Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (20 page)

I point my
frozen finger towards the steel thermos.  “Do I get some of your grandmother’s
hot chocolate now?” 

Oliver nudges me
forward and reaches for two cups from his bag o’tricks.  You can see the steam
rising as the dark liquid fills the ceramic mugs.  He reaches back into the bag
to grab a can of whipped cream and swirls a mound on top of each cup. 

Absolute wrong
time to bring up such a cherished memory, but when I close my eyes I think back
to my trip to San Diego and the first time Alex told me he loved me. 
God,
if a can of whipped cream reminds me of Alex, then I’m doomed.

My eyes mist
over, but I quickly blink away the moisture and grab the cup from Oliver’s
hand.  He pulls me back, again resting against his chest, as I take my first
sip.  The warmth feels too good as it glides down my throat, heat radiating in
my belly.

You like that
little one?  Well if you’re happy, I’m happy. 

I continue to
drink and relax against Oliver’s muscular chest and before you know it, the
credits are rolling and the crowds are starting to fold up their blankets.

“I can honestly
say this is a first for me.”  I smile and look over my shoulder.   I’ve really
enjoyed myself.

“Wow, Mr. Hoity
Toity VP never took you anywhere fun, huh?”  And just like that, Oliver crapped
all over my good time.

I remove his
arms from around me and push the blanket off and stand.  A ball of frustration
grows inside and I look around the park searching for the direction we came
from.

“Hey, what are
you doing?”  Oliver sits up and tries to grab at me to pull me back down.

“Remember what I
said about just being happy in the moment?”  I place my hands on my hips as I
look at him with irritation.

“I believe the
words you said were content.”  Oliver tries to joke, but in obvious nervousness
he looks at the people surrounding us. 

“Well
whatever…you just pissed all over my
content
moment, asshole!” I scold him
as I stomp up the hill.  I’m fuming as I push past the crowds in search of
Oliver’s car.  I wouldn’t even know how to get home from here and consider
possibly calling Rachel to come pick me up.  I take my phone from my pocket and
notice three missed texts, all from Alex.

*I’m at your
house.  Where are you?*

I notice that
text was sent at seven thirty.

*That asshole
picked you up early didn’t he?*

That one was
sent at eight o’clock.

*I’m going crazy
here thinking about what you’re doing right now with him*

And once again
I’m gutted.  Not more than five minutes ago I found a moment of peace with
another man while the father of my child drives himself into a jealous rage. 
What kind of person am I?  I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t.  If I
don’t continue with my life, I’ll give Alex a reason to continue to piss
Arianna off and where will that lead us?  If I continue to see where things
progress with Oliver, then I’ll kill him slowly with the very man he despises. 

I’m lost in
thought when someone grabs my elbow and pulls me in the opposite direction. 
“Let go.”  Huffing, I pull my arm out of Oliver’s grasp.

He stands
frustrated, holding the blankets in one arm, his backpack slung over his
opposite shoulder.  “What did I do?” 

“What did you
do?”  I look at him incredulously.  “Are you really asking me that?” 

Clearly
frustrated, he takes a step towards me.  “Obviously, because I just asked you!”

“Why do you have
to make comments about him?  Why do you just assume and belittle what we had?” 
I struggle to keep the anger in my voice.  Just talking about Alex hurts, even
when seething.

“I’m not
belittling anything.  I’m just trying to state a fact,” he bites back.

“No, you’re
trying to talk about something you know nothing about.”  I glare at him as I raise
my arms in frustration.  “You want to know just how fun he is?”  Oliver shakes
his head knowing that what I’m about to say is probably the last thing he would
ever want to know.  “Well, too bad since you opened up the topic for
discussion. 

“He knew all of
the spots where I’m ticklish.  He knew just where to touch me to drive me
absolutely crazy.  He could make me over the charts angry and the next minute
make my heart smile.  He was fun because just being with him made me happy!”  I
yelled the last few words as tears brimmed my eyes again.  “And you,” I rush
towards him and push my finger into his chest, “you are not making it any
easier to be away from him!”

The last thing I
expected was for Oliver to drop the blankets and his backpack to the ground to
pull me closer to him, but he did. 

“I’m sorry.” 
Settling his forehead against mine, I notice both of our breaths are ragged. 
“I know you think I’m a conceited asshole and I know you think I love
competition.  Well, I guess I normally do, except when it comes to you.  I hate
that he got you first.  I hate watching you want him, knowing that I would give
anything to have you look at me that way.”

This is it. 
Either I allow him to kiss me or I pull away.  I can feel the desperation as
his hands clutch my shoulders, holding me against him. 

“I don’t want to
hurt you.  But Oliver, I’m just not ready.”

His lips lift
into a smile as he lets go of my shoulders and reaches down to pick up his
stuff.  “Well…I’ll be here when you are.” 

~~~~~

“I’m
sorry for that back there.”  Oliver’s apology comes the instant he places the
car in park in front of my apartment.  The drive was quiet, which was nice
considering our recent standoff.  I know it would be easy to give into Oliver
and see where things go, but just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it’s the
right decision.

My
Mom once told me that the best things in life are worth fighting for.  Alex, so
far, has been one of the best things that happen to me.  Unfortunately, I’m
currently stuck between a rock and a hard place; Alex being the rock, my
stability and Arianna being the hard place with her demand for control and
threats looming over our relationship.

“It’s
fine Oliver.  Just forget it,” I mutter.

“I
don’t want to forget it.  I don’t want you to forget it.  I want you to think
about it.”

“Oliver…I
can’t…”  Before I can finish my sentence, Oliver’s leaning over brushing his
lips against mine.  Probably one of the most awkward kisses considering it was
completely unplanned and unexpected, but at the same time it takes my breath
away.  His lips are warm and soft and I close my eyes for only a second, moving
my lips slightly before I push against his chest.

“Oliver…what
the hell?!”  I wipe my lips with the back of my hand.

He
points to me like a child tattle telling on me for cheating on a test.  “You
kissed me back.” 

“You
caught me by surprise,” I argue.

“I
needed to know what your reaction would be.  Either you were going to hit me
or…”

“Or
I was going to push you away?”

“Or
you were going to kiss me,” he smiles.  “And you can’t deny that for a split
second you gave yourself over to me.”

I
grab the handle and get one foot out the door before he grabs my forearm. 
“Oliver, I need to go.” 

“Hey,
you’re not mad at me, are you?”  I know what I’ll see if I look at him and my
clouded mind cannot take his persistence.

I
think about it, and just like everything to do with Oliver, it doesn’t take too
much time to decide.  I shake my head.  I’m not mad that Oliver knows what he
wants and has the balls to pursue it.  I’m mad at the fact that I put myself in
this position where my mind is more uncertain than usual.

Oliver
lets me go with a slight nod and I walk to my door, head still spinning as I
reach into my pocket for my keys.  My head’s down which is why I don’t notice
the figure sitting at my doorstep.  Our eyes meet and I can see the pain and
disappointment written all over his face.

“Alex,
I…”  My mouth drops open as I search for an explanation; something to take away
the wounded look on his face.

“Don’t.” 
Alex stands and brushes by me.  “After the meeting you had with Arianna…I just
wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

With
tears threatening to spill, my eyes close the moment the scent of musk and
citrus wafts past me.  Not only because I keep hurting Alex with all of my
decisions, but because I know he’s gone when I want nothing more than to ask
him to stay. 

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Two
days.  Forty-eight hours.  Two thousand eight hundred and eighty minutes. 
Whatever way you spin it, it felt like years since I last spoke to Alex.  I was
actually impressed with how he handled the Oliver situation.  The old Alex
would have pounded his face into the pavement first, asked questions later.  
Now, Alex took the high road and walked away.  But I’m not sure what’s worse,
Alex screaming and fighting the world for me or him acting indifferent.  I
really can’t blame him considering I’ve strung him along. 

When
he showed up to work on Tuesday with a butterfly bandage over his right eye, I
reacted completely territorial.  I was in the lobby waiting for the elevator
when I noticed him walking towards me.  His head was tilted, masking his
injury.  But the moment I noticed the small nude bandage I rushed to him,
taking his face into my hands, tilting it for a better look.  The hum of the
lobby was nothing but white noise, all I saw was Alex.  I asked him what
happened and ignored the questioning glances of the passerby’s. 

He
pulled his face away and glared at me muttering something to the extent of,
“It’s none of your business.”  I was heartbroken.  I never wanted to lose the
right to know about his life, but apparently I had.  I didn’t say anything.  I
just sank back; looking uncomfortable as if I was invading a space I no longer
belonged in.  I watched as he pushed past me and took the stairs instead of
waiting to share the space where our infatuation originally began. 

Two
days later and I’m still stuck on his stupid cut.  I never got an explanation
for his battle wounds and I hate to say it, but its killing me not knowing what
happened. 

Snapping
me back to today, a beep from my pocket startles me.  Frantically pulling my
phone out of my pocket, my heart drops when I find the text isn’t from whom I
wanted it to be from.  Alex. 

*S.O.S.
Please come here. I need you*

Janice’s
text surprises me.  This is unlike her; she doesn’t have bad days.  She’s the
one person who is consistently ecstatic to wake up in the morning.  She’s
normally so disgustingly peppy that if I waited long enough, I’m sure little
animated animals would appear and she’d break out in song about a spoon full of
sugar. 

But
not today.

I
walk around the corner and find her head down, face nestled in the alcove of
her tiny arms as her shoulders rise and fall.  Soft sobs echo in the unusually
quiet office.  Guarded, I look around for Alex, desperately hoping not to see
him.  He made himself clear, he doesn’t want me being concerned about him and
if I see him with another injury or God forbid a hair out of place, I may go
all misery on his ass and lock him up and incapacitate him.  He’d have to let
me take care of him then, right? 
Dang Ely, irrational much? 

Janice’s
desk is in complete disarray.  Her office supplies victims of her morning
madness.  Paperclips, stapler and tape dispenser are among the casualties
strewn across the floor.  I kneel down and begin picking them up, placing each item
back on her disorganized desk. 

“Janice?”
I whisper.

She
raises her blotchy face, tears still trickling down her cheeks.  My heart
breaks as I look at her.  She’s no longer the ray of sunshine I’ve taken for
granted in my dreary days.  Instead, now she’s a storm cloud, gushing drops of
misery onto her tiny, pale arms.

I
sigh, inching to her on my knees.  “Oh Janice, what happened?” 

Still
sobbing, she lifts her phone, the only explanation she could give.  The only
one I needed. 

You
knew this was coming.  Your parents don’t think I’m good enough for you.  You
obviously don’t think I’m good enough for you since you haven’t tried to
introduce me.  Vanessa was just being a friend.  We never meant for anything to
happen.

“Vanessa?”
I question, staring up into her glossy eyes. 

Janice
grabs a tissue and begins to blow loudly into the Kleenex before speaking
through her sobs. 

“Apparently,
Kevin has been so torn up about my lack of enthusiasm over introducing him to
my parents.  One of his clients has been comforting him and mending his
wounded
ego.”  Janice throws the waded up tissue into her trashcan and reaches for
another, now blotting her eyes and cheeks. 

“Apparently
his client felt the need to comfort him with her VAGINA!”  At that, Janice’s
voice raises just enough to get some odd looks from our surrounding
colleagues.  If her loud sobs didn’t draw the attention, her loud reference to
the female genitalia most likely did the job.