Shattered Spirits (27 page)

Now was the moment when she had to do her duty. Except she couldn’t kill him. She’d never be able to kill him. It would be easier to kill herself—and that wasn’t an easy proposition since the only real way to kill her was decapitation or maybe fire.

In the very least, she needed to erase his memories, save his sanity. But she didn’t want to rip into his mind and make him forget about her. She wanted him to know her, the real her, and accept her for who she was. But that was completely dangerous.

He didn’t move from the door. “Well, use small words so I can understand it.”

“I didn’t mean you wouldn’t understand.” Except that was exactly what she’d meant. “I just—” She thought about her power word. Just thinking about it made her head hurt.

Damn it, just say it and be done with it. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t make herself do it.

It wasn’t fair. It God damned wasn’t fair.

“There are things you don’t understand. Take off your coat.”

“Then help me.” He meant help him understand, not help take the coat off, but her gaze lingered at the sliver of bare chest peeking from beneath his collar.

Mother, she wanted him so badly. “You’re bleeding. Let’s deal with that.”

“You’re bleeding, too.” He grabbed her arm, pulled her to him, and opened her coat, revealing the dried blood around what should have been a gunshot. “I know you were shot. I saw it. And I saw that man disappear and reappear. I know what I saw. I’m not crazy.”

“No,” she said between gritted teeth. “You’re not crazy.” She was in so much trouble. There was no good way out of this. But she had to tell him the truth. Her soul demanded it. She couldn’t lie to her inamorator, no matter how much it was for his own good. “There are things you need to know.”

“Then tell me.”

She pulled away before she melted into his embrace and forgot herself in his lips and body. This needed to be done. If he went completely crazy, she could wipe his mind. If he didn’t accept her, at least she’d told the truth. It was all she could do now. Where was Diablo when she needed to shoot something?

“Take off your coat and let’s see if Grey left us something to drink.” She grabbed the shopping bags and took them to the kitchen table. Grey had sent them a change of clothes—including boots—a couple of microwave dinners, a new cell phone, and a first aid kit. She pocketed the phone and pulled out the kit. “No liquor, but at least we have bandages.”

“You’re stalling.”

Yes, she was.

The muscle in his jaw worked, as if he were considering his options. Then he blew out a long breath and slid off the coat.

He was gorgeous, all ripped muscle promising strength and protection. And only hours ago, she’d run her hands over his flesh, felt him move within her, shared his breath, bonded her soul to his in a way she couldn’t explain to him.

Heat swept up her neck. She didn’t want to leave him, didn’t want to hurt him, and had no idea what she was going to do.

She struggled past that thought and the memory of his skin under her fingers and focused on his wounds. Red bruises and small lacerations covered his chest, arms, and face—he was going to look terrible in about a day—but blood only really wept from the graze along his ribs.

Thank goodness it wasn’t bad. It was actually a miracle he’d gotten through that with only scrapes and bruises.

“Are you going to say anything?” He meant her unfinished complicated explanation, but there was a heat in his gaze that said he wanted to talk about something else.

She opened a package of gauze and pressed it to his side. “Hold this. I just need to cut some tape.”

“And when we’re done with me, you’re taking off your coat.”

Her heart stuttered, the memory of his body against hers drawing shivers. “I’m not injured.”

She cut the tape and pressed the first two pieces to his body.

He captured her hand as she applied the third piece. “I don’t believe you.”

“You’ve seen it. I’m not hurt.”

He drew even closer, capturing her between his arms and the counter. The warmth of his body seeped through the thin coat. He brushed his lips across her cheek and down her neck. His hot breath caressed her too-sensitive flesh and threatened to bring on another purr.

“Stop stalling. You’re going to bleed to death.”

God, he felt so good, so right, pressed against her. So right. “I’m not going to bleed to death.”

Why couldn’t they just be like this forever?

“But I saw you get shot. Twice.”

“I know.” She sucked in a quick breath but it didn’t steady her. “You can’t turn back from this. Once you know, you know.”

“For the love of—” He jerked away.

She grabbed him and yanked him back, capturing his gaze with hers. “Knowing is dangerous.”

“As dangerous as someone blowing up your house?”

“Possibly more dangerous.”

His eyes narrowed. He didn’t believe her. “If you don’t start talking, I’m leaving. I can look after myself.”

“Can you look after your sister? Your niece?” Except it could already be too late for them. No. The destruction of her house had nothing to do with Ryan. His family was still safe. He could still be safe if she could convince Diablo she’d wiped his mind.

He tensed, his body trembling under her hands. “Are you threatening me?”

“No, God, no. But you need to understand. Once you know, your life will change. Everything will change.”

“So what?” He rolled his eyes. “You’d tell me but then you’d have to kill me?”

“Something like that.”

He slammed his hand on the counter beside her. “Cut the secret agent crap,” he roared.

Yes, there was a spirit strong enough to stand against her inner drake. Hot anticipation swept through her. She bared her teeth, unable to resist sending him a challenge. His eyes flashed wide.

“It’s not secret agent crap,” she growled, revealing more of her dragon.

He shifted, but stood his ground, even raised his chin in defiance.

If he flashed a hint of teeth, she’d rip the rest of his clothes off. “This is the truth. There is magic in this world and I am not human.”

He blinked, as if he didn’t understand her words, then barked a harsh laugh. “Bullshit.”

She grabbed his hand and pressed it to her chest where she’d been shot. “You said I was shot. All this blood came from somewhere.”

The muscle in his jaw twitched.

“I’m not human. I look human. I’m in a human’s body, but I’m different, I’m—” Oh, crap. Do it. Just do it. Rip off the bandage. “I’m a dragon.”

“This is ridiculous. If you don’t want to explain what’s really going on, just say so.”

“Yeah, we tried that two minutes ago. This is the truth. You have to know I’m different, have to sense that there’s something else, something you can’t explain about me.”

“There is something.” He pulled away, running his hands through his hair. “Now I think it’s that you’re crazy.”

This wasn’t working. How the hell had Hunter explained it to Anaea? Of course, Hunter had been stuck in Anaea’s body. She could have just seen in her head what Hunter was, no explanation necessary.

A cold, foul weight roiled in her gut. That was the answer. It was the fastest, most certain solution. She had to transfer into Ryan’s body and show him the truth. It was the only way to make him understand. It broke even more dragon laws and risked his sanity and hers. She’d never body-hopped before, but it was the only way.

Before she could change her mind, she captured his face between her palms and kissed him. He wrapped an arm around her, drawing her close, and she deepened the kiss, teasing his mouth open. Her desire swelled. This was her inamorator, she’d do anything for him, sacrifice her life for him, defy all laws, dragon and human, for him. And right now, she needed him to understand.

She seized at her essence and imagined it pouring into Ryan through their connected lips. Heat seared through her, and Ryan’s aura flared bright.

He gasped and grabbed her shoulders, trying to push her away, but she held tightly to his head, keeping their lips locked. Her essence burned up. Light flooded her senses. She was weightless, energy, too bright, too hot, too much. She screamed, but couldn’t tell if the cry was just her soul or her body. It wasn’t working and she was somehow losing herself.

She dropped to her knees, clutching Ryan’s limp body in her arms… except Ryan was too small, too fragile. Or she was too big, or—

“Capri?” Ryan’s voice rattled through her head… his head… their head.

It’s all right. I’m all right.

He froze. “What the hell? How are you—?”

We don’t have a lot of time. The longer my spirit shares your body, the greater the risk to both of us.

“This is not happening. It’s a dream. I’m crazy. I’m unconscious. We didn’t get out of the house before the bomb exploded. We—”

Ryan. Focus.
His panic pressed against her, squeezing her tight. There were so many things she wanted to know. It would be so easy just to dip into his memories and find out. Like, what his earth magic was—of course, he might not even know that yet. But more importantly, if he felt the same way about her as she did about him.

Her thoughts slipped into his mind, reaching for his memories. She jerked her attention back to herself. No. Focus. Relay information and get out before she made things worse.

This is the truth.
She sucked in a breath… or Ryan did—she wasn’t going to pay too close attention to the feel of his body—and concentrated on her knowledge of her reality: the truth about dragons. How she was just under a thousand years old, that she was a blue drake in the service of her Prince. She let the truth about earth magic and soul magic rush out of her and into him, and the truth about the Dragon Court and politics and everything else. Everything, unable to choose what she imparted, including the truth about how she felt about him, how her spirit had picked him, forever.

His pulse raced and his breath drew sharp gasps—and her soul magic started to heal his injuries. She felt his chest heave, felt the whirl of information threaten his sanity and his consciousness. She held on to his essence as tightly as she could. She would not lose him in this mess, and he would not lose himself.

With one last blast, the last of everything she knew poured into him, and she forced him to kiss her unconscious body—she was not going to think of it as dead, even though it was.

More heat and pain seared through her, and she gasped. Her head pounded. Mother of All, it hurt so damned much. But she was back in her own body. Ryan’s strong arms held her and his too-wide green eyes searched her face.

“I don’t—I can’t—” He shoved her from his lap, scrambled to his feet, and pressed his palms to his temples. “What did you do?”

“It was the only way.”

He staggered to the kitchen table, clutching it to keep upright. “It’s not possible.”

“It is, Ryan.” She stood and reached for him.

He jerked back. “Stay away. Whatever you are.”

“I’m a dragon. An ancient spirit surviving in this human body.”

“You’re a monster. A beast.”

“Ryan, please. You have to understand. This was the only way you’d understand.”

“Understand? I don’t understand. It’s impossible. There’s no such thing as magic. Not the kind of magic you’re talking about. Dragons aren’t real. You aren’t real.”

“I am real.” If she could just hold him, let him feel her, kiss him and show him with her lips and body how real she was, he’d believe what had happened. He would root back into his mind and he wouldn’t go crazy. She took another step closer.

“No.” He wrenched away. “This isn’t real. It’s not real.”

She reached for him, but he batted her hands aside and shoved her with more force than he ever had before. She stumbled into the table, toppling it over, and crashed down to the floor.

He grabbed his coat and ran out the door.

She rushed after him, but the hall was empty. The phone in her pocket rang. She ignored it. Ryan was more important. She had to make sure he was all right, that he processed everything she’d shoved into his mind. He could handle this. She knew he could. He
had
to handle this.

But the phone didn’t stop ringing. Whoever it was, wasn’t leaving a voice message, just kept calling back.

“What?” she growled into the phone.

“You’ve got trouble,” Grey said. “Tobias is on a rampage. Something about working a case you’re not supposed to be working and with a human, and a news report about it. Swipe has tried to cover for you, but you need to get to the Chamberlain’s office and deal with this now before Regis proclaims you’re a traitor and sends an assassin after you and your mage.”

Everything within her froze. “Does he know about Ryan?”

“As a normal human, yes. As a mage, no. You’re safe there, for now. But you need to deal with this before anyone finds out.”

“I can’t leave him.”

“Not you, too? What is it with dragons falling for humans? You’re starting to become a cliché. Your inamorator will be fine for a couple of hours. Trust me.”

“No, I—I tried to explain things to him and—” Her throat tightened. She’d made such a mistake. Body sharing with Ryan had only sped up his insanity. “Let’s just say he didn’t take it well.”

Air whooshed around her. The black vortex of a gate burst into life at the end of the hall, and Grey leapt through. “Where is he?”

She could have cried with relief, or collapsed, or both. She felt she’d been torn in two and she couldn’t explain it. She was a stronger drake than this, and yet Ryan had left and was going crazy and—

“Capri.” Grey grabbed her shoulders. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know.” A sob threatened to break through and her eyes welled with tears. She growled and wiped at them. “What’s wrong with me?”

“It’s an inamorated thing. Makes drakes do crazy things.”

“We have to find him.” She moved to shove Grey aside, but Grey held her tightly.

“You’re putting on clothes and I’m gating you to Court. You’re going to deal with Tobias.”

“But Ryan—”

“I will find your human.” He yanked her back into the apartment, grabbed the bag of clothes, and shoved it against her chest, making her take it. “This is starting to become my thing.”