Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1) (11 page)

“Wait, what?” Andrew asks, his voice sharp. I open my eyes at his tone. Now he sounds angry. The sweetness has gone from his voice. For the first time his gaze flickers to my scar before landing back on my eyes. “Why in the fuck would you think you’re not worth it? Bailey, I may not know you, but I do know you’re worth it. If I swung the other way, I would make it my life’s mission to protect you from guys like Shady. Hell, even with my preference, I would still kill any man that has such a small nut sack that he gets off on hurting women. Women are precious creatures that should never have to put up with assholes like him. You
are
worth it, Bailey, don’t ever forget that.”

I don’t get a chance to reply because I see Jaxon out the corner of my eye walking out of the hallway. Andrew drops his hand and we both glance up to watch him make his way towards Shady’s table. Shady has his back to Jaxon so he’s clueless he has a very pissed off tattooed guy storming towards him.

When Jaxon gets to his table, he says not one word to him before he grabs the back of Shady’s head and slams it face first against the wood. He then bends down to whisper something in his ear. Jaxon yanks Shady from his chair, still holding onto his neck and starts marching him towards the door. People are scrambling to get out of his way. Shady’s two friends begin to rise from their seats to follow, but Jaxon turns and points to them while saying something. It’s too loud in the bar to catch what he says but whatever it is it causes them to sit back down. Jaxon and Shady disappear out the door.

I turn wide eyes to Andrew and ask, “What is he going to do?”

“He’s gonna teach that stupid fuck to not mess with what’s his.”

“What! No! I’m not his, Andrew! I could never be his! I don’t want to be his! What if he gets hurt? You can’t let him do this! You have to go out there to make sure he’s okay!” I can’t believe this is happening. Why do men think they can just claim a woman and expect them to be okay with it? I’ve had enough violence to last me a lifetime. I want nothing to do it. Nothing is ever solved through violence.

Why would Jaxon even want me? I’m flawed, on the inside and out. He knows this. I’ve never given him a reason to think that I want him in that way. Yes, he’s becoming a friend, even though I vowed to not let people get close to me, but there could never be more than that.

I’m breathing heavily now. I’m confused. I can’t let Jaxon beat the crap out of someone under the misguided sense that I belong to him. I don’t understand why Jaxon would even think that. I also feel protective of him. I can’t stand the thought that at this very moment he may be getting hurt. I don’t want him as a woman wants a man, but I certainly don’t want him hurt. The very thought makes my heart ache.

My eyes are pleading with Andrew to go out there to check on Jaxon.

“Bailey, sweetie, he’s fine. Trust me. Jaxon is definitely not the person hurting right now. As far as you being his, you may as well get used to it now. You are definitely his. It doesn’t have to be a scary thing though. He considers Mia, Anna, and his Gram his as well and if it were any of them that was in your shoes he would be exactly where he is right now doing exactly what he’s doing. Jaxon is fiercely loyal and protective of his family. He’s latched onto you so you’re now considered part of that group. Embrace it Bailey. I don’t know what kind of family you have but know that you’ve just gained an exceptional one.”

I want so much for his words to be true, but I know they can’t be. One day soon, once I save enough money, I’ll have to leave. The bonds that are starting to form between me and these amazing people will break and they’ll hate me. I don’t understand it, but for some reason these people like me and they think I’m worth something. When I leave, they’ll see that it was all a lie and they’ll be glad that I’m gone. The thought brings the never ending water works to my eyes.

Just then Jaxon pushes through the door and he immediately zeros in on me. He’s breathing heavily and I see his fists clenching and unclenching. I can’t really tell because of the low lights, but it looks like his knuckles have a few scratches on them.

He starts stalking towards the bar, stopping briefly to talk to a huge man that’s standing beside the door. The man disappears through the doors. When Jaxon gets to the partition, he lifts it and then lets it drop behind him, causing a loud bang. He walks straight up to me and wraps his big hands around the sides of my head. The back of his fingers sift through my hair while the palms rest on either side of my cheeks. What is up with people touching my face?

He bends down low so we are on the same level, his eyes darting back and forth searching mine, “Are you okay?”

There’s not a mark on his beautiful face and I release a sigh of relief. I thank God that he was not hurt.

“Yes, I’m okay. What did you do to Shady?” I ask nervously, not sure if I want to know the answer.

The colors in his gorgeous eyes seem to swirl and I feel his fingers flex slightly in my hair.

“Nothing that you need to worry about, Angel.”

I nod my head, leaving it at that.

“Give me just a couple minutes and I’ll take you up to the apartment. You’re done for the night.” He pulls my head forward and plants a soft kiss on my forehead.

“But I can’t leave Mia and Andrew to work alone. It’s too busy in here. They need my help.” I protest, not sure if what I say was true or I’m just using it as an excuse. Sure, the place is hopping, but I’m sure Mia and Andrew can handle it on their own. It’s the thought of being completely alone with Jaxon that makes me uneasy. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that. I haven’t had enough time to resign myself to it. I know he won’t hurt me, but it’s still terrifying. Yes, I was alone with him in his office, but the door was open. The apartment is on a whole different level.

“Angel, Mia and Andrew can handle it. They’ve been doing it for weeks now. They’ll be fine. You look dead on your feet. You need a good night’s sleep in a warm comfortable bed. I’ll be right back.” And with that he turns and walks away before I get a chance to protest further.

I take in a much-needed breath and rub my tired eyes. He’s right; I am dead on my feet. It’ll be a nice change to sleep in an actual bed. There were a few motels that I’ve slept in since the beginning of my trip, but not many. I’m really looking forward to sleeping in nice, smooth, clean sheets. I can already feel the softness of the mattress beneath me and I sway a little.

I reach down beneath the bar and grab my purse. I let Mia and Andrew know that I’m leaving and that Jaxon was going to show me the apartment upstairs. We say our goodbyes and I walk from behind the bar and sit down on one of the stools, waiting for Jaxon to come and get me.

––––––––

W
hen Jaxon comes back, he goes to Mia and Andrew and speaks with them for a minute. Mia hands him something and he slips it into his back pocket. When he reaches me, he holds out his hand that has the leather wristband around it, waiting for me to grab it. When I don’t immediately reach out, he takes a step closer to me.

“It’s okay, Bailey. I won’t hurt you.” He says in his gravelly voice.

I look from his hand to his eyes. The emotion that I see there breaks me. They look sad. For some reason, it’s important for Jaxon that I trust him. I wonder why that is. It’s so hard for me to trust people. Why would I when it’s only caused me pain in the past” The only person I fully trust is Chris, but I’m realizing that there may be more people in my life that aren’t out to hurt me; Jaxon is one of them.

“I know,” I say softly.

Although I’m still not quite there yet I hesitantly place my hand in Jaxon’s. He visibly relaxes a little and I see pleasure replace the sadness in his eyes that I just saw a minute ago. A small smile tips up the corners of his lips. His hand is warm and I feel the calluses that must run along the base of his fingers. He grips my hand firmly but not too tight. The feeling is unfamiliar to me, but it’s pleasant. It makes me feel like he has no intention of letting it go, but in a good way. Like no matter what happens, he’ll always be there for me.

He leads the way and I trail behind him until we reach the back door that leads outside. He pushes it open and we step outside into the cool night air. Once outside, we turn left and a few feet away is another door that I didn’t notice when I got here this afternoon. He pulls out a set of keys and unlocks the door.

“When this place was built they decided to put the entrance to the stairs that leads to the apartment outside. It’s supposed to give the person that’s living here a sense of privacy.” His voice echoes off the cream colored walls as we make our way up a flight of stairs.

There’s a white door at the top of the stairs and we stop again as he unlocks it. Before we step through he turns to face me.

“As I said before, it’s not much, but it’s better than sleeping in your car. My great-grandfather built this place when he was young and single so he didn’t need a lot of room. It should have everything that you need though.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Jaxon. I’m just grateful you’re allowing me to stay here.”

He tucks a piece of hair that has fallen from my ponytail behind my ear. “Anything for you, Angel.”

He turns back around and pushes the door open. We walk through the doorway and I immediately know that I’m going to love living here. Even though it won’t technically be
my
place, it’ll still be my place. I’ve never lived on my own before. While in college Chris and I shared an apartment. The thought of living by myself is a little scary, but I’m looking forward to the new experience.

The apartment is really small and has an open floor plan. The living room that sits off to the left is only big enough for a flower print couch, a single coffee table, and a TV stand. To the right, with no walls separating the two is the kitchen. There’s a fridge and a stove, with a counter and cabinets between them. One other counter sits to the right of the stove with cabinets above and below it as well. Straight ahead there is a cute, small wooden table pushed up against the window that sits three people.

Still holding my hand Jaxon leads me into the kitchen and starts opening cabinets to show me the contents.

“I try to keep it stocked with necessary items a person would need while staying here. There’s plates, glasses, pots, silverware, and a few other items you’ll need.”

He steps over to another cabinet, opening it.

“I wasn’t sure what types of food you like so I had Anna get a variety of things.”

Next, we step to the fridge and he releases my hand to open it. My mouth drops open when I see what’s inside. It’s slam full with a wide range of items.

“Jaxon! You didn’t have to buy all this food!” I exclaim. He must have spent a fortune on all this food. The cabinets are overflowing with food as well. I’m mortified. He must know that I couldn’t really afford to go shopping yet and decided to buy the whole grocery store to make sure I had enough to eat.

He confirms my fears when he says, “It’s no big deal, Angel. I know things are tight right now for you until you get on your feet.”

I feel so embarrassed. He must think me some helpless creature that he, for some reason, feels he has to take care of. I look down at my feet as I feel heat creeping up my face.

“I’ll pay...” I start, but he interrupts me.

“No, Bailey. I don’t want your money.”

“But...” Again, I don’t get to finish what I was going to say.

“Angel, I’m not going to take your money, okay? Please, just leave it. Everyone needs to eat. Besides, it benefits me as well. You need to eat well in order to be in top shape for work.”

Okay, that’s logical, but I still know he’s just using that as an excuse. What I don’t understand is why. Why is he so bent on helping me? I’ve asked myself this several times and I still don’t know the answer. So I ask him.

“Why? Why are you so adamant on helping me? I just don’t understand. You’re being so nice to me and you don’t really know me. Why would you do that for someone you don’t know? What do you get from all this?” My breathing has escalated. Normal people aren’t like Jaxon. They don’t just help random people. Or, if they do, they expect something in return. As much as I don’t want to believe it, there must be something Jaxon wants in return. It’s the only reason I can think of why he would want to help me so badly. He told me earlier that no woman should fear a man but him buying me food to last me a month has nothing to do with fear.

Jaxon steps closer to me, shortening the distance between us.

“I’m helping you because we all need help sometimes, even when we don’t want to ask for it. I’m helping you because I see something in your eyes that compels me towards you.” He slides his hand around the back of my neck into my hair. The rough pad of his thumb starts rubbing along the bottom of my jaw and I close my eyes at the sensation it brings me. His touch is light and it sends shivers down my spine. I slowly open my eyes when he continues.

“I have this uncontrollable need to be near you, to protect you, to make sure you have what you need to be okay. I don’t know why I have this need or why it’s you, but it’s there. And I know,
I know,
that if I don’t follow this need I will hurt. No, I don’t know you, but I want to. I want to know everything about you, even the things that you’re scared to tell me, especially those. As far as wanting something in return, the only thing I want is a chance to get to know you, to earn your trust enough to give me that chance.”

I suck in a breath at his words and the sincerity in his eyes. Why this man feels the urge to help me is a mystery. What he sees in me, I have no clue. What I do know is that I want, with every fiber of my being, to trust him enough to give him what he wants. I’ve only known him a few days, but there’s something about him that pulls me towards him as well. I just don’t know if I’ll ever get to the point where I can completely trust him. Besides, it’s much too dangerous to tell him all my secrets. Jaxon is the type that would seek vengeance on those that hurt the people he’s close to. I can never take that chance. He’s already becoming too important. Not to mention the fact that if I let him too close, it’ll hurt a thousand times worse when I leave.