Shield My Heart (Heaven Hill Book 9) (16 page)

A
s she had driven over to a small café on the other side of town, Mandy had kept her eyes peeled on the bike behind her. She’d been waiting for him to turn at a stoplight or keep on going when she’d pulled into the parking lot, but he hadn’t. He’d kept his bike tucked in behind her car, following every move she’d made.

“Is this okay?” she asked, as she got out and he parked next to her.

He surveyed the parking lot. It was pretty empty this time of day, and they would have some sort of privacy.

“This is great.” He took his helmet off and stuffed his gloves inside, hooking it on the taillight of the bike.

“Are you okay?” she asked, offering her hand to him. He’d become uncharacteristically overcome with emotion when he’d heard the heartbeat of their child. It’d brought tears to her own eyes as she’d watched him struggle to get a grip.

“I’m good.” He squeezed their hands together.

As they’d left the appointment, he’d put the ultrasound pictures in his wallet, almost as if they were the most sacred thing in his life.

They made their way inside and up to the counter. She ordered tea, him coffee.

“Do you want to split a piece of cake?” he asked, eyeing the pastries in the case before them.

He was making an effort. She had to give him that. It was small, but it was the effort she’d been craving for so long. “Sure, how about the apple pie?”

“I can warm that up for you and put some homemade vanilla ice cream on it,” the cashier told them.

Mandy felt her mouth absolutely water. “Yes, please do that.”

Dalton smirked. “Sound good to you, babe?”

“You have no idea.”

The cashier told them she’d bring everything out at once, encouraging them to go ahead and find a seat.

There was only one other couple, but Dalton made sure they sat as far away from them as they could.

“Can I ask a favor?” she asked as they had a seat.

“Sure.” She’d asked for nothing, and at this point, he owed her the fucking world.

“Can we eat our dessert and spend a little normal time together before we get into the heart-to-heart? I miss this.”

Fuck, he did too.

“Whatever you want.” And he realized he meant those words more than he ever had. He was sick of pretending he didn’t need her. He did—every part of him ached for her. He missed her laugh, the secret little smile she gave to him when she wanted to be a little naughty, the way she looked in the morning with her dark, curly hair against the pillow. He missed it all, and he’d never take it for granted again.

“How’s Deacon?” she asked as she eased back in her seat, letting her shoulders fall into a relaxed posture.

“He’s good. He and I have been trying to help Samuel.” There that wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t exactly the truth. He had to turn this away from him. He wasn’t ready to spill his guts yet, he wanted to see joy in Mandy’s eyes first. He wanted her happiness before he crowded her with all his drama. “How’s Tatum?”

A smirk pulled at the edge of Mandy’s lips. “She told Mom and me that she likes older men. I have to admit I’m scared.”

Dalton laughed, knowing how rough that would be for whomever it was she liked. At least he wasn’t dating the baby of the family. “Lord help whoever that is, and if he’s a member of the MC…”

“Right?” Mandy leaned back as their drinks and dessert were brought to them. She licked her lips as she glanced at the ice cream. “I think it’s Remy, to be perfectly honest, but she won’t say.”

Dalton could see that, but he didn’t want to say anything. That was between the two of them. He and Mandy went for the pie and ice cream at the same time, their spoons hitting each other with a loud clink in the quietness of the cafe.

She giggled, and it was the best sound, besides hearing the baby’s heartbeat, he’d ever heard in his life. He hoped when he explained everything going on in his life, she would still look at him the same, she’d still want him, and above all, she’d still love him. The fear was real, but the reward was too, and he wanted that reward more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life.

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Chapter Twenty-One

S
ubconciously, both of them lingered over the pie and ice cream until there was nothing left. They made small talk, dug their forks in, and dragged their time out as long as possible. It was nice, though, being with one another again while letting the expectations go.

Finally, Dalton set his fork down on the plate and cleared his throat. “I know I promised you answers, and I’ll give them to you. The only thing I ask is you let me finish before you start asking. If I don’t get this out now, I’m not sure I ever will.”

Mandy set her own fork down and took a drink from her glass, watching him with wide eyes. This was the scariest situation she’d ever been in. What he said here pretty much made or broke their relationship, and damn if that wasn’t a lot of power to give another person. “Okay, I promise. I’ll let you get this out, but only if you let me ask anything I want when you’re done.”

He considered her request. It was fair, even if she asked something he didn’t exactly want to answer, he owed it to her. “Deal. Whatever you want to know, ask me, and I’ll answer as truthfully as I can.”

She squared her shoulders, ready to face this head on. Truth of the matter was, she didn’t know any other way to face it. She’d never shied away from anything in her life, and she didn’t want to start now. “Then I’m ready, Dalton. Why did you pull away from me?”

It took him a few minutes to gather not only his thoughts, but his nerve. He’d never been one to talk about his emotions or explain himself, but he knew if anyone deserved it, Mandy did. And maybe now, at this point in his life, it was time to talk about them. It was time to be honest and share unabashadly the things that had happened in his past and the things he wanted out of his future.

“The only other people who know more about my childhood than you is Drew and my brother. I’ve purposely kept it that way. Not because I never wanted to tell you about it, but because I always wanted to protect you from it.”

He stopped, taking a drink of his coffee. “My childhood wasn’t the best. That’s no secret. We were taken away from my Mom and Dad; everyone knew that because Meredith did a story on it before she came to live with Tyler. Everyone knew my mom and dad weren’t fit to raise us, and we lived in some pretty rough situations and conditions for a while. The fact of the matter is, my mom hates my dad.” It was hard to say that, because what child wants to know one parent hates the other. It was something he’d realized early on in life, and maybe it had been one of the things holding him back from Mandy. He’d never wanted her to hate him. “He was a good time for her. They dabbled in gateway drugs and partying, sharing each other in the biblical sense with other people, and basically having a good time. She never wanted to be with him exclusively, but he got her addicted to meth. Then to keep her, he started cooking it, giving her just enough so she could keep the withdrawals at bay. In turn, she invited a ton of men into her bed, into our home, and did it right in front of my dad. They stopped sharing, and she started flat-out cheating.”

Mandy listened, trying not to let her heart break for the sensitive man she knew Dalton to be. Seeing his parents purposely hurt one another had to have left a mark on him. There was evidence from their own relationship that it had. She wondered why she hadn’t been able to see what he was doing herself, but maybe she’d been as blind to his needs as he’d been to hers.

“I learned early on my mom loved to hurt my dad and he loved to hurt her. The bitch of it was though, he loved her. More than anything, he loved her, was in love with her, in the way I love you. Which in case you didn’t know, is a whole hell of a lot.” He flashed his grin that always got him everything he wanted when it came to her. “It took me a really long time to figure them out. Why did they stay together when they were so bad for each other, when they just kept making each other miserable? I wondered for a long time why they didn’t just move on to other people, but then I figured it out. Him keeping her addicted was his way of keeping her, period. She wouldn’t leave because she needed him, and he wouldn’t let her leave because he needed the control. It was a game the two of them played, sick as it was. I even understood it, but I made a promise to myself—even at that young age—I would never put myself in that situation.”

Mandy thought maybe some of what he was saying to her was clicking, that maybe she was starting to understand his actions of the past few months. There was one thing he said that stood out, something she’d wondered about more often than not in the past few months.

“You really were in love with me?”

He grasped her hand in his, stroking his fingers along her palm. “I’ve been in love with you since I was a teenager, but at some point over the past year, it started to scare the shit out of me. I realized how much you meant to me, and I realized how vulnerable it made me. If you left me, it would kill me.”

“So you pulled away, instead,” she finished. It clicked, and she felt her stomach clench. While she’d been feeling sorry for herself, he’d been punishing himself. They were a pair.

“I know now how fucking stupid it was, and how dumb it sounds, but it was like one morning I woke up and I realized I would be devastated if you left me. Instead of waiting for that moment, I tried to force you into it. Being the person in control has always been much easier than being the person who’s being controlled. I know I shouldn’t have tried to do that to us, but at the time it felt like my only option.”

She was quiet for long moments, grappling with what she wanted to say. What she wanted to ask.

“Please, babe, say something. I know admitting it isn’t going to fix everything, it’s not going to make it better. I have a lot of work to do, and I’m aware of that. I’ve been an asshole, and I’m prepared to prove to you that I’m gonna be here for the long haul.”

“What made you do it now? What changed?” She couldn’t help the question, needing to know why he’d had a change of heart.

He ran his hands over his hair, knowing he had to come clean—he had to be completely honest with her if he wanted this to work. He couldn’t go back now, couldn’t wuss out on it.

“Samuel’s gambling problem is back.” He shifted in his seat. “He owes Calvert a lot of money, more money than Deacon and I have access too. I originally took the leave from Heaven Hill so I could figure this out and keep you as far away from it as I could. Now, though, I need their help. We can’t come up with this money, I can’t keep you safe, and I can’t stay away anymore. I need my family back.”

She needed her family back too. And more than anything, he was her family. “I need you back too. I love you, and I want us to be the family you’ve always wanted so much. But you’ve got to trust me. You’ve got to let me be there for you, no matter how hard it is.”

He leaned forward, letting their lips touch in a soft kiss. “I’m gonna slip up, and I’m gonna be a jerk sometimes, but know that no matter what, I love you. I’m going to protect our family with my life.”

She leaned in so that their foreheads touched. “I know, and I know that once you explain everything to Dad, he’ll help too. I’m a grown woman, and this is my choice to make. I choose you.”

“Thank fuck for that.” He laughed as he tipped her chin up, fusing their lips together.

He breathed easy for the first time in months. It wasn’t going to be easy—especially explaining to Liam what was going on—but it was a strike against him he was willing to take. He’d be a man and take his punishment. Whatever it took to keep her and the baby safe and in is life, he would do it and not think twice about it.

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Chapter Twenty-Two