Authors: Janet Nissenson
Shattered: (47 page)
“Angel, we –” he began, only to be cut off as she lifted a hand in warning.
“No. Stop it,” she ordered. “Just don’t speak right now, Nick. What you just did – what
we
just did – was wrong. I’m here with Dwayne, you know, he’s my
date
, for God’s sake. So I sure as hell don’t appreciate you lying in wait for me and then –
molesting
me -”
we
just did – was wrong. I’m here with Dwayne, you know, he’s my
date
, for God’s sake. So I sure as hell don’t appreciate you lying in wait for me and then –
molesting
me -”
He gave a shout of laughter. “Oh, Angel. You and I have very different definitions of molestation, don’t we? I wasn’t exactly forcing you just now, was I? In fact, I’ll bet if I slid my hand up under that pretty dress of yours, you’d feel juicier than -”
She clapped a hand urgently over his mouth as a hotel employee rounded the corner at that moment. “You’ve made your point,” she hissed. “Yes, you can still turn me on, Nick. Yes, you’re still an amazing kisser. But not much else has changed about you, either, from what I’ve seen. And until it does you need to leave me alone.”
Nick shook his head. “Not after what just happened. Not after you’ve proved how much you still want me.”
Angela caressed his cheek, the gesture surprisingly tender. “You don’t get it, Nick,” she whispered sadly. “I’ve never stopped wanting you. But it can’t be like it was before. Because the last time – you broke me, broke me into a hundred little pieces, and it’s taken me all this time to become whole again. And I won’t ever let anyone break me again – not you or any other man. So until you’re ready to do a hell of a lot more than just compromise, leave me alone.”
Nick let her go, watching with mingled fury, admiration, and desire as she hurried away. But that kiss – that one earth shattering, wildly erotic kiss – had given him all the answers he needed, and he was smiling broadly as he walked out of the hotel.
Late July
Angela had read at least half a dozen internet articles so far this morning and was still incredulous at the breaking news. The very idea that a firm as old and established as Jessup Prior was now essentially bankrupt and in the process of being taken over by a commercial bank was beyond shocking. But the more she read, the more it became apparent that the firm had been in trouble for quite some time, and that the signs of their imminent financial demise had all been there, clear as a bell. Except that no one had bothered to pay attention to them – no one, that is, except for the brilliant Nick Manning. She now knew exactly why he’d jumped ship, had given up everything he’d achieved at Jessup Prior to start over. He had been one of the very, very few people who’d been able to correctly interpret the signs of impending doom, and had very wisely bailed at the exact right time. The lucrative deal he’d struck with Morton Sterling was locked in tight, and he’d most certainly guaranteed himself the best possible terms by changing firms when he’d done so in April.
Angela smiled in reluctant admiration, and her opinion of Nick – at least her
professional
opinion – shot up by several more degrees. Leave it to him to come out of this disaster smelling like arose, while his former co-workers were very likely scrambling around frantically at this moment, their futures up in the air.
professional
opinion – shot up by several more degrees. Leave it to him to come out of this disaster smelling like arose, while his former co-workers were very likely scrambling around frantically at this moment, their futures up in the air.
She closed out the article she’d been reading and returned her focus to work. It had been a busy month, somewhat unusual for the summer as that was typically a slow time in this business. And she’d been grateful for the unexpected surge in business, since it was keeping her distracted from other – well, issues in her life.
After the encounter with Nick at Julia’s wedding, she’d been jittery and on edge for the rest of the day, terrified that he wouldn’t stick to his work and not crash the reception. Dwayne had noticed her edginess, but had tactfully not said a word about it until he’d driven her back to her parents’ house that night. And then, it had all come out.
Dwayne hadn’t looked in the least surprised when Angela had confessed that the man who’d broken her heart so thoroughly four years ago had been Nick. In fact, Dwayne had merely nodded in acknowledgment.
“Yeah, I sort of figured that it was him for a while now,” he’d commented matter-of-factly. “Ever since that day we ran into him at your office. I mean, I’m not the brightest when it comes to picking up those sort of vibes, but you and Nick were really giving off some serious sparks. And you had told me once that the guy was someone you used to work with. I remember reading an interview Nick gave to Sports Illustrated right after he retired from football and he mentioned there he was joining Jessup Prior. So, I put two and two together and came up with old boyfriend.”
Angela had sighed. “You won’t say anything, will you? Lauren’s just chomping at the bit to figure out who he is, and she can, uh, be something of a troublemaker when she’s in the mood.”
Dwayne had chuckled. “Lauren? A troublemaker? I’d have never guessed. Actually, back in high school I did see her take down Sam Patterson once with a kick to the head. And while Nick’s a lot bigger than Sam was back then, she could still do some damage – especially if Nick underestimates her. So, don’t worry, Angie. Your secret’s safe with me.”
She’d squeezed his hand gratefully. “Thanks. You’re – you’ve been such a good friend to me. I’d pretty much forgotten how to laugh, how to have fun, until we met up on Thanksgiving. And I -”
“Can’t find a way to tell me that all we’ll ever be is friends,” finished Dwayne. “You don’t have to, Angie, because I’ve pretty much always known that.”
Her jaw had hung open in surprise. “Dwayne – I don’t know what to say except – I’m sorry. You’re a great guy, truly you are, and I like being around you so much. I like
you.
But, well, I think that everything I went through after the break-up with Nick – it, well, it damaged something in me and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to have that sort of relationship with anyone again.”
you.
But, well, I think that everything I went through after the break-up with Nick – it, well, it damaged something in me and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to have that sort of relationship with anyone again.”
He’d shaken his head. “I think what you’re not seeing clearly is that Nick is still the one that you want. And if he’s going to all this trouble just to see you for a few minutes, I’d say it’s pretty clear he feels the same way about you.”
“It’s not that simple.” She’d shut her eyes, trying to find the right words. “He does want me back, but only on his terms, in spite of what he says otherwise. And our relationship – it was very one-sided. Nick’s an extremely controlling man and I’m not prepared to let him call all the shots any longer.”
Dwayne had given her a fist bump. “Good for you. I can tell in just the few months we’ve been hanging out how much stronger you’ve become – physically and emotionally. And I can just imagine how stubborn a guy like Nick could be. So, please, promise me – for
your
sake, Angie – that you won’t give into him again. That if you do decide to take him back, it will be on your terms and not his.”
your
sake, Angie – that you won’t give into him again. That if you do decide to take him back, it will be on your terms and not his.”
“I promise.” She’d given him a quick, affectionate hug. “God, I wish I wasn’t so hung up on that bastard, because you’re such a good guy, Dwayne. You’ve been good to me and good
for
me. I’m just an idiot, I suppose.”
for
me. I’m just an idiot, I suppose.”
“Nah, not in the least,” he’d assured her. “Besides, now that I know for sure that Nick was the guy there is no way I’d ever want to try and follow in his footsteps. I don’t imagine there are too many men in this world who would willingly want to follow an act like that.”
“Don’t think that way,” she’d protested. “Sure, Nick’s sexy and sophisticated and he could sweet talk the pants off a nun if he wanted to. But he’s also self-centered, selfish, and an emotional fuck-up.
You,
on the other hand, are a genuinely nice guy and any woman would be lucky to have you. I’m just sorry I’m still too screwed up to fully appreciate that.”
You,
on the other hand, are a genuinely nice guy and any woman would be lucky to have you. I’m just sorry I’m still too screwed up to fully appreciate that.”
Dwayne had wrinkled his nose. “Honestly, I think if you took an opinion poll of most men in this country, the vast majority would rather be a self-centered jerk like Nick than a nice guy like me. But I knew from almost the very beginning that you and I would never be more than friends. I’m just glad I could make you laugh again. That’s one thing at least I’ve got over Manning.”
They’d talked after that for hours, until it was the middle of the night and both of them were yawning. Dwayne had fessed up to having a bit of a crush on one of the runners in his training group, and Angela had encouraged him to go for it, especially since the girl would be doing the same European track circuit that he was about to embark on.
“Well, there’s your opportunity,” she’d pointed out. “Traveling together, staying in the same hotels, going out for meals. And you’ll be gone – what? Six, seven weeks? I fully expect that when you and – Maggie, right? – return to Oregon in August that you’re going to be an official couple by then.”
Dwayne had smiled. “Maybe it will be the same for you and Nick. Just think – we could double date.”
Angela had shaken her head sadly. “I wouldn’t hold out much hope of that happening. As set in his ways as Nick is, it’s completely unrealistic to think he’s ever going to change enough for my liking. And I can’t go back to the way things were before, I just can’t. I don’t think I’d survive a second time.”
But it seemed that she didn’t really have to worry about that happening, because Nick had pretty much left her alone since the wedding. It had been weeks since he’d popped his head inside her office, and she didn’t like admitting to herself how much she missed those annoying little visits. He seemed to have reverted back to his old ways, that of sequestering himself inside his office and having little to do with anyone besides his team. And since she rarely left her own office, there was very little chance of running into him during the day.
She tried to tell herself it was for the best, that she’d been fooling herself to believe that Nick could ever truly change, that he would even
try
to change for her sake. No, leopards definitely didn’t change their spots and Nick Manning would never learn how to compromise. It hurt to accept the truth, to realize that she didn’t mean enough to him, but at least she’d recognized the facts before she’d done something stupid – like have sex with him, for example.
try
to change for her sake. No, leopards definitely didn’t change their spots and Nick Manning would never learn how to compromise. It hurt to accept the truth, to realize that she didn’t mean enough to him, but at least she’d recognized the facts before she’d done something stupid – like have sex with him, for example.
And when she wasn’t at work, she was running – a
lot
. The hundred kilometer race she’d been training for all year was this weekend, and she worried constantly that she wasn’t ready, hadn’t prepared enough, despite having followed to the letter the program a fellow ultrarunner had helped her design. She’d even gained some more weight, so that she was now right around where she’d been when she had first met Nick. Admittedly, she did feel stronger during her runs, was sleeping better, and thankfully didn’t feel nearly as cold these days. And, even better, most of the people in her life had stopped nagging her about how skinny she was, or trying to find ways of getting her to eat more. Though as busy as she’d been these past couple of months, she’d seen almost nothing of her family and friends.
lot
. The hundred kilometer race she’d been training for all year was this weekend, and she worried constantly that she wasn’t ready, hadn’t prepared enough, despite having followed to the letter the program a fellow ultrarunner had helped her design. She’d even gained some more weight, so that she was now right around where she’d been when she had first met Nick. Admittedly, she did feel stronger during her runs, was sleeping better, and thankfully didn’t feel nearly as cold these days. And, even better, most of the people in her life had stopped nagging her about how skinny she was, or trying to find ways of getting her to eat more. Though as busy as she’d been these past couple of months, she’d seen almost nothing of her family and friends.
Julia and Nathan were back from their honeymoon in Bora Bora, both looking tanned, well rested, and extremely well fucked. Julia had blushingly confessed that they’d spent more than half of their tropical vacation being naked, and the new bride was absolutely glowing with happiness. The newlyweds were now busy getting caught up at work, and also overseeing the construction of their new home in Tiburon, due for completion at the end of December.
Lauren, too, had been crazy busy, having jetted off to another exotic locale for a work assignment right after the wedding, and then spending a week in New York at the magazine’s head office. But she was flying back to San Francisco later this week, and planning to stay through the weekend. She’d promised to hang out at the race on Sunday, waiting to cheer Angela on as she completed each loop of the course. Absurdly, Angela found herself half-wishing that she hadn’t forbidden Cara from feeding Nick information about her schedule so that he might have chosen to be there at the race himself. She’d denied it for days afterwards, but had finally admitted that she’d been thrilled to find him at the finish line that day in Stinson Beach. No one else had ever come out to watch her compete – her friends, Dwayne, certainly not her family. So it had meant more to her than she’d ever let on that he’d been there that day. Only now she doubted if he’d ever show up anywhere for her again. She’d defied him, set down her conditions, and evidently Nick had decided he couldn’t – wouldn’t – change his ways.
She should feel relieved, really, that he’d made his choice. Because she knew Nick too well, knew that, in spite of what he might say in order to get her back, what he might be willing to compromise on at first, that deep down he’d never change. If she had made the fatal mistake of going back to him, sooner than later she would have regretted it – because it would have meant losing herself to him a second time. And this time around she’d have had no chance of finding herself again.
***
The elegantly appointed banquet room at the Gregson Hotel on Nob Hill was the chosen venue for this evening’s retirement party. Stan Wagner, the retiree, was the longest tenured broker at Morton
Sterling, with over fifty years of employment to his credit. And since Stan had always been kind to her, had frequently offered her advice and given her encouragement, Angela had agreed – albeit reluctantly – to attend his party tonight. Normally she shunned most office events – Christmas parties, summer picnics – but she did have a soft spot for Stan. He’d always been the complete opposite of the hard-edged, tough-talking Barbara – a real, old-fashioned gentleman, but one who fully supported and approved of women in their business. Stan had also been one of the very, very few people in the office that Barbara had liked, and he’d even managed to coax a raspy laugh from her once in a while.
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