Shocked (9 page)

“I should get dressed.” I say quietly.

Dr. Ford nods. “I’ll wait in the hall.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Not you, okay?”

“I know.” I whisper. I can’t help but wonder if Mason is mad at me for leaving, regardless of the circumstances.

Brie and I stay up late talking. She eagerly catches me up on everything I’ve missed. I recount most of my journey here and spare her any details of the medical facility. At some point Mason and Jared join us. After a few yawns from Brie Jared calls it. I don’t blame him—her belly’s at least three times its normal size. It strains against her shirt and doesn’t look very comfortable. It’s still hard to wrap my mind around the fact that she’s making an actual person in there.

It’s exciting to hear that our friends Jack, Marietta, Becky and little Nate made it here safely. Brie promised a reunion at lunch tomorrow. If only I ignore the world outside these walls, life might be pretty good.

Mason walks over to me. It’s just the two of us now and he sits in the folding chair across from me. All of the furniture in this area is folding. All easily broken down and moved. The building seems more like a converted out-building: with its grooved steel outer walls, tin roof and concrete floors. The folding chair creaks when Mason moves forward and the table gives a tremor as he covers my hand with his own.

“I’m sorry.” His eyes are heavy and his shoulders slump. “I seem to just keep failing you.”

“Mason, you haven’t failed me once.” I grip his hand harder. “Never. It was my choice to go when I did. And if I didn’t, we could’ve lost everybody. So don’t be mad at yourself. If you need to be mad at something, be mad at me, because knowing that everyone’s here and safe makes it all worth it. I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.”

He stares at me. “Kat, I saw the scars.”

“Yeah, and I was there when they got put there.” I throw back at him and pull my hand from his. He winces. “That’s exactly what makes it
my
thing to deal with. I mean, aren’t you happy that I’m back? Can’t you focus on that?”

“Of course I’m happy.” Mason gets up and walks around the small card table. “I couldn’t be any happier.” He tugs me out of my chair and into his arms. “I don’t want to fight.” He leans down and plants a small kiss on one cheek. “I’m sorry.”

Of course I melt. I don’t want to fight either. I give him a heart-achingly soft kiss before tucking my face into his chest. “I’m sorry, too.”

“C’mon. We have an early start tomorrow and you need some rest.” Mason says. I don’t argue.

We rush through breakfast the next morning. Captain Jennings and Dr. Ford wait when we arrive. There’s a quick knock on the door just as we settle into our chairs. To my surprise Lucas enters and sits down. I give him a quick smile, happy to see him. He looks like he’s raring to go in comparison to yesterday.

Captain Jennings initiates the discussion. He begins by filling us in on all of the latest developments. General West retains control over his territory—though only through a whole lot of defense and fighting. General Rowling has not officially chosen a side but his Northwest Territory is basically being ruled by Carch along with her own.

“Carch has done a lot of damage in her territory with her weaponized infection.” Captain Jennings continues. “It’s manageable for our weapons, but it’s taking a lot more work than we have soldiers. General West and I worry that eventually we’ll be spread too thin and the infection will break through. This is pretty much our last line of defense. If that happens, Carch wins.”

My eyes narrow. No way am I going to allow that to happen.

“What are the conditions overseas?” Lucas asks.

“They’re better than here, so far.” Captain Jennings answers. “Once they received our shipment of weapons they were able to replicate them. Plus they don’t have some insane woman re-infecting areas they cleared. The only good news about that is if they continue to improve; they’ve agreed to accept refugees.”

“And the ocean,” Mason asks, “Is it still lost?”

Dr. Ford answers. “The Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico were hit the hardest. We’ve been coordinating with other countries and blasting them constantly, but it seems to only be enough to hold them back.”

Now I’m confused. “How are we blasting them? There’s no one there to do it.”

“Missiles and drones,” the Captain answers. “It’s the safest way.”

I nod. “Can we do anything to help the lost territories? To help the people still there?”

“Every time we send a team they end up engaged in combat rather than finding survivors.” Captain Jennings says somberly. “We’re starting to think that it’s a lost cause.”

My heart breaks for those people. I know what they’re going through and it’s not fair. “What if I tried? With a team, I mean?”

Mason’s head begins to shake before the words are done leaving my mouth. “You just got here and you want to leave already?”

“No,” I try really hard to keep my temper in check. “What I
want
to do is
help
. I’m not saying I’m going to run off. You’ll be with me and we’ll have a team. We know my power is stronger than the weapons. Let’s use it.”

Dr. Ford’s the first to jump on the bandwagon (
bless him
.) “It could work. And if we get you in the air, we can push the infection radius back significantly.”

Lucas and Mason remain silent while Captain Jennings considers the suggestion and studies me closely. Finally, he says. “Do you think you’re ready for this, Kat?”

I stand and take a moment to make I contact with every male in the room. I choose my words carefully and release a slight shimmer of energy around me just for effect. “I’m ready. I
will
stop Carch
and
the infection. Let me.”

Mason works a muscle in his jaw. He’s ticked off again but he’ll get over it. I know he’ll follow me anywhere so I don’t worry. Lucas’ face doesn’t reveal any emotion—but his eyes are hard. He doesn’t think it’s wise for me to go back out there. Dr. Ford looks full of excitement and Captain Jennings holds a look of submission.

Captain Jennings sighs. “We’ll give it a test run: to be aborted at the
first
sign of trouble. I don’t care how minor.” He takes another long look at me. “It’ll take some time to set up. Be ready in five days.” He looks from to Mason and Lucas. “Should I assume you’ll both be accompanying her?” They nod.

“Alright, go grab some lunch.” Captain Jennings says and stands.

“Kat, I was hoping…” Dr. Ford says.

To keep with tradition I roll my eyes dramatically and finish the sentence for him. “To run some tests after lunch? I figured as much.”

“Great, I’ll be in my lab.” Dr. Ford and Dr. Jennings head down the hall.

“Lucas?” I call when he begins to walk away. “You can join us if you’d like.”

He stops and pauses for a minute before he answers. “Thanks, that’d be cool.”

I can’t help but notice that Mason’s hand grips mine a little tighter than usual while the three of us make our way down the hall.

The next morning is one of the laziest in a long time. If there’s one thing I’m not use to anymore, it’s being virtually useless—which is exactly what I am here. Everyone here has their own tasks and a routine. Even Lucas (being all army and everything) has stuff to do. Just not me.

Rest
. That’s what they keep telling me. Don’t think that I don’t notice how they take turns to check up on me—because I do. First Brie brings breakfast (ridiculous if you ask me: because with her pregnant belly I ought to be bringing her stuff.) She’s six and a half months now she tells me. In a matter of weeks I’ll be an aunt.

An hour or so after Brie leaves Mason stops in. He claims to have forgotten his bandana, but fails to remove the one from his back pocket. This makes it less believable than he thinks. By now I catch on, so I play along with his rouse. B’s the only one who stays loyally by my side and his company’s welcome.

After two days of similar fake check-ins and ‘rest’ I’m at the end of my rope. We leave tomorrow. I get up with the sunrise. Before anyone has the chance to say anything I go to the mess hall and grab some breakfast. Halfway through Mason sits down across from me and sets his food down.

“You lasted longer than I thought you would.” He smiles at me.

“I really, really tried,” I tell him, “but if I stay in that room anymore my head’s going to explode.”

Mason studies me. “You look more rested.”

“Yeah, the first day I wasn’t complaining. Now I just need to pack on a few more pounds.” To demonstrate I shove a huge bite of food into my mouth.

A look of discomfort flashes across his face before he snaps out of it. “Really though, are you feeling better?”

I suppress an eye roll. Before answering I carefully ensure that my tone is calm and doesn’t give away the extent of my frustration. I know he worries. “Yeah, I’m good.” I catch his eye. “I’ll be okay, Mason. You know that, right?”

He says yes but looks away. If only there was some way that I can keep him from beating himself up. Inspiration hits. “Hey! Since I’m feeling better why don’t you see if you can get the day off too? Maybe we can go do something?”

Mason perks up to this idea. “Yeah, we can do something.” He gets a mischievous look in his eye. “After we eat I have to talk to someone. Then I’ll meet you in the room.”

It’s the first since my return that he’s acting normal and it warms my heart. “Deal.”

“Can I take this off yet?” I laugh and feel ridiculous.

“Not yet!” Mason’s voice is teasing and stern at the same time.

Somehow Mason commandeers a vehicle and gets us permission to leave the camp (probably through Captain Jennings though he won’t fess up to it.) He’s enjoying being mysterious so much that it doesn’t bother me. Maybe for this one day we can pretend that all’s right with the world and just be a teenage couple in love.

The army issue Jeep—the last thing I get to see before Mason blindfolds me bounces to a stop. The smell of salt and brine is ripe in the air. It takes all of my self-control to not show my excitement and wreck his surprise.

Mason gets out (at least I think he does by the Jeep rocking and door slamming.) Then my door creaks open. Mason takes my hand and helps me down. We both know that the only other way I’ll make it out of the Jeep with this blindfold on is on my ass. Even with his help I stumble before he steadies me.

“Maybe I should just carry you.” He teases.

My tongue sticks out on its own accord. “I’m doing everybody a service with my random gravity checks.”

His laughter booms around me. God I’ve missed that sound. “You’re funny. C’mon.” He leads me forward. It doesn’t take long before the ground softens beneath my feet and we stop. Mason grabs the ties of my blindfold. “Ready?”

“Yes please!”

Even the knowledge and anticipation of seeing the Pacific for the first time can’t prepare me for it. I recall trekking through snow to get here while the sun warms my skin and blinds me. The breeze is warm and the beach empty. Rock cliffs meet sand and water and the view is breathtaking. I take a few moments before to collect myself enough to speak.

“Mason,” I say breathlessly, “it’s beautiful!” It’s exactly what I need. I wrap my arms around him.

“I figured that we could both use a break.” He smiles before he releases me to go to the back of the Jeep. Inside is a picnic basket and blanket. He really did think of everything.

Both of our moods shine as bright as the sun in the sky. Right here and now I decide: no matter what arguments or atrocities may be lying in wait for us tomorrow that
today
I’m going to pretend that life is normal and enjoy my time with Mason. We both deserve it.

After we eat we lay back on the blanket. I curl into Mason’s side and it’s easy to keep my promise to myself. We talk about random things—nothing of real importance. The day goes smoothly.

Mason props himself up on one elbow and raises me slightly with him. “Hey,” He asks and I look up at him. “Can I ask you something that’s been bothering me?”

I sit up and fold my legs under me. “Sure, what’s up?”

His gaze moves to his shirt where he begins picking at a loose thread. “Um…I don’t know how to make this not sound bad…”

He starts to scare me a little. I take a big swallow and stuff the anxiety back down my throat. “Just say it.” I tell him much more casually than I’m feeling.

“I just…I mean—you know I trust you and everything. It’s just that, well, when you were, you know, alone with that Lucas guy, nothing, like happened…right?”

My whole body relaxes. Is that all? “No, Mason. I wouldn’t do that to you.” He visibly relaxes, too. “What would even make you think that?”

“Sorry, I can just tell he’s interested. You could’ve thought I was gone or something.”

“Mason we’re just friends. We got close because we had to rely on each other to get here. He’s a good friend; nothing more. Even
if
I did think something happened and you were gone, is that what you think I’d do? Just find some other guy and forget about you that quickly?” My relaxation is getting kind of annoying.

Now he sits up. “See, I told you it would sound bad. I was just checking, Kat.”

Why though? How can he even question me about that?
It’s then I see the guilt in his eyes. My stomach turns. “Mason,” I hold his gaze and feel a little bit like throwing up. “Are you asking because something happened with you while we were separated?”

His lack of response and the look on his face are answer enough. My hand flies to cover my mouth. My chest has a sharp pain like my heart’s getting sliced in half. I stand—not even realizing that I’m slowly backing away from him.

“Kat, it wasn’t even anything. It was stupid. I thought…I thought you were dead. Gone. Everything was going to hell and she was just there.”

He tries to move closer to me but I push him away. “You,” I actually gag trying to say it and take a moment before I start again. “You had sex with her?”

“Yes,” he says apologetically. Now I really do throw up my lunch. He moves towards me to help and I swat him away again.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” My words are venomous until the tears start. “How could you, Mason.” The words are barely a whisper. “I always thought we…I’ve never…”

“I know. I’m sorry. We thought we were going to die. Neither of us wanted to be a virgin when it happened.”

This just enrages me again. “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard!” I scream before another thought dawns on me. “Who is she, Mason? Do I see her every day now?” At least that comes out at a normal decibel.

He shakes his head. “We were half-right. She didn’t survive the trip when we were attacked. She was a soldier.”

Maybe it should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. His betrayal is too much: burns too deep in my soul.

Then he says the worst thing he can say right now. “I didn’t have to tell you, but I wanted to be honest. I don’t want any secrets between us.”

You think that he might be more cautious when
telling his girlfriend who can easily roast his ass like a toasted marshmallow that he cheated on her. For one brief second the thought does cross my mind, but quickly gets vetoed. I’d hate myself later. Instead I let my inner bitch take over. “Is that supposed to somehow make it okay, Mason? Because lets recap quickly:
You
banged some random girl because
you
didn’t want to die a virgin. I’m stuck in a medical facility—getting horrible tests performed on me—TO SAVE YOUR ASS and
you
do that. I remain faithful to
you
the whole way back to
you
AND
you
have to ask ME if I slept with Lucas? No, Mason. My virginity is firmly intact. It looks like it’ll be staying that way for a while.”

Mason’s mouth gapes
as I storm down the beach away from him. Being by him right now hurts way too much. Behind me he shouts. “C’mon, Kat, I said I’m sorry. We really need to get back.”

The sun hangs low in the sky and he’s right. Part of me wants to tell him to just go. If it wasn’t for Brie and B, I would. Taking a deep breath, I change course for the Jeep and ignore every word that comes out of his mouth for the entire ride back to camp.

The sun sets after we arrive back at camp. Mason cuts the engine and tries to say something, but I don’t give him the chance.

Jared sees me in the rush back to me and Mason’s room, and part of me feels bad for rushing right past him. It’s just a small part though. All I want right now is to collect my things and get out before Mason follows me up here. My heart just can’t deal with him right now. B must be with Brie because he’s not sleeping on the bed. Since I never got around to unpacking all that needs to go in my bag are the clothes from the past couple of days. I sling my backpack over my shoulder and grab the handles of my duffle bag as the door opens and Mason walks in.

“What are you doing?” He asks eyeing my bags.

“Really?” I spit back at him. “Did you think I was going to stay here now?” I try to push past him but he stands in the opened door blocking my exit.

“Kat, please!” He begs.

“Don’t you ‘Kat, please’ me. This is all you, Mason. You brought us here—not me.” I avoid looking at him less I really lose it in one way or another.

“Will you ever forgive me?” His question is soft: scared even.

The part of me that usually softens can’t get the mental image of him and another girl out of my mind:
his arms around her, kissing her, oh, God
. “GET OUT OF MY WAY!” Every piece of my pain echoes in my words.

Yet he still doesn’t move. “Just answer that one question.”

Crap
. Here come the tears again. I really want to be alone when this happens. “I don’t know, Mason. Just please, please let me go. I can’t deal with you right now.”

When he takes a step closer I think it’s to let me leave. I move to go past him and he wraps his arms around me. “Let. Me. Go.”

“I never want to have to do that again, Kat. Don’t make me.” He pleads.

Even the sadness doesn’t lessen the anger. “I’m already gone, Mason. Now let me go before I make you.”