Shield My Heart (Heaven Hill Book 9) (11 page)

“Really scared. My dad wasn’t the most understanding of men, and your real dad…” She trailed off for a moment. “I had no idea how he felt, what he would want to do. It was the scariest time of my life. Things happened and it ended up being just the three of us.” She closed her eyes. “But I don’t think I’d change anything. It led me to Liam. I wish I had met him earlier so that I could have given you a better childhood. There were some really hard times and situations I wouldn’t have put us in if I could go back, but…”

“Everything led us here,” Mandy finished up for her mom.

“It did.” Denise nodded, cherishing again the path their lives had taken. It hadn’t been easy, but it’d been worth it. “It ended up the way it was supposed to, and I have to believe that all the hard times were so I could appreciate the good ones. Liam was an answer to my prayers, even if I didn’t realize it yet.”

Mandy’s tone was wistful, her eyes a little damp, as she thought back to all the things Liam had done for them. She remembered with clarity the day he’d come and gotten her and Drew from school when another kid had made a crude remark about her. Drew had hit him, he’d been suspended, and Mandy had been too embarrassed to stay there for the rest of the day. When Liam had come to get them instead of their mom, neither one of them had known what to do, but he’d ended up being just what they needed. He didn’t criticize and he didn’t judge. He’d taken them out for lunch and let them know it wasn’t a bad thing to stand up for themselves. “He did change our lives.”

“In the best of ways.” Denise smiled, looking down at her wedding ring. “And he loves you guys like you’re his own. I couldn’t ask for more.”

The look on her mom’s face was exactly what Mandy wanted. She wanted to be able to count on Dalton that way, for him to be the rock she could hang onto, but he just wasn’t that for her right now. He would be, she hoped, but not in the foreseeable future.

“Are you okay?” Denise looked at her oldest daughter with critical eyes. Drew had come to her and told her he was worried, and Denise could tell why. “You’ve got dark circles on your face, and your smile doesn’t quiet reach your eyes. I know things are going on with Dalton. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Mandy had never in her life wanted to beg her mom to tell her what to do. She wanted to lay all her problems down at her mom’s feet and beg her to make it better, but she knew that wouldn’t happen. This was her issue she had to deal with.

“No, Mom. I’m not going to lie and say I’m good, but things are getting worked out. Dalton and I will figure it out.”

“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?”

Mandy knew if she opened her mouth now, she’d spill everything, and her emotions couldn’t take it. Getting up, she walked over to her mom, bent down, and gave her a hug. “Thanks, but this is something I have to work out on my own.”

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Chapter Thirteen

D
alton wasn’t sure what he was doing here. He hadn’t even realized this was where he’d decided to come until he’d parked his bike in the extra space next to Mandy’s car. His bike had chosen its own way there, and it had gone home. He was as much a nomad as his brother these days. That was becoming more clear to him every single day of his life. But this woman, she represented so much of what he needed in his life. She was the air he needed to expand his lungs, the rest he needed at night, and the blood he needed pouring through his veins.

He was so fucking tired. Tired of worrying about other people, denying his feelings, and most of all, tired of lying to himself. He needed her like he needed his next breath. Denying their need of each other was doing nothing but hurting them, and for one night he didn’t want to hurt anymore. He was raw after talking to Samuel and trying to figure out how they were going to fix the problem he’d dragged all of them into.

More than anything, he needed his home, and that was wherever Mandy Walker was. Slinging his leg over the back of the bike, he walked up the sidewalk leading to her apartment. He could break in, but he knew if he broke in tonight, she might well shoot his ass. Instead, he knocked softly on the door and sent up a prayer that she wouldn’t slam it in his face.

*

A part of Mandy contemplated not opening the door when she heard the rapping of Dalton’s knuckles. Without a doubt it was him; she’d know the sound of his bike anywhere. For so many years she’d sat on the front porch of her home, waiting for him to come down the driveway and pick her up. The sound was as much ingrained as the sound of her dad’s bike.

The memory of when the sound had made her heart beat faster, knowing she’d see the man she loved, was still at the forefront of her mind. They weren’t far removed from that part of their lives. She had to remind herself—the bad times, so to speak, had only been around for a few months. The need to see him was still there though, as desperate as it had been when they were younger. She figured it would always be this way, no matter what they were going through.

Opening the door and seeing him took her breath away, the same way he’d taken her breath away when they’d been teenagers. He’d always been a good looking guy, always. And she’d wondered more than once why he’d decided to be with her. His tall frame and broad shoulders filled her doorway, presenting him to her like a picture in a photo album. His arms were braced so he could lean in towards her and appear as nonthreatening as possible. Without meaning to, her eyes went to his biceps, pushing hard against the cotton of his T-shirt, skimming the edges of the leather cut he still wore. Moving lower, she sucked in a breath as the same T-shirt pulled up when he flexed, exposing a small sliver of abdomen above the metal buckle of his belt. God she missed this man and the things he could do to her body.

“Hey.” His dark eyes raked over her body, and she felt it down to her toes. His voice was rough, the way she liked it, but behind the indifferent mask he wore, she could see pain and desire. Mandy wanted to wrap him up in her arms and take away that pain, but until he was honest with her and how he felt, she wasn’t going to make it easy on him.

“Hey,” she answered back, folding her arms over her chest. It was a protective gesture they both recognized. One that also hid her shaking hands. Being this close to him after so long not only made her nervous but made her itch to touch him.

“Can I come in?” At one time he would have walked in without even knocking, because he’d had a key. When things had gone to shit, he’d given it back and even that had been done in a cowardly way. He’d stuck it underneath the door of Charity’s office with a note. He hated having to ask her now, but he didn’t want to push himself into her life either. He’d done enough to cause her hurt, and he didn’t want to push his luck.

Not speaking, she moved back from the door frame, allowing just enough room for him to walk through. Their arms brushed, and both of them inhaled at the unexpected touch. Closing the door behind him, she locked it on habit.

“Good to know you haven’t forgotten all the stuff I taught you.” He tilted the corner of his mouth up into a grin. When she’d first moved into her apartment, she’d gone to bed with her door unlocked because she’d always felt safe once her mother moved in with Liam. Dalton had drilled it into her head that the world wasn’t always safe and she needed to take her safety seriously.

“Some things you never forget.” She shrugged, trying not to get taken in by the sexy grin he’d given her.

The implication hung in the air. She would never forget how he reacted to her news.

Immediately the tilt of his mouth fell. Dalton felt like shit on the bottom of his motorcycle boot, but he knew he’d brought this upon himself. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry.” He walked towards her, stopping before he could touch her.

“Why are you sorry?” She whispered the words, wanting him to admit it, needing to hear confirmation of what he was doing to her. She wanted him to say it, to realize the implications of stringing her along.

“For hurting you, for not responding to you when you needed me to.” He couldn’t stand it anymore. He grabbed her hands, bringing them to his lips, kissing them as softly as he spoke. “I haven’t been the man I should be, I haven’t been the man I promised myself I would be for you, and it kills me.”

“How do you think I feel, Dalton?” She fought back the fucking tears again. “I know something’s going on with you. You wouldn’t turn away from me like this if there wasn’t, but you don’t trust me.” She tried to firm her bottom lip and chin but she couldn’t. It quivered to the point of her teeth chattering—and that’s when the tears fell. “That’s the worst part. You don’t trust me, after everything we’ve been though.”

“No.” He brought their foreheads together so they touched, inhaling the vanilla scent that was Mandy’s. He smelled it in his fucking sleep, in his dreams, and in the morning when he woke up with his hard cock in his hand. “It’s not about trust at all,” he admitted, holding her face in his palms. Giving her a little bit of the truth wouldn’t hurt. He hoped like hell it would improve the way they were trying to communicate. “It’s about safety, about keeping both of you safe.” He moved his hands down to her stomach. “Even if I’m not around, I need to know you’re safe.”

Her stomach clenched as she dug her hands in his cut, fisting it in between her knuckles. “What do you mean you might not be around? What’s going on? I know you took a leave of absence from Heaven Hill—Mom and Dad both told me. Why would you do that? We’re your family.”

He couldn’t take her words any longer, couldn’t take the tearful sound of her voice, the way she looked at him like he was about to break. Grasping the nape of her neck, he pulled her lips to his, branding her with the forcefulness of the kiss. Desire hit him in the sternum, and he knew he had to have her. It probably wouldn’t make this situation any better, but he didn’t see how it could make it any worse.

She moaned, a sound he heard in his dreams every night. It was his favorite sound she made. Bending down, he ran his hands down to the backs of her thighs. Gripping his palms around the skin there, he lifted her up so that she settled against his waist, wrapping her legs around him. He pulled away, memorizing her face. “I need you, and if this isn’t want what you want, Mandy, tell me now.”

She couldn’t tell him she didn’t want him. She always wanted him, no matter what they were going through.

“Take me.” She loosened her limbs, allowing him to carry her to the bedroom. If this was all they were going to have, then she would enjoy it for what it was.

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Chapter Fourteen