Shelter Me (Sawtooth Shifters, #6) (4 page)

“I don’t get it now.” Kiera’s eyes glassed over. “How the fuck could someone do that to their kid? I’m so sorry.”

“I waited for them to come back all night. One of the employees that rounded up the carts noticed I’d been out there for hours. Once the cops came, and the social workers, they brought me to live with my grandmother. I didn’t really know her before that, because she didn’t get along with my mom, and she saw me as her second chance. I thought it was my fault, that I’d been left there. My brother was with us too, but he considered me the reason we didn’t live with Mom anymore, and he made my life miserable. He left when he was sixteen, and I haven’t seen him since. Gram and I clung to each other. She didn’t like to leave the house, and that was fine with me. I didn’t like going anywhere, because I’d freak out if my Gram was out of my sight. When she died...I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t call anyone, because I thought I’d be in trouble. I knew they’d take me away. Or I’d be left behind with nothing again, because I was twenty-two and had no idea how to take care of myself. Her visiting nurse found us.”

“And that’s why you hate to be alone,” Kiera said.

I nodded. “At CAST they told me I had agoraphobia. I panic anytime I’m in an unfamiliar situation.” The first couple of days in Granger Falls had been sheer hell. Left in the middle of nowhere with complete strangers. Luckily, Kiera needed someone as badly as I did, and even though we’d lived together for almost a year and this was the first time I told her my story, she’d always known what I needed.

“Is that why you’re afraid of having more with Dallas? You’re worried he’s going to leave you?”

“Exactly. Everyone I love leaves me.”

Kiera squeezed my hand. “I’ll never leave you, I promise. We may not always live together, but that doesn’t mean I’m not here for you. Wherever I am. As far as Dallas is concerned, remember, wolves mate for life. You hook him, he’s yours. You couldn’t ask for a more perfect boyfriend.” She smiled, but couldn’t hold it for long. “Okay, my turn. When I was in Iraq I, ah, got in an argument with a bomb and lost.” She lifted her sweatshirt and showed me the price she paid.

D
allas

“How much did you drink last night? You look like shit.” Baron laughed at me as I stumbled into Shadow’s office. In Sawtooth Forest, we didn’t take holidays off. Trina needed help with her ever-growing shelter, which had now expanded to a livestock rescue on the newly renamed Channing Reserve. When it was Ryker’s farm, it had served as our jail, but Trina, Kiera, and Lyssie saved us from that Hell. Shadow killed Ryker the first chance he got. I’d followed him. My oldest brother had always been my hero, and there was nothing I wouldn’t do for him.

The land looked different now. We’d buried all the demons we could, burning and bulldozing most of the farm once we claimed the land. We wanted to make this a place full of hope and promise for our packs, and we were already being forced to defend it.

“Two beers. I’m fine,” I grimaced, collapsing into a chair in front of the desk. I should’ve stayed at Lyssie’s, but my wolf was rumbling so fiercely I was afraid what would happen when she came back. The concoction Chandra gave me worked for a little while. I wasn’t nauseous anymore, but now I had an overwhelming need to claim what was mine. My mouth watered in that sickening way with a craving for something soft and sweet. Preferably with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a blush creeping over her cheeks.

“You should’ve gone to Mom’s if you’re sick.” Shadow stood over me, judgment all over his face. “We know Lyssie called Chandra for you. Doesn’t sound like a hangover to me.”

Oh hell no. My mother would know exactly what happened the minute she laid eyes on me. But apparently, so did my brothers. “Fine. I got bit by one of the Montana she-wolves.”

“Fuck!” Shadow slammed his hand down on the desk. “That’s why we were at The Stepchild. To make sure that didn’t happen. I brought Trina into Red Heaven, to keep an eye on those girls. Every one of our wolves was warned to stay away from them.”

Baron laughed. “Right. That’s exactly why you brought Trina to Red Heaven. How’d that go?”

“Amazing.” The corners of Shadow’s mouth twitched, but he fought the smile. “That’s beside the point. They got their foothold. It’s you. And if you reject your mate, it’s going to cause a war.”

The nausea was back. “That’s not what Chandra said. She said as long as I chose a mate and took care of business, it would go away.” I left out the more dire parts of the prognosis. Ember didn’t have that kind of power over me, I refused to give it to her. Shadow had already lost one brother. He wouldn’t lose another.

“The sickness might go away, but you’ve been claimed, brother. If you’re involved with another woman, you’re insulting her entire pack. Imagine how you’d feel, if it were the other way around.”

The room spun. “I can’t, because we never had mates. Every woman in the world is off-limits, remember? Although, the more I think about it, I can imagine how I’d feel—I’ve wanted Lyssie, but I’ve stayed away because unlike the two of you idiots, I knew it was a disaster. Now it’s worse. I don’t know this she-wolf. We have no bond. That’s the thing, right? We mate for love. The wound will heal, and the whole ridiculous thing will fade back to the nothing it should be. We won’t let this change the course of our pack. ”

Shadow shook his head. “Fuck no. But she tasted your blood, her life flows through your veins now. It’s not that simple.”

I ran my hand hard over my face. My brother knew what I wasn’t telling him. “Chandra said it was curable.”

“Who the fuck is Chandra, anyway?” Baron sat on the desk, putting a level of separation between me and Shadow. Of all of us, Baron was the one who’d remained true to tradition. He’d do anything to keep peace. “She showed up out of nowhere—what does she know about our packs? Where do her loyalties lie? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled we’ve got someone here that understands werewolf medicine, or whatever voodoo spell she’s got going on. You might like what she has to say, but Shadow’s been here his whole life, and he’s our alpha. He’s not blowing smoke up your ass. He’s telling you the thing you don’t want to hear so you can fucking deal with it.”

My gaze locked with Shadow’s. All my life I’d looked up to my brother. I fought with him and for him. I would’ve done anything to make him our alpha, and now that he was, I questioned every decision he made. He’d changed, paying the highest price for our freedom—murder. Still, I would’ve followed him blindly into battle. As wolves, that’s what we did. Until now.

“She’s not my mate. I won’t live a lie.” I’d never wanted my brother to be wrong before. “And Lyssie—“

“Lyssie’s what got you into this mess in the first place. Those wolves didn’t come in here blind. They watched us. I didn’t get bit, neither did Baron. Because we committed. That’s what having a mate means. The good and the bad. Not just when it’s convenient.”

Lyssie’s voice echoed in my brain, like a wind chime banging against the wall in the storm.
Every person I’ve ever trusted has left me. I can’t trust you. I know how this ends.
My own voice thundered in response:
Let’s write a new story.
It’s what we had to do. Smash the rules to pieces, and make them apply to us. I rubbed the sweat from my brow. I’d probably lost my mind; the first step in the sickness, the inability to tell reality from fever dreams. I wouldn’t break that promise to her. We’d both had our doubts about each other, but we kept coming back because we needed more. Something about us made sense.

Her touch cooled me. It had to mean something.

“You taught me being in this pack meant being loyal to those who fought for you. If it wasn’t for Lyssie, I’d be dead. And you know what? Fuck tradition. Where was tradition when our true mates were sold off? Nowhere. We were left to take care of ourselves. And that’s what I’m going to do.”

Shadow leaned back in his chair. “You’ll start a war.”

“You don’t want those wolves here. If I turn my back on Lyssie, I may as well turn my back on you. Yeah, we’ll have to fight, what else is new? You know one thing, Shadow. I have your back. No matter what. Do you have mine?”

“Of course,” he said without any hesitation.

I needed to get back to Lyssie. Not only because we needed to fix whatever was broken between us, we need to fix whatever had been broken in Sawtooth Forest.

It was time to write a new story.

L
yssie

After Kiera shared her story, I knew my best friend was invincible. If she could survive a bomb blast and still start every day with a smile on her face, after her coffee of course, I could overcome anything. Right now, my anything could be easily defined as my fear of being left behind, letting Dallas Channing see the part of me I hadn’t shown anyone, and a bloodthirsty, redheaded bitch from Montana.

Dallas called, asking to see me, and the only answer was yes. I shut down the voice in my brain that said we were doing this for all the wrong reasons. The problem wasn’t when Dallas and I were together. That was usually pretty great. Even if we fought, just seeing him set off a swirl of butterflies in my belly. I loved butterflies because they started off as something ugly and emerged from their cocoon as some of the most beautiful creatures on Earth. If I could shift into another animal, I’d choose to be a butterfly.

He looked haggard and gray when Baron dropped him off. Sick as a dog, pun intended. “I’m gonna make you some of that tea,” I said, nerves creeping back in.

“Remember what I told you. Be his naughty nurse.” Kiera winked and squeezed my arm before she ran out the door to meet Baron.

“Maybe later.” Dallas ran the back of his fingers over my cheek and sighed before wrapping his arms around me. I leaned back against the counter. Dallas wasn’t the only one shaking. “You’re the only thing that cools me down.”

All the weirdness melted away when we kissed. Tonight Dallas was pure liquid heat. This was the only time I could relax, when he was around. His kisses made me stronger.

“Should I be worried?” I asked, pulling away just enough to catch my breath. He wouldn’t be able to see my smirk. “Are you contagious?”

Dallas laughed. “I wish. That would solve all our problems. We’d be bound to each other, and you’d be my mate.”

Thank God I was leaning against the counter. It
was
contagious; he had me hot and dizzy. I ducked under his arm, making a clean break before I passed out. “I have another idea.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m going to run you a bath.” I didn’t wait for his answer. I headed to the bathroom and turned on the faucet. It was stupid. I either sounded like a little old lady, or like I was treating him like a toddler. I was more Nurse Rached than naughty nurse.

“That sounds awesome.” Dallas came up behind me and stripped away his shirt as I turned to him. The muscles of his broad shoulders rippled down to a narrow waist. Tonight everything was coated in a sheen of sweat. It shouldn’t have been sexy, but damn, it was. His jeans hung low on his hips, and I couldn’t stop staring at the bones that slanted above them, and the trail of hair that started at his belly button and disappeared into the unknown.

Dallas had been born a butterfly.

I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn’t answer him. He dipped down on one knee, and tipped my chin up to meet his eyes. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” he said.

“I need to get comfortable with these things, or else we’ll be stuck in this weird place forever. It’s okay to be scared sometimes, right?” I had to convince myself, first.

Dallas didn’t answer. Instead he kissed me, slow and sweet. “I won’t let you fall, Lyssie.” His voice changed, deeper, much more sure of himself, like the first night he came to stay with us. I’d been so scared, and he’d soothed me. “The tub’s full.”

I shut the faucet off, and turned back to find Dallas back on his feet. I stood up. “There’s soap and a cloth and—“

Dallas grabbed my hand, pulling me against his body. Heat rolled off his skin. “I want you to do it for me.”

I gulped, frozen.

“It’s okay to be scared, Lyssie. Unzip my jeans.”

My hands trembled. We were supposed to have a conversation, the one where I explained everything. All the things I hadn’t done. But who was I kidding, Dallas knew.

I pushed the denim away, my fingers brushing against his cock on the way down. It was hard and ready inside his boxers. Dallas stepped away from fabric, and I hooked my fingers in the waistband of his shorts, pushing them down his legs. His thighs were just as powerful as the rest of him, and maybe it was the fever, but I think he was shaking, too.

Dallas stepped into the bath, moaning when the cool water covered his body. He was too big for the tub; his legs folded practically in half. But he didn’t care, his relief was obvious. I wanted to add some oatmeal in to help soothe him, but all I had was the packaged stuff with dried apples and cinnamon.

His head fell back, eyes closed. Dallas wasn’t ashamed of his body, and he had absolutely no reason to be. His arm muscles tensed as he pulled his legs in closer. I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of looking at him.

“Will you wash my hair?” He tipped his head in my direction, gaze heavy lidded. The corner of his mouth curled when I rose to my knees, capturing his long, dark hair between my hands, and led him down into the water.

I started making small circles at his hairline, my thumbs pressed against the back of his head. His eyes closed again, lips curled up in a content smile. He’d given himself completely to me, laying back in the water, his head in my hands. I didn’t plan on letting go any time soon.

I worked slowly, wondering if Dallas remembered I told him I’d gone to cosmetology school. It was CAST’s first attempt to get me acclimated in the regular world. Everything was great until I had to go on a job interview. Nope, that wasn’t happening. Now I trimmed Kiera and Trina’s hair when they needed it, and I was the shelter groomer. It wasn’t exactly the same thing, but my clients weren’t very picky. One of the things I loved about doing hair was being given the chance to take care of someone, and make them feel their absolute best. I lathered up my palms and gave Dallas one hell of a head massage.