Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (46 page)

“We’ll always be
in each other’s lives; connected by Mason.”  Melanie turns her head, but her
eyes watch Oliver and not the man she was just
exchanging
kisses with. 
“That type of love…it’s not something you get over.” 

“How can you
look at Oliver as if he’s still yours?  Especially when you just gave Rex an
oral exam with your tongue?” 
Oh shit, did I just say that out loud?

“Cause he’s
still mine.  Don’t you see the way he looks at me?  The way he reacts when I’m
around.  I’m just waiting for him to realize that it’s okay to forgive me.”  I
think about Oliver’s reaction to Melanie at the restaurant and now at the
beach.  Is his reaction about his deep rooted feelings he still has for her, or
is it over the awkwardness of the relationship they lost and now must maintain?

“I’m sure when
he looks at you, all he see’s is you leaving another man’s room while he was
taking care of business.” 

“You don’t know
what you’re talking about?”

“Oh, I don’t? 
Why don’t you enlighten me?” 
This ought to be good.

“I don’t have to
explain shit to you.  People make mistakes.  I was really messed up on drugs
and I wasn’t thinking.  Oliver was always too busy for me.  Never there when I
needed him.  I needed someone, something and he wasn’t there.”  Her voice
carries off as she stares out at the retreating forms ducking underneath the
big waves, paddling out farther.  “Have you ever been in love before?”

She turns to
look at me.  I don’t know why I feel compelled to continue this conversation
with her, but I nod my head in agreement.  Her azure eyes glisten, fighting
back the tears.  “Have you ever hurt someone you loved?”  I nod, feeling the
moisture building in my own eyes.  What the hell?  I don’t want to have any
empathy for her.  She doesn’t deserve it for what she’s done to Oliver and
Mason.  And to Alex.  Damn pregnancy hormones. 

Staring at me
from across the picnic bench, I see the hurt in her eyes.  It takes her a
minute, but when the hurt turns to resolve, she stands up, hands on her hips
and floors me with a last verbal punch.  “Then what makes you any better than
me?” 

Before I can
respond, not that I would know what to say, she walks towards the shoreline
with her arms wrapped around herself.  I hate to admit it, but she has a
point.  Who am I to judge anyone else’s moral compass?  Mine is so far off the
maps, it would take years to find me.

“Don’t pay her
any attention.”  Brad’s girlfriend, Sasha (I think), slides over, occupying the
space Melanie just vacated.  “She’s not use to seeing Oliver serious with a
girl.  She can handle hookups, but nothing serious.”

I nod.  I know
she still loves him.  How could she not, especially when he was willing to make
a life with her.  How do you come back from that?  One day you love the person,
planning a life with them, and the next you’re single.  Don’t get me wrong, I
have no sympathy for her.  She did this to herself.  But I can empathize with
her; even if I don’t want to.

Just my luck,
right when my thoughts turn to Alex, his face flashes across my screen.  I had
gotten my phone out of my purse to make sure Rachel wasn’t overreacting again,
and now I wish I wouldn’t have.  Because the dimply smile staring back at me is
begging me to answer the phone.  It’s not until I feel drops of moisture
against the back of my hands that I realize I’m even crying.  My heart starts
racing and I begin to panic.  “Excuse me,” I choke out, hurrying to get up and
walk back to the parking area. 

I reach Oliver’s
car, out of breath from jogging across the pebbly sand, and notice the
notification of a voicemail.  Should I listen to it?  I want to listen to it. 
I miss him.  I look across the dirt lot, searching for a sign of what I should
do.  Finding nothing of value, and knowing I never have a choice when it comes
to him, I make a decision.  I’m going to listen to it.  Anything to hear his
voice.

“I really wish
you would pick up the phone.  I’ve been thinking about everything.  About how
we were before I left.  How, even though I left you to take care of business in
New York, you always seem to be the one leaving me.” 
He pauses.  He
seems somber, possibly intoxicated. 
“No matter what I do; no matter how
many times I try to put the pieces back together, you keep pulling us apart. 
You know…when you told me about the baby I thought this was my chance to
finally have a family; to have a dream I didn’t know existed for men like me. 
I should have known better.  I don’t deserve to be happy.  With everything I’ve
done in the past, I can see why you threw me away like a piece of trash.  I
never respected marriages when I slept with those women.  I never cared if they
had a family.  I fucked my way into their lives and their hearts and didn’t
think twice about accepting everything they had to offer.  All for my benefit. 
And now…now I’m forced to live the rest of my life with a glimpse of what I
could’ve had and that kills me.  I get it now.  You were supposed to be my once
in a lifetime.  Now you’re just a happy memory.  Goodbye, Hart.”

I crack and
crumble to the ground, shaking through the sobs.  “Ely…you okay?”  I can hear
Oliver, but my body refuses to respond.  I can’t move.  I can’t speak.  All I
can do is cry.  “Hey, talk to me.”  Oliver brushes my hair away from my face
and pulls me close.  I’m not sure how long he holds me, but after what seems
like a lifetime, he lifts me off the ground and opens the car, helping me
inside.  “Let’s get you home.”

~~~~~

“I got you,
Hart.”  My eyes flicker open to the sound of his deep, melodic voice.  I’m
looking directly into his sky blue eyes wondering how he even got here.  Wasn’t
I in San Diego?  With Oliver?

“Alex…”  My
voice is barely a whisper, my throat sore and constricted.

“Shhhhh,” his
lips brush against my forehead.  Lifting me, Alex carries me to the chair and
we sit.  He pulls me closer to him, pelvis to pelvis, chest to chest, forehead
to forehead.  Caressing my spine, his hands feel like a million butterflies
fluttering across my skin.  His attempt to soothe my aching heart is working. I
finally relax when I settle against his warm body.  I love being wrapped in
Alex.  He’s like a soothing, muscular blanket that smells of citrus and gives
the sense of security.  Like a thousand guards standing by ready to fight my
battles.  I nestle my face against his neck, inhaling him deep, like taking a
piece of him into me with each breath.    

I tilt my head,
looking up at him through my lashes.  “I’m so sorry, Alex.  All I’ve ever
wanted was you, this baby, us.  You’re my forever.  This baby is yours.  I
said…”  He places two fingers against my lips, stopping me.

“I know.  I
don’t want to talk right now.”  His eyes burn with need as he moves his fingers
from my lips, to my chin, finally settling against the nape of my neck before
his lips devour mine.  It feels like a century has passed since I’ve tasted
him.  His mouth moves with urgency and swallows a moan that has been dormant
since the moment I left him.

“How did you
find me?”  Alex runs his tongue down the length of my neck, giving me a moment to
speak.  His teeth nip at my lobe causing me to whimper, my sex clenching at the
same time.

“I’ll always
find you.  You carry a part of me inside of you.”  His hands run across my
belly, moving up my torso before resting a hand against my chest.  “It’s not
just the baby that you have.  You’ve had my heart since the moment I let you
in, since I made you mine.” 

“I’ve always
been yours.”  I take my lower lip between my teeth, looking at Alex adoringly,
running my eyes over every features of his chiseled face.  He doesn’t look
tired; he doesn’t look as if this separation has affected him.  He looks just
as handsome as the first time I laid eyes on him.

He pulls me
underneath him, his body blanketing mine.  His eyes are blazing, bright blue
with the love we share as he crawls down my body, settling his lips against my
belly. 

“I knew you were
mine, LJ...I wished for you even before I knew your Mom existed, when she was
just a dream.  You two are my world and I’ll protect you both with my life.” 
Alex kisses my belly and sighs with a smile.

His words light
a fire in the already existing slow burn I feel inside me.  I pull him up my
body and again, I capture his mouth with mine.  I move my hands desperately
over the smooth skin of his biceps and then over the length of his body.  I
can’t get close enough; I need to feel him on me, in me, everywhere.  My
fingers run through the strands of his already tousled hair before clasping
tightly and pulling with need. 

His hands caress
my aching breasts through the cotton of my shirt.  His fingers run over my
nipples teasingly, they harden against his touch.  I whimper and rub myself
against his burgeoning length.  There’s too much between us.  Even if it’s just
the cotton material of my yoga pants and the denim of his jeans, there’s just
too much between us. 

“God Ely, I’ve
wanted you for so long.”  The lips that continue to move against mine feel
different.  Not entirely unpleasant, just different.  His tongue caresses mine
and the feeling is foreign compared to moments ago.  The voice I hear is
familiar, yet not the one I had longed to hear.

“I love you,
Alex.”  His body stills at my words.

As if I’m coming
out of a fog that’s finally being lifted, my head feels groggy.  With my eyes
still closed, I take a deep breath, releasing on a sigh.  When the haze lifts,
I realize the eyes focused on me aren’t blue.  They are green and they belong
to Oliver.

And he is
seething mad.

Oliver moves me
from his lap and I scramble to the other side of the couch.  It’s then that I
remember where I’m at and it hits me.  Hard.  And my heart breaks.  Alex was
nothing but a dream. 

Now, not only am
I left devastated because my reason for being is still hundreds of miles away,
it’s as if I’ve lost my friend.  Oliver.   The one who I’ve leaned on for
support is looking at me as if I’ve killed something inside of him.  I know I
have, because I felt it, too.

I bring my hands
to my swollen lips, still able to taste him on my tongue.  “Oliver…Oh my God,
I’m sorry.”  My voice trembles.

He’s pacing the
floor in front of me; his hands are resting on his neck.  I can see the tension
in his biceps as his shirt clings to his muscles.  “Oh, now you remember my
name?” 

“I-I-I was
dreaming,” I try to explain, but my words seem to only make the situation worse. 
His eyes widen in realization and I’m left scrambling for what to say.

“Fuck me!” he
screams.  I search around his parents’ living room, waiting for someone to come
rushing in with concern, but it never happens.  “You,” he points to me, shaking
his head.  “I was being the good guy.  I was just trying to calm you down and
hold you until you stopped crying.  But you…ARRGH!”   In frustration, he
screams again.  “
You
kissed
me
first.”

I shake my
head.  I didn’t kiss him.  I was kissing Alex or at least I thought I was. 
“I’m sorry, Oliver.  I was dreaming.” 

“You were
dreaming of him.  You were dreaming of kissing him, weren’t you?”

I nod my head
and wrap my arms around myself.  Seriously, nothing I say is going to make this
situation any better.  I’m only going to hurt him even more if I lie.

“The one moment
where I finally think
we
are making progress…you completely regress
and….you said his fucking name.  You said his name while
I
was kissing
you.”  I can see the hurt in his eyes as he goes to sit in the chair across
from me.  To cover his crushed expression, his head bows, shoulders slump over
while he rests his elbows on his knees.  I don’t want him to hide from me. 
It’s me who should be cowering, not him.  Not Oliver. 

I stand and
slowly walk to him, careful at my approach.  I reach out a hand, hoping to comfort
my wounded friend, but when my fingers graze against the skin of his forearm,
Oliver recoils.  It’s as if my touch hurts him, burning his skin.

  He refuses to
look at me, yet simply states, “Don’t Elyssa.”  I can hear the hurt from my
rejection in his voice.

“Oliver, I care
for you.  I honestly do, but I’m just…”  I want to try and explain that my
feelings for him are real; they’re just not as deep rooted as my feelings for
Alex.  Alex is wrapped around my soul, crushing me every second I’m apart from
him.  How do I explain to Oliver that even though Alex has imprisoned my heart,
he
is the oxygen that keeps me alive, that
he
keeps me from
spiraling into a dark oblivion? 

“Just go to
bed.  We’ll leave first thing in the morning.”

My knees feel
weak and I hesitate in hopes he’ll realize that I didn’t hurt him
intentionally.  I want to tell him everything.  I want to tell him that
although Alex is a constant beacon of light in my ever growing bleak world;
that he is my shelter.  He took me in and cared for me when I needed someone. 
He has kept me safe from the shit storm that is my life. 

Instead, my
words pale in comparison to what I really need to say.  “I’m sorry, Oliver. 
I’m so, so sorry.”  I turn and walk down the hall to the guest bedroom.  It’s
not until I hear the door close behind me that I break down into sobs. 
What
have I done?
  I crawl to the bed, lifting my body and pull the pillows
tighter against me. 
What have I done?