Shield My Heart (Heaven Hill Book 9) (15 page)

“Alright, but let me be there with you when you ask him. Let him see this is my fault. He’s always been fair to me, always allowed me to work for anything he’s given me. I want to work this off too, I don’t want this to come back and haunt you. If he gives me this money, I’ll work until my debt is paid.”

Dalton hated the look on the older man’s face. It spoke of defeat and a lifetime of trying to do what he was supposed to but always failing in some small way. He hated the look, the sentiment behind it because it made him feel like he’d failed too.

“Then we’ll go tomorrow. I have to be somewhere in the morning, but tomorrow afternoon we’ll go.”

He hadn’t planned on going with Mandy, not really, but something had changed within him. He wasn’t sure if it was gradual or if seeing Samuel’s desire to still be a good role model had started it, but it was time he stepped up. Hearing Samuel say he was no better than his parents seemed to flip some sort of switch inside him—he didn’t want his child to ever question where he or she stood in his life. After months, he was coming out of a fog he’d let settle over himself. With clarity, he realized he was the one making himself and Mandy miserable, he was the one putting an expiration date and restrictions on their love. It was time he stopped that and believed there could be a happily ever after for himself. If he didn’t believe it, no one else would. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, it wouldn’t be done overnight, but it would be damn well worth it.

‡
Chapter Nineteen

M
andy sat in the waiting area of Dr. Sparks’ office. This early, she was the only one there, and she couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed when she’d gotten there and there was no sign of Dalton. She had been telling the truth about not wanting to pressure him. If he wanted to be a part of their child’s life, that would be his decision to make.

Scrolling through her phone, she opened her social media account, and a memory popped up. It was dated a year ago, and it was a picture of the two of them. He had his arms around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. The smile on his face was geniune, and the look he gave her was one of unfiltered love.

It brought tears to her eyes, but they weren’t the tears of despair she’d been crying lately. These were good tears, they were a display the love the two of them had shared, and she had hope for the first time they’d get it back.

Him stopping to join her for lunch yesterday was a huge step in the right direction. Something so small that she’d taken it for granted during their relationship now meant the world to her.

And she could admit that to herself now too. She’d taken him for granted as much as he’d taken her for granted. There had been times where she could have demanded answers about what they were doing in their relationship, but she hadn’t. She’d assumed things would work out the way they were supposed to. He would know exactly what to say and exactly what to do when she’d wanted him to.

She’d never told him what she wanted, she’d always waited for him to ask. Now she was beginning to see her shortcomings, and she was beginning to forgive him for his, even if things didn’t change.

“Mandy, Dr. Sparks is running a little late. We’ll get to you in a few minutes.” The receptionist smiled at her. They knew each other from school, and Mandy gave her a smile of her own back.

“No problem, I have nowhere to be.”

She’d told Charity she had to run some errands and would be in late to the office.

At ten after ten, the door to the office opened, and out of habit, Mandy looked up. When she did, her heart stopped. In the doorway stood Dalton, looking extremely uncomfortable, his eyes immediately zeroing in on her, an apologetic smile on his face.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” he apologized. “Traffic was awful.”

“It’s okay.” She offered him a soft smile back. “The doctor’s running late anyway. I haven’t been called back yet.”

He nodded, hooking his sunglasses in the neck of his shirt before going over to have a seat next to her. The receptionist had known him too, and she waved, smiling big as she saw him.

“Congrats on being a daddy, Dalton!”

The words hit him like a brick in the chest. He was a dad. Didn’t matter that the kid wasn’t born yet. He was a fucking dad, and he’d been behaving like a dickhead.

In trying to not be like his parents, he’d become them. He hadn’t been around for anything, he’d run like a pussy, and he’d let the woman in his life take care of everything. He looked at her almost like he was seeing her for the first time.

He’d neglected her, and he’d be damned if he did it again.

A nurse came out from behind the door and called her name, causing Mandy to rise.

“You wanna come back with me?” She wasn’t sure why she asked him, when obviously that was the reason he sat in the waiting room, other than the fact he seemed glued to his chair.

He nodded. “I do, but first I wanna tell you I love you. I haven’t said it much lately, and you need to know it.”

The shock on her face told him exactly how much work he had to do to try and repair the damage he’d caused this relationship.

But she was the same loving woman she’d always been. She grabbed his hand and pulled him with her to the examination room.

He’d spend the next eighteen years of this kid’s life making up his stupid decisions, and he’d spend the rest of his and Mandy’s lives showing her how much he loved her.

It didn’t take away the fear he still had of Calvert. They still owed him money, but he realized for the first time that no one besides him would die to protect this woman and the child she carried. They were his, they were his responsibility, and he’d be damned if he left their safety up to anyone else.

*

“I hate that you’ve had to work on all the other doctor’s appointments. Since this is the first time Dalton’s been able to join us, we can listen to the heartbeat,” Dr. Sparks said as she started doing her regular checks.

Hearing the words the doctor said told him everything he needed to know. Mandy had been making excuses and handling life on her own. Miss Independent to the fullest. As much as he hated what he’d done to her and the fact he hadn’t been a part of her life when she’d needed him most, he was so fucking proud of her.

“Yeah,” he answered, but his voice was monotone, even to his ears. “This time of year is really busy for the shop.”

That was hard to admit too, how proud he was when what he really wanted was for her to need him. He wanted to be a part of their lives from now on, and if she could do it on her on, then what was the point? Why would she want to work things out with him?

Because she loves you.

He hoped like hell she still did.

Mandy hated the blood pressure cuff because lately her pressure had been a little elevated and they’d given her shit about it every time she’d been in.

“Everything looks good.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. Those were the best words she’d ever heard. Plus, it proved she could take care of herself, with or without Dalton’s help.

“I’m gonna do an ultrasound today, too. Since you lost fifteen pounds in the first trimester, I want to make sure development is on target.”

“You lost weight?” He asked from where he sat next to her, concern on his face and in his voice.

“Not unusual for some women,” Dr. Sparks continued. “Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what will come up and what’ll stay down. She’s done a good job of that. There was a family history, so it’s to be expected. I just want to make sure the fetus is growing and progressing the way it should.”

Dalton’s excited voice was everything she hoped it would be. “Will we be able to know what the sex is?”

“She’s twelve weeks; it’s a little early yet, and hazarding a guess might be a wrong one, so I’d rather not. When you come back in four weeks, that’s usually the time when we offer a determination of sex to parents, provided the little one keeps their legs open.”

She hoped he was planning to be back for all the appointments after this.

“Let me go get what I need, and I’ll be right back with you.”

They were left alone, and it was as if neither one of them knew what to say to the other. This was such a monumentous occassion. The fact that he was there, and she’d let him be there.

Dalton leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Thanks for letting me be here when I really don’t deserve to be.”

Mandy blinked back emotion. “Thanks for finally wanting to be here.”

The tone she used broke his heart. “It isn’t that I haven’t wanted to be here. I have a lot of explaining to do to you. After this, you think we can go have lunch or even tea or something, just to let me explain? I’m done running.”

She searched his dark eyes and found truth in his words. “Don’t expect to come back and act like nothing happened,” she warned. “I’m willing to accept that we have a long past and a long future, but I need you to work for it.”

He cupped her cheek. “I will. For the rest of my life I’ll work for it.”

That sounded good to her She couldn’t make up what he’d missed, but she could be happy he was here now, and hope that he hadn’t lied to her. In the end, if he fucked this up again, he was on his own.

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Chapter Twenty