Shark Out of Water (Grab Your Pole, #3) (64 page)

“No, I take that back, I did, I just wasn’t paying attention to what my gut was telling me, so when we got a little carried away and I found myself thinking of her like she was mine and only mine, and wanting to take
care
of her and all that shit I told you about last weekend…well, it wasn’t just straight up sex. And she cried. Dude, it was just…I dunno. I mean from jump there was so much more that went with it and after not feeling a single thing with the first chick and not a whole lot more with the second, I think I was in shock.

“So anyway, I told you some of this already, but after our last time in the desert, I stayed awake almost all night worrying that she’d regret me, hating the idea that she wasn’t actually mine, and once I did pass out, I had fuckin’ nightmares about her haulin’ ass home to go screw the joystick, which,
uhuhuh
, that
really
fucking bothered me, because, you know, she was mine. Period. But, I had no say. I was the dirty little secret and I was gonna stay that way because I really fucking cared about her and wanted her to be happy, and I didn’t want her to feel guilty for how I felt on top of not feeling right about screwin’ around on the joystick.

“But then the day we all left, she and I got in an argument and by the end of it, she was gonna break up with him for me but, she didn’t wanna come clean to any of you. So, I balked on taking her as mine again until she did. I mean, you’ve seen what guilt did to my dad and my family, so you fuckin’
know
I wasn’t gonna have her forever feelin’ like shit about cheating with me and lying about it because she would never really be mine if she did, and she’d never be able to
breathe
freely without a clean conscience.”

I was nodding, understanding for the first time really that this
whole
time, Brandon saw and understood guilt probably better than anyone, and without coming right out and telling me what to do, he’d been trying to get me to see that I needed to confess to the person I’d wronged because the longer I waited to do that, the harder it would be to do for one thing, but I also wouldn’t ever get what I really needed and that was forgiving grace from
myself
.

“How was the not straight up sex the first time?” I’m dying to know. Honestly. It’s making me nuts.

He looked at me and chuckled. “It was fuckin’ hot and it was fuckin’ over…really quick.”

“How quick?” I asked automatically, this being the crux of my internal insecurity.

“Under four minutes. I was
humbled
, dude. Fuckin’ humbled. How long’d you go?”

“Well, I hit some speed bumps, but once the road was clear, about the same. What the fuck is that
about
?”

“The girl.”

“Really?”
God, I hope so…

“That’s what I’m tellin’ myself.”

“Huh. I sure hope you’re not lying to yourself…”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Condom or no condom?”

“Wrapped.”

“Have you gone without?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you notice a difference?”

“Yeah but it’s the least of the evils so I just deal.
But
, here’s something I haven’t figured out yet…almost every fucking time I’ve gone commando with Melissa, I don’t get out in time. I didn’t have a problem doin’ it before her though, so I don’t know if that has anything to do with it or not.”

“Interesting.”

“Yeah, isn’t it?”

We stood there for a minute, both of us doing some mental head scratching as we tried to figure out what it is with our individual organs and their responses to our respective girls when Camie walked up.

“Hey Baby,” I said, pulling her into a tight hug and kissing her on the head.

“Are you putting them away?” She asked me and stroked the unicorn’s mane. Amalthea had been totally satisfied with the attention Brandon had been giving her so when Camie pet her, she snorted like she was either startled or just being a bitch. I’m gonna go with bitch, though, because she’s still making eyes at Brandon.

“Be nice, he has a girlfriend already so you can’t have him,” I told her and then answered Camie, “Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“Oh, I dunno…I was thinking it might be fun to go for a ride,” she replied and started walking backwards in the direction of the stables with a little bit of a devious twinkle in her eyes.

My brows rose automatically of their own accord, as did another part of my body in anticipation. “Yeah? Right now?”

“Giddyup, cowboy,” she said in answer and then she turned around and kept walking.

I looked at Brandon and abruptly said, “I gotta go.” And then leaving him standing there with Amalthea shamefully fawning over him, I sprinted after Camie, but called back over my shoulder to him, “The unicorn has a crush on you by the way, have fun with that!”

In our “ride,” I tried to remind myself that it’s quality that matters and just tried to accept it for what it’s worth. Which, originally, was worth letting go of control and taking a risk in living life without accidentally creating a new one. And, happily, I can report that even though we pulled an all night study session the night before, Camie flunked the test I’d given her that afternoon. When I came back to let out a huge sigh of relief in reading the negative results, she and I talked some more about us, my nightmare, and my upcoming procedure, and Camie’s totally got my back on the vasectomy.

Our conversation was like none other as we were more transparent and candid with each other than we’ve ever been with anyone. We talked like we’re actually true partners in life. We’re still not promising or even saying we’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together, but we
are
gonna live like we are until we decide that we either want to make a lifelong commitment, or, until we decide once and for all that we’re done putting up with each other’s shit. So from now on, all the decisions that get made will be made with each other’s input. We’re not gonna withhold information from each other because it’s honest to God poison for us, and we don’t wanna go back through any of what we just barely survived. Even if we’re afraid of what might happen, we know we owe it to ourselves and to each other to be forthright and honest.

So in keeping with all of that, Camie admitted that because she’s still undecided on where she stands on wanting children, she was excessively relieved to hear that I was smart enough to at least let them freeze my swimmers in case I change my mind. And even though I’m dead set on it, I admitted to being nervous about it. I mean come on, what guy wouldn’t be nervous about his dick goin’ under the knife? But in explaining the details and what recovery is gonna be like, and how she now fits into things, I was able to let go of some, not all, but some of my anxiety.

She also understands that I’m most likely gonna be bonkers for the rest of the month and she’s willing to do whatever it is that she can do to help me not pull my hair out waiting, which is why she didn’t argue in the slightest about taking that pregnancy test. She knew I needed it so I would be able to relax and enjoy myself as well as her during the party. And yeah, I know I’m not gonna really know for sure if I’m gonna have to face my darkest nightmare for roughly fourteen days, but, I gotta do what I can for a little peace of mind on that front because otherwise, I won’t be able to live my dream. And since I’ve kinda got an active imagination and Camie’s back to starring in my dreams, I don’t wanna miss out on
any
part of them, because
damn
. That’s all I can say. Well, I should probably say one more thing because it’s how this all works; you know, those are the rules…

So, for giving me life and the chance to live it with Camie, thanks, God, You’re the best.

Epilogue

Wednesday, Week Five

The stuff of fairytales ~ Pete

“So, like…how bad is it?” I asked when Tristan tried shifting a little in the beanbag he was lying in while he and I played Playstation 3.

I couldn’t help asking. I took him to the appointment, waited forty-five minutes to an hour in the bookstore across the street from the hospital, and then I came back to collect him. He looked sorta loopy but the first thing out of his mouth was, “Just don’t,” which he meant as a warning to not use the link that’s completely locked in place now to see what it was like or how he was feeling. And I didn’t wanna know. At first. However, my curiosity has been eating at me.

“Pete man, there was cauterizing. You don’t wanna know any more than that…trust me,” he answered, shaking his head and then grimacing as he shifted again, “
Shit
. I think this was a
really
fuckin’ bad idea…”

My head whipped around to look at him in shock. “Jesus Christ!
Now
it’s a bad idea?! Little late, don’t ya think?!”

He looked at me in painful confusion. “Wha—? Oh, no. No, not gettin’ clipped…the beanbag…I think I’m fucked.”

“Oh…Jesus. I thought you meant—
Ooohhh
…huh. Well, let’s see about gettin’ you out of it…where do you wanna move to?” I asked when I got what he was talking about. He’s stuck.

He tossed the previously frozen bag of peas aside and together we managed to get him to his feet but once he was up, I couldn’t help but think that with all the grimacing, swearing, and groaning he did that he’d have rather just stayed in the beanbag for the next seventy-two hours, or, until he dies, whichever comes first. He was just crawling into his bed—literally crawling and slowly at that—when Camie walked in. She and I shared a quick look in which I shook my head to inform her that he’s not a happy camper. She set her stuff down; including an overly large box wrapped in birthday paper, and then carefully crawled into bed with him. His parents had left on a trip earlier this afternoon and he hadn’t told them what he was doing, so I’m staying the night to make sure he’s okay and doesn’t need anything, however, it felt like he and Camie could use some privacy so I decided to make myself scarce for a bit. And I didn’t really wanna eavesdrop on them but as I was gathering my keys and stuff, I couldn’t not listen to the tender intimacy that was passing back and forth between them. They knew I was there but, to them, no one else existed. It was…touching.

“How’d it go?”

“I hurt, Baby…” Tristan kind of whimpered to Camie as she snuggled down next to him so that they were close and facing each other.

“Aw, I know…did you take your pain pills?” She asked gently.

“Mm-hm. I didn’t wanna…Pete made me. He’s mean.”

This was something he and I had a short argument about earlier. An argument I won. He told me that from now on, he’s gonna be one hundred percent clean and sober and he wanted to recover without drugs; however using prescription drugs for the real pain he’s in isn’t like using them just to get high. He was being stubborn and I was goin’ along with it at first, but after I’d helped him climb the stairs and by the time we’d gotten to his room, he was shaking and sweating, and so pasty pale that he was almost white, so I forced him. Actually, I told him I’d call Camie and tell on him. It totally worked. He told me to fuck off and then downed his pain meds without further argument.

“He’s not mean, he’s smart.”

“Well I don’t like him.”

“Yes, you do,” she said indulgently, “And you’ll feel better soon. Now, are you hungry? Do you want me to make you something?”

“Mm-mm…and, Baby?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you a whole fuckin’ lot, you know that, but, I don’t like your cooking.”

“Huh. I don’t like how you cook either…”

“So I guess we just eat take-out for the rest of our lives?”

“Works for me,” she answered and then cozied up a little more to him, being careful to not move too much, “Oh! I almost forgot…I brought you a birthday present.”

He looked at her and I saw the first glimpse of an almost smile brighten his face. “Yeah?”

“Mm-hm, you wanna open it?”

“Mm-hm,” he replied and then winced when he went to pull her a little closer to him. Then he sighed and rolled his eyes. “Maybe later after the stupid drugs kick in…”

“Aw, Tristan…what can I do to help y—”

“Nothing, Baby…I chose to do this to myself,” he interrupted, being a cross between petulant, irritated, and, discouraged.

“I know, I just wanna make you feel better…oh, wait…maybe this’ll help,” she said and reached into her back pocket to produce an approximately four inch long, thin something-or-other wrapped up in the same birthday paper the big box was wrapped in, “It’s not really a gift, I just thought it would be more fun like this…”

He tore the paper off and this time, a true smile spread across his face when he read what I’m guessing were the negative results of the pregnancy test she’d given him. “Aw Baby, this is the best birthday present ever,” he told her, still looking at the little wand he was holding. Then looking back to her, they were quiet as they just gazed into each other’s eyes a long moment before he whispered, “God, I love you…”

I don’t think he even meant to say it out loud as the message was being broadcasted loud and clear without speech. However, when she didn’t say anything in return but continued to look into his eyes like she was speaking directly to his soul, I took that as my cue to finally leave them so they could continue professing their heartfelt words, silent as they were, in true privacy.

As I walked downstairs, I found myself being introspective. I admit that up until very recently, a real relationship with a girl has never really been something I put much effort into because it hasn’t been something I was all that interested in having, but watching Tristan and Camie; I couldn’t help being a little envious. Don’t get me wrong; I couldn’t be happier that everything has finally worked out for them. I mean, separately they went through hell and somehow managed to not burn up during their time in that fiery realm, but rather, they rose from the flames like a pair of phoenixes, together and holding hands, even stronger than they were before and in my eyes, that’s miraculous. It’s the stuff that fairytales are made of. But, that’s just it. I want that. It’s foreign for me to want something like that, but, I do. I want my own fairytale and I know who I want to play the princess. And I might even be able to have what I want if not for one, teeny-tiny problem.