Signed, Sealed, Delivered (20 page)

He ran his hand over his face, a gesture she knew well. It was his signal that he was exasperated. “Juliana…”

Mallory’s gaze shifted between the two before settling on Juliana. “I should go.”

“Don’t you dare.” Connor stomped to the door. “She needs you to take care of her. Besides,” he hissed, “we’re done here. For good.”

The front door slammed, making Juliana flinch. Not because she hadn’t expected it, but because it sounded so final.

Problem was it was anything but final. This was only the beginning of what could be a long and drawn-out battle. Connor Wilson was going to be a part of her life, regardless of what she wanted.

Is that really what I want? To have him gone forever?

She was an idiot. Instead of opening up and sharing her news with him and making plans, she’d done what she thought she’d grown out of—she’d had a temper tantrum. Everything inside her hurt, from not only his accusation but from her broken trust. But those weren’t fatal wounds. She could heal, and she thought she could help him heal as well.

Way to go, Jules. Fucked that one up, didn’t ya?

“Jules?” Mallory knit her brows. “What just happened?”

“I’d think it was obvious.” Tugging the afghan higher up, Juliana fought a chill that seeped all the way to her bones. She pulled her legs up and hugged them, resting her forehead against her knees.

Connor had accused her of having an abortion. The notion had jarred her so much, she hadn’t even defended herself. After the months they’d spent together, working side by side, sleeping side by side, the man didn’t know her at all.

Sniffing hard, she refused to cry, hoping numbness would settle in. The doctor had given her stern orders to rest and to avoid stress. Yet here she was in the middle of an emotional tornado.

“So you just sat there and let him walk out?”

Juliana looked up at Mallory’s question to find her friend’s arms crossed over her chest. She glared at Juliana with her teacher-is-pissed face, one Juliana knew well.

Mallory gave her head a shake. “What exactly is going on in that brain of yours?”

“Juliana?” Bethany called, her voice echoing down the hallway.

“We’re here!” Danielle added. “Got the frozen custard!”

A reunion of the Ladies Who Lunch. What better way to end the most humiliating and demoralizing experience of her life?

“In the bedroom,” Mallory replied. She still leveled that stare at Juliana. “Out with it. What’s going on?”

“He went to the casino. He chose gambling over me.” It was so much easier to focus on his sin than hers.

“I hadn’t realized they were mutually exclusive,” Mallory drawled. “He gambled again?”

“Actually… he said he didn’t,” Juliana whispered. In fact, he’d said he walked away because of her.

Everything she’d read about addictions claimed the addict had to recover for himself or he’d never stick to his path. Connor had to stay away from gambling for himself, but his words were finally sinking in now that she’d stopped talking and started thinking.

When he’d been throwing his anger at her, she’d believed he didn’t truly love her. Yet if he was able to fight his desire to gamble because he didn’t want to hurt her, he had to hold strong feelings for her.

Her life was so confusing, she wanted to yank the covers over her head and hide forever.

Quit being a baby.

Bethany and Danielle spilled into the room. Beth stopped at the foot of the bed and tilted her head while Dani set her sack on the nightstand.

“We missed the drama, didn’t we?” Dani asked. She shed her jacket before tossing it over the chair. “Bring us up to speed.”

“Yeah,” Beth chimed in. “Talk.”

Mallory inclined her head at Juliana. “She just told Connor to get out, and he obeyed.”

“What the hell?” Danielle narrowed her eyes. “Why? He’s your partner. You love the guy. Why would you do that, Jules?”

“Seriously?” Bethany’s frown was no less fierce than the other Ladies. “For God’s sake. What could he have done that’s bad enough for you to kick him out?”

Juliana gave in to her urge and pulled the afghan over her head.

These were
her
friends, not Connor’s. Why were they sticking up for him?

While she wallowed under her protective cover, Mallory gave them a quick summary of Connor’s gambling troubles. The last thing she told them was that Juliana had kicked him out when he accused her of having an abortion.

“Doesn’t he know about your miscarriage?” Dani asked, her eyes wide.

Juliana nodded.

“And he still thought you’d had an abortion?”

“But you didn’t,” Beth said. “I know you didn’t.”

“You’re right,” Juliana confirmed, “I didn’t.”

“Then what happened?” Mallory asked.

After taking a bracing deep breath, Juliana told her tale. “It started when Tracy came over this morning…”

* * *

Connor couldn’t make himself leave. Despite Juliana’s angry demands, he wasn’t going anywhere. What he shared with her was far too special to let die, personally
and
professionally. Her anger, however, would fade in time.

But how much time?

And how much damage would be done before they found their way back to each other?

Tracy came out of the office door, her gaze catching Connor’s. “I was right!”

He cocked a brow. “About?”

“I didn’t think you’d leave.”

He folded his arms over his chest and leaned back against his SUV. “I don’t have anywhere else to go. My house is still gutted to the walls because I haven’t had time to pick out fixtures.”

She turned and mimicked his actions as she snorted. “Yeah, sure that’s why you didn’t leave.”

As if she’d ever let him get away with a fib. “Is she okay?” he asked.

“Why didn’t you ask her?”

“You heard everything. You know damn well she wouldn’t answer my questions about what happened today.”

Tracy turned to face him. “Let me ask you something… What if she did have an abortion? Would that be a deal breaker?”

Since he’d thought of nothing else from the moment he walked away, his answer came quickly. “No. It definitely wouldn’t be a deal breaker. Even if she did, I would understand.”

“Then you need to tell her that instead of accusing her as though she committed some crime.”

“I would tell her, but she kicked me out.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t make me slap you. You were both acting like idiots in there. Shit, I’ve seen teenagers fight with more maturity. What the two of you need to do is talk,
really
talk. You were honest with her about going to the casino—something we’ll have to discuss at length soon—but you didn’t tell her why.”

“There is no ‘why.’ ”

“Okay, one more stupid thing, Connor.” She held up her index finger to emphasize her point. “Say one more stupid thing and I will smack you. You and I both know there’s always a why. What’s yours?”

His arms dropped to his side as he finally began to relax. He needed to open up, and Tracy was the one person who wouldn’t judge him.

Juliana? She’d already tried and convicted him. How could he ever explain it all to her? How could he make her understand the insidious nature of addiction? If she couldn’t find a way to see his point of view, she’d never change her mind.

Perhaps what he needed to do was get a better understanding of himself. Maybe then he could explain things to the woman he loved. “Can I ask you something, Trace?”

“Sure.”

“Do you still want to drink?”

“Every. Damn. Day.”

His gaze found hers, searching for the sincerity he’d heard in her voice, needing to see it in her eyes.

And it was there.

“Thank God.” Connor breathed a weighty sigh. “I—I…” He shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess I thought I was weak. I thought there was something wrong with me.”

Tracy laid a comforting hand on his arm. “Connor, you know better than that. You have an addiction. So do I. It’s no different from any other chronic problem. Arthritis. Diabetes. Lupus. It won’t disappear. Some days will be fine, and some are going to be difficult. It’s the nature of the beast. Accept it. Embrace it. Then she will, too.”

“She won’t. I killed her faith in me,” he said in a ragged whisper. “There’s no way she’ll ever be able to trust me again.”

The same hand that had just soothed him rose to clip his chin hard enough to make his teeth clack together.

“Self-pity? Seriously?” She shook her head. “Juliana’s a smart woman. Explain things to her.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Tell her what you were thinking, how your fears are what made you drive to that casino. I know guys are kinda dense where feelings are concerned, but you need to make her see yours. That’s the only way you can earn her trust back.”

Fear.
Tracy had nailed it on the head. Fear had sent him running. Sure, he wanted to put all the blame on Max Schumm’s shoulders. Connor knew better. His own worries were to blame.

He was going to have to be a stronger man. Although Max was fighting dirty, that didn’t mean the war was over. Not by a long shot. Gambling wasn’t going to make Max disappear, and the problems that would result if Connor opened Pandora’s box and actually gambled would make that bastard look about as serious as a fly buzzing around a room.

This was all about Connor fighting his own demons. For Juliana—and for himself.

“Still wanna do the press conference?” he asked. “Still wanna tell the world you’re not deserting me?”

“Oh, hell yeah,” Tracy replied. “You know how much I love putting sniveling little rodents in their place. I swear, if that Schumm guy sends me one more e-mail or leaves one more voice mail, I’ll hire a hit man to deal with the problem.” She cocked her head. “But what about you? Are you ready to confess your sins?”

A slow smile spread over his lips. “You know, I think I finally am.”

If Bethany asked about Connor leaving one more time, Juliana vowed to throw her pillow right at her face.

“Beth,” Dani said, “enough. She kicked him out. Period.” She sent a glare at Juliana. “Yes, she’s going to apologize and try to make it right.”

Mallory plopped on Connor’s side of the bed, moving close to Juliana. She wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Of course she is. This is only a stupid misunderstanding. They’ll work it out.”

There were very few people Juliana let inside her personal space. She wasn’t a hugger, except maybe with her students. And the Ladies. And Ben, if he’d helped fix something.

And Connor.

She laid her head on Mallory’s shoulder as Danielle and Bethany sat on the foot of the bed so the four friends faced one another.

Beth’s eyes widened. “He should know better than to think you’d have an abortion. Not someone as nice as you.”

With a shake of her head, Dani said, “Nice has nothing to do with an abortion.”

Since Beth had always been adamantly against abortion and Mallory and Dani were strongly pro-choice, Juliana tried to ward off an approaching political debate. She had a hell of a lot more to worry about.

“He was supermad, so I think he just reacted without thinking.” A sigh slipped out. “I should’ve set him straight, but I didn’t.”

Mallory pulled her arm away. “What?” Her voice was loud enough for Juliana to lean away. “For God’s sake, Jules, you let that poor guy leave—”

“
Demanded
that he leave,” Dani corrected.

“—without telling him you’re still pregnant?”

Her silence then had been pretty damned thoughtless, but Juliana would sooner have her fingers broken than admit it. Her current silence had to confirm Mallory’s suspicions.

“You have to tell him,” Bethany insisted. “Now.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right.” Juliana’s shoulders dropped. “But what if he only sticks around because he’s gonna be a father? How will I ever know if he really loves me and isn’t just doing the ‘right thing’?” She punctuated the words with air quotes.

That thought stung. A lot. Added to his accusation and her loss of trust, she wondered if they would ever be able to mend their broken relationship.

They’d become a couple too quickly, falling into being partners and then a twosome before they had time to get to know each other well. In some ways, that was a blessing. Every day was a revelation, and their chemistry drove them forward. Yet they hadn’t laid a strong foundation to weather these kinds of storms.

Was it too late to try?

“I think there’s a bigger concern.” Mallory crossed her legs, affecting a perfect lotus position. “If he does come back, will you be able to trust him again?”

“Exactly.” Danielle frowned. “Didn’t you say he hadn’t gambled, that he’d only sat in his car?”

“Yeah. But—”

“No ‘but,’ Jules,” Bethany said. “He didn’t betray your trust. You owe him the benefit of the doubt.”

Good ole Beth. Always forgiving. Always looking on the bright side.

“It’s not that simple,” Juliana said. “I believe him, that he didn’t gamble, but the damage was already done. A client could’ve seen him there, and you know damn well anyone who saw Connor would assume he’d gambled.”

“How likely is that?” Mallory asked. “I mean, really, how likely? The closest casino is almost an hour’s drive. Most people in Cloverleaf are ultraconservative, almost antigambling. Do you think the odds are—”

“Pun intended?” Danielle interrupted with a smirk.

Mallory let out a chuckle. “No, but I’ll still take credit for it.” She sobered. “Look, Jules, you have to let this go. You have to forgive and forget. He slipped up. He’s human. We all are.”

“Exactly,” Bethany added. “You also have to be honest—as honest as he was by telling you he went to that casino. Tell him about the baby!”

There was a whole lot more to tell Connor about than a baby.

Her friends were right. Before Jules could assure her friends she would, there was a soft knock.

Connor stood in the doorway, hands in his front pockets and head bowed. “Can we talk, Red? Please?”

“That’s our exit cue.” Mallory untangled her legs and bounced off the bed.

Jostled, Beth and Dani crawled off the mattress as well.

Each of her friends gave her an entreating glance, their way of demanding Juliana be reasonable and not her normal ticking time bomb.

Ah, but they knew her so well.

“Thanks,” she said, nodding at each of her friends.

Mallory gave Connor a gentle nudge into the bedroom and closed the door behind her after she stepped through.

“You doing okay?” he asked.

That question was becoming tedious. “I’m fine.”

Juliana got out of bed, hating feeling like some invalid. She calmly folded the afghan as she struggled for the right thing to say.

Her friends were right. As usual. She needed to be honest with Connor, and now was the time, before his wrong assumption festered into a wound that might never heal.

When she turned to face him, she ran into a wall of hard muscle. How had he moved so close without her realizing?

“I’m sorry,” he said, hands still in his pockets.

His unease was odd. The man had exuded confidence from the first moment they met. Had he not, she wouldn’t have followed through with her attraction and that first night never would’ve happened.

What she wanted was for him to wrap his arms around her and give her a rough squeeze. “About what?”

“About assuming. I should know better.” His eyes found hers. “I should’ve waited to ask you what happened at the clinic.”

“I guess you’re right.” Juliana swallowed hard, not sure where to begin. She sat on the edge of the mattress and patted the spot next to her. “Sit down. Please.”

Connor obeyed, his gaze still glued to her.

“I wasn’t at the clinic to have an abortion. I was there to see my doctor—my gynecologist. She works there a couple of days a week.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.” At least he had the common sense to sound contrite. “I just figured… never mind. I was being stupid.”

“Not stupid. Not really. I should’ve told you sooner.”

“That you were pregnant? I’d suspected for a while. I just wish…” He gave his head a shake. “Never mind. What’s done is done. I understand. I’d lost your trust. I get that.”

Instead of correcting him, she opened the top drawer of the end table and picked up the precious envelope. “This is why I went to see my doctor.” Picking up his hand, she laid the envelope on his palm.

With the same intensity a child attacks a Christmas gift, Connor opened the envelope and plucked out the black-and-white picture of the ultrasound Juliana had been given at the clinic. He stared at it, turning it this way and that.

Smiling, she took the image and made sure he was looking at it right-side up. “I have trouble seeing what I’m supposed to in ultrasounds, too. Look hard for a face.”

“So—so you’re still pregnant.”

“Oh yeah.” She pointed at a baby’s face and traced the outline. “See the eyes? The nose?”

He squinted. “I think so.” His finger brushed over the left side of the image. “What’s that? Looks the same as what you said was a face.”

“It is. That’s the
second
set of eyes and another nose.” She held her breath, waiting for his reaction.

“Second set of—” Eyes wide, he gaped at her, glanced back to the ultrasound, then gaped at her again. “You mean there are…
two
?”

The way his voice cracked made her smile. She’d been close to catatonic when the technician had pointed out that second little face on the screen. “Yep. Two. Two healthy babies. Due in April. Probably conceived the night the condom broke.”

He hadn’t moved his finger away from the picture, and he stared with an intensity that raised her concern.

“Connor? Are you… okay with this? I want these babies.”

He glared at her, mouth agape. “Okay? Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m serious. Dead serious. I’m having twins and—”

“
We’re
having twins.”

That said everything she needed to know. Connor wasn’t going to run from this challenge.

She laid her head on his shoulder. “Yeah, honey. We’re having twins.”

* * *

Connor wondered if his heart would ever settle into a normal rhythm again.

Two
babies?

Two
babies.

All of his anger and suspicion evaporated. Juliana wanted these children every bit as much as he did. He was wrong to have jumped to conclusions, and made a mental note to remember that she was chock-full of surprises. Predicting what she was going to do would never be truly possible.

That was one of the things he loved best about her.

“I went to the clinic because I had some bleeding,” she explained. “The doctor said everything’s fine, and the bleeding had already stopped. I’m supposed to take it easy and get my feet up when I can.”

“I’ll make damn sure you do.”

Silence reigned as Connor continued to trace the images on the ultrasound. He vowed to the two children he could barely make out on the paper that he’d be the best father in the whole world.

And he’d never gamble again. Not a lottery ticket. Not a slot machine. Not a horse race.

Ever.

“So…?” she nudged, her voice a whisper.

His Juliana was an extrovert, and his quiet was probably killing her.

“So…” He set the ultrasound aside and took her hand in his. Raising it to his lips, he brushed a kiss on her knuckles. “We raise a couple of twins, most likely redheads with their mother’s temper, and live happily ever after.”

Not that he believed that. Their road wasn’t going to be smooth. His addiction would always be throwing potholes in their paths, but it was his job to steer around each and every one.

“I won’t gamble again, Juliana. I swear to you. I won’t.” He meant every word.

“I know you’ll try.”

At least there was no bite to her words. “I
won’t
.”

She heaved a sigh.

He gripped her chin and made her look at him. “I won’t. I’d sooner cut off my hands than touch a slot machine again. Got it?”

Green eyes searched his face. “It won’t be easy.”

“Never said it would be. Good thing I’m a guy who likes a challenge.” He kissed her forehead. “Like you, Red.”

“Twins, Connor,” she said, her words a raw whisper. “How are we going to handle twins?”

“The same way we handle everything. With style.” Connor rose. “Are you up to going out?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I’ve got something to show you. Rest for a little bit. I’ll be back in an hour.”