Shattered Heart: The Donnellys, Book 3 (23 page)

Chapter Thirty-Four

S
hane gathered his things, stuffing them into his large duffel bag as fast as he could and walked out of Cyn’s house in a matter of minutes, slamming the door closed behind him. He
had
to get out of there before he lost his shit.

Shane had never run from anything in his life, but he’d just run from Cyn. She’d cut into him so deeply, he couldn’t see anything but the bright shade of red coating everything in his line of sight. His heart ached—a physical pain like no other he’d ever felt in his life. Not even the injuries he’d sustained in battle had compared to what he was experiencing right then.

He’d caught a glimpse of her on her knees, her face buried in her hands, in the kitchen as he passed by. The physical pull to go to her, pick her up and somehow figure out how to make this right between them had been an additional lancing he felt over every inch of his skin.

But he couldn’t stop.

He couldn’t pick her up.

Shane couldn’t do anything but leave.

Tossing his bag across the seats, he slid behind the wheel of his rental and started the engine. She didn’t want him—or so she said. It didn’t matter that he knew deep in her heart she did. The woman had made her choice, and done so loud and clear. One thing was for sure, Shane would not stay where he wasn’t wanted.

This wasn’t much different from his mother…and that right there was something he had not seen coming. Cyn was nothing like his mother, or so he thought. Yet she’d rejected his love, just like his mother always had. It was a severe slap in the face. “What a fucking mess.”

After shooting a quick text to Joey letting him know shit had just blown sky high between him and Cyn, Shane backed out of her driveway and drove away from the house. Thinking about his mother, he hadn’t even gotten to tell Cyn about the house, and the shit his mother was pulling on him. Shane slammed the butt of his hand on the steering wheel. “So stupid!” He’d thought to maybe keep the house, and hoped eventually, Cyn would move in with him. He’d thought, quite stupidly, that maybe she’d want to build a life with him. Build a home together. Maybe even a family. Goddammit, what a fool he was.

He parked the SUV in front of Joey’s house and gripped the steering wheel tight in his palms. How was this happening? Shane couldn’t wrap his mind around it, but no matter what, he knew all roads led back to Carlos.
That
motherfucker was out on bail, awaiting his court appearance for the attack on Cyn. The desire to seek his ass out so Shane could extract a piece of it rumbled through him like a heartbeat.

Shane looked up to see Joey standing on the front stoop. With a nod, he got out of the truck. Stepping up the walk, Joey met him halfway and took his bag from him. “Thanks for letting me stay.”

“Don’t even mention it. I called Angie, she’s on her way.” Joey opened the front door.

“Cyn won’t be happy about this.”

“Tough shit. She either doesn’t need to know, or she can get over it.”

Shane blew out a breath and took his bag from his best friend. “Okay then. Guest room again?”

“Down the hall to your left.” Joey clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay, Shane.”

Shane nodded as he moved past Joey to the guest room, and swallowed down the boulder-sized lump that’d risen in his throat. He loved his best friend and his family. And he loved his best friend’s sister.

Fuck…
Fuuuuckkk!

He dropped his bag and lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Shane needed to book a flight home. He needed to get back to his life and try and figure out a way to let go of Cyn. He also needed to make a decision about his parents’ house. Letting his mother sell it felt like a huge betrayal of his father. Leaving Cyn felt like an equal one, but of his heart as well as hers. Shane laid there for long while, running scenarios through his mind until a soft knock on the door drew his attention. “Come in?”

Angie poked her head in the door. “Hey.”

He sat up. “Hey, Angie. You okay?”

She shrugged. “Worried is all. Steph’s got a pot of coffee brewing. You want to come out to the kitchen with us?”

“Yeah, I’m worried too.” Shane ran his hand over his head. “I’ll meet you out there.”

“Okay. See you in a few.” Angie closed the door and Shane moved into the attached guest bath.

After taking care of business, he splashed some cool water on his face. Fatigue weighed heavy on Shane’s body making every movement feel like he was trudging through quicksand. Jesus, he was tired, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t from lack of sleep, though there’d been plenty of that. With a sigh, Shane made his way to the kitchen. Joey and Angie were at the dining table, and Steph was in the pantry.

Joey looked up. “You get a flight booked?”

“Trying to run me off?” Shane moved to the coffee pot. “Way to make a dude feel welcome.”

“Damn straight, brother. You eat me out of house and home.” Joey let out a chuckle. “Smart-ass.”

Shane poured himself a cup of coffee. “Takes one to know one.”

Angie let out a giggle and crossed her arms. “I love watching you two together. I was too young to witness your tirades when you were in high school, so this is all gold to me.”

“Happy to be your entertainment tonight, Ang.” Shane joined them at the table and took a sip of the hot brew. “Especially considering how fun your dinner date was.”

Steph emerged from the pantry. “I knew I had these. Cheesy creasy, you’d think I was hiding the vault combination to the Federal Reserve.” She set a bakery box of donuts in the center of the table.

Joey’s eyes got big as saucers. “When did you buy these?” He flipped the lid open and pulled out a chocolate glazed donut.

“Yesterday.” She looked to Angie. “And now you see why I hide them.”

Angie retrieved a frosted sprinkled one and bit in. “Why?” she said around her mouthful.

Steph rolled her eyes and laughed. “Oh lord, you’re no better.”

Shane laughed and shook his head, and then looked away. His chest ached with an overwhelming feeling of loss. He didn’t want to be away from the only people who, since his father passed, felt like family to him. He hadn’t realized how much he had been missing them until he’d come back to town almost a month ago. He hadn’t realized how much he needed them either.

Going home suddenly felt like a death sentence.

* * * * *

C
yn tossed and turned beneath the covers, unable to find a comfortable position. Obviously she’d grown used to having Shane in bed beside her, and now…he wasn’t.

And it was all her fault.

She’d thought about calling him several times since she’d basically thrown him out of her house but decided against it. Him leaving was for the best. Shane needed to go back to Texas and she needed to get on with her life. Mainly, Cyn needed to get on with the fixing of whatever it was about her that consistently attracted emotionally stunted men. And also, last but not least, Cyn needed to fix her fancy new inability to control her random bursts of temper.

She reached for the abandoned pillow beside her and pulled it to her chest. Shane wasn’t emotionally stunted. On the contrary, he’d been attentive, affectionate, in-fucking-credible in bed and sweet. Never mind fun, funny and easy to talk to. Cyn bent her head to the cotton pillowcase and drew in a deep breath. The scent of his shampoo and cologne flowed through her senses and Cyn squeezed her eyes closed, willing the tears away.

The bastard even knew how to dance. And not just shake his ass on the floor in a really cool way like some guys knew how to do, no, he knew how to waltz, swing and two-step—which was the only one she was pretty good at.

He seemed perfect. But no one was perfect.

It wasn’t the first time Cyn had thought somebody was exactly as they appeared to be. And with Carlos, hell, she’d been so fucking off base with him it wasn’t even funny. So not funny, that as a result, now she completely doubted her judgment and ability to read people.

Cyn flopped onto her back and tossed the pillow aside. It didn’t matter that she’d known Shane her whole life. It didn’t matter that Joey was his best friend, and it also didn’t matter that everyone in her family loved him. He needed to go, and Cyn needed to let him go. And then she needed to get her shit straight.

With a harsh jerk, she yanked the blankets higher and folded over the edge. Why the hell had he thought he could just move back here? It was a free country, but seriously, what the fuck was up with his thinking. And why did he think she’d want that too? Cyn frowned and stared into the darkness of her bedroom.

Maybe because even though she’d fought with him plenty over the last three weeks, she’d also sucked his dick and fucked his brains out any chance she had. Sometimes more than once a day. Her body tensed and clenched as the familiar desire for him sparked to life. Plus, prior to the explosion in her living room, thanks to Carlos, Cyn and Shane had gone on some dates and did boyfriend/girlfriend type things together. Even spent time with her family. And maybe also because he was sort-of-kind-of living with her…
Fuck!

Cyn let out a groan and raised her knees on the bed. “
Dammit! Fucking hell! Sonofabitch!
” She reached for her phone and swiped across the screen. She should call him—tell him she was sorry. But if she did, their merry-go-round would never end.

Fuck’s sake, how the hell was she supposed to deal with this mess herself? Anger beat through her in time with her pulse. She was furious with him. She was furious with herself.
And
fucking Angie…what the hell was up with Angie earlier in the night?

Shane had wanted to discuss Cyn’s dinner date with her sister and there was simply nothing to discuss. Big deal, they’d had a fight. Sisters did that—even though Cyn rarely, if ever, fought with Angie.

Restless agitation raced through her. She needed to sleep. She needed to forget any of this happened. What she wouldn’t give to wish it all away—wish herself right back to the night of the bachelor and bachelorette party. Cyn never would’ve gone near Shane Conlon.

Knowing what she knew now, she wouldn’t have touched him with a ten-foot pole—which was a total lie.

A wave of sorrow crashed over her, joining in with the party of every other emotion that’d set up camp inside her, except for the anger. The sadness had extinguished that one, and Cyn did everything she could to call it back. The anger was easier to handle and had become a constant companion as of late.

As if right on cue, her tears made their appearance…and quickly escalated into full-blown sobbing. Cyn cried so hard her body shook from head to toe. She missed him—so fucking much that her chest felt hollow.

Is this what real love followed by a broken heart felt like?

This was so much worse than anything she’d ever experienced…and maybe that was because Shane hadn’t broken her heart. No, she’d done that to herself.

With tears still streaming, Cyn tossed off the covers and went to the bathroom. She grabbed the Benedryl from the medicine cabinet and popped two small pills. She needed to sleep. And she needed to forget. And she needed to not dream.

* * * * *

S
hane settled in the family room at Joey’s house across from Angie. She was on the couch, her long legs curled beneath her as she ran her fingers through the lengths of her dark hair. He’d asked her at the kitchen table, over donuts and coffee, about the topic of being single that’d come up at Ryan and Maiya’s house the other night. Angie had said she’d fill him in later—well, later had come and now he was waiting.

Normally Shane was a patient man, but at that moment, his reserve tanks were bone dry. He propped his ankle on his knee and took another sip of coffee.

“She’s going to be pissed if I tell you.”

For fuck’s sake, finally! “Then I guess we won’t tell her that I know.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Angie fiddled with a thread on her jeans. “I just feel bad, I mean…I didn’t know it was a secret, you know?”

“Look, Ang, I get it. I do, but it’s not like I’m going to use whatever it is you’re about to tell me against her in a bad way. I care about your sister. A lot.” He blew out a breath. “I get that she didn’t want me to know. We even had a fight about it. Please understand, if shit wasn’t so crazy with her right now, I’d respect the hell out of her privacy and mind my own business. But seriously because shit is so crazy right now, I feel like I need to know. Maybe it’ll help me make sense of this mess. Does it have anything to do with Carlos?”

Angie let out a sigh. “Yes, but not the attack.” She shifted and stretched her legs out in front of her, resting them on the coffee table. “I’m only going to tell you because I know you love her. And because I don’t think it’s any big deal and that truthfully her reaction to me slipping up the other night probably has everything to do with how screwed up her head is right now
because
of the attack instead of the no-dating thing being some sort of secret.”

Shane decided to let Angie’s comment about him loving Cyn go—no reason to deny or admit what was already true. Obviously Angie could see it, so there was no point in trying to pretend otherwise. Outside of that, Shane couldn’t imagine what the big deal was especially if it really had no tie in to the attack. “Why would not dating be a secret? Honestly, I’m really confused, Ang.”

“Just before the wedding, Cyn and Carlos broke up. She caught him with another woman. Like, his hand was in the cookie jar, for real.”

“She didn’t give me all the details, but I imagine that must’ve been pretty ugly for her.” Shane dropped his booted foot to the floor and leaned forward. “Go on.”

“So, Cyn was on a quest of sorts. You know, to figure out why she kept picking all these fucked-up guys. Carlos’s shit pretty much broke the camel’s back, I guess.” Angie sipped her coffee. “Anyway, she decided she was going to stay single for a year and figure out why her picker was broken.”

Shane frowned. “Come again?”

“She was going to stay single for a ye—”

“No, not that part. Broken picker? What the hell does that mean?”

“Oh!” Angie giggled. “It’s a term Maiya came up with, I guess. Cyn has a broken picker. You know—” she held up her pointer finger and wiggled it at him, “—her picker is broken. She always picks assholes.”