Shhh...Mack's Side (29 page)

“Great. I always wanted to be a car salesman,” I said with a smile that was never leaving my face. Not as long as I had Abigail in my life.

“I’m going to run in to town and pick up a few things for supper while you two spend an hour putting all the cars together while separating them into rows of color. I’ll be back in an hour,” Kyle said, standing. I looked at him alarmed.

“She’s fine
, Kenz. I promise.”

He knew what I was thinking. I used to have to do the same thing with anything that had color. I couldn’t wear two different colors of nail polish the way Gia did. Even when she’d make me paint my middle finger different. I chewed it off. I couldn’t take it. I didn’t want Abigail to ever go through the things I did, but one thing I did know was, if she did, I would be there. I would never make her feel like she was different. I would help her in every way possible. I would never just drop her off at a psychiatrist.

“Should you leave me alone with her?”

Kyle laughed. “I won’t be long. She’ll keep you busy. I promise.”

I was fine with that. She could keep me busy for the rest of my life. I watched her move to her belly and start the process of lining her cars into rows, looking for green cars.

Everything Abby did worried me. Once we were finished selling cars, she moved on to the puzzle, and then the tea set. I didn’t know
if this was normal for a three-year-old child. How did their minds work? Was she showing signs of mental illness or was she simply being a three-year-old. I didn’t know how long her attention span should be. And talking. Wow. Kyle was right. She was the funniest little thing ever, and I loved her so much.

“I g
it it,” Abby called, running to the living room. I didn’t know if this was okay or not. Should I be letting her answer the phone? Did Kyle? I let her say hello and carry on a conversation with a female voice.

“No, him did go to a store. My mommy here.”

I covered my smile with my hand. Those words were the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard.

“Her want a talk a you,” Abby informed me, handing me the phone. I frowned, cautiously taking the phone.

“Hello.”

“I knew it would be a matter of time before you were there,” Gia said.

“Hi, how are you?”

“Okay, how are you? My dad said they took you to some treatment hospital in New York.”

“No, he lied. I just had some things to get done,” I lied. If anyone was going to judge me, it wasn’t going to be Gianna. I’d been judged enough from her.

“You sticking around there?”

“I’m not sure, but I’m not going far from Abigail. I know that much. What about you? Did you go back to L.A.”

“Nah, I’m not sure what I’m doing yet
, either,” Gia lied. I knew she was lying by the pamphlet from Scarlet’s house by the phone. Gia was in a rehab facility. She didn’t want me to judge her, either.

“Mr. Nichols? Have you talked to him? Is he okay?”

“Yes, I’ve spoken to him. He’s fine.”

“Gianna, y
ou knew. You knew my baby was alive and you didn’t tell me.”

“Yeah, and you knew you were fucking my dad and stealing my dreams
, too.”

“Stealing your dreams? I never wanted your dreams. I did what I thought everyone else wanted me to do,” I argued, still smiling at Abby. I couldn’t help it. She was so perfect. Her little finger touched every word as she read the book by memory, telling the story of an ant and a picnic.

“I wasn’t about to let you go on and live happily ever after if I wasn’t going to get mine, too.”

“Gia, I didn’t know. I didn’t know you were
involved with Mr. Nichols. I didn’t know you were pregnant with his baby. You didn’t tell me.”

“Yeah, Mack, like you never told me you were mentally ill.”

“You knew, Gia. You knew I was sick a long time ago. You chose to make me feel different, just like everyone else that couldn’t handle the truth. Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to call you scared out of my mind. Remember the one time that I did, Gia? Do you remember that night? It was three am, on a school night. The moon was full and the werewolves were real. I begged you to let me come over and sleep with you. You called me a freak and hung up. You knew, Gia.”

“Yeah, well maybe I did, but that doesn’t excuse you from fucking my dad.”

“Gianna, he was the only one. Your dad was the only one who was ever there for me.”

“Yeah, because he wanted in your pants, which you willingly dropped for him. You fucking him now, Mack?”

“You know what, Gianna? I wish you the best in everything you do. I hope all your dreams come true, and you live a happy, abundant life. I know you’re probably going to see my daughter here and there, and I won’t try to stop that, but know one thing. Mack and Gia are dead. There’s no reason either of us need to keep this false relationship going. I am too happy right now to let you bring me down. Is there a message I can give your father for you?”

“No, I’ll call later. Mack?”

“What?”

“Never mind. I guess you’re right. Too much has been said and done. I wish you the best as well. I’ll see ya around.”

I had more important things to worry about than Gia. Abigail was reading me a story. I lifted her to my lap and listened to the made up words of a book that she had memorized. I loved her soft skin, the smell of her strawberry hair, her beautiful brown eyes, and her long, curly hair. She was going to be tall like me. Her little legs were so long.

As superficial as it sounds, I felt like we were a family.
Kyle made supper while I played and played and played.

“You can’t catch me,” Abigail taunted at the end of the table. Kyle and I both laughed at her. She was so darn cute. She screamed when I ran after her, letting her get away a few times before scooping her up, planting tickling kisses all over her face and neck.

I caught Kyle’s looks many times that evening, and tried like hell not to hold them. I wasn’t there for him. I was there for Abigail and that’s what I was focusing on.

I looked at Kyle alarmed again when Abby and I did the same thing with our mixed vegetables. I separated the green beans from the corn and the carrots with my fork, and Abby did the same with her fingers.

“She’s fine, Kenzie,” Kyle assured me.

“Why are you doing that, Abby?” I asked.

“I not wike a orange ones,” she assured me, easing my mind. I did it because I could taste color. She did it because she didn’t want to taste the carrots.

After bathing Abigail, I read her three stories in a row before she fell asleep in my arms. Kyle carried her to her bed and made me go soak in his jet tub. I felt exhausted
, yet still on a high. The jets did help with the tension created throughout the day and I relaxed a bit, thinking about my life. My life that I knew would have continued the way it had in many ways. Gia and I would never be Mack and Gia again, I would never have the relationship with my mother the way I wanted, and Abigail was always going to be in my life. I was so thankful for Kyle.

“Want to sit out on the deck? It’s a nice night?”

“Sure,” I agreed, following him out.

“H
ot chocolate, four marshmallows.” He nodded to the hot cup on the banister. I smiled, remembering the time I freaked out on him because there were five. It had to be four.

“I’ve graduated from four. I’m okay with that now,” I admitted with a smile. “You don’t know how much this means to me, Kyle. I know you didn’t have to let me see her. Thank you.”

“I did have to. It would have destroyed you.”

“You know me better than I know myself.”

“I spent a good many years trying to make sure you were okay.”

“Why?
”

“I felt like you were slipping through the cracks and nobody cared. I tried to talk to your mom about you once. She told me to mind my own business. I tried to talk to your dad and Melanie. I was always told you were fine and it was all for attention. You didn’t like Gia being better at dance than you,
you were just mad because Gia got a new bike and you didn’t, you were just acting out because Gia did better at the competition than you. I knew it wasn’t over that. You were crying for help and I couldn’t walk away.”

“Kyle, I have a lot on my plate right now,” I said, trying to hear what he was saying. His arms around me were rendering it a little difficult.

“I know you do, Kenzie. If I could trade you places, I would in a heartbeat.”

“I know you would,” I said, turning to face him. I shouldn’t have done that. I wanted to kiss him. Kyle pulled me close to him and held me. As good as Colton and AJ were to me, they never felt like this. I don’t know why it had to be Kyle, but it was. It always was.

“Stay, Kenzie.”

“Stay?”

“Yes. Stay right here with Abby and me.”

“What are you saying, Kyle?”

“Nothing like that. You don’t have to be with me. Just live here and let me take care of you. I think being around Abby will be therapeutic for you. You don’t have to want me. I won’t touch you unless you want me to.”

“You’
re an idiot. I’ve been fighting like hell not to touch you since I saw you coming to my rescue again beside the road.”

“You have?”

“Of course I have.”

“Does that mean I can kiss you?”

“I promised Lila I wouldn’t touch you.”

“You did?” he asked, moving closer to my lips.

“I can’t control my actions, you know?”

“You can’t?” he asked, moving closer.

“You know my state of mind. If you kiss me, it’s going to go right between my legs, and I’m going to want more.”

“Are you finished making excuses?”

“I’m not making excuses. I’m simply telling you the facts.”

“Is that okay?”

“Probably not,” I admitted, raising myself on the tips of my toes. My eyes closed, feeling the emotions flood my soul when our lips lightly touched. The emotions strengthened when his tongue parted my lips, rendering me falling. Falling for the only man I’d ever truly loved. I knew right at that moment I was going to break the promise I’d made to Lila of staying out of his bed. That is until I heard it again. The wind chimes and Gia’s voice. I should have told him to get rid of them. They were deafening.

“Mack? I can’t find you. Mack where are you, Mack?”

I was in a pavilion of some sort. On the beach. It had three walls and the front opened toward the ocean. I was crying. Why was I crying?

“Mack?” Where are you Mack?”

I couldn’t answer her. I watched her wa
lk along our private beach, looking for me. The wind was blowing and I could see the two wind chimes, moving in the wind. They were so loud. What was wrong with me? Why was I so emotional?

“Look at it!”
I cried. Why were my legs opened on the picnic table? I was so little, wearing nothing but my bikini top.

“Mack?”
Gia called over and over. I watched her walk past the wind chimes and up to the house, disappearing inside.

I gasped when I saw his face, and came back to the future. Oh my god.

Jerking away from Kyle, I took a frightened step back.

“Mack? What’s wrong?” Kyle asked, reaching for me.

“You hurt me.”

“What?”

“When I was five. The wind chimes. Gia calling for me. The vacation house. It’s all true, Kyle. You were there. You were the one in that pavilion with me.”

“I never hurt you, Mack. I swear to god.”

“I’ve had this
vision for as long as I can remember. Do you know how many of the nights you talked me down were because of that night? What did you do to me?”

I jerked away from him when he tried to take my hand. It was him. I saw his face. It was Kyle.

“McKenzie Perry. Stop. Calm the hell down and listen to me.” I jumped when he grabbed the noisy wind chimes and jerked them down. That helped—a lot. “That is not what happened. I know what you’re speaking of. I remember it like it was yesterday. That was the day I knew you were sick.”

“What do you mean?”

“Please sit down.”

I sat down and he handed me my cup. I sipped it, sucking the melted marshmallow between my lips.

“I had just come out to get you girls to eat. Gia was on the beach but you weren’t. She said she couldn’t find you. I panicked until I saw you, sitting on the picnic table. You were crying.”

“There you are. What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“It feels funny.”

“Do you have to pee? Come on. It’s time to eat,” he coaxed, seeing my hand inside my bikini bottoms.

I
screamed a shrill, high pitched scream.

“
McKenzie, tell me what’s wrong,” he
pleaded, not knowing what to do.

“
This, it feels funny,” I
said, pulling my bottoms down.

“
McKenzie, pull your pants up. Let’s go see your mom.”

“
NO! Look at it. Just look at it. It wants you to look at it.”

“
McKenzie, did someone hurt you there?”

“
No, nobody touched it. I need you to touch it,”
I cried. I was crying historical sobs, heaving while I sat on the table and spread my legs.

“McKenzie, nobody’s going to touch you there. It’s okay. Let’s go
find your mommy. Come on baby,” he tried.

“No!
Just look at it. See it, Kyle, something’s wrong. Please look at it. Please Kyle.”

“I was sure someone hurt you. No little girl would spread herself like that for a grown man, begging him to look. I wanted to go get your mom, but I was afraid to leave you. I’d never seen that look in your eyes before. I didn’t know what to do with you. I was freaking the fuck out.”

“I remember,” I quietly said, reliving that moment as he told me the truth. He didn’t touch me. He never touched me. He did look to appease me.

“You looked at me down there and said everything looked fine. You stood me up and pulled up my bottoms before picking me up. You rubbed my back and told me it was okay, and you had me. You made me feel safe, Kyle, even at five.” Holy shit. I was hypersexual at five. I touched myself lots of times at that age. That was the time I remember someone knocking on my head. I was crying to my mom, trying to explain to her something wasn’t feeling right down there. She knocked on my head with her knuckles and told me to get back to reality.

“That day scared the hell out of me, Kenzie. I never told anyone. I was afraid of being made out to be a monster or something. I’m sorry. I should have talked to you about it. I didn’t know it was haunting you all these years. I thought you forgot.”

“You want to hear something twisted?”

“No, but go ahead.”

“I do that when I go off my meds or they stop working. I make guys look at me there without touching me. I hear the wind chimes and Gia calling while they stare at me, holding myself open for them to look.”

“Come here,” Kyle said, taking my hand. I let him that time and then I cried and cried and cried. He never said a word. He held me and let me.

“I’m sorry for getting you involved in my mess, Kyle. I really am,” I said, finally able to pull away and talk.

“Don’t ever be sorry, Kenzie. I love you. I’ve always loved you and I love that little girl in there more than anything. I wouldn’t have her if it wasn’t for you. I’m going to do it right this time, Mack. I am. She’s never going to think she needs a BMW to
be popular. She’s never competing in one dance competition, and she’s never ever going to have free access to my credit card.”

“That makes me very happy.
I don’t know how to ever thank you for all that you’ve done for me.”

“Be with me. Stay right here with Abby and me.”

“I want to. I just don’t know if that’s what’s best for me right now. I need to do something with my life. Stand on my own for once.”

“You really are crazy.”

“Thanks.” I halfheartedly smiled.

“McKenzie, you’ve been standing on your own your entire life. Lean on me for once. Let me be here for you.”

I don’t know if I just needed the thoughts to stop or what, but I kissed him, shoving my tongue between his lips. He pulled me tight to his chest and kissed me back. Kyle was right. I was put on this earth to be right here in his arms.

I felt like it was our first time when he
led me to his room. Dismissing Lila’s wagging finger, I closed the door, shutting her out as well.

“You’re so beautiful, Kenzie,” Kyle whispered hot words to my throat, lifting my shirt over my head. This was the part that Kyle understood that no other man did. Our naked bodies touching. We made love for twenty minutes, just kissing and touching. His fingers strode across every single part o
f my body while his lips kissed mine.

“Ah,” I whimpered, pulling back when his fingers finally ran up my wet slit. I tried not to do it. I really did. I couldn’t help it. The urge was too strong.

“Look at it, Kyle,” I whispered, pulling away. Coming to my feet, I squatted, spread eagle in front of him.

“I want to look at you for the rest of my life, but not like this,” he said, pulling my feet from beneath my body, landing
me to my back. His tender lips quickly replaced the wind chimes and Gia’s haunting voice calling my name.

My senses were so enlightened, feeling his warm body fall into mine and enter me. I never wanted to do this with another man as long as I lived. I didn’t care what people thought. If Kyle was willing to have me, to let me stay right here with my baby girl, and make me feel like
this, they could all go to hell. That included Gianna, my parents, and Lila. They didn’t know. They didn’t get me like Kyle did. And, I loved him.

Kyle never stopped staring down at me the entire time he made love to me. Thrusting in and out of me, he observed my soul with his eyes. He loved me
, too. I was sure of it.

“I don’t want to
get you pregnant,” he whispered when I began to moan, righting my hips with his.

“I can’t get pregnant, oh god, Kyle,”

“Why?” he asked, thrusting deep inside me, sending me toppling over.

“Ahhhhh, oh, yes, ahhh,” I called over and over while he brought me to bliss. Bliss I wanted from him for the rest of my life. Kyle held himself deep inside me and moaned, releasing his own pleasure deep inside my core. I panted, breathing in happiness for the first time in a very long time. I felt like I belonged. Truly belonged. Not like the artificial stuff I had tried to fake in the past. This was real. Kyle was real.