Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (8 page)

“That’s
all I wanted to hear.  I don’t care about anything else.”  Alex pushes himself
against me as we both eagerly undo his belt.  Lifting my legs, I dig the heels
of my feet against his jeans, pushing down his pants, bringing his boxers along
with them.  Within seconds he’s deep inside me and all the stress from the past
few weeks have completely vanished. 

I
love him and I’ll live in this for as long as I can. 

“Elyssa?”  With
my thoughts in the past, Alex’s voice is white noise against my memories.  “Come
back to me.”  He pleads.

I shake the
lingering thoughts out of my head and focus back on him.  “I’m sorry what were
you saying?”

“You were out of
it for a second there.  Is something wrong?”  Alex’s face is a mixture of
concern and curiosity.

“Uh…umm…no…nothing,”
I stammer, hoping beyond hope that Alex doesn’t catch the flush I know is
spreading across my cheeks.  I inch closer to his desk. 
Focus!
  “So,
I’m here.  What do you need me to do?”  I bounce on my heels, my nerves once
again, taking over.

“Well, first I
need you to relax.  It’s just me.”  Standing, Alex strides towards me and grabs
my purse and sweater, placing them on the shelf next to him.  “Do you want some
water?”

I shake my
head.  I need more than water to deal with the onslaught of emotions.  Being
with him in his personal space, a place where I’ve never been before has truly
confounded me.  It shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but considering our
pervious intimate relationship, it’s odd that I’ve never been here.  I would
like to say his office is true to who he is, but other than the dark mahogany
furniture looking well taken care of, his overly large desk with matching
bookshelf could have been in any other office and I wouldn’t have known it was
his.

The only item
that makes it his own is a silver picture frame situated on his desk.  It
catches my eye because it’s the same photo from Nana’s room.  I pick up the
aged photo and stare into the eyes of a young Alex standing next to his
beautiful grandmother at his college graduation.  Tears prick my eyes
remembering one of the last times I spent with her in her home.  I made so many
promises to her.  I place the picture frame down and sigh.  So many promises.

“Hey, are you
sure you’re okay?” Alex tilts his head, moving toward me.

“Oh yah, sorry…just
thinking.  How is she?”  I tilt my chin towards the picture of Nana beaming up
at Alex while he captures her around the waist.

“She’s
improving.  They don’t have her sedated anymore.”  I nod with understanding. 

How hard must
this be for him to not only to be back at work, but now having to stay late
with me to catch up?  It must be torturous not being able to be with her.  “Hey
listen…I know this is hard for you…if you just want to send me whatever files
you need me to work, I can go back to my desk and send them to you when I’m
done.”

“You’re just
dying to get away from me.”  The ache in his voice is physically painful to
hear.  I’ve always seen him as such a strong and confident man, but I’ve broken
him.  Me.  I did that.  I made him doubt his self worth.  I made him feel
unwanted.  “No, Alex, I’m not.  To be this close to you...” I shake my head.  I
won’t finish that sentence.  “I’m only trying to make this easier.

Without another
word, Alex nods in agreement.  Coming closer, he hands me a stack of documents
to review for approval.  At the same time, he pulls a seat out for me, not
giving me a chance to leave.

Hours later I’m
finally done.  Needing the feel of a good stretch, I rub my eyes and push out
my chair.  I lift my hands above my head and instantly feel a cool breeze
against my bare midriff as my blouse rides up.  I knew I made a mistake.  I
hurry to pull it down, but blush when I notice Alex lifting his eyes from his
computer, taking in my bare skin.  A rush of heat sweeps across my body as I
swallow past the nervous lump growing in my throat.  His eyes remain focused;
his blue irises burning into me as I anxiously fidget with the hem of my shirt.

“What were you
thinking about earlier?”  His question surprises me, making my head snap up.

“When?”  I try
to remain casual, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. 

A sly smirk
spreads across his beautiful lips, his eyes lighting up with fervor.  “When you
came into my office earlier; you had that look in your eyes.” 

“A look in my
eyes?”  I can’t fight the playful grin that spreads across my lips. 
This is
dangerous, Ely.

Alex rises from
his seat and saunters around his desk, sitting on the edge staring at me as he
crosses his legs at his ankles.  “The same look you had in your eyes when you saw
me at the hotel in New York.” 

Heart and mind. 
Raging.  Do I lie to him or tell him every ounce of truth that’s waiting to
spill from my lips?  What is there to say? 
Alex, I love you, but your crazy
ex-girlfriend slash madam will ruin your life if we stay together.
  Yah,
that will work wonders for our situation.  But, then again, maybe Alex needs
closure.  Maybe that’s what we both need in order to move on. 

Who am I
kidding?  I’m very aware of my ever changing moods, and even more aware of how
much I continuously contradict myself; one minute keeping secrets, then the
next not having the energy to care about the consequences.  I worry my bottom
lip as I twirl my ring and stare at the ground trying to avoid his stare.  “I
was thinking of New York and the last time we were…together.”

Pushing off his
desk, Alex moves towards me, my eyes raise to watch him approach.  I love the
way he moves.  The way his hips sway, sexual and dominating, sends images of
him thrusting into me as I scream in pleasure. 
Earth to Ely…he’s right in
front of you, why do you need to daydream?

Reaching for me,
he strums his fingers beginning at my forearms until both of his hands relax on
the curve of my neck.  Bringing me in closer, he rests his forehead against
mine.  Our breath ragged as we both adjust to the intimacy and let our eyes
close.  I would live and die for the peacefulness this moment has brought us.  

“I think about
it every day.  I’ve wondered countless times what would have happened if I
hadn’t fallen asleep.  If I had just stayed awake.  If I just got to you thirty
seconds earlier, I could have…”  I open my eyes as his voice trails off, his
eyes clutched tightly.

Gripping his
forearms, my chest tightens making it difficult to breathe.  “Alex, don’t…” I
whisper with a shaky voice. 

“I’m dying here
Hart.  Tell me what I have to do.”  My eyes flutter closed as his fingers run
along the length of my chin down my neck to rest on my chest.  He doesn’t stop
his reluctant perusal.  I don’t either.  His hands continue to travel down my
breasts to my hips, resting on the small of my back, pulling me impossibly
close.

I gasp when all
I can feel is his rock hard body pressed tightly against mine; his arousal
nudging into my belly.  It’s hard to refuse him when I want everything he
wants; when I want him with every fiber of my being.  With no space between us,
Alex brushes his lips underneath my ear and places gentle kisses down the nape
of my neck. 

I can’t
breathe. 

My mind
continues to fight against the inevitable; my body will always be the
victor.    The need I feel is so intense I have no choice but to give in.  I
feel a rush of release and immediately run my fingers through his hair,
cradling him against my burning skin.

“Alex…” I moan
as a euphoric tingling spreads head to toe.

“I want you,
Elyssa…more than I’ve wanted anything.  More than my next breath.”  His lips
move against my clavicle, his long fingers pushing the straps of my dress off
my shoulders.  My dress slowly cascades down my torso, pooling around my feet just
as Alex lifts me and rests me on the edge of his desk and kneels before me.  I
drop my eyes and watch as he looks over the length of my body, stopping only to
check out my black lacy bra and matching panties.  “You’re fucking
breathtaking,” he sighs.

Nuzzling against
my chest, he breathes me in before he eases me back, sprawling me over the top
of his desk.  My mind rages, attempting to take over.  “Alex, what are we
doing?” I pant, nothing more than a whisper coming from my lips.  I want him so
much, but I know this isn’t right.  This is going to hurt.  But, I can’t seem
to stop.  Nothing that feels this good should end.

“Shhhhh...”  His
hands ghost over my body; down my bare shoulders, down my torso until his hands
rest on my hips.  “I want to remember you just (kiss) like (kiss) this (kiss).”
His tongue explores my navel, as he dips into my belly button before continuing
south.  His lips whispers against my skin causing my back to arch.  The
approach to my aching core is painstakingly slow, leaving me breathless. 
“You’re like every business man’s wet dream in these thigh highs and fuck me
heels spread across my desk.” 

Not having to
ask, Alex pushes open my willing legs.  Slowly, like he’s painting a picture in
his mind, he pulls down my panties and puts them in his front pocket.  “For
later,” he says, giving me his sinful smirk while he places my legs over his
shoulders.  His hands run over the smooth material of my stockings, but never
removing them as he focuses deeply on my already drenched core.

“I’ve been
craving you for weeks, dying to remember your taste on my tongue.”  My body
quivers as he grips my thighs, kissing his way up to my apex.  I unravel when
his thumb starts to massage me, my hand grasping his as he continues to sends
shivers of ecstasy all over my body. 

“Alex,” I moan,
panting through ragged breaths as I rub myself against his eager fingers.

“Do you want me
to stop?”  His voice teases while he watches me squirm with pleasure with each
circular motion of his thumb.

“No, please don’t,”
I beg.  Reaching back, I grasp the edge of his desk.  The sound of something
plummeting against the floor doesn’t stop Alex’s efforts.  “Sorry…fuck!”  With
another moan escaping my lips, I squeeze my eyes shut.

I practically
convulse in pleasure as Alex runs his tongue along my folds.  My hips begin to
gyrate in unison; his tongue continuing to explore me thoroughly.  My climax
builds as I move my grip to Alex’s hair, holding him against me.

Mind empty of
all consequences, I relish only in the pleasure as I focus on Alex and having
him this close to me.  Part of the excitement is knowing that against all odds,
we’re together.  The rest is Alex, and how he makes me feel.  The heartache is
knowing that this is only temporary.  Whatever pleasure we have will always be
cut short, short of the forever we deserve.

My body
explodes.  His hand barely clasps over my mouth to drown out my ecstasy. 
Almost instantaneously, the warmth of his mouth is replaced.  The sound of his
zipper is the last thing I remember before Alex plunges deep inside of me;
deeper than he’s ever been.  In a moment of sheer desperation, his body rolls
against mine while his hands move frantically over my body, acting as if this
is our last time together.  But, instead of focusing on our inevitable
separation, I decide to bask in this feeling.  Sitting up, I run my fingers
along his body, helping him out of his dress shirt.  I
need
to feel his
skin on mine.  As Alex pumps into me, I desperately undo the remaining buttons
and toss it to the floor.  The sensation of him against my finger tips is
addictive, and I can’t help but run my nails across his back before settling my
hands on his firm ass, pulling him into me.

“I love you…I’ve
never stopped loving you…I never will.”  Alex continues to thrust into me,
whispering his adoration, pushing down my bra before taking my nipple into his
mouth.  I fight back the urge to confess my undying love for him, only able to
grit my teeth as another climax builds.  “I’ll never let you go.  You’re mine. 
I’ll always find my way back to you.”

Forcefully I hug
Alex to me, listening to his appreciative groans when he finds his own
release.  Guilt washes over me as I let his words sink in.  But, I can’t seem
to let go.  I know I’m not helping him by using his body like a yo-yo whenever
I see fit.  It’s not fair to either of us to continue to hold onto something
that can’t be. 

Never leaving my
body, Alex nuzzles against me and stills when he hears my soft sobs.  Why can’t
this be easier?  Why can’t we just love each other and be happy?  Why does
everything in my life have to be so damn hard?!

Alex leans up,
searching my face at the same time his fingers run down my cheek, concern
etched in every inch of his face.  “Hart?” 

This is what it
feels like to break down.  “I keep doing this to you.  You’re going to end up
hating me.”  With what little fight I have left in me, I push his body
backwards and attempt to sit up.  Of course, it would never be that easy.  I
don’t get far before he reaches over to bring me into an embrace.  Before my
heart can catch up to my brain, I refuse his gesture and push against him. 

Now that we
aren’t in the throes of passion, I’m reminded of how wrong this was.  How
broken we really are.  When I told him it wasn’t our time, I meant it.  I stand
and hurry to my tussled dress on the floor, my back to Alex.