Shattered: (51 page)
Authors: Janet Nissenson
He fixed himself breakfast, his culinary skills fairly basic but adequate, and ones that had been learned out of necessity during the summers he’d spent with his mother. Back then, after a night of partying, his mother and her guests would sleep until the noon hour or later, and Nick had realized early on that if he wanted to eat before then he’d have to figure out a way to feed himself.
And, oddly enough, it was his mother that he thought about after finishing his breakfast. He was sitting out on the deck that was still encased in fog, sipping what was probably his fifth cup of coffee that morning in an attempt to keep himself awake. He asked himself what the hell he thought he was doing, even as he scrolled through the list of contacts on his phone. He had no idea where his mother was at this particular moment, what time zone or part of the world she was in, and only hoped it wasn’t the middle of the night somewhere as he placed the call.
He was relieved when Sheena answered on the third ring, and more so when she sounded wide awake. She was also positively joyous to receive such an unexpected call from her only child.
“Nicky, honey, this is such a nice surprise!” she gushed. “Is everything okay? I mean, I hear from you so seldom these days that I can’t help but worry that there’s a bad reason for your call.”
He fought off the guilt he felt at her words, knowing full well that he neglected his mother in spite of what he considered very good reasons for doing so. “There’s nothing wrong, Mom,” he assured her. “I just – well, need a bit of advice is all. Female advice. And you’re the ideal person to give it to me.”
“Well, of course, honey,” Sheena replied. “I know I haven’t been the most ideal mother in the world to you, but I hope you know I’m always, always here for you, Nicky. You’re the most independent man I’ve ever met, and you’d rather cut off your arm than ever admit you need help, but you can always call me if you ever need anything. So, now, what’s this advice you need?”
Haltingly, hesitantly, Nick began to tell his mother about Angela – about their relationship four years ago, how he’d broken things off when she’d grown too close, and how they were working together again now. He left out some of the more intimate details, of course – his mother did
not
need to know
that
much about his sex life, after all. But when he told her that he truly cared for Angela, wanted her back, but was obviously going about it the wrong way, Sheena interrupted him.
not
need to know
that
much about his sex life, after all. But when he told her that he truly cared for Angela, wanted her back, but was obviously going about it the wrong way, Sheena interrupted him.
“Okay, honey, I’m getting the picture here,” his mother told him. “You had a relationship with this girl four years ago. She was young, naïve, and let you call all the shots. Then you broke up with her – and probably broke her heart in the process. Now you’ve met up again and you’ve decided to take up where you left off. Except from what I know of you, Nicky, you probably still want everything your own way and just assume this girl is still so crazy about you that she’ll just take whatever you give her. Am I still on track here so far?”
“More or less,” he grumbled. “But I’ve told her I’m willing to make some compromises, that I know everything can’t be all my way. It’s just – well, I don’t think things are progressing along quickly enough for her liking and she’s asking for more than I can give her right now.”
Reluctantly, he told his mother about last night’s blow-up – again leaving out the part about the really hot sex – and how he feared Angela wasn’t going to give in this time, that
he
was going to have to make the next move.
he
was going to have to make the next move.
“You’re damned right you are, Nicky,” Sheena replied firmly. “And it’s going to have to be a major move when you do. If you care about this girl as you claim to, then it can’t be like it was with all the other women you’ve had in your life. And unfortunately for you, as controlling as I know you are, that means you’re going to have to do a lot more compromising that you think. Starting with inviting this girl – Angela, right? – over to your hideaway there. Dinner, I think, and then spending the night.”
Nick closed his eyes, massaging the back of his neck which felt like a mass of bunched nerves. “That’s not as easy as you think it is, Mom.”
“Oh, baloney,” exclaimed Sheena. “Now, I know exactly why you never invite anyone over there, Nicky, why you like your damned solitude so much. I’m well aware of how much you hated the complete lack of privacy you had growing up with me as your mother. I’m a social butterfly, need to have tons of people around me all the time, while you’re just the opposite. But if you want to have a real relationship with your Angela, you’re going to have to open up to her, share your life with her. And inviting her to see your house is the first step.”
“Fine.” He shook his head in frustration, not in the least surprised that his mother would be taking Angela’s side in this, even though the two women had never met. “I’ll invite her over. I’ll call her up tomorrow, maybe even go see her in person, and ask her to come over.”
“There you go again, Nicky. Putting things off. Why not just call her up now, have her come over tonight?”
“No.” He didn’t want to admit to his mother that he needed some time to emotionally prepare himself for something like this. “That is, I had a lousy night’s sleep, can barely keep my eyes open right now. I’d be rotten company for anyone today, much less a woman I’m trying to appease. Besides, she’s probably too pissed off at me right now to agree. Best to let her simmer down another day.”
“Fine.” Sheena heaved a sigh. “But don’t put it off another day, Nicky. And don’t let this girl slip away. Because if you’re not careful, if you don’t start changing your ways, I’m sorry to say you’re going to wind up a bitter old man like your father. Oh, I know he’s on marriage number three, that he’s not a bachelor like you are. But trust me on this – no matter how many wives your father might have, he’s always going to be alone. Because he’ll never let anyone get close enough to him to make a difference. So please promise me that you won’t let yourself turn into your father, Nicky. That would be a terrible, tragic thing to let happen.”
Nick was touched by his mother’s passionate plea, and he realized that she was right – he could very easily become as bitter and distant as his father if he didn’t do something about it soon. “I promise,” he told her quietly. “And I also promise to keep in touch more often, Mom. Because you’re right. My summers with you might have been completely unorthodox but I never doubted that you loved me. I’ve been a lousy son to you all these years, but I can try to work on that, too.”
Sheena started weeping after that, and Nick silently cursed himself for saying such sappy stuff to his admittedly dramatic mother. He tactfully changed the subject, inquiring where in the world she was at the moment, and then breathing a sigh of relief as Sheena began to prattle on cheerfully about how much fun she was having this summer in the Florida Keys. He ended the call a few minutes later, but not before Sheena got in the last word.
“I’ve always loved you more than anyone else in the whole world, Nicky,” she told him. “I know I could have been a better mother, a
different
mother, but I doubt I could have loved you more than I do. Now, you do what your mother tells you for once and do the right thing for your Angela. And don’t wait so long in between phone calls next time, hmm?”
different
mother, but I doubt I could have loved you more than I do. Now, you do what your mother tells you for once and do the right thing for your Angela. And don’t wait so long in between phone calls next time, hmm?”
Nick was rather appalled to feel the shimmer of tears at the back of his eyes as he hung up, and scowled as he set his phone back down. Reluctantly, he figured he’d better straighten his place up a little – and make a trip to the grocery store – since it looked as though he was actually going to have a guest here tomorrow evening.
And then, as he stood to go back inside, the sun finally began to break through the fog.
***
It was pitch dark outside, the streets quiet and deserted, when Angela pulled her car out of the garage very early on Sunday morning. With a five a.m. race start, she was allotting herself plenty of time to drive to the staging area in the Marin Headlands, park, check in, and warm up a bit. She hated getting to a race at the last minute, even if it meant rising at the unholy hour of three a.m. to get there.
It was another foggy morning and she cranked the heater up a little higher as she drove towards the Golden Gate Bridge. Lauren had still been fast asleep when she’d left a few minutes ago, snoring softly as she’d burrowed deeper into the mattress of the futon. And Angela had thanked her lucky stars that Lauren had been way too sleepy on Friday night to quiz her about the retirement party. By the time she’d arrived home from the Gregson Hotel around midnight, Lauren had already been curled up on her pillow and yawning broadly, not even noticing the way Angela’s hair had been falling in tangled strands down her back. Or how her makeup was all smudged. Or, most important of all, how badly her legs had been shaking after the totally unexpected encounter with Nick.
She’d slept poorly Friday night – little wonder considering everything that had happened – but had managed to pull herself together enough by Saturday morning so that Lauren hadn’t guessed something was off. At least not right away. But as the day wore on, and more and more memories of Friday night had continued to haunt her, it had become increasingly difficult to pretend that nothing was wrong. And after the first three tries, Lauren had stopped believing Angela’s excuse that she was just nervous about the race on Sunday.
“Nice try, Angie, but I’m not buying it,” her friend had insisted. “I’ve seen you right before much bigger sporting events than this – when our senior year team was playing for the conference soccer title, before two of your NCAA volleyball championships, when you were waiting to hear if you got chosen for the Olympic team. You had ice in your veins every single time, never let your nerves rattle you even once. So while you might be a little worried about this race – hell, I’m worried about your sanity for even thinking about doing it – that’s not what’s bothering you right now. So fess up.”
Angela had considered fobbing Lauren off with another lie, but had just sighed and told her the truth. At least, some of it. She still wasn’t prepared to reveal Nick’s identity, fearful that Lauren would lose no time in figuring out how to locate him and give him a piece of her mind – not to mention the tip of her boot.
“It was – him. You know who I mean. After all, you’ve seen him twice now, haven’t you?”
Lauren had picked up her mug of coffee – they’d been having a late brunch at a café not far from the flat – and regarded Angela thoughtfully. “Ah, so the lying has finally stopped, has it? Good, because you’re without a doubt the shittiest liar I’ve ever known.”
“Yeah, that’s what he tells me, too,” Angela had sighed. “So, the night of Julia’s party – you called it right. He is back in my life, though not like it was before. He – well, he’s working at my firm now, moved over there in April. And he’s been making it pretty clear since then that he wants me back.”
“Not a shocker. What would shock me – no, make that infuriate me – would be to learn that you’re his pet again, obeying his orders like he’s some fucking king or something. After all the times I nursed you through hangovers, Angie, listened to you wail and held your head while you puked – I will kick your ass all the way down to the next county if you’ve gone back to him that way.” Lauren’s voice had quivered with barely repressed rage.
Angela had shaken her head. “No. Not like that. Never again like that, with him or anyone. He swears it will be different this time, that he’s willing to compromise. But I’m not sure I can really believe what he says.”
Lauren hadn’t replied for more than a minute, taking a long, slow chew of her blueberry muffin and calling the waitress over for more coffee. When she finally spoke, she was almost unnaturally calm. “Have you fucked him again?”
Angela had stifled a chuckle, thinking how much alike Lauren and Nick were in certain ways. Neither of them believed in beating around the bush when it came to getting information. “I could try and lie to you, but I won’t. Yes, I went to bed with him last night. He, ah, got himself invited to the party, unknown to me, and, well – he looks extremely hot in a tux. And it’s been a really, really long time since I’ve had any and champagne always loosens my inhibitions and – well, you get the picture.”
“Yeah, I think I do.” Lauren had heaved a sigh. “So this guy – Mr. Whatisname – he’s your big weakness. I get that. I also get that you’ve had a longer dry spell than the Sahara Desert. But, Jesus, Angie – what the hell were you thinking of? More importantly, what happens from here?”
Angela had blown out a tense breath. “Hell if I know. I walked out on him afterwards, Lauren. He’d booked a room at the hotel, planned on me staying overnight with him. But when I happened to bring up the topic of maybe going to his place instead, he froze up like a clam. So I left a gorgeous, stark naked and really horny guy in a lux hotel room and got a cab back here. Am I an idiot or what?”
“No.” Lauren had been grinning. “You’re brilliant. Because that’s exactly the sort of thing I would have done under the circumstances, and of course I’m the smartest person I know. So, good for you, Angie. Not,” she’d added sternly, “that I’m condoning what you did. In fact, I ought to be shaking some sense into you right this very second. But if you are going to get involved with this clown again, then at least stand your ground and make him follow your orders for a change. At the very least, take turns ordering each other around. Starting with introducing him to your very best friends in the whole world. Knowing Julia she’ll make enough food tomorrow night to feed three city blocks, so invite your mystery man over to join us. I’ll even promise to leave my knife behind at your place.”
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