SICKENED (Book One) (The Filthy Apocalypse Series) (4 page)

I’m breathing heavily now and my shoulder’s in agony. Her head comes up and her lips pull back from her…gums. I realize she doesn’t have her false teeth in, so she hasn’t been able to break through my clothing. Her tongue sticks out and wiggles at me.

I mush her face with my hand.

She makes another gurgling noise and I throw all of my weight into it, pushing her until she falls to the ground in a heap. “What the hell is wrong with you, Nana? If you want me out, just say so!”

She starts slowly climbing to her feet, her yellow eyes glaring at me. Spit hangs between her lips and her tongue lolls. More strange sounds utter from her throat.

“You’re sick, Nana. Really. Get the fuck back in bed.”

She lunges at me as I try to evade her. I’m forced to kick her in the gut, and it has almost no effect. She lunges again. This time my foot connects with her crotch. Still nothing.

A small part of me wishes Teddy Foreskin were here so he could see it—and maybe even make a YouTube video of it.

I back out of the room and into the hallway but she’s at me again. Her fingernails scrape down my cheek and arm. Reflexively I punch her in the side of the head. This doesn’t deter her at all. Not in the slightest.

She’s still barreling down on me and I’m frightened of her now. I’m getting tired and she’s not.

It must be all those years of cooking and cleaning she was always bragging about.

As it turns out, bench pressing and abdominal workouts and treadmill running is worth nothing. I should have been scrubbing toilets, mopping floors, scouring pots and pans every day. Nana is a damn beast and I’m losing the fight.

I start firing shots at her face. Left, left, right. My jab seems to be stunning her a little. Every time I snap her head back with my jab, she sort of freezes momentarily. I dance backwards. Another quick one two, and I even shuffle my feet like Muhammad Ali.

“What the hell is going on?” someone shouts from behind me.

I turn and see Teddy standing by the front door. “Help me!” I shout.

Nana looks at him and then me, confused momentarily. Her eyes narrow and her lips pull back.

“Why are you beating the holy fuck out of your Nana?”

“She’s trying to kill me.”

As if to prove it, Nana moves toward me again, arms outstretched. I dance out of the way, faking her out with a stutter step. But she pivots quicker than I expect and her right hand is able to snag my wrist. She locks on so tightly that I feel my tendons grind into the bone and I scream like a little bitch.

I let loose on her with my right hand. Three huge punches to her face.

“Danny, you’re going to kill your Nana!” Teddy yells. “Stop it, man!”

“She’s breaking my motherfucking wrist! Help me, Ted! Get her off me, man!”

“Hell no, I’m not getting involved in a domestic dispute!”

I pull her toward me using my left arm, bringing my knee up into her gut twice.

She tries to bite my chest and snaps at my face.

“Help me!” I scream again.

“Get her in a Thai clinch, Danny!” Teddy shouts. “Work her midsection!”

We’ve both trained a little mixed martial arts, that’s just the kind of dumb stuff guys our age do these days. I figured it might come in useful if someone tried to fight me in a bar one night. I didn’t expect to use it on elderly widows that I’d been nursing back to health.

I get my one free hand across the back of Nana’s head and grip her greasy gray hair. She tries to turn her head and bite my wrist. But before she can, I bring my knee up yet again, directly into her face.

Nothing. It should have practically taken her head off. She just snaps at me and her other hand grabs at my face. I feel a stinging burning sensation and then blood pouring from my cheek. As the blood splatters down my face she starts doing the crazy tongue thing.

Her mouth is wide open and she tries desperately to get closer to my face. Her nostrils are flared wide and it seems to me that she’s actually
smelling
my blood. And then it hits me. “She’s a fucking zombie!” I scream.

Teddy starts running around the room screaming. Then he runs out the front door.

With a burst of strength from the panic that’s coursing through me, I toss Nana across the room and she smashes into the wall. Her body hits so hard that it leaves a giant crack and pieces of plaster fall to the ground.

I use the space I’ve created to bolt for the front door. I can see Teddy’s in the driver’s seat of my car, waiting.

And then I get outside and my car is pulling away from the curb, gaining speed at it goes.

“Teddy! Teddy! What the fuck!” I shout running as fast as I possibly can. He’s still going. I can’t believe that traitorous fuck is going to leave me out here with my zombified Nana chasing after me.

I keep running. Just as I’m about to give up, I see the break lights go on and the car stops. Then it begins backing up at high speed. Before long, the car reaches me and stops.

Ted rolls down the window. “Hop in.”

“Get in the passenger seat, Teddy.”

“I’m driving.” He stares at me, suddenly asserting his alpha male status.

“That’s my car. You can’t steal my goddamn car.”

“You’re in no condition to drive right now.”

“You’re just using this as a fucking excuse, Teddy. You always were jealous of my car, you always wanted it and now you think this is your big chance to drive it. Well, it’s not happening. Now get out.”

For a second I think he’s going to try and drive off again. But he relents, sliding over into the passenger seat. I hop behind the wheel. That’s when I see Nana in the street. Coming after us.

“She’s still trying to kill me,” I say.

“Run that bitch over, Teddy gasps.

“I can’t run my Nana over.” I drive as fast as I can away from her. In the rearview mirror she gets smaller and smaller as we gain distance.

I’m not sure where I’m going, just as far away from that scene as possible. Tears are streaming down my face.

Teddy looks at me, concerned. “You okay?”

“You were going to leave me back there. You took off on me, you were halfway to China by the time I got out of the house.”

“I freaked out. I come in and you’re teeing off on your grandmother’s face like you’re Roy Jones Junior. It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“She was trying to eat me, though. You saw it. Right?”

“Oh, definitely. I mean—I can’t be sure—“

“What do you mean you can’t be sure?”

“I didn’t see how the whole thing started. Maybe it was an argument…”

“There was no argument, Teddy. She came at me out of nowhere, and tried to eat my shoulder!”

“How come you didn’t get bitten? There’s no bites on you, just the bad scratch on your cheek from her nails.”

I touch my cheek and my fingers come away bloody. “She didn’t have her false teeth in. She was gumming me the whole time.”

“Oh.” He smiles. “So you weren’t really in any trouble. She’s an old lady with no teeth.”

“Just because she was gumming me doesn’t mean it was a big joke. She was obviously trying to kill me.”

“Sure. Definitely.” Teddy nods but I’m no longer sure he fully supports my actions.

“Point is, I think I know what’s going on around here. I know what happened to Bud at the garage tonight.”

Teddy looks at me expectantly. “What happened?”

“People are turning into zombies, man.” I lick my lips. “My Nana got bit by some guy earlier today. The wound on her finger was all weird looking. Greenish, pus was oozing out of it. That’s why I was worried about her, I knew something fucked up was going on.”

Teddy shakes his head. “Your Nana was flipping out. She wasn’t a zombie.”

“She’s almost eighty years old and you think she could fight a young man like that?”

“Crazy people have retard strength,” Teddy says.

“Crazy people have retard strength,” I repeat in disbelief. “Now that’s some intelligent analysis right there.”

He laughs. “You never heard the term retard strength before?”

I grit my teeth. I’ve never wanted to punch someone so badly before in my life.

Besides my Nana a few minutes ago, that is. “Look, she wasn’t crazy. My Nana has never done anything like that in her life. She’s old. But I threw her into a wall and she got up and came after me like Freddy Krueger.”

“She can’t be a zombie, though. Zombies don’t exist, Danny. So who’s stupid now?”

He has a point. Zombies don’t really exist. Which means that I just beat the crap out of an old lady. I could definitely end up in jail for it, and I’ll surely be kicked out of the house now.

We drive in silence for a while. “I don’t even know where I’m going.”

Teddy Foreskin grins. “Shep’s having a party. We should hit up that spot, take your mind off everything.”

“Maybe we should call the police. Tell them what happened with my Nana.”

Teddy runs a hand through his dirty blond hair. “I don’t think so. You’ll get in big trouble if we do. Beating up an eighty-year-old lady? You’ll go to jail for sure.”

“Maybe she’s hurt, though.”

“She was running after us in the street. She looked like Ben Johnson running the fifty-yard dash. I don’t think she was hurt at all, Danny.”

I take a deep breath and exhale. This is so fucking wrong. But I can’t go back to Nana’s and I can’t bring myself to call the cops. Instead I take my cell and call mom and dad. My stomach feels sick and my forehead’s sweaty.

Dad answers in his typical gruff, impatient voice. “What?”

“Dad, it’s Dan.”

He grunts. I haven’t spoken to him in almost six months. “I don’t have any money to give you,” he says.

“I’m not calling to ask for money, dad.”

“Okay. So what then?”

“It’s Nana. I think she’s…” I struggle to think of the right words.

I think Nana is trying to eat people and she hits like a Notre Dame linebacker.

“Spit it out.”

“She’s sick or something. Like maybe she’s got early dementia.”

“Danny, just what the hell are you talking about?”

“She chased me out of the house tonight, dad. You should go check on her.

Make sure she’s okay.”

Dad sighs. “I don’t know what kind of shit you’re trying to stir up—“

“Just check on her, okay? I’m worried is all.”

“You’ve never been worried about anybody but yourself a day in your life.”

He has a point there. “Forget about me. Just go see she’s all right, dad.”

“Fine. I’ll drive over now. Nella!” Dad shouts for mom. I hear her shouting back at him and then the phone drops. More shouting. And then a click. My cell goes dead.

Teddy glances at me. “Well?”

I look at my phone. “Nice talking to you, dad,” I mutter. I put the cell back in my pocket.

***

Shep’s house is in the suburbs, about twenty minutes outside of the city. He doesn’t live in a very good neighborhood. One of those streets where every other yard has a car rusting on blocks or a guy with a potbelly sitting out on his stoop drinking a forty ounce beer.

But it’s a good place to throw a party because nobody around here much cares how loud you are or how late it goes.

There are only about five or six cars here, so maybe it’s not that big of a party, which is sort of a relief to me. I’m not in the mood for anything too crazy. But I could use a beer or two, something to take the edge off things.

I scratch at my crotch absentmindedly as we climb the steps and ring the doorbell.

From inside, I can distinctly hear the sounds of FloRida and loud voices trying to be heard over the music.

The door opens and Shep himself greets us enthusiastically. “My boys! Yes!” He grabs us both and pulls us into a bear hug.

“Okay, okay, calm down,” I tell him, pulling away.

“Look at you,” he says, glancing me up and down. “Gorgeous as ever.” He smacks his lips and does his over-the-top effeminate voice. “You’re so sexy when you dress casual.”

Teddy laughs hysterically at this.

I recognize only one or two other people in the house. I think they’re co-workers of Shep’s.

“So what brings you to Casa De Shep?” he asks, ushering us inside.

“We thought it might be fun to hang, man,” I say, not wanting to get into the real reason just yet.

He looks at us with a curious expression on his face. “I thought you both were working tonight.”

Teddy opens his mouth but I silence him with a look. “It was dead at the garage so we got let off early.”

“Oh. Cool.” Shep grins. “Let’s get you both some libations.”

The three of us walk through the house into the kitchen and Shep gets each of us a beer from the fridge. He lowers his voice. “You guys definitely came at the right time.

A couple of these girls are getting pretty drunk, and I know for a fact that one of them loves to take it in the face.”

Teddy high-fives Shep. “That’s what we were hoping for, baby!”

It never ceases to amaze me how Teddy can think only of sex, no matter what else might be going on around him.

I drink my beer, a long cold series of swallows. The burning sensation is pleasant. Normally I’d be all over Shep’s slutty friends, but right now I can’t think about that.

Shep leans back against the counter. “What’s wrong, amigo? You aren’t yourself.”

I meet his gaze. Unfortunately, Shep isn’t quite as clueless as Teddy Foreskin.

It’s harder to pull the wool over his eyes. “I had an…an argument with my grandmother.”

“Aw, that sucks. “

Teddy belches. “Yeah, and what really sucks is that he punched her like twenty times in the face and she never went down. So now we know Danny hits like a bitch.”

Shep’s eyes widen. “You’re joking.”

“Of course he’s joking,” I say, trying to play it off. “He’s a fucking moron.”

“No I’m not. I saw him do it,” Teddy says. “She was tough, though. I’d say she’s got to be top five pound for pound in the world, for women over seventy.”

Shep looks at both of us. Then he notices the scratch on my cheek. “Shit, you do have a cut on your face. That’s from your grandmother?”

I look at Teddy. “You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?”

He laughs. “I might be an idiot, but at least I don’t beat up old ladies.”