Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1) (6 page)

I slowly start to realize that it’s not Steven’s arms that I’m wrapped in. These arms are much stronger and firmer. They are gentle and warm. They wrap around me as though I’m in a cocoon. They’re not hurting me. They have a firm hold around me, but it’s not suffocating. They feel protective, like their purpose is to keep me safe, not harm me.

The smell is different than Steven’s as well. Steven always smelled of expensive cologne and the foul stench of his cigars. What I smell now is nice. It reminds me of nature; pine, fresh cut grass, and how it smells just before it rains. It’s soothing and calming.

Although I know I’m in another man’s arms I start to relax. It feels incredibly good to be sheltered in another person’s arms, even if it is a man’s. I’m surprised at my acceptance of willingly staying there.

As I stand there crying wrapped in my own personal cocoon reality starts creeping back in. I know that it’s Jaxon’s arms that are wrapped around me. My hands are no longer wrapped around the back of my head; they’re resting on the firm, hard chest that’s in front of me. My face is planted smack dab in the middle of his chest as well. I take a deep breath and curl my fingers a little. I feel so safe at the moment that I want to grab on to anything and everything and never let go. I know that the feeling is a false hope. I’ll never be safe.

I slowly start to pull away from his welcoming warmth. I reluctantly drop my hands from his chest and take a step back. He doesn’t let me get too far. He grabs my arms gently and takes a deep breath. His eyes are intense again, but this time they don’t scare me.

I peek up at him through my eyelashes and mutter a “sorry.”

He bends down so we are eye to eye, but before he can speak Mia asks, “What in the hell is going on?”

I glance at her and see her standing at the other end of the counter watching us. The expression in her eyes carries worry. I quickly look at the two patrons that are still in their seats. They have their eyes trained on us as well. Embarrassed and ashamed that they witnessed my mental breakdown I look away from them and back at Jaxon.

He ignores Mia’s question and continues to stare at me with his stunning eyes, eyes that hold secrets. They’re sad, but I can tell the sadness is not directed solely at me. I don’t know how I can tell, but I know that Jaxon has his own personal hell that he lives in.

“What the fuck was that?” He asks me quietly.

I squeeze my eyes shut tight and let out a shaky breath and say, “Nothing.”

“Nothing? You call that nothing, Bailey? You just freaked the fuck out when I all I did was walk toward you. That was not just ‘nothing’. Tell me what the fuck that was.” He says with a sharp edge to his voice.

“Please, Jaxon, just leave it alone. I have panic attacks sometimes, okay? I’m fine now. Mia’s here and I’m done with my paperwork. I would really like for her to show me the ropes around here so I can start doing my job.” I swear this man makes me run hot and cold. Sometimes I feel safe enough to quietly take my stand while other times he intimidates the hell out of me and all I want to do is crawl into a corner and hide. I recall being cradled in his arms and how safe I felt being there. Besides Chris I don’t think anyone has ever held me before.

He continues to stare into my eyes like he’s trying to see into my soul for the answers he’s seeking. I may have panic attacks, but for the most part I’m pretty good at hiding my feelings.

Steven is the prosecuting attorney in our town. As such, we either attended many social functions or had to host them ourselves. As his wife, I was expected to act with social grace and decorum. Little did people know that I was quietly dying inside and scared of the repercussions that I would face if I didn’t act to the best of my ability.

Jaxon finally releases my arms, straightens, and takes a step back from me. His eyes stay on mine for another minute before he turns on his heel and walks away, silently muttering to himself. Again, he disappears down the hallway. Another minute passes before I hear a door slam.

I glance in Mia’s direction and she’s eyeing me with a ‘what the fuck’ expression. I look away from her and notice that the one patron that was in the corner is gone. The person that was at the bar is still there and is watching me like I would fall apart at any moment. Funny thing is I’ve been so emotionally damaged that I feel like there’s an internal bomb in my psyche that is just waiting to explode. 

I quickly bend down to pick up the papers that I dropped during my freak out and walk towards Mia to hand them to her. “They’re finished.”

Like her brother, she continues to stare at me, this time her expression is a little softer. After a minute or so she takes the papers from me and glances down to peruse them.

“You forgot to put your address down.” She says.

“Oh, um...” I quickly come up with a cover story. “I just moved in with someone and I don’t remember the address. When I get home, I’ll make sure to write it down and bring it tomorrow.” I just hope she forgets to ask me for it tomorrow.

She shrugs and places the papers on the counter, “Follow me and I’ll show you around.”

She leads me towards the hallway. The first door on the right, directly behind the bar is the kitchen, which holds the usual industrial size kitchen appliances you see in restaurants. The next door is the utility closet. Further down the hallway on the left is the break room, which also has several lockers that the staff uses.

“We don’t really use it.” She says. “We’re either too busy to take breaks, spend them out on the floor with the staff and customers, or hang out in the kitchen with Hoots, our cook.”

The next door on the left leads to the basement, which is also the stockroom. After a brief tour of the stockroom Mia leads me back upstairs. The last door on the left is the employee exit that leads to the back of the building. It’s the door that I saw from the outside when I first arrived. The only door left is the one at the end of the hall.

“That’s Jax’s office. It stays locked when he’s not here. If he is here and the door is closed, knock first. If it’s open, you can go in. Understand?”

“Yes,” I mumble.

She leads me back to the front and starts explaining what needs to be done before the crowd starts arriving. It’s all pretty basic stuff. Make sure that all the drinks are stocked, including the taps, which she shows me how to do, take down the chairs and wipe down the tables, ensure everything is in its proper place, cash drawer has the right amount of cash, etc.

By the time we’re done, I’m exhausted. The nightmare I endured, sleeping in my car, becoming acquainted with my new town, my break down from earlier, and learning the ins and outs of working here have finally caught up with me. It was closing in on six o’clock. Mia says the evening crowd will start showing soon.

Just then Jaxon walks out of the hallway, takes one glance at me and says, “Go home.”

My lungs freeze and I feel my body tense up. Is he firing me? Is it because of my freak out from earlier? I can’t lose this job. It’s my only hope to save money so I can stay one step ahead of Steven. I’m just opening my mouth to beg him when he says, “Be here tomorrow at five and you can get your first feel of how it is during busy hours.”

I sag as relief floods through me. Not fired, okay, good. Although I’m still nervous about working here it’ll be refreshing to have something to do. I haven’t worked in a couple of years.

“I’ll be here,” I tell him.

“With your hair up.” He returns.

“Yes,” I reply tartly.

He arches his eyebrow that carries the two rings and smirks at me.
Whatever
. I’ve already revealed my scar so wearing my hair back tomorrow won’t really matter now.

I leave using the employee exit. I notice as I make my way to my car that it’s starting to get dark. A sudden chill takes over my body. While I unlock my car, I take a much-needed deep breath and I can swear I smell the sweet tang of Steven’s Cuban cigars. I freeze and take another deep breath, but the smell is no longer there. It has to be my imagination, I tell myself. I’m still a little on edge from my episode earlier. There’s no way he’s found me again.

Yet.

A voice whispers in my head. I shake my head to clear the voice away and take a steadying breath.

I start my car and head back to my temporary resting spot in the library parking lot. Once I park I shut off the ignition, grab my small blanket and pillow and recline back in my seat. I shoot Chris a quick message letting her know that my first day of work went okay. Before I’m fully nestled into my seat, I’m already drifting off into an unsettled sleep.

––––––––

T
he pain is unbearable. Excruciating. He’s being specifically cruel tonight. I have no idea why, just like many of the other times he’s hurt me.

“You’ve been a bad, bad girl, my Pet. How many times do I have to tell you that I won’t tolerate naughty girls?” Steven says while I feel a piercing hot pain on my back from the self-made flogger he’s using. The flogger that Steven customized to have tiny needles at the end of the tails. He’s used it before on me, but he’s never put so much force into his swings.

“Steven, please, I don’t know what I’ve done. Please tell me what I did and I promise to never do it again. I promise to be a good girl.” I beg him while I cry hysterically. I can’t not beg him tonight. The pain is just too unbearable.

I feel the warm trails of blood that are trickling down my butt and legs. My arms are hoisted above my head and tied to the beam that runs across the ceiling. They are pulled up so high and tight that I’m standing on the tips of my toes. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. It seems as though Steven’s been at me for hours. My arms feel as though they’ll slip out of their sockets any minute.
Please God, let it be over soon.
I whisper the prayer in my head, but I know God doesn’t hear me. He never hears me.

“Oh, you know exactly what you did, Bailey. You know what you did and you enjoyed doing it. Didn’t you, BITCH?” He screams the last at me and strikes me twice again, even harder with the flogger.

Suddenly he’s in front of me and he has his hand wrapped around my throat, squeezing hard. I feel him kick my legs apart, which puts more strain on my arms. I’m practically hanging there by my arms. He takes the handle of the flogger and jams it so far and hard inside me that it lifts me up a little bit. The pain is all consuming. It feels as though he’s broke through some vital organ in my body. He continues his assault by pulling it out and ramming it back inside. He does this over and over again.

Just then I hear a shuffle behind me and I’m reminded that we’re not alone. One of his associates is here as well. I feel him at my back and I know what’s coming. Steven still has his hands wrapped around my throat and my vision is starting to get blurry. I welcome the knowledge that soon I’ll black out due to lack of oxygen.

As if he’s read my thoughts, he withdrawals the flogger and loosens his hold on my throat. I gasp for air.

“Oh, no you don’t. You need to be fully awake for what we have planned for you. You
will
learn how to obey me!”

The man behind me presses his front to my back and I cry out because the course hair on his chest brushes against the open welts and cuts on my back. He wraps one arm around my front and picks me up. I feel his other hand at my bottom and a second later he impales his dick in my ass. I scream at the sharp pain I feel in my bowels and try in vain to pull myself up by my arms. It’s no use.

Steven is in my face again and his hand is back at my throat.

“Now, be a good girl, my Pet, and enjoy the lesson my dear friend and I are going to teach you.” Again, he jams the end of the flogger in me at the same time the man behind me lifts me and drops me back down on his waiting shaft. I scream out in utter agony....

I wake up to a loud banging noise. I’m so off balance from the nausea that’s rolling in my stomach that I don’t have time to look around me for the noise that woke me. I frantically grab the car door handle and yank it before I spew the contents of my stomach all over my car.

While I sit there half in and half out of my car dry heaving, I feel someone pull my hair back from my face. Out the corner of my eye, I can see a pair of white Ked sneakers.

“Oh my God, Bailey, are you okay?” Comes the hysterical voice of Anna.

“I’m fine,” I mumble while trying to calm my breathing.

“I heard you screaming from all the way across the street. I thought someone was hurting you. When I ran over here I saw that you were asleep and dreaming.  You were thrashing around and screaming “stop.” I tried to open the door to wake you, but they were locked.  You scared the daylights out of me. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Little did she know someone was, indeed, hurting me, it was just in the past tense, not the present.

I slowly sit up and grab the water bottle that’s on the passenger seat. I take a big gulp to try and rid my mouth of the vile taste of vomit. “Yes, I’m fine, thank you. I have terrible nightmares sometimes. They’re so awful that I get sick to my stomach.”

Today I notice she’s wearing a pair of bright yellow skinny jeans and a deep purple sweater that hangs off one shoulder. Her hair is down and it’s flowing in golden waves down her back. She really is a beautiful woman.

“Why were you sleeping in your car anyway?” Anna asks.

Well, crap
. How do I explain this question away? Luckily, she doesn’t try and delve further about my nightmare. Since I have no ready excuse, I give her the truth. Part of the truth anyway.

“I’m...uh...running a little low on cash. I’ll be staying in my car until I make enough money to rent a cheap place.” It looks as though she’s going to protest so I quickly add, “It’s fine. I don’t mind staying in my car. I’ve done it before.”

“But...”

“Really, Anna, I’m okay. Staying in my car is the least of my problems.”

Before she has a chance to ask about my last remark, I reach into the back seat of my car and grab my backpack and purse. I quickly run my brush through my hair, making sure it covers the side of my face I want to keep hidden. When I turn back around and get out of my car Anna has her hands in her tight pants pockets and she’s watching me with an enormous smile on her face.