She Who Finds a Husband (19 page)
Read She Who Finds a Husband Online
Authors: E.N. Joy
Tamarra came to the conclusion that God got fed up with running a close second to Edward, so He eventually just had to move him out of His way altogether. This truth was something Tamarra had determined she'd take to her grave, but while living, it would eat her alive.
Now, Tamarra felt so much relief in getting out the fact that her husband had left her. All of that anger she had bottled up was finally being sent to the pits of hell where it belonged. It was anger that Tamarra really had toward herself, but felt better aiming it at her ex-husband. Anger that this evening, when the sun went down, would disappear; for good. And even though Tamarra was blessed to have one less burden to deal with, she still knew that she needed to pray for the strength to unload that one last burden that was weighing her down.
Chapter Thirty
“Mother Doreen, I sure am going to hate to see you go,” Deborah told her as the two of them remained in the classroom, straightening up after the meeting had come to an end and everyone else had left.
The meeting had gone over by a full hour after the sudden release of praise, shouting, and worshiping, thanks to Tamarra sharing her testimony. Chairs had been moved to make room for the dancing and shouting. Tissues were all over the place from the tears of joy the women had shed. Lo and behold, the major issues on the agenda, such as leadership replacement, hadn't even been touched upon. So all of the women agreed that they'd hold two meetings that month, the next in two weeks. It would also be a goodbye potluck for Mother Doreen's departure.
“I sure am going to hate to go,” Mother Doreen replied. “But God's calling me down there to take care of my sister.”
“But doesn't she belong to a nice sized church there in Kentucky? Seems as though with such a large church family to look out for her, you wouldn't need to move there.”
“Oh, her church family takes care of her just fine,” Mother Doreen assured Deborah as the two got the classroom back in order. “Matter of fact, some of them take care of her almost too fine.” Mother Doreen stopped what she was doing and stared with a far away look in her eyes.
“You say that as though there's something wrong with that,” Deborah commented after noticing Mother Doreen's expression.
Mother Doreen picked up a tissue from the floor and pitched it into the trash can. “Umm, I could be wrong. But there is just something about that church's assistant pastor. He's always up at the hospital when she's in there. Always calling and coming by the house when she's at home.” That far away look returned to her eyes as she stood over the trash can.
“Mother Doreen, I don't think that's anything to really be concerned about. Surely nothing to pack up and move out of the state about. After all, your sister is what, around forty years old, and you said yourself that y'all were raised in that church. She's probably like a daughter to them.”
“To some, yeah, but that assistant pastor ain't been there but five years. I understand it's the church's duty to be there for the sick and the shut-in, but like I said, I just got a strange feeling.”
“Well, if the feeling is strange enough that you have to pack up and move across the country and leave your own church family, then so be it,” Deborah said, intentionally trying to make Mother Doreen feel guilty and change her mind about relocating.
“Across the country? Child, please. Kentucky ain't nothin' but a hop, skip, jump, and swim across the creek from Ohio.”
Deborah laughed. “I know, I know, but I thought I'd make one final attempt to talk you out of it.”
“No, you can't do it, my sister. Like I said, I believe God is sending me down there to intervene on something. I can't say no to God. It's just like when Willie's job with the railroad brought him here to Ohio.” She looked up. “God rest my Willie's soul.” She drew an invisible cross across her heart with her index finger, and then continued. “As much as I loved my home in Kentucky, I knew I had to come here. Although Willie and I had only been dating for not even six months, God had showed me that Willie was the husband He had for me. I had to come. Well, now I've got to go back. But hopefully I won't face all the trials and tribulations I faced going back home that I did leaving home.” Mother Doreen shook her head.
“Oh, come on now, Mother Doreen. Things couldn't have been that bad. I've heard you say that you wouldn't have traded that Willie of yours for nothing in the world.”
“And I wouldn't have, but at the same time, I wouldn't have wished my Willie upon anybody in the world either.”
“Mother Doreen!” Deborah had shock all through her tone.
“I'm serious, child. It took me a minute, almost not until his death, but I understood why God chose me to be Willie's wife, because He knew I could handle it. He knew I was a strong enough woman of God that not even Willie's cheating, drinking, gambling, lying, and what have you, could turn me away from believing in who my God was.” Mother Doreen sat down in a chair as she shared things about her marriage with her late husband that she'd shared with no one but the pastor, and that was usually during the counseling Willie would agree to have every time she had threatened to leave his behind.
“Then why did you put up with it?” Deborah asked out of curiosity. “I mean, the same way God gave you Willie, He would have given you another husband, one that didn't drink, gamble, and cheat. The verdict is still out on the lying thing. I think that's just something that men can't help.”
Both women let out a chuckle before Mother Doreen got serious and continued.
“That may be true, but God had work to do in Willie, and He did that work through me,” Mother Doreen told her. “Most women probably would have run off and left his tail in a heart beat, and don't think for a minute that I didn't want to, but I was very tuned in to what God was telling me. I was very tuned in to God when He'd tell me when to run and seek shelter, when He'd hide me, and when to stay and fight. Well, when it came to Willie, He told me to stay and fight. Just like David in the second book of Samuel, He'd let me know when He'd deliver the enemies to me, and that's just what He did.”
“How so?” By now Deborah was sitting and hanging onto Mother Doreen's every word.
“God used my faith to allow me to hold on, to believe that He could do a new thing with my husband. Man says once a cheater always a cheater. God says He was once a deliverer and He's still a deliverer. Always will be a deliverer. I believed in Him to deliver my Willie. I prayed. I laid hands on my husband. I oiled up my husband's personal belongings and prayed over them. I visited the inner and the outer courtsânot the courthouseâto take care of my marriage. I prayed for the Jezebel spirits of the women my Willie would run around with. When I caught them in a hotel room, I didn't take off my earrings, kick off my shoes, and look for the Vaseline. I removed my flesh, and put on my armor of God, and pulled the anointed oil from my purse. I didn't scream and cuss out Miss Thang. I called out to God and prayed for her.” Mother Doreen stopped and laughed.
“What? What's so funny?” A confused look crossed Deborah's face.
“I'm just thinking about how God's got jokes. Do you know one time He even had the nerve to use me to bring one of these women to salvation? This woman had never been to church a day in her life, and now she goes faithfully.” A proud look covered Mother Doreen's face.
Deborah was in awe, not at Mother Doreen's actions, but at her obedience in the Lord. She was in awe of the God in Mother Doreen. When Mother Doreen said âYes' to God, she meant it. Not too many women can say that they caught their husband in a hotel room with a woman, and then led the woman to salvation (eternal life) instead of beating her down (ending her life).
“Mother Doreen, I had no idea that you had gone thro-ugh so much in your marriage. Every time I saw you in church you always had a praise in your mouth. There was always joy on your face and peace on your mind.” Deborah shook her head. “I guess there are a lot of us Christians running around here wearing what's called a church face.”
“Hold up, dear.” Mother Doreen put her hand up. Her tone was kind, but firm. “I never once had to put on a church face. If there was a praise in my mouth, it was an honest praise from the depths of my soul. A praise as a result of God being who He is. If you saw joy on my face, again, it was the joy of the Lord. And if my mind was at peace, that was because the peace of the Lord surpasses all understanding. I mean, sometimes I'd drive to church feeling all woe is me. Face dragging. Can't even part my lips to sing along with the Marvin Sapp song playing on the gospel radio, let alone send up a praise. But during the entire drive, the Holy Spirit would be beating my flesh down, and by the time I hit the church doors, I was in complete awe of God. God was bigger than any situation and problem and man.” She leaned into Deborah and nudged her. “Dear, you'll get to a point where instead of telling God about all of your problems, you'll tell all of your problems about God.”
“Amen, Mother Doreen. I hear what you're saying, but at the same time . . . and not that misery loves company or anything . . . but sometimes it helps to be able to look around and know that the person you think has got it all together really doesn't. Then you don't always feel like such a mess, which was how Sister Tamarra so eloquently put it.”
“I know, but had I come in here looking all broke up just so folks would know that I go through too, that would have been a mask. That would have been wearing a church face. I believe the reason God always fixed me right before I walked through that door was because He knew that the God that people like you saw in me, was sometimes the only God they'd ever see. If I said it once, I've said it a thousand times: It ain't always about the preacher preaching or the choir singing. Sometimes that ain't even God. Sometimes certain choir members be singing in the flesh and preachers be preaching in the flesh. But honey, when you can show up to church with God already in you, what the church folk do doesn't even matter.”
Deborah had to agree with Mother Doreen. Perhaps knowing that she wasn't perfect and going through things might have been a comfort to Deborah some days, but always seeing God's love and anointing on Mother Doreen had proven to be even more ministering; it let Deborah know that there was hope. It let Deborah know that there was a God.
“So I never take for granted, whether I'm at church or on the streets, that I'm a witness,” Mother Doreen said. “That the God in me is sometimes the only God a person might see ever.”
Deborah shook her head. “I'm in awe of you, Mother Doreen.”
“Don't be in awe of me, child. No one has it all together. Nobody but Jesus. But like Paul said in the book of James, I'm not perfect. I'm not where I need to be, but I'm still pressing forward.”
“Wow. Thank you, Mother Doreen. Thank you so much. You have no idea how free I feel after talking to you.”
“Don't thank me, child. You ain't no babe in Christ. You know you got set free the minute our Lord and Savior died on that cross for you.”
“I know, but thank you for always letting God use you.”
“No problem, dear.” Mother Doreen stood up. “Well, it's getting late, so we better get going.”
“All right, Mother Doreen. And I know I never thanked you for doing a drive-by on me that one Sunday, but I sure was blessed by your obedience. I was delivered that night, Mother Doreen. You were one of the people God used to push that thing out of me.” Deborah had never got to thank Mother Doreen because by the time she was able to get up off of her knees that night, Mother Doreen was nowhere in sight. Deborah had no idea when Mother Doreen had left or how many hours she had cried out to God. All she knew was that she was a new woman in Christ.
“Oh, don't thank me, dear. I was just letting God use me. I'm always just letting God use me,” were Mother Doreen's last words to Deborah before they tidied up one last bit, then headed out of the church.
Deborah drove toward home not doubting one bit that God wouldn't continue to use Mother Doreen. As much as she would miss her elder, she knew she had to let Mother Doreen go to do God's work in Kentucky, but something in her spirit told her to pray constantly for the equipping of that particular saint as she moved into foreign territory. Not foreign territory as far as the state of Kentucky, considering that's where Mother Doreen had been born and raised, but foreign territory as far as the situation she was about to walk into.
“Sweet, Mother Doreen,” Deborah whispered to herself as she drove. “I got a feeling that what you are about to face with your sister goes beyond anything you've ever had to experience with your Willie.” Deborah looked up. “God, be with her.”
Chapter Thirty-one
“You said what?” Tamarra exclaimed, nearly spitting out the sip of bottled water she had just drank.
“I know, can you believe it?” Paige said, full of excitement. “I've been holding this in for three weeks. I wanted to surprise you when I announced it at the party this weekend, which is really our engagement party, but I just couldn't. I can't believe I've kept if from you this long. For a minute I even thought about announcing it at the last Singles Ministry meeting we had, but you know we ended up having a Holy Ghost party up in there.”
Paige continued to talk while Tamarra sat there, almost in a daze. Instead of going out to the buffet after church service today, Paige invited Tamarra over to her house where she wanted to try a new recipe out on her. When Tamarra began to question why her best friend, the eat out queen, was all of a sudden taking up an interest in cooking, Paige couldn't hold it in any longer. She just had to share the news about Blake's marriage proposal with Tamarra and how she'd been beefing up her kitchen skills for her future husband.
“My cousin is going to be catering the engagement party we have planned,” Paige said. “And before you get it twisted, the only reason why I didn't have you do it was because I was trying to wait and surprise you about the whole thing. I mean, can you believe it? I'm getting married.”
Tamarra finally found her voice. “But how could you not say anything? I mean, why didn't I know? Where's the ring?” Tamarra grabbed Paige's left hand that was free of any jewelry.
“Oh, just wait until you see it. It's beautiful. I pick it up in a couple of days. We had to have it sized.” Paige's eyes began to fill with tears. “Oh Tamarra, I can't believe this is actually happening, can you?” Paige waited on a response from her friend, one that she never got. “Hello, Tamarra.” Paige snapped her fingers. “I shared with you the best news of my life. I'm not saying you should be doing back flips, but I thought I'd at least get a congratulations out of you.”
“Well, uh, congratulations . . . I guess.”
Paige snapped her neck back and gave Tamarra the sista-girlfriend-oh-no-you-didn't look. “You guess?” Paige stood up from the couch where the two had been sitting, waiting for Paige's first stab at homemade lasagna to come out of the oven. “Perhaps I shouldn't have shared my good news with you. Then again, I'm kind of glad that I did. I'd hate for you to have put a damper on my engagement party. Guess now I know better.”
Tamarra felt bad that her reaction wasn't as cheerful and congratulatory as Paige would have liked, but how could it have been, knowing what she knew? Tamarra, in all honesty, had meant to get around to telling Paige all about her and Blake's connection, but she had been too caught up in her own issues. She was happy that Paige had finally found a man that passed the test of time, and the test of being nothing like her father. She was even happier that it was Blake. She'd had every intention on telling Paige absolutely everything, but who knew the two would be getting hitched so soon?
“I'm so sorry, Paige,” Tamarra apologized. “I didn't mean to make you think that I wasn't happy for you. Because I am. It's just that . . . ” Tamarra's words trailed off as she hurried to come up with a way to put her words. “It's just that . . . well . . .” Quick on her feet, Tamarra came up with yet another cover up. “Well, look at you. The man's got you cooking for Pete's sake. You've spent more time in the kitchen lately than your prayer closet, I bet. And you said you'd never end up like your mother, slaving for some man.”
“Things have changed now, Tamarra. I had a long talk with my mother about that, and things weren't exactly how I made them out to be. My mother taught me that when you love someone, when you really love someone, doing those things is a part of showing just how much you do love them.” Paige smiled. “And I really love Blake.
Well, that excuse didn't work,
Tamarra thought to herself. She lowered her head and tried to think of something else.
Tamarra thought to herself. She lowered her head and tried to think of something else.
Mistaking her being in deep thought for sadness, Paige sighed sympathetically. “Oh, I get it.” She walked over and sat back down next to Tamarra. “It's because Maeyl hasn't yet proposed to you.”
“Huh?” Tamarra replied, the thought of Maeyl proposing to her being the last thing on her mind.
“There's no need to be jealous of my engagement. Your day will come, especially now that you've been honest with yourself and everyone else about your past marriage.” She hugged Tamarra. “You've buried it once and for all. Now God can give you that new thing Pastor is always talking about.”
Tamarra couldn't contain it, so a chuckle slipped from between her lips.
“What's so funny?” Paige asked, releasing her.
“Oh, Paige, honey, it's not that,” Tamarra assured her.
“Now, now. No need to stop lying to yourself again. Just admit it, you're jealous of Blake and me.”
For some reason, Paige's misconception had gone from making Tamarra laugh, to making her angry. “Paige, trust me, I'm not jealous of you.”
“You can't keep doing this to yourself, Tamarra. I mean, you let one lie go only to start living another one. It's okay that you're jealous; after all, even though you and Maeyl didn't really hook up until around the time Blake and I did, you two have still known each other much, much longer.”
“Paige, I said that's not it.” Now Tamarra stood to her feet, trying to control her rising flesh.
Paige ignored her friend as she went right on with her own theory as to why Tamarra wasn't happy for her. “Blake and I have only known each other for a little over six months while you and Maeyl have known each other for what, a little over six years? But the length of time you've known a person plays no part in how much you love someone.”
“Well, good,” Tamarra snapped, “I'm glad you don't seem to be too concerned about how long people have known each other, because if you must know, I, my friend, have known Blake even longer than you have.”
Just then, the smoke alarm went off in the kitchen. Paige had forgotten all about the lasagna. The cheese had probably boiled over into the oven, causing the smoke to form, setting off the alarm. Paige glared at Tamarra without saying a word. For now she had to go tend to the kitchen; leaving one smoking situation to go take care of another. And everyone knows that where there is smoke, there is fire. Paige headed to the kitchen knowing that she could only put out one fire at a time, but as she exited the living room, she shot Tamarra a look letting her know that she'd be back to put out the one in her living room as well.
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After turning off the smoke alarm and airing out the place by opening several windows, Paige returned to the living room where Tamarra nervously awaited. Tamarra had thought about pulling the same stunt she'd pulled at Maeyl's, leaving without saying a word, but she'd brought this on herself, and it was time to come clean.
“So . . .” Paige said, feigning cheerfulness. “Where were we?” She cleared her throat and sat down at a chair across from where Tamarra sat on the couch. “Let me recap. I just told you that Blake had proposed to me and that I said yes.” Paige feigned a smile. “I looked at Blake dead in his eyes and without even thinking twice I said, âYes, Blake, I'll marry you'.”
“Look, I get that, Paige, but you've only known him a few months,” Tamarra tried to reason. “I've known him . . .” she paused, “well, like I said earlier, I've known him longer than you have.”
Ignoring the fact that Tamarra had so graciously informed her of such prior to the smoke alarm going off, Paige decided to continue without taking that into consideration. While in the kitchen she had tried to reason over and over in her head why it should make a difference that Tamarra knew Blake long before she did without telling her. It could have been an oversight, but then Paige couldn't help but think that perhaps the two of them had known each other on a more intimate level. Maybe that's why Blake insisted that they not talk about their past relationships; he didn't want anything regarding him and Tamarra to come up. But Paige had quickly swept those thoughts under the rug and rebuked the devil for trying to plant them there.
“I know I've only known Blake for a short while by most people's standards, and had it been any other man under any other circumstance, I would think I was going crazy by agreeing to marry him so soon. But I know in my heart I was destined to be Blake's wife. It's God ordained, right down to how we met. I mean, nobody can dispute that regardless of anything. So the fact that you've known Blake for some time means nothing.” Paige hoped she sounded convincing, because she wasn't fully convinced herself.
For the past thee weeks Paige had imagined how she'd stand up at the Singles Ministry meeting and give her testimony about how Blake had proposed to her. She thought it would be a wonderful change of scene at the meeting. Instead of a war story, she finally had a story with a happy ending. But after seeing how her best friend was reacting, and the tad bit of information she'd shared with her, Paige herself was almost beginning to second guess her engagement. When Paige first saw Tamarra's reaction to the news, she thought perhaps she was just acting that way because Paige hadn't shared the news with her immediately. But Paige couldn't focus on Tamarra. She had to keep this a God thing.
“My being Blake's wife was a spiritual set up by God if I ever witnessed one. Right down to how we met. It's just like in the book of Esther when she was destined to be Queen.” By now Paige's eyes were filled with tears. “I know I'm no Esther, but for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm worthy of this blessing of God, and I'm not going to miss my blessing. I'm not going to let you or anyone else steal my joy,” she declared as tears began to stream down her face.
Tamarra looked around for a box of tissue and located one on Paige's end table. She grabbed a couple, then handed them to Paige, remembering how just a few weeks ago, Paige had been there to wipe her tears when she first told the group the truth about her broken marriage. Now her own heart was broken as she looked at her friend knowing the secret she had kept from her about Blake.
As far as Tamarra was concerned, because of the secret she'd kept, her friend might be making the biggest mistake of her life. She couldn't have that on her conscience. She had to let her best friend know the truth, the whole truth, and there was no better time than now.
“Paige, can you just sit down and let me talk to you, please?” Tamarra asked, pleading with her eyes.
“Sure,” Paige agreed as they both walked over to the couch and sat down.
Although Paige agreed she'd listen to what Tamarra had to say, she didn't want there to be any beating around the bush. “Tamarra, just tell me straight up exactly what's going on.”
“I will, Paige,” Tamarra assured her, “and I should have done it that day in the church parking lot when you first told me about you and Blake. But then I decided to wait until you went on a real planned date versus the one you thought was spontaneous that night at your job.”
“What do you mean that I thought was spontaneous?” Paige was defensive. “There was no thought about it. Like I said, God had everything to do with it.”
“No, he didn't, Paige,” Tamarra insisted, “and that's what I'm trying to tell you. It wasn't spontaneous. It wasn't by chance, and it wasn't a divine set up. It was a set up, but not by God.” Tamarra's tone lowered as she practically mumbled the next sentence. “Blake and I planned the whole thing.”
“Excuse me? What was that?”
“Blake and I planned the entire thing. See, Blake is the same guy I told you I met at a catering affair that I tried to get you to go out on a blind date with, but you refused. I just knew that if you would only give him the time of day, the two of you would hit it off just fine, but you adamantly refused. Then I watched you go on date, after date, after date. Paige, the folks at New Day were starting to talk. I felt like I had to do something.”
Paige's cheeks turned red with fury. “Talk? Talk about what?”
“About you and all of your dates. Members would see you out with a different man almost every week. That's uh, that's why I, uh, initially talked you into joining the Singles Ministry. Pastor thought that it might be of some value ifâ”
“Pastor? You mean you had a talk with Pastor about me?” Paige stood up again in anger. “And you didn't say anything to me about it?”
“Paige, you know when Pastor speaks with someone, the same level of confidence is expected out of them just as we expect a level of confidence with Pastor.”
“But this is me we're talking about.”
Tamarra didn't care. She'd always prided herself for making sure that anything someone put in her ear didn't come out of her mouth and into someone else's ear. The last thing she wanted to do was have Pastor thinking she wasn't trustworthy and that people couldn't share things with her.
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