Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (15 page)

I purse my lips
and close my eyes. 
He still calls me his. 
“Happy Thanksgiving, Alex,”
I whisper and place a sweet kiss over his dimple before pushing against his
chest, breaking our embrace.

He frowns as he
lets me go.  “Happy Thanksgiving, Hart.” 

~~~~~

When I pull up
to his apartment, Oliver blurts out the question I know he’s been harboring
since we left Rachel’s.  “Why do you let him treat you like he owns you?” 

“Why do you act
like it’s a damn pissing contest every time I’m around?”  That came out a
little more bitchy than I intended.

“If you only
knew.”  Oliver rests his head against the back of the seat as he gazes out the
window.  I turn in my seat, letting the car idle while giving him my full
attention.

 “Okay, so make
me understand.” 

“I’m guessing
Alex never told you the full story as to why we aren’t the best of friends.” 
He looks at me and I shake my head in denial.  What Alex did tell me about
Oliver was that he was egotistical, always needing the attention of every
female and of course them pursuing the same job at the same time.  Alex, of
course, got the position.  “So I’m guessing he didn’t tell you that he fucked
my fiancée?

My mouth drops
open in shock.  I don’t even know if I shook my head, but I’m guessing by the
look on my face, he got his answer.

 “Of course
not!  Why would he?  I like how he leaves out the gruesome details so he
doesn’t look like such an asshole.”  I stare at him while his words sink in.

“What?  When?” 
Trust me, I’m not shocked that Alex has possibly slept with women who are
either married or engaged.  I wouldn’t put it past his, well, past.  But, what
has shocked me is that Oliver’s fiancée would cheat on him.  Why would she?  If
you had someone as good and pure as Oliver, you just shouldn’t cheat.  Period. 

“It was a few
years back.  During the first conference I ever attended.  Stupid me, I brought
her
with me.  While I had dinner with clients, she decided to grab a
drink at the bar.”  Oliver visibly shivers, brows pulling together as he
continues to stare out the window at the vacant lot next to his complex. 
“Dinner ran a little later than expected and when I was done and couldn’t find
her, I figured she went back to the room.  I headed back and unfortunately
that’s when I saw her.  She was leaving
his
room, kissing him as he
helped her zip up her dress before he closed the door.”

“What happened?”
I urge him to continue.

“She looked at
me like I had three testicles and then started crying about how I cared more
about my job than her.  Spouting off stupid shit about her needs and…and, I
don’t remember everything.  I just remember going to our room, which was right
next door to his by the way.  I grabbed her shit, tossed it into the hallway.”

“So ever since
then…”

“I’ve hated
him,” Oliver’s voice trails off.  His confession leaves me with a deeper
understanding at what I thought was an imaginary competition between the two
men.  Due to Oliver’s ex’s infidelity, he finds a need to top Alex in
something.  Anything.  I just happen to be the
anything
at the moment. 
“He represents everything I loathe.  The fact you let him treat you…”

“Alex isn’t that
guy anymore, Oliver…” I mutter so low I’m surprised when he hears me, cutting
me off.

“Don’t, Ely…just
don’t.”  He stops me before I start to defend Alex.  “He shouldn’t have left
you.”

“What?”  My
voice rises in surprise.  Of all people Oliver should understand Alex’s
obligations to the company.  Business trips are frequent and it would have been
Oliver if he got the job.  Alex had no other option but to go, regardless of
how much I didn’t want it.

“For New York…he
shouldn’t have left you.  That’s his mistake.  My benefit, but it will always
be his mistake.” 

“Oliver, we
aren’t…”  My voice trails off before he interrupts me, again.

“Seriously
Elyssa, don’t deny whatever
was
between you guys.  I saw it in San
Diego, I saw it when I first came to Vegas, and I definitely saw it tonight. 
The way he looks at you…”  I nod my head, refusing to try to convince him
otherwise. 

Before the next
thought comes out, my body is rocked with fear.  Arianna.  “Please don’t say
anything!” I plead with knowing consequences.  “Please, Oliver…no one at work
can know.”

“I’m not going
to.  I would rather win you fair and square.  Not by forcing you to not be with
him.”

“I was serious
earlier, Oliver.  I’m not a prize in this competition between you two.”

“I’ll admit it,
at first I wanted him to know how it felt to have someone take what was his,
but now…now I just want you because I want you.  Not because he wants you, but
because,” he pauses, “You make me feel again.”

I shake my head
when he takes my hand.  “Oliver, I wasn’t lying when I told you that I’m not
ready.” 
Especially not after tonight’s chain of untimely events. 

“I’m patient,
Elyssa.  We can take it as slow as you need to go.”  With his eyes slinking
down to my lips I know exactly what he’s thinking.  About what he’s about to
do.  This is the last thing I need right now. 

I take the
opportunity to nudge Oliver back into the friendship zone.  “I think this is
the part of the evening where we say goodnight.”  More than anything right now
I need a friend.   I’m just praying he doesn’t make the horrid move and make
this awkward between us. 

Pulling the
handle, Oliver places one foot out the door before turning around.  “Goodnight,
Ely.”  He hesitates, but eventually gets out and heads up the walkway. 

Note to self…Go to the damn drug
store and stop stressing.

Patience is
definitely a virtue, just not one of mine.  Sitting on the rim of my tub, knees
bobbing up and down, I’m on edge.  It feels as if my heart is going to pound
out of my chest and walk out the bathroom door.  Catching the glare of my
watch, I see that only fifteen seconds have passed since I urinated on the
plastic stick.  You know…the one that will determine the rest of my life.

To keep myself
busy, I lower to the floor and pull out the directions and scan the paper. 
Honestly, could this be any more confusing?  It’s like I’m reading a foreign
language.  Nope, that’s on the back. 
How do you read this damn thing?  And
why the hell didn’t I buy the digital test?
  Ugh!  All I want to know is
what symbol I’m looking for.  This should be in circles, underlined with
blinking lights surrounding it.
  Ah ha!  Found it!  Two minus signs…got it!
 
Come on minus signs. 
  

Waiting
impatiently, I rest my cheek against my forearm and glance at my watch again. 
One minute, forty-five seconds. 
Come on minus signs.
  I cross my
fingers as I silently repeat my wishes over and over again.  I think the
manufacturer does this on purpose; making people wait in suspense. 

I take the last
minute and fifteen seconds to imagine a different outcome; one where Alex and I
planned on having a baby.  I envision the smile on my face, the tears flowing
freely, but they would be tears of joy.  We’d both be in this bathroom, Alex’s
smooth muscular arms around me, resting his hands on my belly with all the
hopes and dreams of a new father. 

The problem with
using your imagination is that reality is usually far from it.  My reality
sucks.  In my reality, I’m alone.  All I have is me, myself and I.

Ten more seconds
was all it took before my future flashed before my eyes.  Two windows display:
one straight line and one positive sign. 
Fuck my life!
  I shake my head
in denial and cry. 
God, what have I done?!  Not only have I ruined Alex
and
broke his heart, now I’ve gotten myself knocked up.  Now I’ve ruined three
people’s lives; well technically two and a half since the baby isn’t here yet,
but give me time.  I’m a natural fucking disaster.  I wonder if the weather
service issues warnings for Elyssa storms.  If so, Alex most definitely didn’t
get the memo the day I walked into his life.  

Deep sobs escape
my lips.  My body rocks as I hug my knees tightly to my chest and let my head
fall back against the rim of the tub.  The only comfort is the cool tile below
me.  In all honesty, it’s the only thing keeping me from heaving into the
porcelain bowl next to me.  My body shakes uncontrollably as the initial shock
wears off.

My thoughts go
back to a previous conversation we had about children. 
“
You not telling Cole about being pregnant…I need to know
you would never do that to me…if something happened, I would always want you to
talk to me.  You can’t just freak out and take matters into your own
hands.  I have to be included in the decision; we’re in this together.”

 
But how?  How
could this possibly work?  Arianna hasn’t dropped dead.  She knows everything;
even before it happens.  She should get her own 900 number and open up her own
psychic hotline at the rate she’s going. 

Alex would end
up losing his career and we’d have what?  Each other?  Okay, sure, that would
be nice.  But we can’t live off of our love.  Love isn’t all it’s cracked up to
be.  It doesn’t feed a baby and it definitely doesn’t put a roof over your
head. 

No.  I made him
a promise.  Even though I’ve done a lot of shitty things in the past month, I
won’t deny him like I denied Cole.  I won’t go through that guilt and pain when
he eventually finds out. 

Sitting up
straighter, my fingers fumble across the touch screen as I dial Alex’s number. 
Panic sets in after the first ring.  I have no clue what to tell him; I
probably should have prepared a speech or something.  How can I explain this
without telling him everything?  He’s going to think I regret it, which is the
exact opposite.  I don’t regret him or anything we’ve experienced together.  I
just wish that Doc Brown could pull up in his Delorian and take me back to the
moment of conception and remind me that I didn’t get my shot and tell me to
wrap it up. 

Apparently I’m
not as put together as I once was.  What happened to the strong, independent
girl I used to be?  I’ll tell you what happened…Alexander Motherfucking James
happened.  He’s thrown my life into a whirlwind since the moment I met him.

His voice comes
through the receiver and my tongue ties in knots, tears pouring out of my eyes.

“Hart?”  He
sounds worried as I choke on my sobs.

Silence.

“Elyssa?”  He
softens his voice hoping to coddle a response out of me.

Sob. Sniffle.
Sob.

“Elyssa, talk to
me.  What’s wrong?” 

I can only
imagine what he’s thinking.  I just left with Oliver not that long ago and he
thinks Oliver is some demented pervert.  He probably thinks Oliver has me
locked up in a basement somewhere asking me to place lotion on my skin and
threatening me with a hose. 
Highly unlikely since houses in Vegas don’t
have basements.  I know I know, my thoughts are not rational right now.  Can
you blame me?

Unfortunately,
my cries have turned into an uncontrollable weeping.  In my state, even I can
tell he’s driving and occasionally I hear Alex on the other end flicking his
turn signal followed by the roar of his engine. 
That’s weird.  I would have
thought he’d be home by now.

This has to be
the most awkward conversation in the history of conversations.  My silent cries
on one end of the receiver while Alex remains completely silent on the other
end. 
Stop being a coward and tell him, Ely.  Bite the bullet and get it
over with.

“Alex…” my voice
strains.

Knock! Knock!
Knock! Knock! Knock!

The sound of
reverberation on the door is a fading echo; I can hear it through the phone and
my apartment.  In a moment of silent shock, I take the receiver away from my
ear and listen intently for my front door. 
Shit, this can’t be happening.
 

Bang!  Bang!
Bang! 

“Alex…” and then
the receiver went dead.  Again with the incessant knocking, progressively
getting louder. 
I can’t believe he’s here.  Oh shit, he can’t find out this
way.
  I scramble around the bathroom throwing the Walgreens plastic bag
along with the box, directions and devil stick under my sink.

The abrupt sound
of the front door opening and closing motivates my body into motion.  Pushing
myself from the floor I glance in the mirror.  My eyes are puffy, nose red and
my hair is a mess.  Ugh.  With a sigh, I head to the living room.  Alex freezes
the moment our eyes meet.  He looks tired, and yet still flawless, which makes
this even more gut wrenching.  I literally feel as if I’m being choked from the
inside.  My breathing is short as my body starts to tremble again. 

With a look of
worry, he inches towards me.  Eyes fixed on my tear soaked face he slowly
extends his arms waiting for me to make the next move.  I know with everything
in my being that this is wrong, but I can’t deny that I need the comfort of his
arms.  He shouldn’t have come here, but thank God he has.  I don’t know if I’m
able to get through this night on my own.  I shuffle towards him with my hands
covering my face.  Bridging the gap, he reaches forward and pulls me into his
arms.  I bury my face into his chest, legs giving out as tears take over.