know that. But I guess I felt like if I couldn’t see you, then no one should.”

“I see.”

At least he didn’t sound like he wanted to strangle her anymore. That gave her the courage to continue. “I know that things… that what happened between all of us… it was weird, I guess. I mean, most people would think it was. But I-I don’t know, having the two of you like that, all to myself… I’ve never felt so loved in all my life. And I
do
love you, Jarrod. Maybe I shouldn’t feel it as strongly as I do, but I can’t help it.”

She quickly looked at Sean, horrified that he might have taken it the wrong way, but he was giving her a small, reassuring smile that quickly dispelled her fears. She beamed back at him, relieved. At least she’d put it out there, and no matter what Jarrod had to say now, she knew that she and Sean were going to be just fine. That was more than a lot of people got.

“I’m sorry.”

The kind, soft-spoken words turned her attention back to Jarrod. He was staring at her thoughtfully, his brown eyes gentle. Seeing him look like himself again filled her with a rush of affection that made her feel warm from the inside out.

“I was just busy, honey.” He lifted a hand and stroked the side of her cheek for a moment. “I got a new project at work and I’ve been putting in long hours. I haven’t had much time between work to eat or sleep. Believe me, I would have loved to be here instead.”

“Really?” she asked, hardly daring to hope.

“You have my word. I never meant for you to think it was anything else, but knowing you as I do, I should have anticipated it. And for that, I
am
sorry, Kate.”

She felt so relieved that she could have melted into a puddle right then and there.

“I should have called you and let you know what was going on, or given Sean a message. That was my mistake. But the phone works both ways, you know.”

“I know,” she mumbled.

“No matter what, you didn’t have the right to spread lies about me.”

“I know.” She hung her head.

“Do you have any idea what that could mean for my career if those things were to get back to the general?”

Kaitlyn gasped and her eyes widened. She’d never thought about that! “But… but they won’t. Jamie wouldn’t…”