Silent Scream (21 page)

“I’m really not hungry.”  Maddie’s gaze peered first at him and then swept around the room before.

“Okay, then I’m hungry enough for both of us, and you can eat just to be eating, then.” He stared at her expectantly.

“All right.”  She nodded woodenly, grabbing the picture that still lay face-down on the bed as she left the room.   “I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

Together they walked outside, and Maddie paused only long enough to lock the door.  “Not that this will keep anybody out, considering half the windows and back door are gone.”  Gabriel drove back to town, where he pulled into a McDonald’s drive-thru, where he placed his order and then peered at Maddie.  “What’s your pleasure?”

She shook her head, her long hair swaying with the movement.  “I’ll just eat when I get to Yolanda’s.  I’m still not really hungry.”

Even in only the half-light provided by the glaring neon of the golden arches, Gabriel could see she was pale, and he knew that pallor had nothing to do with the temperature.  He was tempted to order something for her, but he didn’t have a clue what she liked, and he knew she wouldn’t eat it even if she did like it.  There was a fierce sense of independence about Maddie, and that independence seemed to be the only thing holding her together.   

He paid for his food and double-checked his order before resuming the drive to Yolanda’s.  On the way, the picture frame fell over, and Gabriel scrutinized the image–a woman with dark hair cropped short, small delicate features, and a full mouth.  Maddie’s mother or sister?  The features seemed the same.

Maddie noticed him staring at the picture and pulled it back to her stomach.  “It’s my mother,” she explained, staring out the widow.  “One of the few pictures I have of her.”

“She’s beautiful.”  He saw the blue print of delicate features in Maddie’s profile—the long, regal neck.  He wanted to say, “So are you,” but knew better than to upset that apple cart.  However Maddie felt about herself or her appearance, right now she probably didn’t want to hear him comment on it, no matter how positive that commentary might be.

He pulled into Yolanda’s drive and placed the car in park.  “I guess we’re here.”

“I guess we are.”  Tucking the picture under her broken arm, Maddie finagled the door handle with her good hand.  “I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me these past few weeks.  You can’t have had much time to do the things you needed to do because of me.  Please know that I am grateful.”  She opened the door.

“Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?”

“You don’t have to do this,” Maddie said. 

“Haven’t we been through this?”  Gabriel tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.

“I appreciate all you’ve done, but I have to do this for myself.”

“Accepting someone’s help doesn’t mean you’re weak, Maddie.  On the contrary, it means you know your limitations.”

“I’ll be fine.”  She stepped away from the truck and ambled up the walk until she’d reached the front door.

Frowning, Gabriel waited, tapping his fingers on the wheel, until she had disappeared behind the door before pressing the gas and driving away as the last ribbon of pinkish light edged toward the horizon, seaming the world into darkness.  Still, the snow illuminated the darkness with an evanescent glow.

I have to do this for myself.
  Maddie’s words filled his head.  What in the hell was she thinking?  Although his fingers had simply played upon the steering wheel, they now gripped it and twisted the rim, ignoring the protesting rubbing sound of his flesh against the leather cover.  The next question he wondered was why.  Why did she think she needed to prove herself to anybody, least of all him?  Did she really need to know that every day she could stand alone without ever wanting or needing another human being again?  Is that the lesson this whole nightmare had etched upon her mind and heart?

Maybe, maybe not.  He knew this reaction had to have something to do with feeling victimized.  Maybe she didn’t feel half as strong as she pretended but simply hoped that if she acted accordingly the bravado would eventually come. He shook his head and watched the sky darken further, hinting at another, harsher storm that might release more snow tonight.

What difference did it really make why she had chosen to push him away?  He raked his fingers through his hair and shook his head in sheer frustration, wanting to say to her, “Don’t shoot the messenger.”  But, had she been there, sitting next to him, half-perched on the seat and ready to run away, he knew she wouldn’t understand why he’d said that.  All she could see right now was the damage.  It would be a long time before she ever noticed the other side–the things that were whole and good in her life.

He decelerated and slowly pulled the car to the shoulder, wondering if he would have the opportunity to know that Maddie.  Putting the car in park, he flipped on the overhead light, pulled out his cell, and the list.  He flipped open the phone and thumbed numbers.  “Hey, Chris—it’s Gabriel.  Not much.  Listen, I’ve got an order for you that I want charged to my account.”  He paused and shook his head.  “Yeah, have you got something to write on?  Good.”  He proceeded to list the items and give measurements before ending with Maddie’s address.  “If you would be so kind as to have someone install those for her, I’d appreciate it.”  Another pause.  “Yeah, you, too.” 

Once he’d disconnected the call, he shoved the phone back into his pocket and resumed the drive home, still thinking about a pair of blue eyes darkened with too much pain.

Chapter Nineteen

Maddie stood in the dark night with the blond stranger in front of her, stepping toward her.  He laughed and said, “Hey, baby, I’ll let you work off what you owe me.”  She felt his hand creep between her legs and grab her, pinching.  “I’ll just put a fucking dent in you and we’ll be even.”

Jerking from his reach, she said, “Stop it!” and hurried to the driver’s door.  Please, God, just let me get inside this car!  Her fingers curled under the door handle, and she jerked open the door.  Half-falling into the driver’s seat, she tried to pull the door closed, but he blocked it.  She grabbed one of his hands, but the other wrapped around her throat.  She dug her nails into his skin.  He yelped.   She managed to pull his hand away. 

“Bitch!”  He grabbed her hair and yanked her against his body. 

“I don’t think so,” he seethed, savagely squeezing one breast.  Maddie raked her fingernails across his hand, gouging his skin.

He yanked her arm, twisting it until it protruded upward just a scant inch from snapping. “You fucked up my truck.  Now it’s my turn to fuck you up!”   He pushed her elbow higher, snapping the bone.

A white pain filled her.  She screamed and screamed.  Her body started to fall, but he grabbed her, half-carrying, half-dragging her to his truck where he shoved her inside and then climbed behind the wheel.  “Shut up!” he yelled, slamming his fist across her face, her stomach.

Still, she screamed.

He grabbed her throat and squeezed.

Maddie gasped and slumped against the passenger door.  Darkness danced in her vision.  Despite the fog coating her brain and the pain blistering her arm, she thought, Sweet Jesus, he’s going to kill me.

Maddie bolted upright in bed and clutched the covering in her hand.  Her gaze darted around the room, expecting to see Morrell lunging toward her, gun poised.

Stillness.  Moonlight glistened off the snow, radiating that brilliance.  Light poured in around the window panes. "Oh, God," she whispered, breaking the silence with rasping gulps.  She lifted a hand to her forehead and began massaging her temples, trying to erase the pain.

As she threw her legs over the edge of the bed and started to stand, she thought of Gabriel, as she had for the last two months, and wished he were with her.  Shivering, she folded her arms across her chest and cautiously headed toward the kitchen.  As she walked, she flipped on every light switch she passed, comforted by the sudden, overwhelming brilliance which chased the darkness to the far corners.

In the kitchen, she started a pot of coffee, only spilling a little water despite the violent trembling of her hands.  While waiting for the coffee to brew, she sat at the table and plucked the wallet from her purse.  Inside a zippered compartment, she found what she sought--a business card.

Gabriel's card--the one he'd given her when she was lying in that hospital bed.

She ran her fingers over the black, embossed letters, comforted by the feel of his name.  For a few seconds, she even entertained the idea of calling him, but facing a clock that read 3:30, logic won over.  The last thing he needed was Maddie interrupting his sleep, and all for what?  A nightmare?  No, thanks.  She didn't want him to know she was crazy, now did she?  Besides, he'd been more than kind to her.  Did she really want to take such advantage of that hospitality?

Smelling the scent of coffee brewing, she turned her focus back to the pot and relaxed as she saw the steaming liquid seeping into the glass container.  "Thank God," she whispered, brushing the hair from her face.  She stood, pulled a mug from the shelf, and poured herself a cup.  As she set the mug on the table, she glanced at her newly healed arm.  A twinge ached through it.  Twisting her wrist from side to side, Maddie frowned over it, wondering if the pain came from not being completely healed.  It really didn’t ache much, except when she remembered certain things.  She traced the length of her arm, relieved to be free of that bulky cast.  As she touched her skin, the memory of that night came back to her--the resounding snap of her bone giving way.

Maddie tried to blink away the image of her attacker, but it had burned itself into her brain.  In a hurry to divert her thoughts, she picked up her mug and spilled a scattering of coffee into her lap.

Maddie paled and flinched.  "Geez, that's hot!"  For the next few moments, her skin burned.  She could feel her heart racing.  Her breathing turned shallow, and she felt herself on the verge of hyperventilating.  Setting the mug back on the table, she closed her eyes, reaching for something—anything to take her mind off that last memory.

Then she saw it--Gabriel's face.  She heard his deep voice whispering, "It's all right, Maddie.  You're safe."  His dark eyes peered at her reassuringly, and a soft smile touched his lips.

She clung to that image, comforted and yet confused.  It seemed as though he had become her peace these days, her comfort, as there had been many nights like this when she'd thought of him.  But she'd had a life before Gabriel Martin had come into it.  She'd lived without hearing his voice, seeing his smile, or feeling his touch.  She’d been whole.

Or had she?

Did it matter at this point?  Even if she questioned her own motives for feeling this way, she didn't question Gabriel's.  He'd been so patient with her, worked so hard to protect her, and had wanted so much to help her rebuild.  Even if he saw her now, at best case, he would think kindly of her  because in helping her, she'd eased some of the pain of losing Jessie.  At worst case, she would forever be a victim in his eyes.  Either way, she couldn't be someone he'd ever want to ask out.  Still, Maddie couldn't shake the desire to see him again, even if only to say thanks.

"Well, you said I could always bring Donner some treats," she whispered, peering once again at clock hands that had barely moved.  3:45.  She wished not for the first time just to see dawn spread pink and blue across the horizon.

* * *

"Tetris again," Gabriel muttered, trying to shove the last pan amid a full load in the dishwasher.  Frowning, he squatted and pulled out four dishes to accommodate the larger pans and then set the plates on the counter.  He poured the powdered soap into the slots and closed the door before starting the machine.

"You missed a few," Ramsey said, leaning on the counter behind Gabriel.

Gabriel turned and glared.  "I was saving them for you.”

Donner barked at the door and scratched twice, his code for needing to go outside.  “Looks like you’re being paged,” Ramsey said.  He pointed out Donner’s plaintive eyes peering at Gabriel.

Gabriel carried the plates to the sink to wait for the next load.  “Why does everybody think that dog is my responsibility?”

Ramsey laughed and handed Gabriel the leash.  “Because Donner tells us you are, and Donner never lies.”

Gabriel reluctantly accepted the leash, “And none of you other bozos wants to freeze his ass off, does he?”  He snapped the leash onto Donner’s collar.

Gabriel looked down at his navy sweatshirt and then slipped his arms into the sleeves of his coat before opening the door.  The cold air greeted them, and Donner lurched forward, dragging Gabriel into the morning light.  “Easy does it.”  Gabriel tugged on the leash to restrain the dog.  As soon as the two of them had walked to the fence, Donner immediately took care of his business as a red Camry pulled into the fire station parking lot.  Gabriel squinted at the unfamiliar car and tried to peer inside to catch a glimpse of the driver, but the windows were darkly tinted.  “We rarely get visitors,” he muttered, watching as the driver’s door opened.

A woman slipped out, her long, dark hair flowing around her face, carried by a breeze that hinted winter wasn’t yet ready to concede spring’s arrival.  Dressed in jeans and a sweater, she opened the back door and pulled out a small box she carried in hand as she approached the front door of the station.

“No one answers that door,” Gabriel called.  As he stared at her, he sensed a familiarity that blossomed into recognition when she looked at him.  “Maddie?”

She smiled and changed course to meet him.  She peered at the dog.  “So this is Donner?”

“Yeah, this is Donner,” he agreed, eyeing the mutt as it sat and scratched at its left ear.  “Every flea-bitten inch of him.”  Gabriel reached down and patted the animal’s head.  “So what brings you to my neck of the woods?”