Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (47 page)

Sunday, December 16, 2012

“Get up.”  The
mattress jostles underneath me and I jolt awake in panic.  I search the room
and find Oliver standing at the foot of the bed.  Dark circles rim his eyes. 
He’s wearing the same clothes I left him in last night as he clings to a
ceramic mug, looking at me with such disdain that I can practically feel his
eyes scorching my skin.  “We leave in thirty.”  He turns and leaves the room. 
Well,
at least he didn’t slam the door.

I shower and
shove the few pieces of clothing I brought with me inside my duffle bag before
carrying it out into the living room.  Oliver’s Mom see’s me and with a bout of
sympathy, she gives me a small smile.  I wonder how aware she is of our
argument.  By the looks of it, she knows I broke her son’s heart.  Quickly
scurrying over, she wraps her arms around me and squeezes me tight.   She
surprises me, considering Oliver is standing less than twenty feet away.

“I wish you guys
could stay longer,” she whispers in my ear.  “He cares about you.  You know
that, right?”  She pulls away slightly to look me in the eyes.  I nod my head. 
I know her son cares for me and I know this life he has would be easy to fall
in love with.  The problem is, is it fair to love the ease of his life and the
comfort of his affectionate family without actually being in love with the
man? 

“Drive safely,
son.”  Oliver’s Dad pats him on the back, bringing him in for a tight hug. 
Oliver nods and picks up his little boy who has been clutching the leg of his
jeans the entire time we’ve been in the room.

“You, little
man, be good for Grandma and Grandpa, okay?”  Oliver looks over Mason’s little
face, etched with sadness.  “I’ll be back in a few days, I promise.”  Mason
nods, still not saying anything.  “You’re such a big man already; you make me
proud every day.” 

Oliver kisses
Mason on his forehead before setting him down.  Immediately Mason races over to
me with tears in his eyes.  My heart breaks for this little boy and I can’t
help but feel responsible for taking him away from his Dad earlier than
necessary.  We could have left tonight, but Oliver can’t seem to get away from
me soon enough. 

I kneel in front
of Mason and study his saddened face.  Even though he shares his mother’s
features, he looks so much like Oliver.  But, it’s those eyes that do me in. 
He has the same emerald color as his father and they speak to me the same way
Oliver’s do. 

“It was nice
meeting you, Mason.”  I reach out my hand to shake his, but instead he jumps
into my arms and wraps his small hands around my neck. 

When he speaks,
his voice is muffled against my shoulder, “Will you come back and see me?” 

With his arms
still around my neck, I’m able to look over Mason’s little shoulder at his
Dad.  He’s no longer looking at me with hate in his eyes.  No, now it’s worse. 
His eyes show what his words can’t, and I can only imagine what he’s thinking
while his son is wrapped in my arms.  It’s as if I crushed a dream of what he
pictured for his future. 

“I hope so.” 

“My Dad told me
he wants to share his bubblegum with you.”  He’s crying now.  I pull him back,
brushing the tears away from his cheeks.

“Did he?”  I
look up at Oliver gritting his teeth, holding back his own emotions.  “Can I tell
you a secret?”  Mason nods as his tears slowly stop falling.  “Your Dad, he’s
probably one of the strongest, most handsome men I know and I hope when you
grow up you’re just like him.  Because whatever girl you decide to share your
bubblegum with will be the luckiest girl in the world.”

Mason flashes me
a toothy grin, wiping the last of his tears away with the back of his hand. 
“You listen to your grandparents.”  I kiss him on top of his unruly hair and
stand, letting him run back to his grandparents.

I look at Oliver
and for a moment his face softens and I see my friend.  But as soon as Mason is
back with his grandparents, he waves goodbye to his son and walks out, setting
his aviator sunglasses on his nose before stepping into the morning California
sun.  Just like that, his cool demeanor returns and I know we’re in for a long,
quiet ride home.

~~~~~

We just passed
Barstow and my bladder is begging for Oliver to stop.  I was hoping he would’ve
pulled over for gas by now, but he seems dead set on getting home as soon as
possible.  I’ve tried a dozen times to talk to him, but my words seem to fail
me and never come out.  I don’t want us to go back to Vegas with this wall
between us.  He’s my friend and although he’s blurred the lines on several
occasions, I’ve always leaned on him for strength when I needed it.  Maybe
that’s the problem; I’ve depended on him to pull me through the darkness when
all he’s ever wanted was to be my light.  But he’s never been my light, my
reason.  He’s just been the safety net who’s been there to catch me when I
fall.

I’m desperate to
let him know what I think of him, to let him know how I feel.  But how?  It’s
then that I notice the IPhone charger sitting between us.  I connect it to my
phone and search through my playlist until I find the perfect one.  This has to
work.  Oliver doesn’t look at me, he doesn’t even acknowledge me.  But when
Near
to You
by A Fine Frenzy comes through his speakers I can see the tension of
his body ease. 

While she sings
about how being near to someone heals the hurt inside, I watch as Oliver
listens intently.  The song describes how, although her heart is broken by
another, she feels better when he’s near.  The same as I feel for Oliver. 
Being around him is like Novocain; he eases my pain.  The lyrics explain how
her love is gone and although he’s there, it’s hard to let herself love him. 
Or, even how to love again. 

Towards the
middle of the song Oliver reaches over and takes my hand in his. 

I hope he
understands that the choice between him and Alex was never a choice.  That my
heart chose Alex the moment I laid eyes on him.  That I was ruined for every
other man way before Oliver even came into the picture.  That he never had a
chance because by the time he came barging into my life, my heart was already
fated to another.

When the song is
over and another one begins, Oliver takes his chance and tries to explain his
reaction.  “I kept thinking last night you were the same as Melanie; another
attention whore who wanted me to continually pine after you.”

“Oliver…”

“Just let me get
this out,” he pleads.  I nod.  “I’ve been thinking about it all night and
although I don’t like it, nor do I agree with it, I can’t compete anymore.  I
know you love him.  I’ve never loved someone that much, well except for Mason. 
But, I guess I get it.

“I love Mason
with my life.  I’d do anything for him and although the relationship between us
is different than your relationship with Alex, it’s the only way I can even try
to put myself in your shoes.  Being away from Mason breaks me…daily.  Even
though I know I’m making the right decision by making a life for us in Vegas, I
feel responsible for hurting him every time I leave.  The distance between us
is my fault.  I know I’m doing it for our future, but he doesn’t.  Not yet at
least.  So that pain, the pain I feel deep in my gut, it’s the closest I can
come to understanding.”

I look out the
window, tears streaming down my cheeks. 
God, if he only knew.
  “I’m
pregnant, Oliver.”  I turn to face him and understanding finally sinks in as he
looks between the road ahead of us and me.  “Alex knows, but I lied to him.”

“What?  You lied
about what?”

“I told him
about the baby.  And Oliver, he was elated; over the moon, excited.  But, then
something happened and reality struck and I realized he’s better off without
me.  So, I did the unthinkable and lied to him.  I told him the baby wasn’t
his.”  I try to explain through my sobs, but as each second passes, my chest
aches with the comprehension of what I’ve done.  He covers his gasp and in true
Oliver fashion, he empathizes.  But not with me this time; with Alex. 

“Ely…that will
kill him.”  He shakes his head.  “I can’t imagine.  No, you know what?  I can,”
Oliver’s voice trails off. 

“That’s why you
left?  Why you came to San Diego isn’t it?”

“I needed him to
finally give up.  If not for me, for himself.  We aren’t good for each other. 
So you see….I’m putting distance between us for his own good.  But it doesn’t
mean I don’t love him.  I do, which is why I can’t do that to you.  It’s not
fair to give you only a portion of me.  My body, that’s all I have left because
my hearts with him.” 

Always will be.

Oliver nods in
understanding and grips my hand tighter.  I rest my head against the door,
allowing the tears to fall.  We drive like this until we get closer to Baker. 

“How about we
stop and get something to eat?” he asks, with a squeeze to my hand.

I nod and
finally feel at peace.  I know this isn’t where Oliver wants us to be.  But,
knowing he’s willing to be in my life, with the understanding that I’m half the
woman he thought I was, makes me feel closer to him than I ever have before.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Remind me to
never take a week off from work again!  I had over 400 emails, a training class
to attend, and at least two dozen voicemails to cipher through.  I expected
Maggie to be pissed over my absence, but instead in Maggie fashion she gave me
a friendly hug and welcomed me back.  I must say it does feel nice to be back,
especially after clearing the air with Oliver.  There are no more expectations,
no more innuendos, and no more decisions to be made. 

Although Oliver
doesn’t agree with me keeping Alex in the dark, he agreed to not say anything. 
I will say that he made every attempt at convincing me on our way home to tell
Alex.  Describing the moments where he fell in love with his son; moments that
I’ll inevitably steal from Alex.

Knowing my
pending workload I should have expected to leave later than usual.  It’s dark
and even I know I shouldn’t be walking out to the parking lot alone.  But, when
you leave the office and it’s already past seven, what choice do you really
have?  None.  Not even old Mr. Hodges is around to escort me.  So, like a good
Girl Scout, I have my keys ready as I approach the third floor.  Since my last
run in with Arianna, I’ve made it a habit to park somewhere visible and closest
to the elevator as possible.  Even though the parking garage is lit, there’s an
increasingly eerie feeling that I just can’t kick.  I know it’s stupid, but I
feel like someone is watching me.  Something I’ve felt over the past few
weeks.  And as I approach my car, I find it’s for good reason. 

It’s at the
moment I click the button to unlock my car when I see a figure move out from
the shadows.  Wearing a knee length tan trench coat, I’m unable to see his face
and I start to panic.  It only takes a minute and probably a hundred short,
deep breathes, but the instant the intruder steps farther into the overhead
light I know who it is.  Sunken in with dark circles under his eyes, I notice
just how much more prominent his harsh features look since I last saw him. 

“I thought you
were going to have him call me,” he barks.

“I-I gave him
your number, but he’s not ready to…” I stutter, voice shrinking when I try to
lie.

“What!  What an
ungrateful little shit.  After everything I…”  I squint at him, attempting to
study his face.  He is not a kind man, nor a man to pity.  After everything
Alex told me, everything his father put him through, I can’t imagine him
feeling entitled to anything.  He not only ruined Alex’s childhood, he tortured
Alex’s mother, his own wife.  The person you are supposed to love, honor and
cherish.  No.  This man is a monster. 

“Listen!”  I
point my finger at his chest, reacting on adrenaline only.  “Alex doesn’t owe
you a damn thing.  I gave him your number.  He obviously doesn’t want to talk
to you.  Just back the fuck off,
Mr. James
!”  My voice echoes through
the empty parking garage.

I can see his
sinister features darken as he moves closer.  Of course now I realize how dumb
that was, forgetting momentarily that I’m alone with a man whom I’m not
familiar with.  With each step forward, I step back until I bump against the
cement column near my car.  His face contorts in anger as he tilts his head, bringing
his face near mine.

“You listen here
you little bitch.”  He slams his hands against the concrete slab my head is
resting against.  “I don’t care what Alex
wants
.  If he doesn’t give me
what I need, I’ll make his life a living hell.  And I’m getting that you know I
can do just that.” 

Not trusting my
voice, I simply nod and turn my head away from him at the same time squeezing
my eyes shut.  Anger seething from his pores, he grabs my chin and yanks it
back towards his face.  “Bitch, look at me when I’m talking to you.”

I hate that his
features remind me of Alex: same jaw line, same bright blue eyes.  The
difference is that I love the different facets of color I can see in Alex’s
irises; specks of dark blue, aqua, and a tinge of green.  I’ve always loved the
reflection of myself in his eyes…pure, confident, sexy.  It says something
about the man because the same reflection in his father’s eyes is quite the
opposite.  I look scared and weak.