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‘I can’t,’ he says equally as quietly.

But I’m not interested in them. All I want to do is escape from under these seats, but when I try to move I realise I am stuck fast. I managed to squeeze myself into the tiny cramped space
on fear and adrenaline alone, but the relief has ballooned through my body and it’s like I’ve gained an extra inch around my waist. My jeans are caught on the underside of the seat I am
under.

Johnson is already moving quietly towards me.

‘It’s OK, I got you.’ He is reaching for me when my phone rings.

Loudly.

It has to be the Ape. He must have got bored, or something has happened in the supermarket. The ringing spirals through the air and, even though he’s probably forty metres away by now,
there’s no way the Non-Ape hasn’t heard it.

We hear lumbering footsteps coming back down the track towards the train. The Non-Ape isn’t in a hurry, but that’s because wherever he’s from he’s
probably unstoppable. He is a juggernaut that can walk through any wall or a mountain if he needs to, so why hurry?

‘Turn it off! Turn it off!’ hisses Carrie.

‘I can’t reach it. I’m stuck!’ I say, desperately.

‘He’s coming back,’ the Moth says, stating the obvious.

‘Like we don’t know that!’ Carrie snipes.

Johnson is tugging at me, trying his best to drag me free.

‘Leave me.’ The words are out before I know I have even said them.

‘Shut up,’ he says back.

‘I mean it.’

‘Not going to happen.’

‘Go.’

‘She’s right,’ Carrie says, too quickly for my liking. ‘We really need to go.’

‘I’m not leaving Rev,’ snaps Billie under her breath. ‘None of us are.’

‘You kidding? You seen that Ape out there?’ Carrie is terrified. ‘We have to go.’

‘Like where?’ Billie says.

‘Anywhere!’

Johnson tugs hard at me but he can’t budge me. ‘Take your jeans off.’

‘Forget it, just go.’

‘Take them off. Slide out of them.’

‘I can’t move.’

‘C’mon, Rev,’ urges Billie. ‘You can do this.’

The Non-Ape’s heavy thunderous footsteps have put him within twenty metres of us. My phone has stopped ringing, but it’s already far too late and we all know it.

‘What about me?’ wails the Moth. ‘What am I going to do?’ He is trying to drag himself along the carriage by his arms, but they are weak and spindly and he’s
already used up what little strength he had trying to shield Carrie earlier.

The door flies open from the first-class carriage and GG appears. ‘C’mon, let’s go, let’s go.’ He grabs the Moth by the arms and starts dragging him into first
class.

‘Ow, my arms!’

‘You shush now.’

Carrie shuffles, bent double, along the floor after them.

‘Hide,’ I tell Johnson. ‘I’ll tell the Non-Ape it’s just me here. There’s no one else. He’s stupid, he’ll believe it. Maybe.’

Johnson tries to lift up the chair that I’m trapped under but it is bolted to the floor. He squats down in front of me, grabs my shoulders and heaves again. I move all of a centimetre.

We hear a shrill beep of doors opening on the front carriage. The Non-Ape has just boarded the train. He’s two carriages away now.

Billie joins Johnson and together they try their level best to wrench the chair from its bolts. It barely moves.

‘Please, just go,’ I beg them.

Billie is beside herself as she and Johnson heave again. They lift it maybe all of two centimetres. ‘You’re just caught, it’s your jeans.’

The Non-Ape has reached the end of the front carriage. ‘Hello?’ His voice booms out.

Johnson heaves again. I move some more but not enough. ‘Kick, Rev, kick,’ he whispers.

‘C’mon, Rev,’ Billie urges.

I try my best as I feel the train shaken by the Non-Ape’s approach. ‘Someone phone?’ He is already in the carriage next to this one.

Johnson drags me as hard as he can and the loop on my jeans snaps. I work myself free just as the door opens at the front of our carriage and the Non-Ape stomps through. Billie throws herself
behind the last set of seats and Johnson and I huddle together, trying to be as small as possible. Johnson again produces the hammer, though we both know it’s futile.

‘Got to try something, right?’ he whispers with a hint of a grin that is almost a grimace.

We hear the Non-Ape heading towards us down the train aisle. His footsteps are more like a rumble.

‘Who’s there?’ he asks.

Johnson looks at me, whispers as quietly as he can, ‘When I say run, you run.’

I shake my head at him.

‘Take Billie and I’ll hold him off as best I can.’

I keep shaking my head. ‘No.’

‘You’ve got to. I’ll try and stop him getting to you.’

‘Anyone?’ The Non-Ape is bearing down on us, his footfalls making the carriage rise and fall under his mountainous weight.

‘You’re a fool, Rev,’ whispers Johnson.

I shrug at him. ‘So are you. You could’ve run.’

We share a look that spells the end of the line for us. But we’re not going to go quietly, we’re going to— My phone rings again and I can’t believe the Ape is calling me.
I seriously cannot believe that monstrous idiot. I can’t believe that I didn’t think to turn it off either, so maybe I’m a monstrous idiot too.

But then I realise the ringing isn’t coming from my pocket. My phone must have fallen out when Johnson pulled me free.

The carriage trembles with each of the Non-Ape’s steps as he zeroes in on the ringing phone. He stops a foot away from where we are hiding, so close I can smell his heavy odour.
Johnson’s grip tightens on the hammer.
This is it
, I think.
This is where the story ends.
I look back and can just about see Billie who has huddled into a tight ball.
I’m sure that any second now she’s going to start screaming. I know that because I’ll be screaming with her.

The Non-Ape’s breathing is chesty and laboured. We hear his knees crack as he gets down to try and locate the ringing phone.

I move closer into Johnson as Non-Ape’s hand starts to reach under the seat. Johnson tries his best to pull me tightly to him as thick stubby fingers come towards us. The Non-Ape
doesn’t have the Non-Lucas’s talons – he has fingers like fat sausages with dirty nails and I momentarily wonder if he’s a whole other breed of being. What if there is more
than just
one
other version of ourselves? I look down and the ringing phone is right beside his hand. All he needs to do is sweep to his left and he’ll find it. But being a Non-Ape
he sweeps his great chubby hand right and is about to touch my thigh when Johnson pulls me onto his lap. Johnson raises the hammer and is ready to smash down on the Non-Ape’s fingers when the
hand withdraws and in doing so knocks the ringing phone with a thick hairy wrist. The Non-Ape’s giant paw closes around the phone and then slips out of sight.

Johnson and I wait, not daring to move a muscle.

The ringing stops.

‘Yowza!’ says the Non-Ape, answering the phone in typical Ape fashion.

My phone is still on speakerphone, and the Ape’s voice echoes around the carriage. ‘Yowza!’

‘Who’s this?’ Non-Ape asks.

‘You first.’

‘You first!’

‘No, you first!’

‘Don’t act tough with me.’

‘Ain’t an act.’

‘Where is everyone?’ The voices are blurring into each other, but I can just about make out that this is the Non-Ape speaking. His voice is a good octave lower than the
Ape’s.

‘Don’t know. Don’t care.’

‘Me neither.’

‘So why you asking?’ asks the Ape.

‘So why you answering?’ replies the Non-Ape.

Their mutual level of aggression and ignorance is astounding.

‘Why you got Rev’s phone?’ the Ape asks.

‘This is Rev’s?’

‘I just said. What are you, deaf?’

‘What?’

‘I said are you deaf?’

‘Ha! Gotcha!’

‘Who are you anyway?’

‘You first.’

‘No, you first!’

They both fall silent and I can feel the Non-Ape’s aggressive aura filling the carriage.

‘I found it,’ Non-Ape says finally.

‘Found what?’

‘Huh?’

‘What did you find? People?’ God, talking to one Ape is hard enough but hearing two of them trying to hold a conversation with each other is beyond bewildering.

‘The phone. I found the phone.’

‘Found it where?’

‘On a train.’

‘They’re still on the train? Rev said they were coming back for me.’

My heart skips a beat. The Ape is going to blow it for us. He’s going to lead the Non-Ape right to us.

‘Who’s they?’ Non-Ape asks.

‘The others.’

‘Ain’t seen no others. Just seen this phone.’

I can feel Johnson’s heart beating rapidly. He’s still clutching me tightly to him and his quiet breath on the back of my neck is sending me crazy despite the situation we’re
in.

Non-Ape gives himself a moment to try and work things through in his massively empty brain. ‘So where are you?’ he says.

‘Who wants to know?’

‘I do.’

‘Who’s I?’

‘Who’s you first?’

‘No, you first.’

‘No, you first!’

‘You second!’

‘What?’

‘Ha! Gotcha!’

‘You third then!’

‘What?’

‘Double ha, double gotcha!’

Again the Apes fall silent. It’s like they only have so many words in their heads and once they’re done they need to wait a moment or two before their brains fill up with more
words.

‘Is that Johnson?’

‘Nope. And don’t ever say that name to me again,’ the Non-Ape warns.

‘Can’t be the homo.’

‘You calling me a homo?’ The Non-Ape stamps his great foot and sends a ripple along the carriage that nearly shakes us out of our hiding places. It’s like riding a metal
wave.

‘What if I am?’

‘You’ll die for that.’

‘You’d die first.’

‘You’d die second!’

‘What?’

‘Gotcha again!’

‘You can’t be Lucas,’ says our Ape.

‘I’m not.’

‘Cos he’s dead.’

The Non-Ape hesitates. ‘Dodo dead?

‘Dodo dead.’

‘How come?’ There isn’t a trace of emotion or concern in the Non-Ape’s voice.

‘Stuff happened. To both of them.’

‘Both of who?’

‘Them. The Lucases.’

‘There’s two Lucases?’

‘There was. Now there’s none.’

‘Never knew he had a twin called Lucas too.’ The Non-Ape seems to have less idea about what’s going on than even the Ape does.

‘Where are you?’ asks the Non-Ape.

‘I’m in Tesco’s.’

My heart sinks at this. The Ape is as stupid as stupid gets.

‘You alone?’

‘Rev’s here.’

‘Boob Girl is there?’

‘Yeah,’ sniggers the Ape. ‘Got her on film.’

‘I’ve got to see that.’

‘Come up to the office.’

Johnson shifts uncomfortably and I know he can barely believe what he is hearing either.

‘There food there?’

‘And beer and fags.’

‘I’m coming.’

‘So who are you? If you’re not the others.’

‘Didn’t say.’

‘So say now.’

‘I’m Dazza.’

‘But I’m—’ The Ape falls silent as the penny finally drops.

‘You still there?’ asks the Non-Ape.

The Ape’s silence bleeds into the carriage.

‘Hey!’

‘No,’ says the Ape, and I can imagine him thinking this is just such a clever thing to say.

‘You’re not?’

‘No. I’m not here.’

‘So where are you?’ Incredibly enough the Non-Ape might actually be buying this.

‘Somewhere else.’

‘Not Tesco’s?’

‘No.’

‘Oh.’

‘You sure you just found the phone and nothing else?’ asks the Ape.

‘Nada. Can keep looking though.’

Johnson tightens underneath me. We are both praying that the Ape says the right thing. We both pray in vain.

‘Yeah, uh, yeah you do that. Take a look around the train. Don’t miss anywhere out,’ the Ape says, obviously trying to buy himself time to get out of the supermarket. He might
have his new weapon and not be scared of anything, but he clearly doesn’t want to meet a better, stronger version of himself. Some primal survival instinct has kicked in. Though it took long
enough. ‘Take your time,’ he says.

That’s that then. The Ape just signed our death certificate. We are so dead. Killed by ignorance as much as anything the world has thrown at us lately.

‘I’ll call you back,’ says the Non-Ape.

‘You can’t.’

‘How come?’

‘It’s not my phone.’

‘Whose is it?’

‘Someone else’s.’

‘So there’s more than just you?’

‘I told you that. Can’t you listen?’

‘I forgot.’

I’m silently begging the Ape to hang up and not say anything else that will get us killed.

‘Rev, Billie, Johnson, Moth, that skinny girl and the homo. They were on a train.’

‘I hate Johnson,’ says the Non-Ape.

I feel Johnson tighten a little at this.

‘When I find him I’m going to rip him apart. Fact. Going to tear his arms off, then his legs and then his head.’

I feel Johnson tense at this. Who wouldn’t?

‘He deserves it for what he did to Billie,’ says the Non-Ape.