Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (25 page)

Grabbing
hold of my elbow, Alex pulls me towards the bar.  I glance back at Jackson as
I’m dragged farther and farther away and mouth, “I’m sorry,” while he stands,
battling with himself.  I know he’s struggling on whether or not he should come
after me or let me leave with the anger ball who’s dragging me behind him. 
Luckily, the war raged on, and he allowed me to figure it out on my own.

Shutting
the door behind us, I glance around at what appears to be an office.  A one
sided mirror overlooks the entire floor with a dark oak desk in the middle of
the room, a leather office chair sitting behind it, with only one other chair
resting in front.  There are no decorations, no knick knacks, nothing to say
who the office belongs to.  It’s practically bare. 

Alex
pushes me up against the brick wall and not lightly I might add.  With his arms
encapsulating me, he rests his forearms on the wall beside my head and its déjà
vu all over again.   I remember us being in this same position not that long
ago.  Not the same bar, but the same feelings of having him so close, yet so
far.  So much has changed since that first night, but one fact still remains
the same: I want him.

Alex
leans his forehead against mine and pushes himself closer.  I can feel his ire
melting off of his body as he slumps against me, breathing me in.  I know what
this is doing to him.  His arms, normally so strong, are trembling.  His
breath, normally so calm and even, is ragged.  And don’t count the bulge
struggling to break free from his jeans.  Again, my eyes involuntarily flutter.

“So,
here we are again.”  Of course, he’s referring to our compromising position. 
It was just yesterday that Alex was stroking me, kissing me, running his mouth
along my body.  I had the strength to push him away then, but I don’t know if I
have it tonight.

I
raise my eyebrows and give him a questioning glare.  “Is this your way of
giving a girl time?” 

“Don’t
know…I’ve never had a girl
ask
me to give her time.  Then again, I’ve
never loved a girl enough to care about what she wanted.”  His statement is
honest, laced with confidence and sincerity.  “So, is that what you want out
there?  Is that how you want to spend your time?  You know, if that’s what does
it for you, all you had to do was ask.  I’ll always take care of you.”  A cocky
grin touches his lips.  I’m not sure if I want to slap him or kiss him.  He
leans back, perusing my plunging neckline and skin tight dress.  “I can tell by
that dress alone what you came in search of tonight.” 

My
face feels flushed even though I should be insulted.  “I know what you can do,
Alex.  Trust me.  I know firsthand what you’re capable of.”

“Really? 
What’s that?” 

I
gulp as his finger travels down the line of my cleavage, toying with the
neckline of my dress.  No.  I won’t allow him to do this to me.  Not after
seeing him with Sandy tonight.  Not even his touch, nor his words, can bring me
out of this despair.

“Your
touch is tantalizing, yet tainted. I know where your hands have been.  Every
touch, every kiss, they’re no longer special because you’ve shared them with so
many different women.  You’re right, I don’t need anything from the men out
there nor do I need anything from the man in here,” I lie.  I really wish that
I could say that with more conviction.

“Tantalizing,
huh?”  His dimpled grin is heartwarmingly adorable, but it upsets me that he
suffers from selective hearing and only focused on a portion of what I said.

“Alex,
you have to stop this,” I practically whisper.

“Look
at me, Hart.”  I concede and stare up into his demanding blue eyes.  “What
exactly
is
this?”  His eyes rake over my body, making me quiver with
each inch he visually covers.  “Are you talking about the fact that I can feel
how much you want me?”  He leans down, whispering in my ear.  “I bet if I
dipped into those sexy panties you’re wearing you’d be soaking wet.  I can
practically smell you and trust me when I say that you smell just as good as
you taste.”  He runs his nose along my jaw line drawing a small moan from me as
he inhales.

“I
didn’t come here for you,” I breathe back.

“You
sure as hell fooled me with the way you’re panting.  If I’m not mistaken, with
the look you’re giving me, you’re attempting to figure out the quickest way to
get my clothes off and inside you.  Am I right?”

“I-I
came here f-for Janice,” I stutter, after foolishly attempting to push against
his chest.  I can feel his heartbeat underneath my palms.  And even though Alex
seems calm, his heart is frantic as he pushes against me.   

“Listen,
she just broke up with her boyfriend.  Honestly, I’m just trying to help her
get over him.  Nothing more, I promise.”

Ice
melting.  That’s the look Alex has in his eyes with the mention of heartache. 
“Oh, you would know something about that, wouldn’t you?”  And just like that,
the switch has been officially flipped.  No longer is sexy Alex out to play. 
Nope, now it’s time for brooding Alex to take his turn.  “You two are two peas
in a fucked up man-hating pod.  You decide the best way to forget about an
ex-boyfriend is to just move on to someone else?  Sounds familiar.  What do
they call it…a rebound fuck?”  I reach up trying to slap him, but Alex
reflexively grabs my wrist, stopping me.  He knows nothing of the ache I feel
inside, an ache that is unrelenting no matter how often I try to keep busy in
an effort to not think of him.

“Her
man cheated on her!  With a client!  I’m sure you know a lot about that.”  Two
can play at this game.  Alex’s grip loosens as his face turns to one of
confusion.  “What is she supposed to do?  Mourn some asshole who didn’t
appreciate her?” 

“Wasn’t
it not that long ago that I let her leave work to go home and take care of
herself?  How do you go from being heartbroken to chatting it up with strippers
in the matter of seconds?  I swear I’m the chick in this relationship…talking
about respect and actually giving myself time instead of jumping on the first
warm body.”

“Are
you kidding me?  Look at you talking about warm bodies and rebound fucks, being
Mr. High and Mighty, when you just left this very room less than twenty minutes
ago with your
precious
Sandy!”  I hate the taste of her name on my
tongue.  I hate even more that I just let Alex know that it’s bothering me.

“What
in the fuck are you talking about?”  He seems anxious.  He must think I’m an
idiot if he actually thinks I believe their visit was innocent.

“I’m
not stupid,
Calvin
,” I answer through gritted teeth.

“Don’t
call me that.  EVER.”  Alex leans in, his face mere inches away from mine. 
“Don’t fucking push me, Elyssa.”

“Again,
I’m not stupid.  I saw with my own eyes.  You with her today and I definitely
remember you leaving with her yesterday.  So next time you want to try and
control my life whenever you see fit, just remember who is rebound fucking
who!  This is my life!  I can make my own decisions, just like you appear to
be.  If those decisions are wrong, then God forbid that I actually get the
opportunity to make a mistake.”

Visually
Alex looks like I just ran him over with my car.  He doesn’t know how to handle
me when I’m being defiant.  More calm than before, “I’m not trying to control
you.  I just want you to admit that you’re not over me.”  He pushes closer
again.  “Just like I’m not over you.”  He lifts my chin, forcing me to look at
him.  “I don’t want some asshole taking my place while I’m giving you your
space.  Seriously Elyssa, their like fucking vultures waiting for the death of
our relationship.  I won’t let you go.”

“You
think I’m not scared of the same thing?  Especially when it seems like you’ve
already gone and found yourself something to tide you over.”  My eyes dart to
the closed door.

 “What?! 
Are you talking about Sandy?”  I nod my head as I pull my face away from his
touch.  “

“Would
it bother you if I started seeing someone else?”  His voice is soft as his
fingers trace my lips.

“It
would shatter me,” I mutter the truth against his fingers. 

His
hands move to the nape of my neck.  “Then why are you doing this?” 

“I
really should go check on Janice.”  I push against him trying to escape this
conversation before I tell him something I know I shouldn’t.

Alex
pushes me back against the wall and places his weight against me.  “I miss
you.  I’ve never ached for someone as much as I do for you.  I watch you every
day as you go on with your life as if we never happened and it kills me.”  The
shiver that rocks me to the core is nothing I’ve ever felt before.  I can
barely breathe.  “Please…tell me why,” Alex begs, letting his head rest against
my shoulder.

I
run my fingers through his hair, just as I have many times before.  Only this
time I’m trying to comfort him when I know I can’t give him any more.  “You’re
past is part of you.  I get that, I really do.  The problem I’m having is that
it haunts me.” 
Literally.
  ”I need to know that I can get over the fact
that you’ve shared yourself with so many women, when I’ve given myself to you
and only you completely.  You’re the only one who’s had all of me.”

 “Don’t
you see…you’re
my
only one.  The women before meant nothing…they mean
nothing.  You’re
my
Hart.”   Alex steps away, head down, defeated as I
step around him and open the door.  I don’t look back.  I don’t dare for fear
that I’ll crumble in front of him.   

Janice
is waiting for me at the bar with Trevor.  They’re both laughing; Trevor has
his hand resting on her hip possessively. 
Janice seems happy.  Hmmmm

“Ely,
you okay?” Janice looks at me with concern.

I
nod.  “Where’s Autumn?” I ask solemnly.

“She’s
still with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.  Oh never mind, here she comes.”  I
glance over to where Janice is pointing and notice Autumn stumbling towards us
with a cocktail in hand.  “She hasn’t changed; still a sloppy drunk.”

Yay
for me!  I get to deal with a plastered Autumn.  This should be delightful.

Just
as the four of us situate ourselves at the bar, Alex exits the room.  His hair
looks more disheveled than it was before, probably from pulling it in
frustration. 
I know the feeling.
  He glances over in my direction, but
his eyes don’t linger.  Instead he gives a head nod to Trevor and strides to
the exit, not looking back once.

“Seriously,
Elyssa, why do you always get the ones I want?” Autumn slurs.

“What
are you talking about?”

“Alex. 
Oliver.  I’ve wanted them both and they seem to be infatuated with you.  What
do you have that I don’t?” 

I
contemplate Autumn’s question as she lays her head down on her forearm and
dozes off.  What do I have that none of these women seem to have?  Alex’s heart
for one, other than that, I’m just me.

“Ready
to go, Janice?”  She nods.  I turn to Trevor for a little help.  “This is all
you.  Thanks for tonight, but now you get to help me carry her drunk-ass to my
car.” 

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Note to self: Make your
womb a happy womb. 

 “Honey
stop,” a female voice giggles from across the room.  I glance up from the
magazine I’m pretending to read and lay eyes on a happy couple cuddling.  The
woman is about my age, but absolutely glowing while her husband rubs her
swollen belly.  Not that I’ve been pregnant before, but I’d say she’s in her
third trimester by the bump they’re caressing.  They talk silently, giggling
amongst one another, leaning in and exchanging brief kisses. 

I
know I shouldn’t be jealous.  Yet here I am wallowing in it all because of a
deliriously happy couple.  I lay my hand across my flat belly and silently
apologize to my baby.  I don’t know where we’ll be in the future, but I can
almost guarantee that Alex won’t be here to share in these joys.  Alex isn’t
the type of man that goes in only half hearted.  It’s either all or nothing and
right now
I
have nothing to give.  Barely on speaking terms, we’re not
functional enough to raise a baby together.  And this baby deserves more.

Sadly,
I haven’t seen or heard from Alex since our ladies night when he went all alpha
male claiming his territory.  I wasn’t able to fathom the attraction to bad
boys until I had my own.  He claims me; branding my soul so much that I can
feel my love for him while it runs through my veins as our baby grows safe
inside me.  I’d love nothing more than to have him here, arms wrapped around me
as we wait patiently to be called back.  To have his strong hands run over my
growing belly, one day feeling the movement of our little baby James. 

Instead
I glance next to me and am met with the depressing reality that all I have is
me, myself and…my sister.  My rock.  Rachel seems calm, waiting patiently for
my eight o’clock appointment.  I say she
seems
calm, but I can tell
she’s nervous or maybe excited, by the velocity of her bouncing knee as she
flips through pages of a magazine.