Signs of Love (22 page)

Her eyes widened a bit more, but her fingers remained still beneath his. "Some days I don't feel very strong. This morning when I couldn't manage to get Caden out of the apartment, I didn't feel very strong."

"Being strong doesn't mean you can do everything perfectly without feeling fear or weakness. It just means you can face what comes your way and deal with it, even if that means just setting one foot in front of another until you get things figured out. Knowing something of what's brought you this far, I can say without a word of a lie that you're strong. Just like Beth is. I don't think I've met two stronger women in my life."

Some of the wariness eased from her expression, but she still held herself rigidly and perfectly still. Slowly, he let his fingers slide from hers. Suddenly, the little boy in his arms held his hand out to his mom, his fingers in what looked like the sign people made to
rock on
.

A smile curved Alana's lips, and she lifted her hand and made the same sign before pressing it against Caden's. All wariness was gone from her expression as she made that connection with her son.

"What does that mean?" Justin asked, figuring there was significance to it just as there was to anything Caden did with his hands.

Alana's gaze swung to his as she moved her hand from Caden's. "It means
I love you
."

Justin studied the position of her fingers until she lowered her hand and when he looked at her face, he saw a sweep of pink in her cheeks. Maybe she wasn't as unaffected by him as he'd thought she was.

"Why don't you come get something to eat?" Beth came to stand next to Alana, a wide smile on her face. "I tried to save you a few pieces before your buddies ate them all."

He bent to place Caden on his feet then followed Alana and Beth to the table where large boxes covered its surface. Genevieve sat in a high chair near the table, and her face lit up when she saw him. His heart clenched when she signed
Hi
to him. He dropped down to his haunches in front of her and signed it back to her then leaned forward to place a kiss on her curls.

"You, my man, are a softie," Than said with a chuckle.

Justin straightened and took the plate Beth held out to him before she went back to the living room with Alana. He shot Than a look and grunted in response as he put a couple of pieces of pizza on the plate.

Than just laughed. "I always suspected you might have a soft side, but this is way more than I imagined."

"Loving my family doesn't make me soft," Justin said then took a bite of his pizza.

Than tilted his head and regarded him with a serious gaze. "Caden isn't your family. Neither is Alana."

Justin glanced around to make sure no one else heard Than's softly spoken words. "No, they're not."

His thoughts went to the company family day and the conversations that had gone on between Alana and Caden. He set the piece of pizza back down on his plate and said, "What were Alana and Caden talking about at the compound the other day?"

Than's expression changed, closed off and he shook his head. "That's not mine to share, man."

Justin stared at him, wondering if there was anything he could say or do to change Than's mind. But as frustrating as not knowing was, he appreciated that Than honored the privacy of the conversation between Caden and Alana, and he would do the same. He gave Than a nod and turned to look at the group gathered in the living room. Some sat on the furniture while others, like Trent, were seated on the floor. They had all made themselves comfortable in his sister's home and it felt right.

Once they had finished eating, they began to clean up their dishes and the guys took the pizza boxes out to the trash. Eric and Staci were the first to leave with Sarah, but it wasn't long before the rest followed. Soon it was just him left. He thought of the boxes in the closet by the front door and hoped that Alana would receive them in the way she'd accepted the clothing and other essentials that had been given to her and Caden.

This was more than just giving them some electronic toys. From previous conversations, he knew that she used her laptop to earn money and he had personal experience of what Caden used his tablet for. These weren't frivolous items. They were necessities.

Since Daniel had taken Genevieve upstairs to give her a bath, Alana was in the kitchen with Beth. Caden sat at the table, his legs swinging as he colored in a book someone had bought him. From what he could see, it appeared to be filled with pictures of his favorite superhero.

While they were all distracted, Justin went to the closet and pulled the boxes down. He stood there for a moment and sent up a prayer that Alana would accept these gifts. He needed to do this for her. For them.

Back in the dining room, Caden's eyes grew wide when he saw Justin put the boxes on the table. He set the smallest box aside without opening it, focusing instead on the medium-sized one.

"What you got there, Justin?" Beth dropped the dishtowel she'd had in her hands onto the counter and came around to where he stood.

Alana followed her, and Justin knew the moment it registered with her what he had in front of him. He heard her swift intake of breath as her gaze darted to his. She gave a slight shake of her head, but Justin held up a hand.

"You need these things, Alana. They are vital to both you and Caden, so please, just accept them."

"It's too much," Alana said even as she reached out and ran her fingers along the box that held Caden's tablet. The label clearly marking it as the most up-to-date one on the market. She looked up at him, her green eyes shining with moisture. "It's too much."

Justin stood there, needing her to accept the gifts. Wanting her to see that he really did understand that she and Caden needed these things. Her gaze went back to the boxes, and Justin could almost hear the internal conversation she was having with herself. 

He saw her lips move as if reciting something to herself and then her gaze lifted and she nodded. "Thank you."

Justin wanted to fist pump his victory in the air, but instead he gave her a quick smile and then lifted the lid on the box. He freed the tablet from its packaging and took a second to bring the screen to life. "You're going to need to put your information in the login so you can download his apps from the app store."

Since this was the same type of tablet he had, Justin was able to quickly hook up to Dan's wireless and then handed it to Alana to put her information in. She quickly tapped the information in then handed it back. He sat down on a chair to download Caden's apps and immediately the boy was at his elbow watching the screen. 

The boy signed something to his mother, looking from the tablet to Justin to Alana. When Alana nodded, his gaze jerked back to Justin and a big smile spread across his face. Then he signed another sign that Justin recognized.
Thank you
.

Justin signed
you're welcome
in return. It was the one sign he felt fairly confident using.

Once again, the sparkling in Caden's eyes told Justin just how much the little guy appreciated his efforts to communicate with him. As he did a few more things on the tablet, he felt Caden rest his head against his shoulder.

After he was done, he handed it to Caden and watched as he stared down at the screen and then pressed the tablet against his chest. When Justin thought of how much he'd had when he'd been Caden's age, it touched him that Caden hadn't taken for granted what he'd been given.

When Caden lifted his hand, Justin expected him to hold out his small fist for a fist bump like they'd done before. Instead, the little boy gave him the same sign he'd given Alana earlier.

I love you.

The air whooshed out of his lungs as he heard Alana's gasp beside him. He almost glanced at her, but his gaze was held by the look in Caden's eyes. A serious expression had taken over the sparkling of just a few minutes ago. Time stood still as Justin realized the ramifications of that moment. But he wasn't going to dash the boy's hopes, especially when he realized that he could respond honestly.

Lifting his own hand, he copied the gesture and then pressed his fingers to Caden's the way he'd seen Alana do it earlier. A smile spread across Caden's face and as their gazes met, the little boy nodded and then pulled his hand back. He returned to his seat, his head bent over the tablet.

Justin almost laughed. It had been that simple for Caden.

I love you
.

I love you too
.

And that was enough for him.

Not wanting to make a bigger deal out of the exchange than Caden had, Justin picked up the smallest box and opened it. He lifted out the phone and handed it to Alana.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Alana took the phone from Justin as he said, "I know you also lost your phone in the fire. You will need to go and get this one activated for your number and the plan you have. Beth can give you all our numbers again."

Beth reached out and took the phone from Alana's slack fingers. "Why don't I just add them myself? Then you can show her that last box there."

Justin glanced at Alana, noticing the slightly shell-shocked look she wore. He wasn't sure if it was still because of the items he'd purchased for them or if the exchange between him and Caden had caused it.

He opened the box containing the laptop and removed it from the packaging. When he set it on the table in front of the empty chair next to him, he rested his hand on top of it, his gaze on Alana. She wasn't looking at him, and he could see her gnawing on the inside of her lip. He waited for her to make up her mind.

Leaning back in his seat, he fought the urge to cross his arms since he figured that would give him a dominant appearance that wouldn't be helpful at the moment. There were plenty of times when he wanted that dominant position, but right then wasn't one of them. An electric silence settled between them as Alana's hands gripped the back of the chair.

Finally, Justin reached out and covered both of her hands with one of his. He waited until she looked up at him. "How about we do it this way? Consider it a loan until you can get something for yourself. At least it will give you the opportunity to get back to work."

He thought about asking her if she had enough money set aside to purchase a new laptop, but he doubted she did and he didn't want to embarrass her like that.  Though Alana usually kept her emotions from showing on her face, this time he could pretty much read everything going through her mind. He figured it had something to do with the emotional overload she'd gone through in the past twenty-four hours.

Justin had to admire her stubbornness even as he wished she'd just accept the gift. She was used to taking care of herself and Caden, and while she'd do anything for her son—including accepting the tablet—she obviously didn't feel comfortable doing the same for herself. He may not have known her long, but he had a pretty good idea of what made her tick.

Finally, she moved her hands from beneath his and slid into the chair. She looked at him, her green eyes determined. "A loan."

Justin fought to keep his expression serious as he nodded. "A loan."

With that settled, she reached out and lifted the lid of the laptop. The guy at the computer shop where he'd bought it had assured him it was ready to go. He sure hoped that was the case or he'd be getting Dan to help her out. While he knew enough about computers to operate his own, doing updates and such was more Dan’s or Trent's territory.

"The guy at the computer shop said it had the latest operating system on it. And it's touchscreen."

It quickly became apparent that he didn't need to worry about updating the laptop. Alana clearly knew her way around the machine.

"You're pretty knowledgeable about this stuff," Justin commented. "Did you take classes for this?"

She glanced at him, surprise on her face. "No. I had to kind of learn as I went. If something wasn't working, I would Google it or watch videos. I couldn't afford to take it to someone."

"Well, I know next door to nothing about how computers work, so if you have any issues, Dan or Trent will be your best bet. I'm sure either would be happy to help you."

Alana lifted a brow. "Trent? Really? He doesn't really know me."

"Trent loves computers. I think that after he's done working on them at BlackThorpe, he goes home to work on them some more. Of course, Victoria might have changed that a bit now."

Daniel walked into the kitchen then and slipped his arm around Beth's shoulders. "Geni wants you before she'll sleep."

“I'll be right back," Beth said as she went up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Dan's lips before walking out of the kitchen.

Dan took in the boxes and equipment on his dining room table and then looked at Justin. "Did you get them setup on the wireless?"

"I got Caden's tablet on it, but I think maybe you should do the laptop."

Dan nodded and sat down on the seat next to Alana. Within a few minutes, he had her logged into their wireless network.

"How much did you lose on the other laptop?" Justin asked as he watched Alana type information into a web page.

Alana sat back and let out a quick breath. "Actually, not a whole lot. Everything I did was online. If I ever had files I wanted to save, I emailed them to myself since I didn't have an external drive to save to and couldn't afford online backups."

Justin was glad to hear she hadn't lost everything. Well, she had, but at least some of it was salvageable. He was quite sure that having a way to continue making money was pretty important to her.

Realizing there wasn't much left for him there, Justin pushed away from the table and stood. "I'd better head back to the compound."

He laid a hand on Caden's shoulder. When the boy looked up at him, Justin glanced at Alana. Once her son looked at her, she quickly signed something to him.

Caden laid his tablet down and stood up to hug Justin around the hips, and when he stepped back, he signed
thank you
once again. After signing back to him once again, Justin looked at Daniel and Beth. "Thanks for everything today."

“I'm just glad we were here to help out." Beth gave him a quick hug.  "And you take care of yourself. No more getting shot. You know the house across the street is up for sale. Maybe you should take a look at it."

“Maybe I will," Justin murmured as he walked past her.

Justin was nearly at the front door when he heard Alana say his name. He turned to face her, prepared for her to try to thank him again, but as soon as he got a look at her face, he knew this was something else.

"First of all, I want to thank you for everything you've done for Caden and me. Victoria said you made sure they knew what to get for me clothes-wise and for Caden too."

Justin shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged. "I wanted to make sure you had things you were comfortable in. And that Caden had clothes he liked."

"They did a great job and what they chose was exactly right. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He stood there, waiting for her to continue because he was pretty sure he knew what else was on her mind.

Her gaze slid away from his and her fingers twisted together at her waist. "About what Caden said earlier..."

Justin thought of just brushing it aside. No doubt it would be easier for her to not have to acknowledge that her son had told him he loved him. And though Caden himself hadn't made a big deal out of it, the moment had been significant and as surely as he knew it, so did Alana.  He was fairly certain Caden didn't make a habit of telling people—particularly men—that he loved them. In the time since he'd met them, he'd only ever seen Caden make that sign with Alana.

As the silence stretched out once again, Alana shifted her weight and lifted her gaze to his, wariness back in her green gaze. She cleared her throat and swallowed. "What Caden said...he has become very attached to you. His dad didn't pay him very much attention, and there hasn't been much male presence in his life until we met Beth and Daniel. He likes Daniel a lot, but you...you...he loves." Her head dipped so he couldn't see her eyes. "I appreciate you responding the way you did with him even if it isn't how you feel. He's had a lot of heartache in his short life. The fire was just the latest."

"It
is
how I feel." Justin crossed his arms, a little defensive given she didn't appear to think he was capable of actually feeling something for her son.

Alana's head shot up and her eyes widened. "What?"

Justin shrugged. "What can I say? The little guy has grown on me. And I know I love him because I feel about him like I do about Genevieve. And I definitely love her."

Alana seemed to be contemplating his words as she didn't reply right away. But as usual, the woman had pulled her emotions back inside her. For a few minutes there she'd showed her nerves and wariness, but now she was back to keeping everything hidden.

She lifted her chin, her shoulders pulling back slightly. "Okay. Well, I just want you to know I won't get in the middle of your relationship with Caden. I think...I think you'll be good for him. And maybe he'll be good for you too. But you don't have to worry about me reading anything more into this thing between you and Caden."

Justin stared at her for a moment then nodded his head as he turned and gripped the doorknob to leave. He twisted it and opened the door, but then swung back around and looked at her. "But what if I want you to read more into it?"

Her jaw sagged even as her eyes widened at his question. There was no hiding the shock on her face. Justin wasn't actually looking for an answer right then, but he did want to give her something to think about because in the panic that had followed the news of the fire, he'd come to the realization that this woman—and her son—had found their way into his heart. Now he just had to be patient and see if she felt the same way.

He quietly closed the door behind him and walked to his truck, his eyes going to the house Beth had mentioned earlier. As he drove around the cul-de-sac, he paused to write down the information on the realtor. Maybe he'd give them a call in the morning and get a few more details on it.

~*~*~

Alana stared at the closed door, her heart pounding. Had she heard him right?

But what if I want you to read more into it?

Maybe he'd misunderstood what she meant by her comment. And now she was left wondering if she was reading more into his departing statement.

Frowning, she gave her head a shake and turned around to go back to the dining room to get Caden since it was already past his bedtime. She froze when her gaze fell on Beth. Her friend leaned against the door jamb of the opening to the kitchen. From her expression, it looked as if she'd heard most—if not all—of her conversation with Justin. Honestly, if she'd realized where their conversation was going to go, she wouldn't have started it when there were other people around.

Beth lifted an eyebrow. "So are you going to give Justin a chance?"

Alana rubbed her palms down the rough denim of her brand new jeans. "A chance?"

Her friend pushed away from the door jamb. "Justin basically just told you that he's interested in something more with you. And that's a pretty big thing for him."

So he must not have misunderstood her if Beth had come to the same conclusion she had. She would know her brother better than Alana. And while that cleared up one thing...it left her filled with uncertainty.

"I don't know." Alana felt she had to be honest with her friend. "I don't know that I would be the best woman for him. He needs someone...stronger."

Beth's eyebrows rose at that. "You don't think you're strong?"

"I spent years with a man who beat me. If I'd been stronger, I would have left the first time he did it. Instead, I stayed...for almost six years."

"But you did leave, Alana. That took real strength. I think you're stronger than you realize."

"Any strength I have comes from Caden. I did what I had to do for him."

Beth tilted her head, a look of curiosity tinged with sadness on her face. "Did you not think you were worth being strong for?"

She wanted to be able to deny what her friend had said, but the words stuck in her throat. There was no denying she felt that anything bad that had happened to her was what she'd deserved. But nothing bad that had happened was Caden's fault, so she'd done her best to protect him.

"Do you ever do anything for yourself? Accept anything for yourself?" Beth approached her and ran a hand down her arm. "Even tonight. You accepted the tablet outright for Caden but would only accept the laptop as a loan. And I'm pretty sure that you only agreed to stay here and accept all the clothes because of Caden."

Alana looked away from Beth, not wanting her to see the anguish that was slowly building within her. She'd never had anyone grasp her inner struggles like Beth just had. Trembling had started in the pit of her stomach, and she fought to keep it from showing outwardly.

The burden of responsibility for the bad things that had happened in her life rested squarely on her shoulders. And even as she strived to give Caden the best she could, there were times when she did wish she could grab onto something good for herself.