Authors: Janine A. Morris
She's No Angel (15 page)
Chapter 26
S
ome time had passed, and Charlene hadn't even cried yet. She had no idea where she got the strength from, but she didn't break down, not once. Between the girl answering Isaac's phone and her indiscretion with Rich, she was reminded that her past was only a day or two behind her and never that far away. Emotional Charlene would have had to throw a pity party by now and invite her friends over for it. But not this time. She wondered if she had literally run out of tears in her tear ducts. She did stay up late on a few nights in deep thought, though, running over in her mind all the ways she'd gone wrong and how she could possibly live the rest of her life right.
ome time had passed, and Charlene hadn't even cried yet. She had no idea where she got the strength from, but she didn't break down, not once. Between the girl answering Isaac's phone and her indiscretion with Rich, she was reminded that her past was only a day or two behind her and never that far away. Emotional Charlene would have had to throw a pity party by now and invite her friends over for it. But not this time. She wondered if she had literally run out of tears in her tear ducts. She did stay up late on a few nights in deep thought, though, running over in her mind all the ways she'd gone wrong and how she could possibly live the rest of her life right.
The night before was one of those nights, but she eventually went to sleep and when she awoke she was in the very same state of mind. She woke up ready to face her new life. She had decided that she was no longer going to go on with high hopes, she couldn't take any more. It made the pain that much more unbearable because she hadn't yet tried to trick herself into thinking she didn't care.
She left the house fairly early and headed out to run some errands. She went to drop some clothes at the cleaners, get her hair done, pick up something for her mother, and then headed home to clean and do laundry. When she got home, she had lost most of her Saturday. She put down her bags, pressed the answering machine button and ran into the bathroom. She started to release her urine as she listened to the first message, which was from her mother thanking her for her help today. The next message was from one of her coworkers, letting her know that she had come in earlier and left some work on her desk. Charlene had started to wrap up in the bathroom when the third message came on. It was Isaac. She damn near flew out of the bathroom.
“Hey, Charlene, It's Isaac. I'm returning your call. I've been real busy, but I know you probably need some sort of closure, so I'll let you know that I did receive your letter and it's all cool. I'm not mad at you anymore; I know this is the best thing for me. I hope we both have the lives we deser ve ... I love you.”
Charlene immediately started crying when she heard that. She could hear it in his voice that his feelings were really thought out and he was on to the next relationship.
Charlene took a few seconds to cry her tears out and then she went ahead and called him back. He didn't answer the phone. She left him a message as well, just asking for him to call her. She was too emotional to express much more; she didn't want to do that on an answering machine.
She did call Paige, though. She told her all about the girl answering the phone and the message Isaac had left. Even Paige felt Charlene's pain.
“Leen, however this turns out, you will be fine.”
“I know, I feel so bad. How can I mess up such a good thing? I really did love him.”
“I know. That's why you should have been honest with him. Love would have endured all.”
“Why isn't it enduring this, then?”
“Because it's after the fact. He feels betrayed. After all of these years he finds out something about your past. Most men can't handle a female that has had too much experience ... But I think with Isaac it has more to do with the baby part.”
“He said before that we would try.”
“That's before he knew that your chances were as slim as they were, and before he knew that it's not normal circumstances, that it's because of an abortion of some other man's child.”
“It was years ago ... It was a mistake,” Charlene said through her tears. Although she had tried to stop, she had been crying since she heard the message.
“I know, Leen, that's why I really didn't think he would be so heartless. I really did think he would be more understanding and get over it since he loved you, but he probably blames you.”
“I guess he didn't love me enough. I can't help but wonder if he would of even made me his girl if he knew in the beginning.”
“Who knows, don't worry yourself about that. All you can know is that he wouldn't be calling off an engagement over it if it got this far,” Paige said.
“Yeah ... Well, let me go throw some water on my face and get myself together.”
“OK. Want me to come over?”
“No, I'll be all right. Thanks, though.”
“OK, sis, talk to you later.”
“Bye.”
Charlene did just that, she went into the bathroom and threw some water on her face until she calmed down. Then she sat on the edge of her bed and let her mind wander.
After about ten minutes she got up and went into the kitchen and got some of the Oreo cookies she hadn't been able to get enough of lately. She went to turn on the television to find herself a good girlie movie to watch instead of cleaning up. After she couldn't find anything quite sappy enough, she decided to watch her
How Stella Got Her Groove Back
DVD. She popped it in and went into the kitchen. She didn't quite know what to make that would be quick and easy, but she did know she had her mind on a sausage. It was frozen and so was going to take some time to fix, but she started making it anyway because she was dying to have one. Once she put the pot of water on the stove to boil it, she headed back to watch the rest of the previews.
How Stella Got Her Groove Back
DVD. She popped it in and went into the kitchen. She didn't quite know what to make that would be quick and easy, but she did know she had her mind on a sausage. It was frozen and so was going to take some time to fix, but she started making it anyway because she was dying to have one. Once she put the pot of water on the stove to boil it, she headed back to watch the rest of the previews.
She debated about calling Isaac back again, but she wasn't sure if she would get Miss Tyra again or even if she was ready to have a mature “moving on” conversation that he appeared ready for. She decided she would call him later after she had gathered all of her thoughts. She knew that her aggressive apologetic approach wasn't working; Isaac was on a whole different plane. One that she had no part in whatsoever. It hurt her the most that he was able to move on so easily, or at least cut off his feelings so fast. She knew that he had a right to be angry, but she couldn't believe that he would take it this far. At first she thought it was one of those lessons, and he had to make a big deal out of it for the sake of his pride. At this point, though, with all the time that had gone by and the Tyra thing she could finally tell it was more than that. Taking back the ring could have been a hint, but she thought that he would love her at least enough to try to work it out. There was a part of her that figured Isaac was right, this was the best thing for them. If he didn't even love her enough to get over this, they probably never stood a chance at a lifelong marriage.
Charlene had finally settled down on her couch with her nice juicy sausage sandwich and one of her favorite movies. She was actually into the movie and distracted from all of her own personal problems, sitting back admiring Stella's life. She wished she could afford to live like Stella did without the help of a man, and she wished even more that she could have a child to love her for if and when she was lonely. Charlene watched movies about strong, independent women to enjoy them, but also to aspire to be more like those women.
Erin Brocovich
was the movie that had inspired her to go back to school. It didn't take much for Charlene to see another possibility in real life through something fictional.
Erin Brocovich
was the movie that had inspired her to go back to school. It didn't take much for Charlene to see another possibility in real life through something fictional.
Charlene was halfway through the marriage part of the movie and about twenty minutes into the digestion phase of that sausage when she suddenly jumped up and ran to the bathroom. Instinctively she lifted the toilet lid and threw her body over the ceramic bowl to hurl, and out came a bunch of brown chunks. Out of breath she stood there, confused from not knowing that that was coming. She rinsed out her mouth and gargled with mouthwash and then headed back to the kitchen to look at the sausage package to see if they were spoiled or something. She looked at it and they looked perfectly fine. She sat there trying to remember whether the last time she had had one of them they made her nauseous, but she couldn't recall.
She eventually let it go and went back to watching the movie, and as she sat there she noticed her stomach feeling a little nauseous. She held her hand against her stomach, trying to soothe her belly back to normalcy. She regretted making the sausage, and was upset that it wasn't agreeing with her stomach. She got up to drink a tall glass of water, but that didn't help. After a while she turned off the movie, it had been interrupted too much to try to enjoy the rest, so she went ahead and switched to cable television and called her sister.
“What you doing?” Charlene asked.
“Getting back from the mall,” Paige replied.
“What you buy?”
“Just some shirts I needed for work and some flat shoes.”
“I need to go buy some things myself.”
“Yeah, you always shopping ... You don't need anything.”
“Well, now that I have to be looking for a new man, I may have to revamp my wardrobe ... Step it up.”
“Whatever, missy. You slow yourself down.”
“I was fine, over here chilling. I was trying to watch
Stella Got Her Groove Back,
but I was being greedy and ate some sausage and it made me throw up.”
Stella Got Her Groove Back,
but I was being greedy and ate some sausage and it made me throw up.”
“Throw up?”
“Yeah. I guess it didn't agree with my stomach. I was sitting there and all of a sudden I ran to the bathroom and threw up all of it.”
“Charlene? You don't think that's a little strange?”
“What do you mean?”
“You don't throw up like that.”
“No ... But ... Paige, don't even go there.”
“What? I'm just saying.”
“Why would you say that when you already know that's not possible?”
“It's not
impossible
. I would at least check it out. Not being funny I did notice the other day you gained some weight.”
impossible
. I would at least check it out. Not being funny I did notice the other day you gained some weight.”
“No you didn't,” Charlene said, laughing.
“No, seriously. I'm not trying to play you, but in your face and belly area. I didn't want to say anything but it all makes sense now.”
“Whatever, Paige. I am not pregnant. The doctor told me my chances were like one in a millionâand what would the odds of that be after being with Isaac all this time I get pregnant now when we break up?”
“Maybe it's fate.”
“Whatever, Paige, I'm hanging up with you ... You talking crazy.”
“Aright, whatever. I said to at least check. It won't hurt. You said you're eating like crazy and now this.”
“Whatever, bye, Paige.”
“Bye, crazy.”
They hung up the phone, both slightly laughing at the other. Once off the phone Charlene began to really think about what Paige was saying. She knew it made sense, it would answer a lot. Her recent overeating, her cravings, her weight gain and now this sudden sensitive stomach. She started trying to think when her last period was, but since it had never been regular her entire life she didn't know if that was a way to tell. The more she thought about it the more mixed her emotions became. She was excited at the thought for a moment, because it would mean she could have children. Then it was also scary because of her situation with Isaac, and she knew the doctor said it would be a high risk for her and the baby. Yet, as much as she tried to deny it, she couldn't help but think of the possibilities. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but the idea excited her most because maybe if she was pregnant she could get Isaac back.
After a few minutes of sitting in silence, she called Paige again.
“Can you come over and bring a home pregnancy test?”
Chapter 27
A
s soon as Paige walked in the door, they both burst out laughing. They felt like high school girls sneaking around with the pregnancy test in the brown paper bag. Charlene knew most adult women take these tests alone, but she couldn't bear to handle the pressure by herself. Besides, she didn't know what she wanted the test to say, and she didn't want to be alone when she found out.
s soon as Paige walked in the door, they both burst out laughing. They felt like high school girls sneaking around with the pregnancy test in the brown paper bag. Charlene knew most adult women take these tests alone, but she couldn't bear to handle the pressure by herself. Besides, she didn't know what she wanted the test to say, and she didn't want to be alone when she found out.
“I'm mad you even put this in my head,” Charlene said to Paige as she took the brown paper bag out of her hand.
“You said you weren't listening, don't blame me.”
“Yeah, but I couldn't help but wonder after you said all of that. I was sitting here thinking about it.”
“Well, look, don't get your hopes up. I was saying it is possible and you are having pregnancy symptoms.”
“Yeah, but how could I turn out to be the
one
in one in a million?” Charlene asked, trying to keep herself lighthearted about it.
one
in one in a million?” Charlene asked, trying to keep herself lighthearted about it.
“I don't know, but if you are, you know that it's some sort of miracle.”
Charlene was reading the directions on the box when Paige said that. She looked up at her sister and got a little serious for a second.
“What if Isaac doesn't want it, what should I do? I can't have an abortion; it may be my only chance of having a baby.”
“Charlene, I can't tell you what to do, but I will say you also have to remember the doctor said that it was high risk and she didn't recommend you trying to carry a child.”
“She didn't say I should abort it if I get pregnant,” Charlene said.
“Yeah, but she did say she suggested you don't get pregnant, to use protection and stuff.”
“Paige, I don't want to think that way. If I somehow am pregnant I should take that as a sign ... a good one, don't you think?”
“How about we find out first? We are doing all this talk and we don't even know if you are.”
“You're right,” Charlene said as she started to take the test out of the box.
She took it out, and glanced at the directions that were on the inside as well before she decided it was self-explanatory. Then she looked over at Paige.
“I have something to tell you.”
“What?”
“I slept with Rich a couple of weeks ago.”
Paige damn near banged her head on the wall she jerked back so far.
“WHAT?” she cried.
“I know, I know,” Charlene said, sounding pitiful.
“When? And how did you let that happen?”
“A couple of weeks ago. Here. When I first spoke to that girl, I had him over.”
“Charlene, are you out of your mind?”
“I know ... It was to make me feel better about Isaac, I guess ... I don't know.”
“Did you use protection?”
“Halfway through.”
“Halfway? Are you saying this baby could be his?”
“No. I'm not even supposed to be able to get pregnant, remember?”
“Yeah, but if you are. Could it be his?”
“Well, he came inside the condom, so unless he had some spectacular precum I don't think so.”
“Whatever, Charlene, we will talk about that later. Go take the test first,” Paige said as she shook her head and placed her forehead in her hands.
Charlene knew what that look was, and she could only agree with her so she didn't say anything more. She headed to the bathroom to take it. Right before she stepped inside, Paige called her name.
“Leen?” Paige called.
“Yeah?”
“Just know, whatever the result is, is cool. You're still young, you have forever to figure this out,” Paige said.
“I know, I'm cool either way. I mean it.”
“Just don't want it because you're thinking about getting Isaac back.”
It was like Paige was reading her mind. She didn't want to be so see-through, but as soon as Paige said that, Charlene started to cry. Her eyes filled up with tears and she started sniffling.
“Don't cry,” Paige said. “I'm sorry.”
“No, it's not that. I don't know what I want anymore. . . My life has changed so much so fast.”
“Leen, it really hasn't, we just don't see it coming; but trust me, your life hasn't changed courses at all. God has all this planned out, we have to go with it,” Paige said as she reached out and hugged her baby sister.
“I know,” Charlene said, releasing into her sister's embrace.
After a few more seconds of the Lifetime movie scene, they let go and Charlene proceeded to take the test. Paige waited on the other side of the door while Charlene urinated. As soon as she was done, she opened the door and set the little plastic stick on the bathroom sink. Charlene stepped out of the bathroom.
“You look at it,” Charlene said to Paige.
“You sure?”
“I'm positive.”
Paige went into the bathroom and couldn't see any symbol just yet. She waited a bit more and slowly began to see a line showing up. She looked over at Charlene and she was standing in the doorway looking absolutely eager. Paige looked back at the stick and saw more of the line, and then slowly another coming across the first. She picked up the box to see if her assumption about what the two lines meant was correct, and sure enough it was. She looked up at Charlene.
“You're pregnant, Leen,” she said.
“What!” Charlene shouted, and burst into tears.
Paige grabbed Charlene up in her arms and let her cry it out on her shoulder. Paige didn't know if they were tears of joy or pain, she just knew for the time being she would let her release them. Little did she know, Charlene didn't know which they were either. She felt a burst of emotion. Excitement, anger, sadness, fear and many more. She was angry that Isaac wasn't there to find out with her but excited because maybe there was a chance now that he would be there moving forward with her. She was still fearful because of the slight chance it was Rich's, and still she had no idea how this could even be, and if she would be able to keep it.
“You OK?” Paige finally asked.
“I guess,” Charlene said as she sniffled up her tears and snot and tried to gain her composure.
Charlene reached over to look at the test herself; she had to double-check it.
“What, you think I can't read?” Paige asked.
“No. I just can't believe this,” Charlene replied.
“Well, believe it.”
“What am I going to do?”
“I don't know. I think you need to make a doctor appointment first thing Monday morning, see how far along you are, and see what the doctor says your options are.”
“Yeah, I know.”
They both stood there for a couple of moments in silence. It seemed both of them were a bit surprised by the results.
“Should I tell Isaac first?” Charlene asked.
“That's up to you ... You may not want to tell him until you know the information from the doctor.”
“Yeah, but I would want him to at least know.”
“And what if it's Rich's?”
“It's not ... It can't be.”
“Why? Because you don't want it to be?”
“No, because I was having these other symptoms over a month now. I was just with Rich two weeks ago.”
“Yeah, I guess you're right.”
“So then I should tell Isaac.”
“I guess, but let's be honest. You want him to know that you are pregnant with his child so maybe that will make him change his mind.”
“That, too, and I want him to see that I am able to get pregnant.”
“Well, tell him. Just don't be hurt if he is nasty or gets mad if the doctor says you really shouldn't carry it.”
“The doctor can't tell me that.”
“No, but she did tell you already that even if you did get pregnant the risk to you and the baby is very high.”
“She also said the likeliness of me getting pregnant is very high, too.”
“Well, Charlene, you knew for years that was the case. The doctor wasn't guessing. You probably beat the odds on this one, but I wouldn't ignore her advice altogether.”
“I'll see what she says and decide from there. I can't think about all of this in one night.”
“OK. I'm going to get out of here and get back home.”
“Thanks for coming. I don't know if I could have done it without you.”
“No problem. Just don't tell anyone yet until you see the doctor. You don't want anything to cloud your judgment.”
“I know.”
Charlene walked Paige to the door, gave her a kiss good-bye and closed the door behind her. She went back into the bedroom and lay across her bed. She just lay there for about twenty minutes letting all her thoughts run rampant through her head. She wasn't sure which one to grab and stick to, she just went back and forth with each emotion. She knew her sister was right; she had so many things to consider. She just hoped that Isaac would at least speak to her now.
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